Speedway
02-07-2010, 09:22 AM
In these slightly quieter times, I thought it apt to address the most pressing question on the minds of fans from both sides of the city - who is wittier?
In order to address this objectively, I have taken a random sample of the most recent works from the genius intellects of both sets of fans for your critique.
Ga(y)me On Then.
1. Tony Mowbray - 'Monkeyheid' v. Graham Rix - 'If You Tolerate Rix, Then Your Children Will Be Next'
A poor start from our Gay-bours across the road. Hibs appointed this rookie manager and to be fair, he was a safe distance from handsome but as the Yams showed that they had no answer in the entertainment stakes to Tony's brand of football, this was the flagship comeback from their engine room of noted (half) wits. As easy a target as seeing John Robertson pole dancing and coming up the the nickname 'Spit-roast'. The Hibbies meanwhile, forged a cutting link between the murky past of their rival's manager and a current well known Manic Street Preachers ditty of the time. As abhorent as the subject matter actually is, there's no questioning the cleverness of it's construction.
Verdict - Early opener for the Cabbage 1-0
2. John Collins - 'Squareheid' vs. Rodney/Gareth Romanov
Continuing their form for completely new and leftfield approaches to comedy, they came up with this one for Mowbray's successor. Again whilst accurate, it didn't quite possess the tickle stick that the funny bone requires. Meanwhile, the Hibbies drew a humerous comparison between a down and out from Peckham or woefully inadaquate executive from Slough for your selection. Suggesting that Hearts most senior executive was either a distinct failure or incompetent or both.
Verdict - Hearts fall two behind 2-0
3. Easter Road - 'F e s t e r Road' vs. Tynecastle - 'S w i n e Castle'
Doesn't rhyme, doesn't suggest much in the way of imagery to highlight the perceived class divide between the clubs. Again, a poor attempt it must be said. Hibs effort this time not particularly strong either but at least it rhymed.
Verdict - Missed chances at both ends, still 2-0
4. Easter Road - San Giro vs. Tynecastle - 'Tincastle'
A much better attempt and a clear poke at the perception of Leith's (not)working class underbelly. Hibs respond in a much stronger fashion but hearts hit on the break and just edge out a consolation goal.
Verdict - Hearts are back in it. 2-1
5. 'Fans Dressed As Seats' vs. Paul Hartley - 'is Gay'
My personal favourite. On a very painful day, the Yams quickly and accurately pointed out that it wasn't just the team who let our club down that day. An observation I found very funny at the time and still do. Hibs have no answer for this and use an easy option to try and point score, with miserable results as the player we're attacking, destroyed us that day.
Verdict - Hearts bring it level at 2-2
So it's delicately poised going into the next phase of play. Hibs are warming up 'FatJimKnew' on the bench and the next goal is crucial. Who can make their next comparison of improvisational comedy send Hibs into the lead again?
In order to address this objectively, I have taken a random sample of the most recent works from the genius intellects of both sets of fans for your critique.
Ga(y)me On Then.
1. Tony Mowbray - 'Monkeyheid' v. Graham Rix - 'If You Tolerate Rix, Then Your Children Will Be Next'
A poor start from our Gay-bours across the road. Hibs appointed this rookie manager and to be fair, he was a safe distance from handsome but as the Yams showed that they had no answer in the entertainment stakes to Tony's brand of football, this was the flagship comeback from their engine room of noted (half) wits. As easy a target as seeing John Robertson pole dancing and coming up the the nickname 'Spit-roast'. The Hibbies meanwhile, forged a cutting link between the murky past of their rival's manager and a current well known Manic Street Preachers ditty of the time. As abhorent as the subject matter actually is, there's no questioning the cleverness of it's construction.
Verdict - Early opener for the Cabbage 1-0
2. John Collins - 'Squareheid' vs. Rodney/Gareth Romanov
Continuing their form for completely new and leftfield approaches to comedy, they came up with this one for Mowbray's successor. Again whilst accurate, it didn't quite possess the tickle stick that the funny bone requires. Meanwhile, the Hibbies drew a humerous comparison between a down and out from Peckham or woefully inadaquate executive from Slough for your selection. Suggesting that Hearts most senior executive was either a distinct failure or incompetent or both.
Verdict - Hearts fall two behind 2-0
3. Easter Road - 'F e s t e r Road' vs. Tynecastle - 'S w i n e Castle'
Doesn't rhyme, doesn't suggest much in the way of imagery to highlight the perceived class divide between the clubs. Again, a poor attempt it must be said. Hibs effort this time not particularly strong either but at least it rhymed.
Verdict - Missed chances at both ends, still 2-0
4. Easter Road - San Giro vs. Tynecastle - 'Tincastle'
A much better attempt and a clear poke at the perception of Leith's (not)working class underbelly. Hibs respond in a much stronger fashion but hearts hit on the break and just edge out a consolation goal.
Verdict - Hearts are back in it. 2-1
5. 'Fans Dressed As Seats' vs. Paul Hartley - 'is Gay'
My personal favourite. On a very painful day, the Yams quickly and accurately pointed out that it wasn't just the team who let our club down that day. An observation I found very funny at the time and still do. Hibs have no answer for this and use an easy option to try and point score, with miserable results as the player we're attacking, destroyed us that day.
Verdict - Hearts bring it level at 2-2
So it's delicately poised going into the next phase of play. Hibs are warming up 'FatJimKnew' on the bench and the next goal is crucial. Who can make their next comparison of improvisational comedy send Hibs into the lead again?