Management bull***** lingo

[lyonhibs]

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/7457287.stm

How many of the phrases in this link have you been guilty of saying??

Any other favourites from your workplace?? I've heard "cascade", "going forward" and "low hanging fruit" more times in 3 months at this job than I could have ever wanted to.

[CropleyWasGod]

Contact telephone number!! :grr:

[hibsbollah]

A senior person at a work meeting said recently 'its my ass on the line on this one and i dont want a cock up...'

:cool2:cue lots of people trying not to laugh.

The worse one is 'moving forward' which seems to have replaced 'in the future' as a phrase.

[Pretty Boy]

I used to work with a guy who was employed as a 'troubleshooter', whatever the hell that means. He was essentially supposed to be the guy you went to with any problems relating to the running of the company.

He was useless at his 'job'. His favourite phrase from 'the to55ers guide to management' was 'don't bring me problems, bring me solutions.' Eh.... we ll if we had solutions we wouldn't be coming to you in the 1st place.

I was eventually disciplined for saying to him and i quote word for word:

'Do you really think i have't tried everything else to sort this before coming to you, you are ****ing useless, you get paid to wander around in a suit with a clipboard and sleaze on 16 and 17 year old girls. I have tried everything before i came to you because you are the most odious, rude and patronising individual i have ever met.'

I was made to apologise to him which was exceptionally hard because i meant every word.

[HibeeB]

I was eventually disciplined for saying to him and i quote word for word:

'Do you really think i have't tried everything else to sort this before coming to you, you are ****ing useless, you get paid to wander around in a suit with a clipboard and sleaze on 16 and 17 year old girls. I have tried everything before i came to you because you are the most odious, rude and patronising individual i have ever met.'


Well done :top marks



I was made to apologise to him

I take it that's not you in your avatar then :greengrin

[Woody1985]

A breakdown of the ones in my work, the ones I use and the ones I've heard others use. P.S - I'm not a manager but deal with management and relatively senior people on a semi-regular basis.

Going / Moving Forward - I use this / Others use this.
Holistic approach - I use this / Others use this. This is one of the things the company wants us to do when thinking of change.
Touch base / take this offline - Others use. Makes me cringe.
Forward planning - I use / others use. Don't see what's so annoying about that.
Action(ing) - Others use it but I know what they mean and it doesn't bother me.
Close of play - Others use. Close of business is what I normally use, which is factually correct!
Stakeholders - This is used in context i.e. everyone who has an interest in what you're discussing. I don't think the person reporting this has any concept of what the word means. When it's being used in context I don't see what the issue is.
Feed back - This is used universally. I can't think of anything quick for giving information back to people on what you thought / think of something they've done.
Granularity - I find this is used by system developers/people defining requirements and again, it doesn't bother me.
Drill Down - Used by others.

[CropleyWasGod]

A breakdown of the ones in my work, the ones I use and the ones I've heard others use. P.S - I'm not a manager but deal with management and relatively senior people on a semi-regular basis.


[B]Forward planning - I use / others use. Don't see what's so annoying about that. :
[B].

Because there couldn't be anything other than FORWARD planning :grr

[Andy74]

What's annoying about 'going forward'?

[Killiehibbie]

Not to my knowledge= I don't know. Just admit you don't know.

[CropleyWasGod]

[
Granularity - I find this is used by system developers/people defining requirements and again, it doesn't bother me.
s.

Ok, humour me. WTF does it mean? :greengrin

[PiemanP]

apply the appropriate caveats

hate when that phrase is used. not sure why, just bugs me.

[lyonhibs]

What's annoying about 'going forward'?

Because no-one is actually physically going anywhere. Time is going to pass, thus "in the future" or "on future projects" make a lot more sense.

None of the phrases actually annoy me - life's too short - but they do make me laugh and make the people saying them look like they are doing to be overly wordy just for the sake of it.

[Bishop Hibee]

in a previous job, I was at a meeting regarding yet another departmental organisation. As all the staff were to attend, a seminar suite was booked along with a signer for the deaf even though, to the best of my knowledge, there was no one who required one present.

When a certain boss who was a complete fool talked about "predicating the matrix" whatever the hell that meant, the signer just about got her fingers in a knot causing stifled snorts of laughter from many present.

Went down like a lead balloon with management but we never had a signer at any subsequent meetings!

[Lucius Apuleius]

Some of them I use, some are cringeworthy. Cascade is something I use a lot TBH. Blue sky thinking pees me off for some reason. Bring me solutions not problems I use a lot Pretty Boy!!! Sorry. I have ten expatriate managers working for me, all earning a hell of a lot of tax free money (except the Yank and the Italian) and if they cannot work it out then they are in the wrong job. There is also the other side to it. By telling them to find the solution you are encouraging them to think for themselves and not rely on me. OK, I will make the final decision but at least give me something to go on. Same goes for my subcontractors. I have 4 companies working directly for me with approximately 40 expats, again, all earning good money and they want me to solve their company problems? Nah. :greengrin
Pushing the envelope sucks. Low hanging fruit, not good. Stakeholders, frequently. Close of play, sometimes, if I am speaking to Americans, otherwise close of business. Granularity??? WTF????
Worst one I ever had was actually from the client's side when an American said that he was not prepared to trivocabulate. Seemingly somewhere in his mind this meant he had already said it in two meetings so was not going to say it a third time. He didn't last long thankfully.

[Phil D. Rolls]

One i use is "optimal self actualisation" (making the best of your lot).

[CropleyWasGod]

Been up all night trying to get "Granularity".

Is it to do with the quality of the sugar in the coffee?

[BroxburnHibee]

Thinking out of the box :agree:

[CropleyWasGod]

One i use is "optimal self actualisation" (making the best of your lot).

Your sex life is not up for discussion.

[heretoday]

"Put this behind us and move on."

A popular line with politicians, bankers, airline chiefs and other fraudsters as they try to take advantage of our short memory spans and get away with things.

The sad thing is they usually succeed. :confused:

[Geo_1875]

Close of play is often used at my workplace. Totally pointless as we are on Flexi Hours and finish at various times.

[Phil D. Rolls]

Your sex life is not up for discussion.

That's a bit leftfield.

[Danderhall Hibs]

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/7457287.stm

How many of the phrases in this link have you been guilty of saying??

Any other favourites from your workplace?? I've heard "cascade", "going forward" and "low hanging fruit" more times in 3 months at this job than I could have ever wanted to.

Heard the low hanging fruit one the other day!

Here's another one: "just to make sure we're all on the same page".

[Removed]

You should hear all the pish spouted at my place of work. Heard all the stuff on here and more. New one on me last week, I'd prepared a report and was told to 'socialise' it. Bugger that I thought so I just sent it out!

[Danderhall Hibs]

You should hear all the pish spouted at my place of work. Heard all the stuff on here and more. New one on me last week, I'd prepared a report and was told to 'socialise' it. Bugger that I thought so I just sent it out!

Stick it into a folder and take it to the boozer with you?

[GhostofBolivar]

You should hear all the pish spouted at my place of work. Heard all the stuff on here and more. New one on me last week, I'd prepared a report and was told to 'socialise' it. Bugger that I thought so I just sent it out!

Maybe put a red cover on it and call it 'Das Kapital'?:dunno:

[RyeSloan]

Ok, humour me. WTF does it mean? :greengrin


Been up all night trying to get "Granularity".

Is it to do with the quality of the sugar in the coffee?

Simply put it's looking at the detail.

A snippet of 'management speak' might look like thus:

"Now that we have reviewed the issue at a high level I think we need to examine the problem at a more granular level"

Simples :greengrin

Oh and I quite like management speak, makes the days more interesting :greengrin

[Speedy]

Maybe put a red cover on it and call it 'Das Kapital'?:dunno:

:rotflmao:

[Mixu62]

Matrix. Does my nut in. Unless what they mean is we're hiring Carrie-Ann Moss. That would be cool.....if a tad unlikely.

And if I had a quid for every time I heard about "raising the profile" or "inceasing visibility" I could quit working for life.

[Killiehibbie]

Seen a cracker the other day.
"This is against company legislations"

[One Day Soon]

I used to work with a guy who was employed as a 'troubleshooter', whatever the hell that means. He was essentially supposed to be the guy you went to with any problems relating to the running of the company.

He was useless at his 'job'. His favourite phrase from 'the to55ers guide to management' was 'don't bring me problems, bring me solutions.' Eh.... we ll if we had solutions we wouldn't be coming to you in the 1st place.

I was eventually disciplined for saying to him and i quote word for word:

'Do you really think i have't tried everything else to sort this before coming to you, you are ****ing useless, you get paid to wander around in a suit with a clipboard and sleaze on 16 and 17 year old girls. I have tried everything before i came to you because you are the most odious, rude and patronising individual i have ever met.'

I was made to apologise to him which was exceptionally hard because i meant every word.


Outstanding.

[Keith_M]

A thread resurrected after eleven years?


That must be some kind of record, surely?

[Hiber-nation]

Seen a cracker the other day.
"This is against company legislations"

How did you find this thread after 11 years of inactivity?

Anyway, glad I don't work any more, some of these are bringing back bad memories!

[Hiber-nation]

A thread resurrected after eleven years?


That must be some kind of record, surely?

After you saying that we might see a spate of 14 year old threads resurrected :greengrin

[hibsbollah]

Id forgotten all about Filled Rolls. Posters of yesteryear #wistfulsigh
I wish someone would remove ME by virtual consent.
I might just abuse all the right wing posters i can find till i get banned.

[pollution]

Manager bursting into room NCIS- style saying " heads up ".

[Killiehibbie]

A thread resurrected after eleven years?


That must be some kind of record, surely?
Maybe on here but I'm sure threads have been Moated on the Bounce from further back

[Killiehibbie]

How did you find this thread after 11 years of inactivity?

Anyway, glad I don't work any more, some of these are bringing back bad memories!

I was bored

[FifeHibs]

Deep Dive

[WeeRussell]

Some to55er on a call the other day came out with the term “single source of truth” for a spreadsheet when trying to suck-up to the meeting host, and I nearly put my first through the screen.

Starter for ten.
Touch base.
Resource (instead of just saying time/people).
Shall we catch up?
Take this offline/jump on a call. (Ok I know I’m getting a bit picky now…)

[Crunchie]

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/7457287.stm

How many of the phrases in this link have you been guilty of saying??

Any other favourites from your workplace?? I've heard "cascade", "going forward" and "low hanging fruit" more times in 3 months at this job than I could have ever wanted to.
My very first boss loved the 'let's all sing from the same hymn page' classic :greengrin

[Keith_M]

After you saying that we might see a spate of 14 year old threads resurrected :greengrin


Maybe on here but I'm sure threads have been Moated on the Bounce from further back



It wasn't a complaint, it just seemed a bit random


:greengrin

[Hiber-nation]

It wasn't a complaint, it just seemed a bit random


:greengrin

I've just resurrected one on hybrid cars but no takers yet sadly.

[sleeping giant]

I asked my Boss for a quick word a while ago and his response was "walk with me"😂

Nah , you're alright. I'll wait.

[Keith_M]

I read some of the previous comments and can't help but agree.

Though I'd have to say that the one about 'problems/solutions' is much more than just an irritation.

[JeMeSouviens]

Some to55er on a call the other day came out with the term “single source of truth” for a spreadsheet when trying to suck-up to the meeting host, and I nearly put my first through the screen.

Starter for ten.
Touch base.
Resource (instead of just saying time/people).
Shall we catch up?
Take this offline/jump on a call. (Ok I know I’m getting a bit picky now…)

"Reaching out" has been the one making my skin crawl in the last few years. Apparently you can't just call someone now, you have to "reach out" to them. :rolleyes:

[overdrive]

“T-shirt sizing” is one riddling my work at the moment. It means to estimate how much time a task might take to do.

Linked to that, not a buzz word and more of a pet peeve but it annoys me the over emphasis on planning for work and assessing progress against those plans these days. “Why hasn’t there been any progress on that this week?”

“Well, we’ve all been in planning and progress meetings for most of the week so there’s been no time to actually do the work”

[overdrive]

Oh another one that was prominent at my work a few months ago before being ditched. You weren’t in a “team” you were in a “cog”. Except what they actually meant was “wheel” as the idea on the diagram that accompanied this was each cog on the wheel was a team member. The use of the word “cog” made everyone feel important and unique right enough :faf:

Not at my work but I’ve seen on numerous job adverts at different employers that the word “department” or “team” has been replaced with the word “tribe”. For example, “you will be a key member of the company’s Finance Tribe”. Arrogant idiots!

Edit: I’m on a roll. When did team meetings become “stand-ups”? I’ve come across it more as a thing during lockdown and WfH but in real life are you actually meant to stand at these? Is that not a bit discriminatory?

[wookie70]

"High Level" - I have no idea how we will do it so I will give you so little detail what I say is of no value whatsoever
"Collaboration" - Fancy word for working next to each other
"Deep Delve/Dive" - Pay a bit of attention to something
"KPI" - Key Performance Indicator, a measure that you can succeed on and to be immediately changed for a "better" KPI if you are failing
"Hybrid Working" - Your top half works from home while your bottom half works from the office
"Town Hall" - Meeting with more than one team presumably created to make those in charge feel even more important
"Cohort" - Used by a group of people who want to indicate they are more important than a simple group of people
"BRB" - TLA for needing a pee at a meeting or wanting to roll your eyes or scream out loud
"Agile" - The modern way of saying stick a broom in my rear orifice and I will sweep up too
"Pivot" - Twist while you are cleaning the office with the broom up your rear orifice
"New Normal" - There isn't one as, managers will constantly change everything to make themselves look better
"Optics" - Will I look stupid when I say that stupid thing
"Let's take this offline" - You are making me look like an idiot but I am your boss so I can get this to stop
"Synergy" - People talking to each other

[gbhibby]

Management Consultant, someone who has read a few text books on management, never been a manager but talks a good game.

[JeMeSouviens]

Management Consultant, someone who has read a few text books on management, never been a manager but talks a good game.

Kerching!

[JeMeSouviens]

Oh another one that was prominent at my work a few months ago before being ditched. You weren’t in a “team” you were in a “cog”. Except what they actually meant was “wheel” as the idea on the diagram that accompanied this was each cog on the wheel was a team member. The use of the word “cog” made everyone feel important and unique right enough :faf:

Not at my work but I’ve seen on numerous job adverts at different employers that the word “department” or “team” has been replaced with the word “tribe”. For example, “you will be a key member of the company’s Finance Tribe”. Arrogant idiots!

Edit: I’m on a roll. When did team meetings become “stand-ups”? I’ve come across it more as a thing during lockdown and WfH but in real life are you actually meant to stand at these? Is that not a bit discriminatory?

Stand ups come from agile software development. The idea is/was you stand so the meeting doesn't drag on too long.

[overdrive]

Stand ups come from agile software development. The idea is/was you stand so the meeting doesn't drag on too long.

Oh they drag on too long.

A variation on the team meeting is also the “All Hands”.

[JeMeSouviens]

Oh they drag on too long.

A variation on the team meeting is also the “All Hands”.

Invariably. :agree:

[gbhibby]

Stand ups come from agile software development. The idea is/was you stand so the meeting doesn't drag on too long.
Thought that's was the chair of the meeting's job. Next thing they will be asking you to tell a joke.

[gbhibby]

"High Level" - I have no idea how we will do it so I will give you so little detail what I say is of no value whatsoever
"Collaboration" - Fancy word for working next to each other
"Deep Delve/Dive" - Pay a bit of attention to something
"KPI" - Key Performance Indicator, a measure that you can succeed on and to be immediately changed for a "better" KPI if you are failing
"Hybrid Working" - Your top half works from home while your bottom half works from the office
"Town Hall" - Meeting with more than one team presumably created to make those in charge feel even more important
"Cohort" - Used by a group of people who want to indicate they are more important than a simple group of people
"BRB" - TLA for needing a pee at a meeting or wanting to roll your eyes or scream out loud
"Agile" - The modern way of saying stick a broom in my rear orifice and I will sweep up too
"Pivot" - Twist while you are cleaning the office with the broom up your rear orifice
"New Normal" - There isn't one as, managers will constantly change everything to make themselves look better
"Optics" - Will I look stupid when I say that stupid thing
"Let's take this offline" - You are making me look like an idiot but I am your boss so I can get this to stop
"Synergy" - People talking to each other
😂

[pollution]

One manager we had kept a book in her desk of ' how to manage, an idiot's guide'. This included making your staff fetch things for you eg lunch etc.

My task - I kid you not - was to collect her contraception from the clinic in Dean Terrace. Nowadays that would be demonised but what could I do ?

My girlfriend agreed to do it. When I handed it to my boss she thanked me but I said not to bother as my girlfriend did it for me.

I have never ever seen someone go purple with embarrassment before.

Suffice to say, she was sacked for hands in the till shortly a few months later.

Strangely enough, we got on well after that !

[hibbydog]

This thread reminds me so much of my old boss and why I decided to leave.

A big headed, know nothing sleaze . But got the right **** words. Used to rely so heavily on his team to do the business but took the bonuses and plaudits when we did all the work.

Delighted to be away from him and his ‘collaboration’.

PS ‘yadda yadda yadda’ was a terrible favourite of his. It basically means the problem is complex and layered and he can’t even be bothered to finish his sentence, so you sort it out.

Ugh !!

[AltheHibby]

I used to work in the MOD where nobody was ever happy, merely "content ". I don't know why, but it has always irritated me.

Mind you, I have recently found out that "oh good" can mean 'the issue is sorted' or 'I did manage to kill him'.
Thankfully she only used it in the former version when we shared an office:

https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/uk-news/2021/oct/29/penelope-jackson-guilty-stabbing-husband-death

[Prof. Shaggy]

Heard the low hanging fruit one the other day!

Here's another one: "just to make sure we're all on the same page".

In a meeting with my "boss", as the union rep, when he used the line about "being on the same page" I was inexplicably compelled to note that we weren't even in the same library.
Now I'm retired I can think back to the good times.

[NORTHERNHIBBY]

Today I heard in one sentence...at the moment we are on a burning platform, but there's no use in boiling the ocean until we find our true North....

[Smartie]

Today I heard in one sentence...at the moment we are on a burning platform, but there's no use in boiling the ocean until we find our true North....

I’ve got a few work meetings over the next few days and had planned on trying to drop all of these in at some point for my own amusement, but I think I’ll struggle to get that one out with a straight face…

[wookie70]

Today I heard in one sentence...at the moment we are on a burning platform, but there's no use in boiling the ocean until we find our true North....

That sets the bar very high unless you were lost on a raft where someone had just dropped a match, in which case fair comment.

[wookie70]

I’ve got a few work meetings over the next few days and had planned on trying to drop all of these in at some point for my own amusement, but I think I’ll struggle to get that one out with a straight face…

That is the management equivalent of the boxer's combination punches on the way to the knockout blow. There won't be a single staff member who has any idea what they are talking about and thus they have won the superiority battle. Go on I dare you, straight face mind.

[mjhibby]

Feedback is the breakfast of champions. The most annoying phrase I ever heard. Let's let everybody be boss. Utter bull****. Your employed to be in charge for a reason. In days gone by if you went ott someone would have had a quiet word in your ear and you would sort the issue. Oh for the days of just getting the work done then going home to enjoy life.

[Keith_M]

Stand ups come from agile software development. The idea is/was you stand so the meeting doesn't drag on too long.


The Agile process has lots of very specific meetings, which I know off by heart, but only recently I found out that people refer to those meetings as 'Ceremonies'.

In what universe is having a discussion with people about things you need to do at a work a 'Ceremony'?

[overdrive]

Just off a Teams call where whenever a guy was trying explain how he was going fix something, a woman would scream at him “avoid solutioning on this call”. This was said about six times in half an hour.

Is that even a word?

[JeMeSouviens]

Just off a Teams call where whenever a guy was trying explain how he was going fix something, a woman would scream at him “avoid solutioning on this call”. This was said about six times in half an hour.

Is that even a word?

No, but in time it probably will be. See "leverage" as a verb. :rolleyes:

[Killiehibbie]

Just off a Teams call where whenever a guy was trying explain how he was going fix something, a woman would scream at him “avoid solutioning on this call”. This was said about six times in half an hour.

Is that even a word?

Might be a word in the same world as companies are allowed to pass legislations.

[Jones28]

I’ve been at my company conference this week and my head is full of management bingo nonsense.

“Synergies”.

Just **** off wi that.

[Radium]

… growing weary of the use of ‘blended’ at work.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[ehf]

One that annoys me is “jump on a call”; in what way does participating in audio/visual communication involve airborne activity.

[Keith_M]

Just off a Teams call where whenever a guy was trying explain how he was going fix something, a woman would scream at him “avoid solutioning on this call”. This was said about six times in half an hour.

Is that even a word?


In my line of work, people are always using the phrase 'avoid solutionising'.


I've always presumed it's because those people make a lot more money out of discussing problems than actually fixing them

[tamig]

In my line of work, people are always using the phrase 'avoid solutionising'.


I've always presumed it's because people in my line of work make a lot more money out of discussing problems than actually fixing them

The term has been used for years. Something all business analysts are meant to avoid when defining requirements for example.

[Keith_M]

A senior person at a work meeting said recently 'its my ass on the line on this one and i dont want a cock up...'

:cool2:cue lots of people trying not to laugh.

....


That's actually a quote from The Thin Blue Line, from 1996.


https://www.comedy.co.uk/tv/the_thin_blue_line/quotes/

25275

[wookie70]

In my line of work, people are always using the phrase 'avoid solutionising'.


I've always presumed it's because people in my line of work make a lot more money out of discussing problems than actually fixing them

Do you work in IT. That industry seems to make far more money from the Public Purse for performing poorly and delaying than it ever does from solving the issue they were paid to solve.

[Alfiembra]

I’m surprised no one has mentioned empowered, was a favourite at my old work, however I was so disgusted with the pay cut they were forcing on me that I felt empowered enough to tell them to stick their job.

[Keith_M]

Do you work in IT. That industry seems to make far more money from the Public Purse for performing poorly and delaying than it ever does from solving the issue they were paid to solve.


Exactly. And do you know why?

Because long before any work is passed on to Developers like myself, the Consultants have already made 10s of millions from merely discussing what needs to be done, the Management spend endless amounts of time deciding how and where it should be done, the Analysts spend even more time trying to work out ever more ridiculously complicated ways of doing it...


...then the Developers have to get the actual work completed, in a ridiculously short time, with inadequate numbers of staff, in technologies not fit for purpose, to designs poorly thought through.

[gbhibby]

Exactly. And do you know why?

Because long before any work is passed on to Developers like myself, the Consultants have already made 10s of millions from merely discussing what needs to be done, the Management spend endless amounts of time deciding how and where it should be done, the Analysts spend even more time trying to work out ever more ridiculously complicated ways of doing it...


...then the Developers have to get the actual work completed, in a ridiculously short time, with inadequate numbers of staff, in technologies not fit for purpose, to designs poorly thought through.
Always found that the consultants and management were not IT savvy so at meetings with them you would get glazed expressions when discussing technical issues.

[Killiehibbie]

Always found that the consultants and management were not IT savvy so at meetings with them you would get glazed expressions when discussing technical issues.

You get the same expression when discussing even simple issues in most workplaces.

[Danderhall Hibs]

Always found that the consultants and management were not IT savvy so at meetings with them you would get glazed expressions when discussing technical issues.

IT bods generally struggle to communicate though - they’re too technical and most of the time “the business” need to try and work out what was intended.

In my experience likes.

[Speedy]

IT bods generally struggle to communicate though - they’re too technical and most of the time “the business” need to try and work out what was intended.

In my experience likes.

Agreed. There’s a real shortage of people with the skills to do both.

[Keith_M]

IT bods generally struggle to communicate though - they’re too technical and most of the time “the business” need to try and work out what was intended.

In my experience likes.


My experience has often been the opposite.... Though, TBF, I'm one of the IT bods :wink:


I've often had to hijack meetings involving Analysts, Managers and Consultants as they can talk some utterly irrelevant garbage and go off on such a tangent.

It's amazing the amount of times I've ended up having to draw diagrams on whiteboards, or try to put things in the simplest terms possible, to explain why some of their suggestions are just so impractical.


I'd definitely be a lot quicker at getting things done, things that actually work correctly, if they'd just sack all the managers and consultants.

Come the revolution, brother!!!

:greengrin

[NORTHERNHIBBY]

If I hear "reach out " one more time.....

[Chuck Rhoades]

IT bods generally struggle to communicate though - they’re too technical and most of the time “the business” need to try and work out what was intended.

In my experience likes.

I head up and Ops area and cannot stand when “the business” lingo comes up. We’re all “the business”, no? Is usually my reply.

Agree with shortage of people who can do bother to another poster’s comment. Everyone should do a stint in a customer facing role before going into Sales, IT, Marketing, Product Development and the likes!

[Chuck Rhoades]

My experience has often been the opposite.... Though, TBF, I'm one of the IT bods :wink:


I've often had to hijack meetings involving Analysts, Managers and Consultants as they can talk some utterly irrelevant garbage and go off on such a tangent.

It's amazing the amount of times I've ended up having to draw diagrams on whiteboards, or try to put things in the simplest terms possible, to explain why some of their suggestions are just so impractical.


I'd definitely be a lot quicker at getting things done, things that actually work correctly, if they'd just sack all the managers and consultants.

Come the revolution, brother!!!

:greengrin

And where in this are you considering the outcome / satisfaction of the customer / consumer / user? It may be OK in an IT diagram, but you’re probably creating issues everywhere in reality 😁 there’s usually a reason we suggest these things.

[Moulin Yarns]

I head up and Ops area and cannot stand when “the business” lingo comes up. We’re all “the business”, no? Is usually my reply.

Agree with shortage of people who can do bother to another poster’s comment. Everyone should do a stint in a customer facing role before going into Sales, IT, Marketing, Product Development and the likes!


The lack of understanding of other people's skills



😂😂 just read this - maybe I should send it to xxxx

Tom Leitch, the engineering director of Deliveroo, told me that his solution to this was to send his software development team out to perform at least one delivery job a week so they could understand drivers’ frustrations with the app. The more managers get the job, the less their team have to work around their misguided directions.*
Some of these findings go against our instincts - most of us feel that we want to constantly correct the errors of our team (surely that’s why we’re there)? However, when we look at the effort that teams put in, incremental effort seems (according to work by a team at the University of Sheffield) to be correlated with how supported they feel rather than the critical input they have received.*

[heretoday]

The BBC have started using "we need to have that conversation " as common parlance. Nothing screams American speak more than that.

[Jakhog1]

If I hear "reach out " one more time.....

That's the one I heard most around the office, one person started using it and it spread like wildfire, also one tool of a manager used to call it the multi functional device instead of a printer, maniacs.

[Moulin Yarns]

That's the one I heard most around the office, one person started using it and it spread like wildfire, also one tool of a manager used to call it the multi functional device instead of a printer, maniacs.

It's not the manager that started calling them Multi Funtion Devices, it was the manufacturers who created multi function devices because the print, copy and scan.

[AltheHibby]

The lack of understanding of other people's skills



😂😂 just read this - maybe I should send it to xxxx

Tom Leitch, the engineering director of Deliveroo, told me that his solution to this was to send his software development team out to perform at least one delivery job a week so they could understand drivers’ frustrations with the app. The more managers get the job, the less their team have to work around their misguided directions.*
Some of these findings go against our instincts - most of us feel that we want to constantly correct the errors of our team (surely that’s why we’re there)? However, when we look at the effort that teams put in, incremental effort seems (according to work by a team at the University of Sheffield) to be correlated with how supported they feel rather than the critical input they have received.*


I totally agree with that. When I was in MOD logistics we took our finance team out to drive trucks, trains and container handlers. We also visited sheds to see how the storage guys worked. The difference it made to the team was huge as they suddenly understood what they were accounting for and found they enjoyed their work more.

The bonus for me was getting to drive a 100ft landing craft on Southampton Water.😁

[Moulin Yarns]

I totally agree with that. When I was in MOD logistics we took our finance team out to drive trucks, trains and container handlers. We also visited sheds to see how the storage guys worked. The difference it made to the team was huge as they suddenly understood what they were accounting for and found they enjoyed their work more.

The bonus for me was getting to drive a 100ft landing craft on Southampton Water.😁

👍

My wife sent me that because she has been having management /owner issues this week.

I was never high up but did have technicians below me. I would never expect them to do anything I wouldn't be happy doing myself.

[Keith_M]

And where in this are you considering the outcome / satisfaction of the customer / consumer / user? It may be OK in an IT diagram, but you’re probably creating issues everywhere in reality 😁 there’s usually a reason we suggest these things.


Nah, I'm not having that.

You lot just babble on in big words, so that people imagine you know what you're talking about

:wink:

[overdrive]

Not really management lingo as such but the amount of time wasted arguing whether a particular “deliverable” (that’s probably one in own right) is Red, Amber or Green in terms of progress. Time that could be spent trying to get the bloody job done!

[Keith_M]

A colleague made a request have his notice period reduced, so he could start with his new employer before Christmas, and his Manager said...


"I'll see what I can do for you in that space"


Why do some people feel the need to add totally pointless phrases to the end of a sentence?

:confused:

[Coco Bryce]

I applied for a job a few years ago now. After my interview I was offered a position in the company.

The email stated that I was 'On the bus, but they hadn't decided where I would be sitting'

Never took the job, Hate all that corporate bull****.

[nonshinyfinish]

I applied for a job a few years ago now. After my interview I was offered a position in the company.

The email stated that I was 'On the bus, but they hadn't decided where I would be sitting'

Never took the job, Hate all that corporate bull****.

If it was a bus driver job then you definitely made the right decision.

[H18 SFR]

I had to do the minutes today. Second in command said they “would help her to see the big picture”. Basically meant he would rip her a new ********.

Minuted as, XX would meet one-to-one to reinforce the vision and values of xxx.

[Keith_M]

Just been told at work that I'm being 'rolled on to a new client' in January.


I really hope this is just a bull**** business term and they're not meaning this literally.

:paranoid:

[stu in nottingham]

I increasingly am subject to this nonsense. A couple today:

'Rag rated'

'Light-touch audit'

Any ideas anyone?

This is from someone who spells the word 'cue' as 'que'.

[nonshinyfinish]

I increasingly am subject to this nonsense. A couple today:

'Rag rated'

'Light-touch audit'

Any ideas anyone?

This is from someone who spells the word 'cue' as 'que'.

I assume rag = RAG = red/amber/green as mentioned by overdrive above. In theory a quick glance at the current progress of various bits of a project, but can devolve into pointless discussion.

Light-touch audit means 'have a look at this but don't waste time doing a thorough job'.

[Keith_M]

I increasingly am subject to this nonsense. A couple today:

'Rag rated'

'Light-touch audit'

Any ideas anyone?

This is from someone who spells the word 'cue' as 'que'.


https://media.tenor.com/images/7996d0a3e89a133531d2d83ba0b88927/tenor.png

[stu in nottingham]

I assume rag = RAG = red/amber/green as mentioned by overdrive above. In theory a quick glance at the current progress of various bits of a project, but can devolve into pointless discussion.

Light-touch audit means 'have a look at this but don't waste time doing a thorough job'.

Thanks, 'RAG' did come to me in a blinding flash of bulls*** light. Definitely pointless discussion. :aok:

[stu in nottingham]

"Reaching out" has been the one making my skin crawl in the last few years. Apparently you can't just call someone now, you have to "reach out" to them. :rolleyes:

The only people allowed to do that should be the Four Tops.

Here's one that gets right on my thruppenies, simply this, putting word 'So' at the beginning of a sentence for no particular reason.

[Keith_M]

The only people allowed to do that should be the Four Tops.

Here's one that gets right on my thruppenies, simply this, putting word 'So' at the beginning of a sentence for no particular reason.


I had a mate who's a Scouser and almost every one of his sentences ended with the word 'like', but pronounced 'Leiiiicccchhhh'.

[Killiehibbie]

The needs of the business.

**** off Sunday is my day off and I'm not coming in.

[Danderhall Hibs]

That's "in train" already.

[Skol]

Its that time of year when we start getting bombarded with message, videos and townhalls and some of the things being said, outfits being worn etc etc are quite cringey. There have been some technology gaffes and issues

Maybe its just because of my advancing years but these sessions do nothing for me, but I know some people seem to love these and hang on every word

[Danderhall Hibs]

Its that time of year when we start getting bombarded with message, videos and townhalls and some of the things being said, outfits being worn etc etc are quite cringey. There have been some technology gaffes and issues

Maybe its just because of my advancing years but these sessions do nothing for me, but I know some people seem to love these and hang on every word

Was just watching/cringing at one earlier - all these folk (or Executives as they call themselves) looking all chirpy and a bit "crazy" with their Christmas jumpers or zany jackets telling you how great we've all been. All the while when they go back to the desk they're looking at how to cut costs/jobs of the folk they are really grateful for.

[stu in nottingham]

Just considering how to avoid a work 'Christmas Party Hour' on Zoom shortly. I really can't stand any more of this false bulls*** such as that described above for a minute longer.

Open to ideas. Currently, I think I may have a convenient wifi problem shortly in the offing...

[CropleyWasGod]

Just considering how to avoid a work 'Christmas Party Hour' on Zoom shortly. I really can't stand any more of this false bulls*** such as that described above for a minute longer.

Open to ideas. Currently, I think I may have a convenient wifi problem shortly in the offing...

I've just organised a session for a client who needs "urgent pre-Christmas support", at the same time as a Zoom-do.

:cb

[stu in nottingham]

I've just organised a session for a client who needs "urgent pre-Christmas support", at the same time as a Zoom-do.

:cb

Thanks for that, CWG. That's the very one for me too I think. :aok:

[JeMeSouviens]

The only people allowed to do that should be the Four Tops.

Here's one that gets right on my thruppenies, simply this, putting word 'So' at the beginning of a sentence for no particular reason.

I've had so much of that, I noticed I did it myself a few times. Gave myself a good slap in the chops!

Another one I've been noticing recently is "talk to" used to mean talk about or describe something. As in, "Fred, could you talk to our strategy update slides, please?"

Answer, "well, yes, but isn't it better to talk to the people at the meeting?" :rolleyes:

[stu in nottingham]

Well, that was surreal.

Was just about to ignore the bulls*** 'Party Hour' on Zoom and realised I actually did not have an internet connection at the appointed hour. Looked out of the window and good old BT were actually out in the road taking the telegraph pole down that my phoneline is attached to!

Result - no connection for two hours. :thumbsup:

(True story)

[Keith_M]

Just considering how to avoid a work 'Christmas Party Hour' on Zoom shortly. I really can't stand any more of this false bulls*** such as that described above for a minute longer.

Open to ideas. Currently, I think I may have a convenient wifi problem shortly in the offing...


I usually just make up something that involves the word 'Polyps'. Nobody ever questions that or wants further details.

[Jones28]

Just considering how to avoid a work 'Christmas Party Hour' on Zoom shortly. I really can't stand any more of this false bulls*** such as that described above for a minute longer.

Open to ideas. Currently, I think I may have a convenient wifi problem shortly in the offing...

What did you go for Stu?

[stu in nottingham]

What did you go for Stu?

As mentioned above mate. Had a genuine unscheduled loss of the internet (there is a God). I'd already decided on the 'vital pre-Christmas client support' suggested though. They did try to summon me to the party too!

[Smartie]

As mentioned above mate. Had a genuine unscheduled loss of the internet (there is a God). I'd already decided on the 'vital pre-Christmas client support' suggested though. They did try to summon me to the party too!

Funnily enough, I had something I REALLY didn’t want to do at work on Wednesday morning. Lo and behold - a power cut took out our block about half an hour before I was due to start, a very small part of central Edinburgh affected.

I went round and sat in the Waterstones coffee shop for a wee while before the electricity came back on - just too late for me to have to do any of the thing I didn’t want to do. I got back to work and continued my day as if nothing had happened.

It honestly felt like an act of divine intervention.

[stu in nottingham]

Funnily enough, I had something I REALLY didn’t want to do at work on Wednesday morning. Lo and behold - a power cut took out our block about half an hour before I was due to start, a very small part of central Edinburgh affected.

I went round and sat in the Waterstones coffee shop for a wee while before the electricity came back on - just too late for me to have to do any of the thing I didn’t want to do. I got back to work and continued my day as if nothing had happened.

It honestly felt like an act of divine intervention.

Indeed. Not sure about you, Smartie, but I'm sure I did see a blinding flash of white light at one point.

[NORTHERNHIBBY]

We had a difficult end to the week with major issues and I was happy enough to "park it " as we have "kicked all the tyres " . What I am less clear about, is why we have to view the weekend as a" strategic hiatus " and then first thing Monday, the challenge is "refocusing the optic " . I mean WTF??

[stu in nottingham]

We had a difficult end to the week with major issues and I was happy enough to "park it " as we have "kicked all the tyres " . What I am less clear about, is why we have to view the weekend as a" strategic hiatus " and then first thing Monday, the challenge is "refocusing the optic " . I mean WTF??

:greengrin :applause:

That is absolutely peak bulls***!

Just half way through the old strategic hiatus here...

[pollution]

We had a difficult end to the week with major issues and I was happy enough to "park it " as we have "kicked all the tyres " . What I am less clear about, is why we have to view the weekend as a" strategic hiatus " and then first thing Monday, the challenge is "refocusing the optic " . I mean WTF??



Wonderful. What business are you in, if I may ?

[NORTHERNHIBBY]

Wonderful. What business are you in, if I may ?

Medical Diagnostics. We have an underlying USA influence in our business model and are way beyond reaching out and touching base.

[lyonhibs]

I take pride in dingying any and all remote or in person work Xmas events that involve the whole company. I just say "not going" to the Outlook invitation and say no more. A meal (back pre COVID) with just my department, yes, but a whole company thing? I'd rather pull my own teeth.

[WeeRussell]

I take pride in dingying any and all remote or in person work Xmas events that involve the whole company. I just say "not going" to the Outlook invitation and say no more. A meal (back pre COVID) with just my department, yes, but a whole company thing? I'd rather pull my own teeth.

I hear you. I’ve even found myself declining my small team ones now too.

It’s not that I’m a Scrooge or antisocial. I just don’t particularly like the people I work with 😀

[Keith_M]

I hear you. I’ve even found myself declining my small team ones now too.

It’s not that I’m a Scrooge or antisocial. I just don’t particularly like the people I work with 😀


I have the added benefit that nobody likes me either, so they're rarely disappointed if I don't go to social events.


It's one of the benefits of getting old.... and miserable.

[WeeRussell]

I have the added benefit that nobody likes me either, so they're rarely disappointed if I don't go to social events.


It's one of the benefits of getting old.... and miserable.

Cheers Keith - I’m on the lookout for those types of benefit 👍

[heretoday]

Similar to bullspeak, I recall being in an office circa 2003 when all the staff sat at their desks had to (on a given order) stop work and toss a beach ball back and forward between each other
. This was supposed to encourage teamwork and make work "funtime". You were risking alienation if you didn't take part.

[pollution]

I cringe typing this but in an early sales job we all sat in a circle and turned to the person on the right and said what we liked about him/her.

Twelve of us who until two days before were strangers to each other. Then we put an empty Coke can in the middle and screamed and yelled at it.

I mean really roar and rage for a full minute. Some people were purple with genuine rage, so I suppose it worked.

The trainers were delighted at this. The bank dropped them the following year !

[McD]

Similar to bullspeak, I recall being in an office circa 2003 when all the staff sat at their desks had to (on a given order) stop work and toss a beach ball back and forward between each other
. This was supposed to encourage teamwork and make work "funtime". You were risking alienation if you didn't take part.


at my previous job, i got a reputation for being the bah humbug, despite quite calmly and repeatedly explaining that I like Christmas time, I enjoy the different feel of everything and everywhere, however I didn’t and still don’t enjoy being force fed someone else’s interpretation of fun - no I don’t want to dress up and sing carols at work, I don’t want to ‘write a panto and act it out’ because I'm deemed to have a creative job, and I won’t go out and spend my money on a Christmas jumper just because a manger deems next Tuesday to be ‘compulsory Christmas jumper day’.

also doesn’t help that the more people nip my head about something, the far greater likelihood that I’ll dig my heels in and not do it :greengrin

[Mon Dieu4]

at my previous job, i got a reputation for being the bah humbug, despite quite calmly and repeatedly explaining that I like Christmas time, I enjoy the different feel of everything and everywhere, however I didn’t and still don’t enjoy being force fed someone else’s interpretation of fun - no I don’t want to dress up and sing carols at work, I don’t want to ‘write a panto and act it out’ because I'm deemed to have a creative job, and I won’t go out and spend my money on a Christmas jumper just because a manger deems next Tuesday to be ‘compulsory Christmas jumper day’.

also doesn’t help that the more people nip my head about something, the far greater likelihood that I’ll dig my heels in and not do it :greengrin

It's like reading my own inner monologue

[Pretty Boy]

at my previous job, i got a reputation for being the bah humbug, despite quite calmly and repeatedly explaining that I like Christmas time, I enjoy the different feel of everything and everywhere, however I didn’t and still don’t enjoy being force fed someone else’s interpretation of fun - no I don’t want to dress up and sing carols at work, I don’t want to ‘write a panto and act it out’ because I'm deemed to have a creative job, and I won’t go out and spend my money on a Christmas jumper just because a manger deems next Tuesday to be ‘compulsory Christmas jumper day’.

also doesn’t help that the more people nip my head about something, the far greater likelihood that I’ll dig my heels in and not do it :greengrin

I have a real suspicion of people who area bit too into the Christmas night out. I go along and often quite enjoy it (generally because I camp at the bar with the boys from the warehouse and have a few beers and a laugh). There's women in my work get their make up professionally done for it and the discussion around and pictures showing potential outfits starts weeks before. Mental.

It's all the falseness I can's stand. The boss who walks about in a strop 364 days of the year suddenly wanting to be Mr Jovial. 'Wonderful to see you, glad you could make it, how's the family? '. Aye, you saw me at 5.30 yesterday and will see me again at 8 on Monday, it's not some annual reunion.

[McD]

I have a real suspicion of people who area bit too into the Christmas night out. I go along and often quite enjoy it (generally because I camp at the bar with the boys from the warehouse and have a few beers and a laugh). There's women in my work get their make up professionally done for it and the discussion around and pictures showing potential outfits starts weeks before. Mental.

It's all the falseness I can's stand. The boss who walks about in a strop 364 days of the year suddenly wanting to be Mr Jovial. 'Wonderful to see you, glad you could make it, how's the family? '. Aye, you saw me at 5.30 yesterday and will see me again at 8 on Monday, it's not some annual reunion.


oh I agree, the Christmas nights out were another example of ‘not doing what others demand means you’re a miserable git’

have a drink. Why aren’t you drinking? Go on have a drink. You can have a couple and still drive. Nah, I’m not having you sitting with a coke, here’s a pint. well if you’re not drinking hand over your vouchers for the bar. (I don’t drink, which they all know/knew. No issues at all with anyone else drinking, I just don’t like to be pressured by other people about it)

why aren’t you dancing? Come on get up. You need to dance. Can’t come out and not dance - cue being dragged/mauled by 2-4 women who then get arsey when I continue to politely refuse.


I really enjoy being out with friends, being able to relax, chat, have a laugh, a nice meal. Sadly some people feel the need to up the ante. And as you've said, folk who look at you and treat you like **** on their shoe most of the time, suddenly are all super pally.

[Mon Dieu4]

I have a real suspicion of people who area bit too into the Christmas night out. I go along and often quite enjoy it (generally because I camp at the bar with the boys from the warehouse and have a few beers and a laugh). There's women in my work get their make up professionally done for it and the discussion around and pictures showing potential outfits starts weeks before. Mental.

It's all the falseness I can's stand. The boss who walks about in a strop 364 days of the year suddenly wanting to be Mr Jovial. 'Wonderful to see you, glad you could make it, how's the family? '. Aye, you saw me at 5.30 yesterday and will see me again at 8 on Monday, it's not some annual reunion.

I've pulled people up about it in the past and asked them if I'm not good enough to talk to when they are sober then they shouldn't try it when they are drunk, probably got a real name for myself around work but I'm a really laid back guy, I just don't like all the bull**** and fakeness

[HUTCHYHIBBY]

I have a real suspicion of people who area bit too into the Christmas night out. I go along and often quite enjoy it (generally because I camp at the bar with the boys from the warehouse and have a few beers and a laugh). There's women in my work get their make up professionally done for it and the discussion around and pictures showing potential outfits starts weeks before. Mental.

It's all the falseness I can's stand. The boss who walks about in a strop 364 days of the year suddenly wanting to be Mr Jovial. 'Wonderful to see you, glad you could make it, how's the family? '. Aye, you saw me at 5.30 yesterday and will see me again at 8 on Monday, it's not some annual reunion.

It's these bosses that turn into a David Brent type character for the day complete with wacky festive tie or jersey that get on my thrupennies.

[Jakhog1]

It's these bosses that turn into a David Brent type character for the day complete with wacky festive tie or jersey that get on my thrupennies.

I know the type, had one boss who was a right miserable git all year round, rocked up to Christmas jumper day with the most horrific jumper I have ever saw a few years back, had tinsel, baubels and flashing lights on it looked like he had added these elements to it himself, completely out of character gave everyone a good laugh I suppose. Weirdo

[stu in nottingham]

I'm heartened at reading some of these replies, I'd thoght it was me being miserable. I hate the false fun generated around Christmas parties and thankfully, these days am not in a position to even have to knock it back much. Even so, there was some pressure to attend the company's Christmas party (held in London 130 miles away) for a three-hour 6-9pm get-together. I really don't think so.

So here we see some knob of a manager (who is not good enough to tell me anything even on his best day) cast as DJ. He's a 'legend' apparently and wears his Christmas jumper with pride Then there are the group of sychophantic, indoctrinated followers who imagine for some reason they are better than any other similar service and are out to celebrate it. For weeks now there have been Christmas murmurings on the constant Teams and Zoom meetings and I have to say, I get a little bit more bored and ambivalent towards it generally with each passing year. It's almost as if you're not allowed to dislike the whole thing. I'll concede it's fantastic for the kids.

I'll certainly, politicians permitting, be tipping a beer or two back in a pub or three. I'll even be spotted in the RC cathedral in the city a time or two. Neither of these things will have anything to do with anybody in a steering group or in charge of safeguarding and who wear Santa Clause socks.

[stu in nottingham]

It's these bosses that turn into a David Brent type character for the day complete with wacky festive tie or jersey that get on my thrupennies.

'And which part of the company are you, David?'

'I'm the humour'.

[overdrive]

One that I’ve heard several times recently is “I’m agnostic on this”.

Why not say “I don’t care about this”?

[GlesgaeHibby]

One that I’ve heard several times recently is “I’m agnostic on this”.

Why not say “I don’t care about this”?

That's horrific. Up there with another that is driving me nuts just now, which is "that really resonates with me".

[danhibees1875]

One that I’ve heard several times recently is “I’m agnostic on this”.

Why not say “I don’t care about this”?

I'm not entirely sure it makes sense to say you're agnostic on something, but I'd understand what they were aiming for and I'd much rather hear that than the second.

Fair enough if you're happy either way and don't mind what I choose to do - that's separate from not caring IMO.

[danhibees1875]

That's horrific. Up there with another that is driving me nuts just now, which is "that really resonates with me".

I don't want to spend ALL afternoon defending management lingo, but I don't see the problem with this either. :greengrin

[Mon Dieu4]

Recent arrival in my team likes using the phrase "and all that good stuff" it's noising the **** out of me

[overdrive]

Recent arrival in my team likes using the phrase "and all that good stuff" it's noising the **** out of me

That's a favourite of Mr Agnostic too.

[Pretty Boy]

One that I’ve heard several times recently is “I’m agnostic on this”.

Why not say “I don’t care about this”?

I'm not sure what 'I'm agnostic on this' even means. Agnosticism is a belief that nothing is known or can be known about the existence of God. Remove the God part and what does it leave. 'I believe that nothing is known or can be known about where we buy our printer cartridges'. Utterly pretentious bull****.

The best 'translation' I could think of would be 'I'm undecided about this'. That would be too simple for the type of people who describe themselves as 'agnostic' about things though.

[Keith_M]

Recent arrival in my team likes using the phrase "and all that good stuff" it's noising the **** out of me


I've got one of them in my team. Unfortunately he's the Manager

When people raise issues or problems, he just loves saying that we need to "take ownership" of whatever the problem is,... which is just another way of saying he can't be arsed hearing about it and to stop bugging him.

[wookie70]

Reading a Gartner report and spotted this nugget Culture connectedness.I fully expect it to feature on leaders lips soon and they will, like me, have no idea what it means

[Moulin Yarns]

Reading a Gartner report and spotted this nugget Culture connectedness.I fully expect it to feature on leaders lips soon and they will, like me, have no idea what it means

Culture connectedness = better together?

[Pretty Boy]

Someone in my work has started using loads of phrases that reference the outdoors and mountaineering.

'We need to ford this river', 'it's not great but we'll just have to navigate the mountain pass', 'we're trapped under an avalanche of our own making' and 'we're not there yet but once we reach the summit the view should be clearer'.

No idea where she got them from but it's only started in the last couple of weeks.

[gbhibby]

Someone in my work has started using loads of phrases that reference the outdoors and mountaineering.

'We need to ford this river', 'it's not great but we'll just have to navigate the mountain pass', 'we're trapped under an avalanche of our own making' and 'we're not there yet but once we reach the summit the view should be clearer'.

No idea where she got them from but it's only started in the last couple of weeks.
Probably started hillwalking recently. Usually find that people coming out with management lingo are people that are not great at their job. Sometimes you want to tell them to go away and stop talking sh#te.

[Colr]

Probably started hillwalking recently. Usually find that people coming out with management lingo are people that are not great at their job. Sometimes you want to tell them to go away and stop talking sh#te.

How many of us use football lingo?

I’ve certainly suggested that we need to time our run!

May have used others.

“The company are a shower of jamtards, maybe!

[Eaststand]

Someone in my work has started using loads of phrases that reference the outdoors and mountaineering.

'We need to ford this river', 'it's not great but we'll just have to navigate the mountain pass', 'we're trapped under an avalanche of our own making' and 'we're not there yet but once we reach the summit the view should be clearer'.

No idea where she got them from but it's only started in the last couple of weeks.

My guess is they've had a recent Go Outdoors leaflet delivered to their home 😎

GGTTH

[Bostonhibby]

My guess is they've had a recent Go Outdoors leaflet delivered to their home [emoji41]

GGTTHThey'll have put up a wee kids tent in their back garden for the bairns to play in and having mastered the assembly instructions regard themselves as fully fledged Backwoodsmen / women and lumberjacks.

Sent from my SM-A750FN using Tapatalk

[Hibernian Verse]

My old boss used to trot out "a third, a third, a third".

We work in sales so it was shorthand for;

- A third won't try the new method at all.
- A third will try it and give up after one or two attempts.
- A third will consistently apply the new method until they receive results.

[pollution]

My old boss used to trot out "a third, a third, a third".

We work in sales so it was shorthand for;

- A third won't try the new method at all.
- A third will try it and give up after one or two attempts.
- A third will consistently apply the new method until they receive results.


That sounds suitably profound !

[Killiehibbie]

How many of us use football lingo?

I’ve certainly suggested that we need to time our run!

May have used others.

“The company are a shower of jamtards, maybe!

Using football terms should be a red card offence.

[lapsedhibee]

Using football terms should be a red card offence.

:greengrin

[Greentinted]

Using football terms should be a red card offence.
Unless, of course, you’re certifiably away wi the goalie!

[wookie70]

"Guardrails" has now been added to our lexicon albeit I await a definition. I had already interrupted the contractor once so they could explain what an indecipherable bullet point meant and thought it too expensive to get them to explain what they meant by guardrails among all the other nonsense. I guess it will be parameters but who knows these days.

[Scotty Leither]

I had a boss that used to utter gems like “we’ll need to pick up our beds and run with it”’ and “we need clear visibility on it”, and she also used to quote lines from that God-awful sit com “Are you being served “.

She was an utterly bizarre individual who, when she left had the dubious honour of having the lowest amount of money raised ever when some arse-kisser organised a collection for her.

[Skol]

It’s funny being the age I am and my days of working are drawing to a close.

I pitch up at these work sessions and listen to some of the bull****. Some of it from people who really should know better but can’t help themselves and overdo it. Some from young and clearly ambitious people who buy in to all the improving culture ****.

I was probably those people once when I knew I needed to look after my family. Now that is less of a pressure I just look at some people and wish they would take a step back and look at themselves.

[OldEast]

It’s funny being the age I am and my days of working are drawing to a close.

I pitch up at these work sessions and listen to some of the bull****. Some of it from people who really should know better but can’t help themselves and overdo it. Some from young and clearly ambitious people who buy in to all the improving culture ****.

I was probably those people once when I knew I needed to look after my family. Now that is less of a pressure I just look at some people and wish they would take a step back and look at themselves.

There's no doubt about it, work/ambition can bring out a really silly, slightly pathetic side in some people. Using "corporate speak" and forced laughter at management jokes were two regular behaviours I witnessed. I often looked at these men (it was always men in my case) and wondered if they ever felt a shred of embarrassment.

[JimBHibees]

Someone in my work has started using loads of phrases that reference the outdoors and mountaineering.

'We need to ford this river', 'it's not great but we'll just have to navigate the mountain pass', 'we're trapped under an avalanche of our own making' and 'we're not there yet but once we reach the summit the view should be clearer'.

No idea where she got them from but it's only started in the last couple of weeks.

Does everyone burst out laughing when she uses them? :greengrin

[nonshinyfinish]

My boss has started using the phrase 'desk-based analytics'.

From the context, what he means by this is looking stuff up on the internet.

[Paulie Walnuts]

“His role is an admin role.”

[Pretty Boy]

I met someone at a lunch thing I had to go to last week and we did the usual 'so what do you do'.

I answered with my usual 'primarily sales with responsibility for gap analysis as well'. That's a bit w***y but utlimately true. This other guy was giving it 'I'm in charge of ensuring delivery of key product lines to the end user whilst maximising revenue opportunities'. So sales as well then.

[Scouse Hibee]

At the end of a bull**** management coaching session…….”so give me a learning you have taken from today”.

[NORTHERNHIBBY]

Rather than saying that you don't understand something, the all-new phrase is...can I ask you to unpack that for me.

[pollution]

Rather than saying that you don't understand something, the all-new phrase is...can I ask you to unpack that for me.

Love it ! Thank God I've my time in offices listening to stuff like that.

[WeeRussell]

“Seasonality” seems to be the flavour of this week.

Don’t think I’d ever heard it being used in my life before this week where I’ve now suffered (particularly when followed by a word like “perspective”) it multiple times.

[stu in nottingham]

At the end of a bull**** management coaching session…….”so give me a learning you have taken from today”.

Oh god yes. Even worse, 'give me one key word from the session'.

Remember a rather heavy training session on the subject of suicide one time., 'how will you unwind from this training session?' 'Go doon the pub and spraff ***** about football with my mates as usual'. Brought a few s******s.

[wookie70]

Swim lanes when describing what was essentially a row on a fancy spreadsheet that represented an objective. I'd have just said objective

[Hibrandenburg]

Having recently taken over a management role in transport and logistics, this thread has become a great source of material for me to infuriate my coworkers in conference calls. I'm literally in stitches each time one of these phrases get thrown back at me in mails or reports. :faf:

[wookie70]

Having recently taken over a management role in transport and logistics, this thread has become a great source of material for me to infuriate my coworkers in conference calls. I'm literally in stitches each time one of these phrases get thrown back at me in mails or reports. :faf:

Far better to play buzzword bingo and not join in with the nonsense. Choose a buzzword each between you and a mate at teh meeting and keep score as it goes along. High-Level used to be an absolute banker for one of our managers. A bit like Johnson they never got beyond that to the detail