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  1. #1
    Scottish Cup Victory - Witness 2016 Scouse Hibee's Avatar
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    Fun working in someone's house.

    I am sure there are plenty of tradesmen on here that work in folks houses all the times. What are some of the funniest incidents that have happened to you.

    I have quite a few as a Snooker/Pool table fitter so I'll start.

    Two of us were putting a 10ft table in a roof space conversion when the guy's Dad who was looking after us for the day arrived upstairs with two mugs of tea. He left and went back down the stairs when I joked to my mate "what a miserable old *******, he might have brought some cakes up". He obviously heard me and returned five minutes later with a plate of biscuits and cakes!!! I was mortified and kept a low profile for the rest of the day. :-)


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  3. #2
    Ireland's Greatest Import Mr White's Avatar
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    Cats. Little ninjas. I was looking one in the eye as I closed a flat door in a stair in bruntsfield a few years ago. Turned round and it was sitting on the top step staring back at me. Similarly I nearly shut one under a floor, i returned to a room to see a black and white tail disappearing into a floor hatch I was about to put back down. Took ages to get it out.

    My boss in the company I've recently started working for told us a story about a guy who was sacked in England recently. He was working for an awkward customer and when she left the house he was quite uncomplentary about her to his workmate. Her mother was upstairs listening and they kicked up **** with the company.

    You're lucky you got fed cake for the same indiscretion scouse

  4. #3
    @hibs.net private member bingo70's Avatar
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    I was on a property inspection and the guy living there had a bloody massive dog, Great Dane possibly but I'm no sure, anyway, it was a right excitable beast and it decided it wanted to jump all over me. The guy living at the property claimed it wasn't his dog and he couldn't calm it down, it resulted in him trying to hold it back by its tail as it over powered him so he was lying on the ground holding it while I was at the top of the stairs absolutely ****ing myself not knowing what to
    do while my colleague stood at the bottom of the stairs absolutely pushing herself laughing with one leg out the door in case it made a move for her.

    Always think it couldnae have been nice for the dog being held back by its tail but when it all calmed down it seemed happy enough so no harm done.

    Dare say it may be one of those moments you had to be there but I still laugh thinking about me quivering like a wreck at the top of those bloody stairs trying to act like I wasnae scared.

  5. #4
    @hibs.net private member Peevemor's Avatar
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    I have quite a few.

    One of my favourites was when we were preparing the tender drawings for a common repair - 2 adjacent tenements in the southside. We knew from a similar block that we'd done in the same street that a lot of the stone that looked sound from pavement level was actually goosed, so we organised a cherry picker for a Sunday morning to carry out a proper stone survey.

    So there we were, 2 of us + the cherry picker guy at 9:30 in the morning bashing away at the top floor of the building with stone picks.

    We'd forewarned the residents that we were going to be there, so they could keep their curtains shut or whatever, but we hadn't thought to tell those in the neighbouring blocks.

    At one point as the guy was manoeuvring the cherry picker we swung in front of a 3rd floor window on the neighbouring block we heard a scream, then seen a lassie, in just tee-shirt and scants, jumping off her settee, sending a bowl of cereal flying through the air, and running out her living room door.

    She spoke to us a few minutes later through the window and was laughing about it so no harm done.

  6. #5
    Promising Youngster Stick's Avatar
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    A few years ago part of my job was to call on clients in there homes. One old lady didn't answer her door so I knocked hard and called her name. Heard a noise so tried the door, it was unlocked. Upshot was that she had taken ill, so I called 999 and phoned her son.
    Several weeks later I was calling on a different old lady at the arranged time. Knocked, but no answer. So, remembering what had happened previously, I decided to bend down and have a look through the letter box. It was a long corridor with the bathroom at the end. And there, door open, sitting on the toilet was the client with her knickers around her ankles. She gave me a wave and said " hang on Stick, I'll just be a minute.
    Talk about wanting the ground to open up.

  7. #6
    Quote Originally Posted by Stick View Post
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    A few years ago part of my job was to call on clients in there homes. One old lady didn't answer her door so I knocked hard and called her name. Heard a noise so tried the door, it was unlocked. Upshot was that she had taken ill, so I called 999 and phoned her son.
    Several weeks later I was calling on a different old lady at the arranged time. Knocked, but no answer. So, remembering what had happened previously, I decided to bend down and have a look through the letter box. It was a long corridor with the bathroom at the end. And there, door open, sitting on the toilet was the client with her knickers around her ankles. She gave me a wave and said " hang on Stick, I'll just be a minute.
    Talk about wanting the ground to open up.
    Sticking to the toilet theme, my friend is a plasterer and was finished plastering the bathroom in a lady customers house when he had the urge to go for a number 2. She was due back soon so he fought it for as long as he could but had to go before she got back. No sooner had he dropped his load she arrived home eager to inspect the bathroom. Panic stations! He had to shout a couple of excuses why she couldn't come in and furiously tried to mask the smell with the hand soap! He then had to open the door to the customer and invite her in to inspect the work. Total beamer.

  8. #7
    Coaching Staff snooky's Avatar
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    I was supervising some masons repairing stone on a church. I stood on the footpath to ensured pedestrians didn't walk directly under the work in case of possible injury from any falling objects. One woman was walking directly towards the "no go" area so I approached her with my arm outstretched indicating that she should take a wider route. She opened her handbag and gave me 50p. To be fair to her, I did have my old togs on. Beggars belief.

  9. #8
    Private Members Prediction League Winner Hibrandenburg's Avatar
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    There's a few calls I attended as a paramedic that probably sound more sad than funny for most people but in that job you not only learn to grow a thick skin but also a dark sense of humour.

    Once I attended a call where a guy had managed to get a carrot stuck up his backside during a self gratification session. As if the situation wasn't funny enough his wife came home while we were erm....... assessing the situation. Cue a very loud domestic alteration where he blamed his wife for neglecting his conjugal needs and forcing him to turn his affections to garden vegetables.

    Or the distressed husband who showed us into his living room and told us his wife was convinced that invisible aliens had taken over their family home and that the only way to protect herself was to stand naked in a basin of water in the middle of the room. It was fact that she was still clutching her handbag that really set me off.

  10. #9
    @hibs.net private member Peevemor's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hibrandenburg View Post
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    There's a few calls I attended as a paramedic that probably sound more sad than funny for most people but in that job you not only learn to grow a thick skin but also a dark sense of humour.

    Once I attended a call where a guy had managed to get a carrot stuck up his backside during a self gratification session. As if the situation wasn't funny enough his wife came home while we were erm....... assessing the situation. Cue a very loud domestic alteration where he blamed his wife for neglecting his conjugal needs and forcing him to turn his affections to garden vegetables.

    Or the distressed husband who showed us into his living room and told us his wife was convinced that invisible aliens had taken over their family home and that the only way to protect herself was to stand naked in a basin of water in the middle of the room. It was fact that she was still clutching her handbag that really set me off.
    My mate was a paramedic in Glasgow and his usual sidekick was a particularly dour faced guy nicknamed 'Chuckles'.

    An elderly woman called them out as her husband had taken a bad turn. When they arrived at the flat, there was a few auld wifies drinking tea or whatever in the living room and one said that the husband was lying down on the bed. When the paramedics wen't through to the bedroom, they found the husband - dead. Chuckles then went back through to the living room and asked "Right, what one's the widow?"...

  11. #10
    @hibs.net private member wpj's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hibrandenburg View Post
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    There's a few calls I attended as a paramedic that probably sound more sad than funny for most people but in that job you not only learn to grow a thick skin but also a dark sense of humour.

    Once I attended a call where a guy had managed to get a carrot stuck up his backside during a self gratification session. As if the situation wasn't funny enough his wife came home while we were erm....... assessing the situation. Cue a very loud domestic alteration where he blamed his wife for neglecting his conjugal needs and forcing him to turn his affections to garden vegetables.

    Or the distressed husband who showed us into his living room and told us his wife was convinced that invisible aliens had taken over their family home and that the only way to protect herself was to stand naked in a basin of water in the middle of the room. It was fact that she was still clutching her handbag that really set me off.
    I work in a hospital and we had a chap in A&E with a pencil inserted in his *****!!

    Many years ago I worked as a removal man, on one job my colleague found a sex toy in the bedroom while packing. He turned it on and put it in the box and went downstairs and left it in the living room next to where the customer was sitting. When we came back in the room the buzzing had stopped and she couldn't look us in the eye.

  12. #11
    Testimonial Due jabis's Avatar
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    Try teaching 20 women to drive,we take the
    Bullets,believe me !

  13. #12
    @hibs.net private member EH6 Hibby's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jabis View Post
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    Try teaching 20 women to drive,we take the
    Bullets,believe me !
    Oi.

  14. #13
    @hibs.net private member Bostonhibby's Avatar
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    Not quite the same but thought it worth sharing.

    When I first started working my boss took me out to "show me the ropes"on a job where we had arranged to get a statement at the home of a guy who was reluctant to co-operate with us.

    It was in a tower block and when he knocked on the door a woman in a dressing gown opened the door and said she'd never heard of the guy The boss said we knew he lived there and we weren't going to waste any more time chasing him whereupon the door was flung wide open and a naked guy rushed at us wielding a tennis racquet and wearing only a pair of brown shoes he chased us down the stairs.

    When we got back to base we learnt that our man lived at the same number on the floor above.
    Last edited by Bostonhibby; 24-03-2017 at 10:08 PM.

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  15. #14
    Testimonial Due jabis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EH6 Hibby View Post
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    Oi.
    Dodging

  16. #15
    @hibs.net private member overdrive's Avatar
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    This one is where we were the embarassed customers. Our toilet was leaking so we got the plumber out. It is one of these built in things, so he took off the panel to find a whole lot of rubbish had been dumped behind there presumably from when the house was built. He said it is quite common to find this in newer build houses. The builders will just put their sweetie wrappers, crisp packets, etc. behind built in units. So, he started pulling the stuff out but then pulled out a tied up used condom, then another, and then another. He was like "I doubt these are the workmen's". My wife was mortified and assured him they weren't ours. Looks like the previous owner was just lifting up the cistern lid and chucking them down there.

  17. #16
    Scottish Cup Victory - Witness 2016 Scouse Hibee's Avatar
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    Arrived at a private house with a full size oak snooker table to install. We had made it from scratch in our workshop and the finished table was stained and polished a horrible bright yellow ochre colour, the customer had requested this colour to match existing oak panels I was assured.

    As soon as I entered the intended snooker room with it's magnificent natural oak woodwork and furniture I thought something was wrong so phoned my boss. Pissed off with my previous comments about the colour he reassured me that his son had visited the client and had very specific details about the colour required and it was correct. So off we went in the presence of the housekeeper we unloaded and hauled it all up the stairs and installed his table. Some 6 or 7 hours later the client returned home just as I was loading the van. He went ****** ballistic when he saw it, suffice to say the colour was wrong and we had to dismantle and take it back, a hell of a job down the stairs again.Turns out the bosses son had not even visited but took a description from the clients wife, who had said the oak room was a bright yellow colour in fact yellow ochre was her description. Took us weeks to strip it all back to natural oak and repolish.
    "If a player is not interfering with play or seeking to gain
    an advantage, then he should be."

  18. #17
    Coaching Staff snooky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Scouse Hibee View Post
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    Arrived at a private house with a full size oak snooker table to install. We had made it from scratch in our workshop and the finished table was stained and polished a horrible bright yellow ochre colour, the customer had requested this colour to match existing oak panels I was assured.

    As soon as I entered the intended snooker room with it's magnificent natural oak woodwork and furniture I thought something was wrong so phoned my boss. Pissed off with my previous comments about the colour he reassured me that his son had visited the client and had very specific details about the colour required and it was correct. So off we went in the presence of the housekeeper we unloaded and hauled it all up the stairs and installed his table. Some 6 or 7 hours later the client returned home just as I was loading the van. He went ****** ballistic when he saw it, suffice to say the colour was wrong and we had to dismantle and take it back, a hell of a job down the stairs again.Turns out the bosses son had not even visited but took a description from the clients wife, who had said the oak room was a bright yellow colour in fact yellow ochre was her description. Took us weeks to strip it all back to natural oak and repolish.
    You were framed!

  19. #18
    @hibs.net private member Golden Fleece's Avatar
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    When I left school I worked as an Architectural Technician. The first place I worked did a lot of work for Edinburgh College of Art, and the Architects used to find 'reasons' to go into the life classes.

    Later I was surveying for a register of properties for Edinburgh Council and one time 2 of us went to a house owned by the Council one morning and the lady of the house opened the door in her nightie. we had to measure all the rooms and the stuff lying around in the bedroom was an eye opener!!! Couldn't get out quickly enough.

    Anther time I was surveying a large Victorian house for an extension and I was in the hall taking measurements when the daughter of the house (aged about 18) came down the stairs with only a towel on. Aye you say, but it was wrapped round her hair and she was totally starkers. She stopped when she saw me then casually turned and went back up the stairs. Later we were discussing the proposals over coffee in the kitchen when she calmly wandered in wearing a dressing gown.
    #Persevered
    Scotland can be a beacon, within these islands and beyond, for a socially just and sustainable society. Whilst there are many priorities which will require independence, there is also much that can and must be done now by the Scottish Parliament and the Scottish Government.

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