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  1. #31
    Testimonial Due Just Jimmy's Avatar
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    I think you either know or you don't. I think from your replies, deep down you already know what's going on.

    Even if there is nothing I think you now will suspect things. She's broken your trust.

    I wish you luck.

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  3. #32
    Testimonial Due Hibby Bairn's Avatar
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    Tremendous thread. I pop on for latest re Stokes or restaurant review and I find this.

    .net soap opera....friends with benefits...casual sex references. You won't get this on Pie and Bovril.

  4. #33
    Coaching Staff Smartie's Avatar
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    It doesn't sound good to me. I think you know what you need to do.

    A word of encouragement - I was in a relationship with someone a long time ago who I was mad about, we'd met when we were students. We'd been together for 5 years and had lived together for the last year. She was always a party girl and throughout our relationship she'd stayed out all night from time to time (we were young so that in itself wasn't that unusual, and let's face it, I was guilty of doing similar from time to time too).

    It had happened quite a lot throughout the time we lived together and started to happen more often over the past few months after she had started a new job. There was a lot of the stuff you mentioned - staying late, going for drinks, evasive behaviour. It turned out she had met someone else, who she ultimately left me for. At least it wasn't a wee fling, she married the guy and has kids to him.

    Anyhow, it was a relationship marred by trust issues on both sides and it was never really right, although it was fun for 2 carefree students early on. It wasn't really right as we got older and supposedly more serious. I hated the feeling you refer to - the kicking about at home wondering what they were up to, and ultimately I think that my worst thoughts were normally not far off the mark.

    Anyhow, we split up and a bit later I met someone else. We've been together nearly 10 years and my new partner is fantastic. I trust her 100% and she has never done the things my ex used to do. Sometimes you just know that a relationship is right and that the person wouldn't lie or cheat, and that you wouldn't betray them by doing anything similar. She used to be a musician, so when someone is on the road for months at a time in a van with 5 guys you need to have pretty solid trust and tbh I've never even come close to doubting her.

    That is what is out there for you my friend. Don't tolerate someone making you feel like this. As painful and grim as the short term might be, there is an entire world full of wonderful women who wouldn't do this to you. It can seem hard and daunting finding one, but find one you will.

    I had grown to accept unacceptable behaviour. If indeed there is something going on and you are not ok with it, don't feel like you have to tolerate it.

    All the best.

  5. #34
    Excellent post Smartie. 👏👏👏

  6. #35
    In response to the OP, and I feel bad about this, BUT ...
    If your relationship gets to the stage where you think your other half is out with someone else, based on the lies she's telling you (or you think she's telling you) then there's a fair chance the relationship is doomed - you need to get a definitive answer now. No point faffing about and torturing yourself.
    Good luck.
    Last edited by Mr White; 06-06-2017 at 10:10 PM.

  7. #36
    @hibs.net private member sleeping giant's Avatar
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    Even if she isn't having an affair , she doesn't sound like she is considering your feelings.

    We are only getting one side of the story though ....
    No Eternal Reward Shall Forgive Us Now For Wasting The Dawn

  8. #37
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    Quote Originally Posted by sleeping giant View Post
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    Even if she isn't having an affair , she doesn't sound like she is considering your feelings.

    We are only getting one side of the story though ....
    That's definitely correct. The "I intend surveillance over the next few weeks" is quite worrying tbh.

    You might be worried but you can't go stalking her. That will make matters worse. It will either push her away or reinforce her belief that she needs to get away.

    There's no right thing to do, but keep the head and don't do anything you shouldn't.

  9. #38
    @hibs.net private member snooky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Onceinawhile View Post
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    That's definitely correct. The "I intend surveillance over the next few weeks" is quite worrying tbh.

    You might be worried but you can't go stalking her. That will make matters worse. It will either push her away or reinforce her belief that she needs to get away.

    There's no right thing to do, but keep the head and don't do anything you shouldn't.
    Sounds to me she might be away already, tbh.

  10. #39
    Testimonial Due Dinkydoo's Avatar
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    Some women prepare themselves for exiting a long term relationship months before it actually happens. Building up a support network, lining up a new guy and emotionally distancing themself from their partner can all be part of that. Maybe men do it too but I haven't ever dated any so I can only call on my own past experiences.

    My take on it is that your wife is doing exactly that. She thinks that the relationship is probably over and is going through the process of getting over you before actually splitting up. Objectively, the psychology of it all is quite interesting - and selfish. Sorry.

    The positive thing is that she hasn't left yet. Don't start stalking her, you have a lot of valid concerns and to be frank, she isn't considering your feelings at all in this. You need to have the 'talk'. Now. Tell her how you feel and ask her if she wants to try to fix the relationship and state how committed you are to making this work. That's all you can do at this stage.

    Good luck.

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  11. #40
    @hibs.net private member Steve-O's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dinkydoo View Post
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    Some women prepare themselves for exiting a long term relationship months before it actually happens. Building up a support network, lining up a new guy and emotionally distancing themself from their partner can all be part of that. Maybe men do it too but I haven't ever dated any so I can only call on my own past experiences.

    My take on it is that your wife is doing exactly that. She thinks that the relationship is probably over and is going through the process of getting over you before actually splitting up. Objectively, the psychology of it all is quite interesting - and selfish. Sorry.

    The positive thing is that she hasn't left yet. Don't start stalking her, you have a lot of valid concerns and to be frank, she isn't considering your feelings at all in this. You need to have the 'talk'. Now. Tell her how you feel and ask her if she wants to try to fix the relationship and state how committed you are to making this work. That's all you can do at this stage.

    Good luck.

    Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk
    Yup, it sounds like a familiar tale to me...the OP should prepare for the end, or get in there first and call her bluff.

  12. #41
    @hibs.net private member Hermit Crab's Avatar
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    The signs all point to her doing the dirty but you can't be 100% with conclusive evidence.

    Do you know the guys name?

    Does he have Facebook/Twitter that could maybe give you some clues?

    Whats the name of the pub that they frequent every Friday?

    Is it close to his gaff, or in town etc?

    Maybe some of the cooler heads on here could do some surveillance for you, that way you don't have to be near them and possibly get spotted, then the games up and it could makes things 10x worse with a public confrontation?

    A private investigator is an option, I've always fancied myself as a Magnum type.

    Seriously though I hope you get things sorted as I know the feelings you are referring too and its not nice at all. If you can prove it you'll get her on infidelity and get a divorce within 2 years and take her for everything which, if I'm honest serves her right for doing the dirty.

    Please keep updating as this is really intriguing and fair play to you for posting about this. It must have taken balls mate.
    Last edited by Hermit Crab; 08-06-2017 at 11:47 AM.

  13. #42
    Quote Originally Posted by Hermit Crab View Post
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    The signs all point to her doing the dirty but you can't be 100% with conclusive evidence.

    Do you know the guys name?

    Does he have Facebook/Twitter that could maybe give you some clues?

    Whats the name of the pub that they frequent every Friday?

    Is it close to his gaff, or in town etc?

    Maybe some of the cooler heads on here could do some surveillance for you, that way you don't have to be near them and possibly get spotted, then the games up and it could makes things 10x worse with a public confrontation?

    A private investigator is an option, I've always fancied myself as a Magnum type.

    Seriously though I hope you get things sorted as I know the feelings you are referring too and its not nice at all. If you can prove it you'll get her on infidelity and get a divorce within 2 years and take her for everything which, if I'm honest serves her right for doing the dirty.

    Please keep updating as this is really intriguing and fair play to you for posting about this. It must have taken balls mate.
    One year if there's no bairns involved. :

  14. #43
    Testimonial Due Future17's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hermit Crab View Post
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    If you can prove it you'll get her on infidelity and get a divorce within 2 years and take her for everything which, if I'm honest serves her right for doing the dirty.

    Please keep updating as this is really intriguing and fair play to you for posting about this. It must have taken balls mate.
    Quote Originally Posted by ColinNish View Post
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    One year if there's no bairns involved. :
    If adultery can be proven, there's no need to wait any time before commencing proceedings.

    Not sure about "taking her for everything" though. Broadly speaking, the conduct of the parties to the marriage is irrelevant to the division of assets.

  15. #44
    @hibs.net private member Hermit Crab's Avatar
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    Who's up for a bit of good old snooping then? Hibs.net private detective agency anyone?

  16. #45
    Administrator matty_f's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hermit Crab View Post
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    Who's up for a bit of good old snooping then? Hibs.net private detective agency anyone?
    I'll sit in front of the house holding a newspaper with eye holes cut out.
    http://hibscomebackison.blogspot.co.uk/ - Read my blog "So A Season Starts.. " - Updated TODAY 03/08/15

  17. #46
    Quote Originally Posted by Future17 View Post
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    If adultery can be proven, there's no need to wait any time before commencing proceedings.

    Not sure about "taking her for everything" though. Broadly speaking, the conduct of the parties to the marriage is irrelevant to the division of assets.
    Sorry i meant 1 year with no bairns if you don't want to go to court and spend thousands. 😎

  18. #47
    Quote Originally Posted by Hermit Crab View Post
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    Who's up for a bit of good old snooping then? Hibs.net private detective agency anyone?
    Been there, done it - so happy to help. 😁

  19. #48
    @hibs.net private member Hermit Crab's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by matty_f View Post
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    I'll sit in front of the house holding a newspaper with eye holes cut out.

    I'll sit in the boozer they go to with a few cold ones. We could really help this boy out

  20. #49
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hermit Crab View Post
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    I'll sit in the boozer they go to with a few cold ones. We could really help this boy out
    Seems a great idea ! We could have a dot net night out there and Boo them !

  21. #50
    @hibs.net private member Hermit Crab's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bigwheel View Post
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    Seems a great idea ! We could have a dot net night out there and Boo them !

    We're all seasoned campaigners in the art of booing

  22. #51
    @hibs.net private member lord bunberry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hermit Crab View Post
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    We're all seasoned campaigners in the art of booing
    We could bring Stevenson along so it doesn't look to obvious
    [SIGPIC]

  23. #52
    Administrator matty_f's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bigwheel View Post
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    Seems a great idea ! We could have a dot net night out there and Boo them !
    I was going to do the newspaper thing anyway because I'm a weirdo, but I'll also meet everyone in the pub as well.

    Anything to help a fellow Hibby out!
    http://hibscomebackison.blogspot.co.uk/ - Read my blog "So A Season Starts.. " - Updated TODAY 03/08/15

  24. #53
    Testimonial Due Future17's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ColinNish View Post
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    Sorry i meant 1 year with no bairns if you don't want to go to court and spend thousands. 😎
    Ah right. In that case, you need the consent of the other party.

  25. #54
    @hibs.net private member oldbutdim's Avatar
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    Time to see a lawyer rather than debate it here.
    It's all over.

  26. #55
    @hibs.net private member Hermit Crab's Avatar
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    Whats the latest then Stuart?

  27. #56
    @hibs.net private member Pete's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by oldbutdim View Post
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    Time to see a lawyer rather than debate it here.
    It's all over.


    Time to buy her a one way train ticket.

    Location: Dumpsville.

  28. #57
    Quote Originally Posted by Hermit Crab View Post
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    Whats the latest then Stuart?
    It's Friday night. Maybe he's down the pub on a spying mission.

  29. #58
    I'm happy to give her a bit chat to see how easily she's willing to fall into bed? Could do the newspaper thing as well?

    Edit - btw sorry for making light of this. As Hermit said earlier it must've taken some balls to post this. Good luck to you mate.

  30. #59
    reigning hibs.net poker champion Wembley67's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Danderhall Hibs View Post
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    I'm happy to give her a bit chat to see how easily she's willing to fall into bed? Could do the newspaper thing as well?

    Edit - btw sorry for making light of this. As Hermit said earlier it must've taken some balls to post this. Good luck to you mate.
    Some balls? It's a faceless forum :)
    "You opened the box....and your soul belongs to me...."

  31. #60
    Quote Originally Posted by Wembley67 View Post
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    Some balls? It's a faceless forum :)
    I know but I'd still find it difficult to write stuff like that down tbh.

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