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  1. #1
    @hibs.net private member Milkinho's Avatar
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    Posting about lost ones on Facebook

    This is something that has been bugging me for a while, and I'd like to get some other opinions so I can clarify whether or not I'm a total monster.

    It seems every week I see a facebook post, mainly from younger generations, remembering the anniversary of the death of a family member or friend. For me, Facebook just isn't the place to do this. Surely a visit to the grave, or where their ashes have been scattered is a much more meaningful way of remembering this.

    Everytime I see one I can't help but think it's just fishing for likes and it makes me cringe slightly. I should maybe put this better...but those that have passed aren't looking at Facebook, and death is very personal (to me) and should be dealt with in a sensitive and quiet manner with close family and friends.

    Am I the only one?

    All IMO of course.


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  3. #2
    @hibs.net private member CropleyWasGod's Avatar
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    Is it any different to the "In Memoriam" ads that people used to put (still do?) in newspapers.

    Not something that I would do, but I can understand why others would.

    Sent from my SM-A510F using Tapatalk

  4. #3
    Scottish Cup Victory - Witness 2016 Scouse Hibby's Avatar
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    Modern day newspaper announcement as said above.
    "If a player is not interfering with play or seeking to gain
    an advantage, then he should be."

  5. #4
    @hibs.net private member lord bunberry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Milkinho View Post
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    This is something that has been bugging me for a while, and I'd like to get some other opinions so I can clarify whether or not I'm a total monster.

    It seems every week I see a facebook post, mainly from younger generations, remembering the anniversary of the death of a family member or friend. For me, Facebook just isn't the place to do this. Surely a visit to the grave, or where their ashes have been scattered is a much more meaningful way of remembering this.

    Everytime I see one I can't help but think it's just fishing for likes and it makes me cringe slightly. I should maybe put this better...but those that have passed aren't looking at Facebook, and death is very personal (to me) and should be dealt with in a sensitive and quiet manner with close family and friends.

    Am I the only one?

    All IMO of course.
    It's not something I'd do, but it's not for any of us to judge how other people grieve. It all seems a bit Jeremy Kyle at times, but if it makes you feel better and comforts you then I don't mind it.
    [SIGPIC]

  6. #5
    @hibs.net private member calumhibee1's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by lord bunberry View Post
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    It's not something I'd do, but it's not for any of us to judge how other people grieve. It all seems a bit Jeremy Kyle at times, but if it makes you feel better and comforts you then I don't mind it.
    This. Not my style at all, I don't want people I don't really keep in touch with sending their condolences etc (no issue with them btw). But if people feel it helps them then so be it.

  7. #6
    Coaching Staff lyonhibs's Avatar
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    Find it really odd, especially when they "tag" the dead person in it, like he/she is up there singing in the choir eternal scrolling through Facebook on their iPhone going "awwww that's nice, I've been tagged"

    Not my style at all - anyone that I wanted to know about something like that would be getting told directly.

    But as mentioned, if folk do it as part of their reaction to grief then fair enough.

  8. #7
    Testimonial Due Geo_1875's Avatar
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    Very modern phenomenon but expected when young people live their life on social media. I do find it cringeworthy when older people get involved in what for me should be a personal, private remembrance.

  9. #8
    Coaching Staff HUTCHYHIBBY's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Geo_1875 View Post
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    Very modern phenomenon but expected when young people live their life on social media. I do find it cringeworthy when older people get involved in what for me should be a personal, private remembrance.
    I concur with this.

  10. #9
    Private Members Prediction League Winner Hibrandenburg's Avatar
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    Everyone grieves differently, who am I to judge how someone else manages bereavement?

    How humans have dealt with death/bereavement throughout the centuries is a fascinating and revealing subject. I doubt grieving on social media is anywhere near the weirdest method you'll find of grieving.

  11. #10
    Scottish Cup Victory - Witness 2016 Scouse Hibby's Avatar
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    Surely what ever platform pleases the grieving family,partner etc is acceptable.
    "If a player is not interfering with play or seeking to gain
    an advantage, then he should be."

  12. #11
    @hibs.net private member sleeping giant's Avatar
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    Let grieving folk do what they want.

    Not long ago , they would send rememberance poems into the evening news.

    Was that "odd" ?
    No Eternal Reward Shall Forgive Us Now For Wasting The Dawn

  13. #12
    Coaching Staff hibsbollah's Avatar
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    A similar bit different thing is happening when people die and their Facebook accounts remain open. I've had a few people close to me die in the last few years (that year when Ali, Bowie, and all the greats went), and every now and again someone will post on their news feed about how the dead person would have found a TV show funny, or how the dead person is sadly missed etc etc. All the time the Facebook account is open with their photo smiling out into the virtual world. It's all very weird and gives your sense of reality a jolt.

  14. #13
    @hibs.net private member snooky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Geo_1875 View Post
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    Very modern phenomenon but expected when young people live their life on social media. I do find it cringeworthy when older people get involved in what for me should be a personal, private remembrance.
    Touchy subject given that these people's emotions are all over the place.
    Personally I agree 100% with you Geo_1875. Grieving should be done privately. The public display of grief is the mourner saying to the world "Look at poor me and how much I'm hurting." To me it's a cry for condolence for themselves rather than anything for the deceased. That may sound cruel but, sorry that's how I see it.

  15. #14
    Scottish Cup Victory - Witness 2016 Scouse Hibby's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by snooky View Post
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    Touchy subject given that these people's emotions are all over the place.
    Personally I agree 100% with you Geo_1875. Grieving should be done privately. The public display of grief is the mourner saying to the world "Look at poor me and how much I'm hurting." To me it's a cry for condolence for themselves rather than anything for the deceased. That may sound cruel but, sorry that's how I see it.
    Of course it is, the dead feel nothing it's those left behind that are hurting what else could it be.
    Last edited by Scouse Hibby; 10-08-2017 at 08:59 PM.

  16. #15
    Private Members Prediction League Winner Hibrandenburg's Avatar
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    In the past people have had really weird ways of mourning the dead. An ancient tribe in China used to hang their dead on display on nearby cliffs. In India it was common to see wives of recently deceased burn themselves alive on the funeral pyres of the deceased. Other rituals include feeding the dead to wild animals or even eating them yourself. Posting on Facebook is hardly the craziest way of grieving, leave them be and don't expect everyone to hold your particular values.

  17. #16
    Tin hat on but what's the difference between someone posting on Facebook about losing someone close to them and us having a minutes applause at every game for someone who has passed away? We've even had games when there's been more than one one minute applause and folks don't even know what their applauding for. Now I'm not saying there's anything wrong with it but also don't see the problem or harm in posting about it on Facebook (let's face it, people post about a lot worse).

    People grieve in different ways so who am I to judge, let them get on with it is what I say.

  18. #17
    @hibs.net private member snooky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DH1875 View Post
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    Tin hat on but what's the difference between someone posting on Facebook about losing someone close to them and us having a minutes applause at every game for someone who has passed away? We've even had games when there's been more than one one minute applause and folks don't even know what their applauding for. Now I'm not saying there's anything wrong with it but also don't see the problem or harm in posting about it on Facebook (let's face it, people post about a lot worse).

    People grieve in different ways so who am I to judge, let them get on with it is what I say.
    This is what I was trying to say. I'm all for friends and family rallying round someone who has experienced a loss. The part that I am uncomfortable with is when it goes beyond the immediate circle. The world can't stop to mourn every death. Yes, it's a sad time and the grieving should be done by those who need to grieve without asking all and sundry to join in.
    Sorry if that sounds harsh but that's my view on this matter.

  19. #18
    @hibs.net private member lord bunberry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by snooky View Post
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    Touchy subject given that these people's emotions are all over the place.
    Personally I agree 100% with you Geo_1875. Grieving should be done privately. The public display of grief is the mourner saying to the world "Look at poor me and how much I'm hurting." To me it's a cry for condolence for themselves rather than anything for the deceased. That may sound cruel but, sorry that's how I see it.
    Surely a large part of grief is self pity. If someone dying only effected the dying person there would be no grieving at all.
    [SIGPIC]

  20. #19
    @hibs.net private member snooky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by lord bunberry View Post
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    Surely a large part of grief is self pity. If someone dying only effected the dying person there would be no grieving at all.
    That's my point. It's self pity. Grief is understandable and unavoidable however, I don't ask strangers to join in with my hurting.
    For me, grief and the way I handle it iis a personal thing.

  21. #20
    ADMIN marinello59's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by snooky View Post
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    That's my point. It's self pity. Grief is understandable and unavoidable however, I don't ask strangers to join in with my hurting.
    For me, grief and the way I handle it iis a personal thing.
    I won't judge how anybody handles grief, it can be a totally overwhelming experience which causes out of character actions as you struggle to cope. If reaching out to people through a few posts on Facebook helps in any way to ease the pain then they should go ahead and do it. Not everybody has to suffer in silence.
    Every gimmick hungry yob,
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    He'll die before he's sold.

  22. #21
    Private Members Prediction League Winner Hibrandenburg's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by marinello59 View Post
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    I won't judge how anybody handles grief, it can be a totally overwhelming experience which causes out of character actions as you struggle to cope. If reaching out to people through a few posts on Facebook helps in any way to ease the pain then they should go ahead and do it. Not everybody has to suffer in silence.
    It's not something that I think I'd do but each to his own.

  23. #22
    Each to their own.

    It's not for me. A few people close to me have died in recent years and I've never mentioned it on Facebook etc because it's not something I like. If it suits other people and a few likes and comments make them feel better then I'm not going to judge.
    I fell in love with football as I was later to fall in love with women,. Suddenly, uncritically giving no thought to the pain it could bring. - Nick Hornby

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