Alien Abduction

[Dashing Bob S]

Saw that terrible Hilary Swank movie in Boston the other week.

Anybody believe in alien abduction and have close encounter stories to share?

(I've seen some strange lifeforms at places like Tynecastle and Ibrox, but i'd never insult any extraterrestrials by lumping those creatures in with beings from far-flung civilisations.)

[steakbake]

Aliens/UFOs - yes. Abductions - no.

[Sylar]

Believe in the existence and sightings of UFO's/EBE's, but I remain dubious of the stories of abductions.

Some of the stories you hear about abductions have become so cliched (despite their detail), that it's a standard story, with personalised inputs.

[steakbake]

Believe in the existence and sightings of UFO's/EBE's, but I remain dubious of the stories of abductions.

Some of the stories you hear about abductions have become so cliched (despite their detail), that it's a standard story, with personalised inputs.

It's a cultural phenomenon.

[ancient hibee]

The fact that abductions often seem to involve anal probes has made me eye wateringly sceptical.

[Dashing Bob S]

The fact that abductions often seem to involve anal probes has made me eye wateringly sceptical.

Wee Airdrie Jambo agrees.

[Twa Cairpets]

Statistically likely that aliens exist somewhere in the Universe, but I dont for a minute believe we have ever been "visited", let alone been visited by anything with a somewhat unhealthy probing fetish.

[--------]

Given that the majority of incident-reports appertaining to Scotland refer to alleged incidents occurring in West Lothian, I reckon that what really happens is this:

Darren goes out of the evening.

Darren gets totally blootered and falls asleep in a bus shelter somewhere between Armadale and Bonnyrigg.

Darren wakes up covered in vomit around 3.15am.

Darren realises that he has to think up a story to account for the facts that (a) he's been out all night, (b) he's in a totally disgusting state, and (c) he has no underpants.

Because if he can't come up with an explanation, his lovely Sharon (aka She-Who-Must-Be-Obeyed) will do a Wayne Bobbit on him when he finally gets home.

When he finally manages to stand up, Darren discovers that somewhere, sometime during the evening he acquired an XXL bar of Toblerone.

So he comes to the conclusion that a story of alien abduction followed by the probing of his various orifices by Margaret Beckett lookalikes armed with 'instruments shaped starngely like Toblerones' is the best he can come up with to placate the nearest and dearest and win her sympathy....

.... hence the reports of flying saucers around Bathgate. :devil:


[And he gives Sharon the Toblerone as a peace-offering, and SHE uses it as a probe.....]

[HibsMax]

Statistically likely that aliens exist somewhere in the Universe, but I dont for a minute believe we have ever been "visited", let alone been visited by anything with a somewhat unhealthy probing fetish.
I tend to agree with this. Assuming that science is correct and that a star that they say is 100 light years away is really 100 light years away, we (humans) have no chance of ever getting there. For two reasons. (1) we can't get anywhere close to the speed of light, and (2) even if we could we would be dead long before we got there (old age). For us to seriously explore the universe, or even the extremities of our own galaxy, we need to figure out a way to travel massive distances in miniscule times.

Perhaps there is life out there that is far more advanced than us, and given our relative newness to the universe that seems probable. But can they destroy everything we think we know about science and do what we currently consider impossible?

But what if we are the most advanced lifeforms around? Scary thought...

[--------]

I tend to agree with this. Assuming that science is correct and that a star that they say is 100 light years away is really 100 light years away, we (humans) have no chance of ever getting there. For two reasons. (1) we can't get anywhere close to the speed of light, and (2) even if we could we would be dead long before we got there (old age). For us to seriously explore the universe, or even the extremities of our own galaxy, we need to figure out a way to travel massive distances in miniscule times.

Perhaps there is life out there that is far more advanced than us, and given our relative newness to the universe that seems probable. But can they destroy everything we think we know about science and do what we currently consider impossible?

But what if we are the most advanced lifeforms around? Scary thought...


To quote CSI's Gil Grissom - "I'm sure if there is something out there, looking down on us from somewhere else in the universe, they're wise enough to stay away from us...."

[Twa Cairpets]

Given that the majority of incident-reports appertaining to Scotland refer to alleged incidents occurring in West Lothian, I reckon that what really happens is this:

Darren goes out of the evening.

Darren gets totally blootered and falls asleep in a bus shelter somewhere between Armadale and Bonnyrigg.

Darren wakes up covered in vomit around 3.15am.

Darren realises that he has to think up a story to account for the facts that (a) he's been out all night, (b) he's in a totally disgusting state, and (c) he has no underpants.

Because if he can't come up with an explanation, his lovely Sharon (aka She-Who-Must-Be-Obeyed) will do a Wayne Bobbit on him when he finally gets home.

When he finally manages to stand up, Darren discovers that somewhere, sometime during the evening he acquired an XXL bar of Toblerone.

So he comes to the conclusion that a story of alien abduction followed by the probing of his various orifices by Margaret Beckett lookalikes armed with 'instruments shaped starngely like Toblerones' is the best he can come up with to placate the nearest and dearest and win her sympathy....

.... hence the reports of flying saucers around Bathgate. :devil:


[And he gives Sharon the Toblerone as a peace-offering, and SHE uses it as a probe.....]

Hoy! Armadale is West Lothian, Bonnyrigg is Midlothian. Darren has had a bender right enough if hes trying to walk home from one to the other.

If you're thinking of Bonnybridge, thats Falkirk/Stirlingshire, and thats where the aliens live. We dont allow aliens in linlithgow because of the effect on house prices

[Phil D. Rolls]

Can't help feeling there has to be a PC Brigade angle on this. :hmmm:

[ArabHibee]

Will the cooncil do leaflets in alien language? :cool2:

[Lucius Apuleius]

Hoy! Armadale is West Lothian, Bonnyrigg is Midlothian. Darren has had a bender right enough if hes trying to walk home from one to the other.

If you're thinking of Bonnybridge, thats Falkirk/Stirlingshire, and thats where the aliens live. We dont allow aliens in linlithgow because of the effect on house prices

Never affected the house prices in Bonnybridge much either tbh:boo hoo:


Will the cooncil do leaflets in alien language? :cool2:

Good point girl, google Billy Buchanan and see what you can find out about him (Independant B'bridge councillor and resident alien greeter)

[Beefster]

I tend to agree with this. Assuming that science is correct and that a star that they say is 100 light years away is really 100 light years away, we (humans) have no chance of ever getting there. For two reasons. (1) we can't get anywhere close to the speed of light, and (2) even if we could we would be dead long before we got there (old age). For us to seriously explore the universe, or even the extremities of our own galaxy, we need to figure out a way to travel massive distances in miniscule times.

Perhaps there is life out there that is far more advanced than us, and given our relative newness to the universe that seems probable. But can they destroy everything we think we know about science and do what we currently consider impossible?

But what if we are the most advanced lifeforms around? Scary thought...

Tis unlikely. Some boffin calculated that there are 10 billion planets, minimum, capable of producing life in the entire universe with at least 10,000 of those being in our galaxy.

I'm sure he was being ultra-conservative about the number of total galaxies, average stars per galaxy and proportion of planets that could support life too.

[Petrie's Tache]

I tend to agree with this. Assuming that science is correct and that a star that they say is 100 light years away is really 100 light years away, we (humans) have no chance of ever getting there. For two reasons. (1) we can't get anywhere close to the speed of light, and (2) even if we could we would be dead long before we got there (old age). For us to seriously explore the universe, or even the extremities of our own galaxy, we need to figure out a way to travel massive distances in miniscule times.

Perhaps there is life out there that is far more advanced than us, and given our relative newness to the universe that seems probable. But can they destroy everything we think we know about science and do what we currently consider impossible?

But what if we are the most advanced lifeforms around? Scary
thought...



:faf::faf::faf:







You ever read brokeback?

[Lucius Apuleius]

I posted this before somewhere but I tend to like Douglas Adam's take on things that we do not even exist never mind anyone else. Simple math apparently. We know there is an infinite number of planets. We know that some do not have life on them. That therefore means that the number of planets with life is finite as it less than infinite. A finite number divided by infinity is zero, therefore we do not exist. Mathematicians are more than welcome to rip this theory to shreds.:greengrin

[steakbake]

Can't help feeling there has to be a PC Brigade angle on this. :hmmm:

'Alien' seems such a harsh and excluding word with negative cultural connotations. I think the word "inter planetary guest" is more a inclusive title and of course, accessible.

[Phil D. Rolls]

Can't help feeling there has to be a PC Brigade angle on this. :hmmm:

Got it!


I am tired of this country worrying about whether we are offending some individual or their culture (don't they know these invasions are for their own good??). Since the terrorist attacks on London , we have experienced a surge in patriotism by the majority of Brits.

However, the dust from the attacks has barely settled and the 'politically correct' crowd begin complaining about the possibility that our patriotism is offending others.

I am not against immigration (shurely aliens - ed), nor do I hold a grudge against anyone who is seeking a better life by coming to Britain . However, there are a few things that those who have recently come to our country, and apparently some born here, need to understand.

This idea of Scotland being a multicultural centre for community has served only to dilute our sovereignty and our national identity (forget about that wee merger experiment called the Union). As Scots, we have our own culture, our own society, our own language and our own lifestyle. This culture has been developed over centuries of wars (well one century at least), struggles, trials and victories fought by the untold masses of men and women who laid down their lives and of the millions of men and women who have sought freedom.

We speak ENGLISH (or Gaelic, and there is an argument for the Doric being a language too) , not Spanish, Lebanese, Arabic, Chinese, Japanese, Russian, or any other language. Therefore, if they wish to become part of our society, learn the language (or languages)!

If God offends them, then I suggest they consider another part of the world as their new home, because God is part of our culture (except on Sundays when we go to B&Q/wash the motor/throw up all morning). If St. Andrews flag offends them, then they should seriously consider a move to another part of this planet (or indeed another planet, where these things are tolerated, and people don't believe in all that Christian nonsense about turning the other cheek, and loving thy neighbour..er.

We are happy with our culture and have no desire to change, and we really don't care how they did things where they came from. This is OUR COUNTRY, OUR LAND, and OUR LIFESTYLE, and we will allow them every opportunity to enjoy all this.

But once they are done complaining, whining, and griping about Our Flag, Our Pledge, Our National Motto, or Our Way of Life (En Reich, Ein Volk, Ein Chippy), I encourage them to take advantage of one other great British freedom, 'THE RIGHT TO LEAVE' (cos if they don't there's cattle trucks lying empty).

We ("Royal We", "I and I", Schizophrenia??) didn't force them to come here (don't blame us for having more food than we need, and houses lying empty). If they don't like it GO HOME!!

They asked to be here (for the weather no doubt, and the warm and friendly people, and the right to freedom to - hang on, this is going too far).. So they should accept the country that accepted (is this right??) them. Pretty easy really, when you think (a bridge too far, and you know it) about it.

God bless Richard Littlejohn. (That is the British way of treating the feeble minded isn't it)?

[Woody1985]

I'd say that there is something out there.

I suspect that if they are advanced enough to reach our planet without being detected (or disclosed) then it would be reasonable to assume that they would want to analyse us as a lifeform.

If we ever got to Mars and found another lifeform we would take it to further our understanding of it.

Whether they've been here and/or abducted anyone I'll probably never know. I just wish that I could be around in a time when/if we do come in contact.

Science is only going to advance more and more as time goes on and I'm disappointed we won't get to see what we are fully capable of. Reading the strory about a 1000mph car got me thinking about this yesterday!

[RyeSloan]

Will the cooncil do leaflets in alien language? :cool2:


Doubtful, how would they know how to spell GO HOME in Alien?

[steakbake]

They don't need written language, but I believe the council is spending billions on telepathic translation systems.

[Dashing Bob S]

They don't need written language, but I believe the council is spending billions on telepathic translation systems.

And what about those plans for extra high speed trams that go through the spacial-temporal continuum? I can't wait to see how much these are going cost. And guess who'll have to fork out?

[--------]

Hoy! Armadale is West Lothian, Bonnyrigg is Midlothian. Darren has had a bender right enough if hes trying to walk home from one to the other.

If you're thinking of Bonnybridge, thats Falkirk/Stirlingshire, and thats where the aliens live. We dont allow aliens in linlithgow because of the effect on house prices


Aw, it's aw just a sort of urban desert interspersed with landfill, innit? :wink:


And I've been to Linlithgow. Dunno what planet the folks there have come from, but it's no planet Earth. :rolleyes:

[Dashing Bob S]

The victims of alien abduction always seem to be Jambos. How come the aliens aren't interested in us?

[Twa Cairpets]

Aw, it's aw just a sort of urban desert interspersed with landfill, innit? :wink:


And I've been to Linlithgow. Dunno what planet the folks there have come from, but it's no planet Earth. :rolleyes:

I thought you'd approve of Linlithgow (highest proportion of church going people of any town in scotland, apparently). Maybe this is evidence of other-worldly intervention :wink:

[--------]

I thought you'd approve of Linlithgow (highest proportion of church going people of any town in scotland, apparently). Maybe this is evidence of other-worldly intervention :wink:


Aye, but they're no going to MY church.....

They should be getting in those wee cars and coming over to the Caldera every Sunday. It's not that far.

(AND it's where the spaceship's going to land when the time comes to leave. BWAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!! :devil: )

[Betty Boop]

Aye, but they're no going to MY church.....

They should be getting in those wee cars and coming over to the Caldera every Sunday. It's not that far.

(AND it's where the spaceship's going to land when the time comes to leave. BWAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!! :devil: )

Where is the Caldera? :confused:

[Lucius Apuleius]

Where is the Caldera? :confused:

It was during the last ice age. We are now heading to the Warmera.

[Twa Cairpets]

It was during the last ice age. We are now heading to the Warmera.

:faf::top marks

[--------]

Where is the Caldera? :confused:


Ah - wouldn't YOU like to know?

Come on Betty - hae a wee think - Caldera de la Cruz? :cool2:

[ancient hibee]

The victims of alien abduction always seem to be Jambos. How come the aliens aren't interested in us?
Maybe the anal probing?

[Sir David Gray]

I don't believe in aliens or UFO's.

Why, whenever anyone mentions that they've seen a UFO, is it always in the form of a circle shaped object hovering about in the sky and then it disappears shortly afterwards?

If these were aliens, why don't they land every so often to check us out and say 'hello'?

His tongue may have been firmly in his cheek at the time when he wrote his post but I don't think Doddie is a million miles away in his assessment. I think these people who say they've seen a UFO are either severely intoxicated at the time of their extraterrestrial experience or they are experienced photographers with a very good digital camera which has the ability to alter certain things in a picture.

[--------]

I don't believe in aliens or UFO's.

Why, whenever anyone mentions that they've seen a UFO, is it always in the form of a circle shaped object hovering about in the sky and then it disappears shortly afterwards?

If these were aliens, why don't they land every so often to check us out and say 'hello'?

His tongue may have been firmly in his cheek at the time when he wrote his post but I don't think Doddie is a million miles away in his assessment. I think these people who say they've seen a UFO are either severely intoxicated at the time of their extraterrestrial experience or they are experienced photographers with a very good digital camera which has the ability to alter certain things in a picture.


Oy! Alien abduction's the second most popular defence for inebriated husbands/boyfriends in the Caldera. In the last six months it's mostly been Celtic supporters, I believe. I think the scanners on the flying saucers home in on the new away strips.

And the MOST popular defence is that they got an offer they couldn't refuse from Lulu.... (Don't ask!)

[Dashing Bob S]

I don't believe in aliens or UFO's.

Why, whenever anyone mentions that they've seen a UFO, is it always in the form of a circle shaped object hovering about in the sky and then it disappears shortly afterwards?

If these were aliens, why don't they land every so often to check us out and say 'hello'?

His tongue may have been firmly in his cheek at the time when he wrote his post but I don't think Doddie is a million miles away in his assessment. I think these people who say they've seen a UFO are either severely intoxicated at the time of their extraterrestrial experience or they are experienced photographers with a very good digital camera which has the ability to alter certain things in a picture.

Isn't Jesus essentially an extra terrestrial lifeform?

---------- Post added at 12:11 PM ---------- Previous post was at 12:10 PM ----------


Maybe the anal probing?

"Aliens stalked by Jambo's" scandal!

[The Green Goblin]

Saw that terrible Hilary Swank movie in Boston the other week.

Anybody believe in alien abduction and have close encounter stories to share?

(I've seen some strange lifeforms at places like Tynecastle and Ibrox, but i'd never insult any extraterrestrials by lumping those creatures in with beings from far-flung civilisations.)



I`m guessing that your profile pic isn`t actually you. However, if it is, it suggests you started this thread with a not-so-hidden agenda and know something the rest of us don`t. :greengrin

GG

[Dashing Bob S]

I`m guessing that your profile pic isn`t actually you. However, if it is, it suggests you started this thread with a not-so-hidden agenda and know something the rest of us don`t. :greengrin

GG

It's a pretty fair representation of how I feel at the moment, GG, as I had a little too much to drink last night.

I do like the idea of green men humiliating Jambo's though.

[The Green Goblin]

It's a pretty fair representation of how I feel at the moment, GG, as I had a little too much to drink last night.

I do like the idea of green men humiliating Jambo's though.


As do I, but there`s also something infinitely more appealing about the idea of Jambos humiliating themselves. :wink:

GG

[alloa hibee]

people who suffer from alien abductions tend to just be people who suffer from sleep paralysis, its when people wake up but remain paralysed because theyre stil dreaming, it causes hallucinations and and the feeling that theres something in the room that could cause you serious harm. anyone ever suffered from this?

[ginger_rice]

people who suffer from alien abductions tend to just be people who suffer from sleep paralysis, its when people wake up but remain paralysed because theyre stil dreaming, it causes hallucinations and and the feeling that theres something in the room that could cause you serious harm. anyone ever suffered from this?

Not when I'm sober :wink:

[Phil D. Rolls]

people who suffer from alien abductions tend to just be people who suffer from sleep paralysis, its when people wake up but remain paralysed because theyre stil dreaming, it causes hallucinations and and the feeling that theres something in the room that could cause you serious harm. anyone ever suffered from this?

:cough: schizophrenia :cough:

One night I was in bed with a beautiful woman. After passionate love making I drifted off into a luxuriant sleep. The stars themselves seemed to be singing me a lullaby.

Shortly I was awoken by something else in the room. I suddenly felt an impending sense of panic. It was OK though, it was only her husband, not a hallucination, that would have been really scary.

I am hallucinating now.

[Lucius Apuleius]

Not when I'm sober :wink:

Be fair me old shipmate, he is from Alloa.:agree::greengrin