Good pals

[Greensunshine]

I’ve had the same pals for many many years. We don’t see each other as much these days which is fine and to be expected but we’ll all get together for a beer and a catch up every now and then…….However not all of them turn up or want to meet up anymore.
I find it really strange that as soon as guys meet a burd, you can basically wave goodbye to your friendship.
What’s that all about?
There’s one pal especially who would never come out but as soon as he and his Missus split, he was back on the scene. Now he’s met someone else, you guessed it, we don’t see him anymore.

Is it just our group of pals that are like this or is it more common than just our group?
I just can’t understand for the life of me why you can’t balance your burd and have time for your mates? Weird behaviour!

[Pretty Boy]

Interesting question.

I don't really have a lot of really close friends. I have a lot of acquaintances, 'alright mates' but in terms of close friends it's single figures. Like you the majority are guys I have known for years. I think it's harder to make new friends as you get older and tbh I don't really want to. I'm happy as I am.

Our group dynamic has definitely changed in recent years and the days of us going out altogether are all but gone. We still see each other in smaller groups and you might well get a wedding or the like that sees us all in attendance. Our lives have all changed though. 15 years ago we were all single, no kids and the weekend was for getting pissed, following Hibs wherever then heading out at night. Now all but one of us are married and have young kids. I know the one guy that is still single does get frustrated that things are harder to plan these days and quite often where a night would end at 2am it now ends at 7.30pm.

I'm very much about compromise. I would never just drop my oldest mates but I do have to say no more often these days. If I was going away with my mates every weekend then my marriage would suffer and my kids would miss out. Equally though I don't want to lose friendships that have lasted since I was a child. I think most of us now just accept the 'new normal' and none of us have wives that won't let us out so with a bit effort and compromise we still see each other albeit it's different from how it used to be.

I think sometimes friendships just naturally end as well. I had 2 really good pals from when I was at uni in Aberdeen. We went to the same pub every Sunday for about 3 years then one weekend we just didn't. There was no big fall out or discussion, we just started to see each other less and eventually not at all. I met one of them by chance a few months ago and there was no ill will or resentment on either part. Life just moved on, they were good mates at the time and that's fine. By contrast I am going to visit a friend in France in April who I have known since our first day at nursery 34 years ago. We went through school together, I moved away for uni, he stayed in Edinburgh, he moved to France not long after I moved home but whilst we see each other only once every year to 18 months, it's like it was yesterday. That's probably one for life.

[Jones28]

My oldest pal is someone I’ve known since I was 6 months old and he was a baby, we see each other 3/4 times a year and every time it’s a seamless transition in to how things were when we were at school together. Likewise our two mates who are usually there too.

I have lots of couple friends who I know through my wife who has a network of friends from uni, they’ve paired off and now 2 of her best friends husband’s are great friends of mine.

Being in agriculture you make literally hundreds of acquaintances you would say hello to a few times a year at shows or on the phone but they’re more client based relationships.

Our football group is mainly made up of friends of my dads mates who have become friends of mine as I’ve gotten older. One of their sons is another of my oldest friends and like a wee brother to me.

Like everything, from friendships to football, life has changed for me which means I don’t see as much of them as I’d like, but I recognise that that will be the case when my kids are small and time and money are at a premium.

Likewise spending 1-1 time with my wife, it’s usually the case that one of us will go while the other has the kids. It will pass and change.

[Bridge hibs]

I kind of get both points from the op and pb, similarly for me I remember being “bumped” when my best mate at the time found himself a girlfriend and I felt I was playing gooseberry when she tagged along and they would snog the faces off each other. Things became worse in the winter when I was truly bumped as they spent more time indoors

I actually took the huff with him when he wanted me back for a spell when his girlfriend went on holiday with her pals, he was lovesick and plotted ways to be able to phone the hotel she was staying in, it actually made him physically sick

We eventually went our separate ways as our friendship became estranged 😀 I found a new group of drinking mates and unsurprisingly over time that group dwindled too with nobby no mates having no mates again other than dafties or “tappers” as I called them as they never seemed to have money for a beer

I had girlfriends but to be honest the pub came first, mostly hibs fans and banter over beers, no mobile phones in those days so you had to go to the pub to get the latest scandal/gossip or to find out what other pub regular had died after being knocked down by a car whilst pished

I met my Wife to be ironically in the pub as she was a barmaid, it made perfect sense 😀 I was smitten and any mates/hangers on were quickly forgotten about as I embarked on my “love” journey. Marriage followed a couple of years later followed by kids, mortgage and new house

I still keep in touch with a few mates from the past but like pb Im quite private now and moved on from all the pub bampottery although still relatively social I will mix with folk on holiday if we share the same interests, the good thing about that is they are poolside buddies, theres no attachment and the relationship ends same time the holiday does 🤣

[easty]

My oldest friend is a poster on here. Been mates since nursery and we’re now 40.

Our WhatsApp group chat is us, 3 other guys we went to primary with, and 2 guys from high school.

I’m just home from a day out at the BMC with 2 of them. Also spoke with another poster from here there, a guy I’ve known since high school that I’ve always really got along with, great guy.

I absolutely love my friend group, my close mates. I feel lucky to have them. I’d say there’s one in our WhatsApp group who doesn’t make as much of an effort to involve himself nowadays, and it’s a shame but it’s his loss, and I appreciate that home life gets in the way.

[pollution]

Some wives/girl friends are more demanding and male friendship does fall away in many cases, certainly in mine.

I often wonder if this is natural, a new phase in one's life but I still feel guilty although its has been many years since I last was in touch with friends of old.

It cuts both ways: a passing of age perhaps.

[He's here!]

I found that when you have kids your adult social circle shifts to being more centred around your kids' friends parents (ie largely a whole new social circle) and is often shaped around family-type gatherings/kids birthday parties etc. By the time your kids are old enough to kind of look after their own agenda you've reached a stage where you can't really be ersed going out :-)

[Pretty Boy]

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I found that when you have kids your adult social circle shifts to being more centred around your kids' friends parents (ie largely a whole new social circle) and is often shaped around family-type gatherings/kids birthday parties etc. By the time your kids are old enough to kind of look after their own agenda you've reached a stage where you can't really be ersed going out :-)

We've definitely got our 'parent friends' now.

Some of them have actually become pretty good pals. It's different though as, with one exception, I would never really see any of the guys myself. It's exclusively as couples.

[Scouse Hibee]

My situation is slightly different in that my friends from my younger days are all still in Liverpool so regular meetings and nights out are never going to happen. I do keep in touch with them though, meet whenever I am in Liverpool (not been for three years) and still consider them my close friends. A couple of them are actually coming to Edinburgh early next month for my son's 30th so we will catch up and have a decent amount of time together. I don't make new friends easily, I don't really want to, I have two what I would class as very close friends in Edinburgh and of course dozens of other folk that I class as mates from previous jobs etc.

[Fuzzywuzzy]

I've had my group of friends since high school. Some closer than others.

Don't catch up with them all on a regular basis but enjoy seeing them when I do.

Relationships change all the time. Mates settling in to a new relationship will tend to not be seen regularly as they try to work out the lay of the land and go through the honeymoon period.

I'm lucky in the sense that my wife likes them all and will happily stay for a drink if she's dropping me off or picking me up

[stantonhibby]

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My oldest friend is a poster on here. Been mates since nursery and we’re now 40.

Our WhatsApp group chat is us, 3 other guys we went to primary with, and 2 guys from high school.

I’m just home from a day out at the BMC with 2 of them. Also spoke with another poster from here there, a guy I’ve known since high school that I’ve always really got along with, great guy.

I absolutely love my friend group, my close mates. I feel lucky to have them. I’d say there’s one in our WhatsApp group who doesn’t make as much of an effort to involve himself nowadays, and it’s a shame but it’s his loss, and I appreciate that home life gets in the way.

Football quiz by any chance?

[easty]

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Football quiz by any chance?

Aye, were you there? We were crap, always a good day out though.

[Hibrandenburg]

Joined the army at 17 and gradually lost contact with childhood friends as our lives diversed. Social media has made it possible to reestablish contact with some but the gulf in our different lifestyle choices means that there's only really the distant past that we have in common.

Made some friends for life in the army but because I left nearly 30 years ago means we rarely see each other but when we do it's like no time has passed at all apart from we've all obviously aged, I know that if needed and called upon they would be there at the drop of a hat.

I've a large group of German friends both married and single that I've met over the nearly 30 years I've lived here as a civilian, that's the group where my handful of close friends come from and where most of the social activity is.

Being the boss at work makes being friends in the real sense of the word difficult but there are a few colleagues I get on really well with and have social contact to outside of work.

People move on and things change, that's life I guess.

[Stubbsy90+2]

33 years old. Got a group of about 8 pals. We’ve all been pals for years but we’re getting to age now where 4 of us are still best mates (we were always closer anyway) and the other 4 are sort of drifting away a bit. No ill feeling or anything, like most it’s just become the case that we see less and less of each other. Not seen ‘the other 4’ more than 1 or 2 times in the last few years and don’t see any chance of that changing.

Doesn’t really bother me. A few really good mates is all you need imo.

[stantonhibby]

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Aye, were you there? We were crap, always a good day out though.

Yeah....been going for years. Won it once. Finished 3rd equal this year. Great day out as you say. Missed the Irish bingo though!

[Fuzzywuzzy]

Most guys will stick with the same circle of friends. Women on the other hand tend to have multiple - it's the whole social butterfly thing.

At the age I am I can't really be arsed making new friends.

[easty]

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Yeah....been going for years. Won it once. Finished 3rd equal this year. Great day out as you say. Missed the Irish bingo though!

Aye the heads and tails wasn’t as good.

At least there was no “comedian” at the end this year though!

My team just try to beat my dads team. They beat us by about 6.