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  1. #31
    @hibs.net private member happyhibbie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Filled Rolls View Post
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    She didn't get it. Al she had to do was let the boys watch the World Series on the radio.


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  3. #32
    I was referred for CBT by my doctor as an alternative to tablets and I hated it. The lady was not at all helpful and whenever I questioned what she said she would reply: "It seems to me you just want to be stuck on tablets..."

  4. #33
    @hibs.net private member CropleyWasGod's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by stranraerhibby View Post
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    I was referred for CBT by my doctor as an alternative to tablets and I hated it. The lady was not at all helpful and whenever I questioned what she said she would reply: "It seems to me you just want to be stuck on tablets..."
    CBT isn't for everybody, that's for sure, despite it being talked-up as a cure. It didn't work for me, because I treated it too much like an academic exercise. It became very clear very quickly that I wasn't going to be able to change 40-odd years of thinking patterns overnight.

    What I think is more helpful, though, is just "talking". Whether that's just spraffing nonsense with your mates, or talking about the actual issues on here, I have found that social interaction can be very good for self-esteem.

    You might also want to check out support groups. It's possible that there are none where you live.... that's often the case in smaller towns.... check out Action on Depression's website.

  5. #34
    Quote Originally Posted by CropleyWasGod View Post
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    CBT isn't for everybody, that's for sure, despite it being talked-up as a cure. It didn't work for me, because I treated it too much like an academic exercise. It became very clear very quickly that I wasn't going to be able to change 40-odd years of thinking patterns overnight.

    What I think is more helpful, though, is just "talking". Whether that's just spraffing nonsense with your mates, or talking about the actual issues on here, I have found that social interaction can be very good for self-esteem.

    You might also want to check out support groups. It's possible that there are none where you live.... that's often the case in smaller towns.... check out Action on Depression's website.
    Thanks for that. I don't mind talking with people but I find it hard as my family know very little about it. When I was at University in Aberdeen, I couldn't go to classes - tutorials in paticular were intimidating and many departments were quite clear that I have to attend and contribute every week - other departments were really helpful and allowed me to submit a written piece as opposed to talking in class. The university had a great counselling service and if it weren't for them I don't know where I'd be.

    My friends all live in Aberdeen - and talking about mental health issues in Stranraer could prove difficult with the small-minded conservative attitudes down here.

    I'll need to ask the doctor about counselling - I think it helps.

    Cheers for the website.

  6. #35
    Aye that strikes a cord. With being in the army and surrounded by what some may term as hard men, you would have thought I was outgoing. In fact, fear sometimes of facing people has been part of it. The thought of attending a family get together or speaking to a lot of people can get on top of me. Of course, you have to face it down particularly when you have to go work! But, it is part of the problem.

  7. #36
    @hibs.net private member stu in nottingham's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by stranraerhibby View Post
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    I was referred for CBT by my doctor as an alternative to tablets and I hated it. The lady was not at all helpful and whenever I questioned what she said she would reply: "It seems to me you just want to be stuck on tablets..."
    Quote Originally Posted by CropleyWasGod View Post
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    CBT isn't for everybody, that's for sure, despite it being talked-up as a cure. It didn't work for me, because I treated it too much like an academic exercise. It became very clear very quickly that I wasn't going to be able to change 40-odd years of thinking patterns overnight.

    What I think is more helpful, though, is just "talking". Whether that's just spraffing nonsense with your mates, or talking about the actual issues on here, I have found that social interaction can be very good for self-esteem.

    You might also want to check out support groups. It's possible that there are none where you live.... that's often the case in smaller towns.... check out Action on Depression's website.
    I am a researcher in mental health and have a Masters in Psychology. Also a long-time depression sufferer.

    I agree with the above points about CBT, it certainly isn't for everyone. The problem is that because it's seen as something of a 'quick-fix' by a beleaguered NHS it is often offered as the therapy of choice, simply because it is one of the least expensive 'talking therapies' to supply at maybe 6-8 sessions. It tends to offer a 'sticking plaster cure' rather than a deeper analysis but that is appropriate for many. Interestingly, some of my latest research indicated that the latest drugs being developed in the area were potentially more expensive than the talking therapies, perhaps surprisingly.

    It can sometimes depend on the quality of the CBT therapist to a degree in my personal opinion. I visited one through the NHS a few years ago and found it intensely frustrating at times with the practitioner continually and very rigidly bringing me back to 'the (CBT) model' whenever I started to express myself about the problems. It does work for some people though and some of its greatest effectiveness is said to be in the areas of anxiety and depression.

    I like the approach used by a private psychotherapist friend of mine and am reminded of it by a comment by CropleyWasGod on an earlier post. The friend talks of having a 'toolbox' of different therapies that he can use for clients with different difficulties. He will discuss during a consultation the different types of therapy he can provide for a client and even change the types of therapy if its agreed that this is appropriate. He sees different tools as being required for different jobs, whether that be CBT, Hynotherapy or whatever.

    The best work I have undertaken with a therapist when myself suffering from anxiety and depression was with a 'life coach' and on gaining the right individual to help I would urge others not to count this possibility out although the term can be a little off-putting. Sometimes, with some people, it can be a case of approaching problems in one's life in a practical and pragmatic way to alleviate symptoms.

    I was never a great fan of anti-depressant medicines for me personally though recognise that they work well for some people. Some of the very latest research is beginning to indicate that there is a more of a placebo effect in some people than was once thought though this opinion is not widely held as yet. There is a place for such medication undoubtedly, it's just a pity that for financial reasons it is an early port of call after diagnosis from most GPs through necessity. The NHS simply cannot afford to offer talking therapies in an adequate way for the amount of people reporting depression symptoms, sadly.

    Agree strongly with Cropley above. Talk to your friends and family, don't be afraid or ashamed. Also remember that sometimes we have to make ourselves do things when suffering from depression that are almost painful to do and that sometimes means going through the motions of tasks before motivation comes along.

    Good luck to all on here and well done on a great and open discussion. I do not claim to be an expert despite my involvement in the field but being a long-term sufferer with some experience and knowledge am happy to talk privately to anyone here.
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  8. #37
    @hibs.net private member CropleyWasGod's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by stu in nottingham View Post
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    I am a researcher in mental health and have a Masters in Psychology. Also a long-time depression sufferer.

    I agree with the above points about CBT, it certainly isn't for everyone. The problem is that because it's seen as something of a 'quick-fix' by a beleaguered NHS it is often offered as the therapy of choice, simply because it is one of the least expensive 'talking therapies' to supply at maybe 6-8 sessions. It tends to offer a 'sticking plaster cure' rather than a deeper analysis but that is appropriate for many. Interestingly, some of my latest research indicated that the latest drugs being developed in the area were potentially more expensive than the talking therapies, perhaps surprisingly.

    It can sometimes depend on the quality of the CBT therapist to a degree in my personal opinion. I visited one through the NHS a few years ago and found it intensely frustrating at times with the practitioner continually and very rigidly bringing me back to 'the (CBT) model' whenever I started to express myself about the problems. It does work for some people though and some of its greatest effectiveness is said to be in the areas of anxiety and depression.

    I like the approach used by a private psychotherapist friend of mine and am reminded of it by a comment by CropleyWasGod on an earlier post. The friend talks of having a 'toolbox' of different therapies that he can use for clients with different difficulties. He will discuss during a consultation the different types of therapy he can provide for a client and even change the types of therapy if its agreed that this is appropriate. He sees different tools as being required for different jobs, whether that be CBT, Hynotherapy or whatever.

    The best work I have undertaken with a therapist when myself suffering from anxiety and depression was with a 'life coach' and on gaining the right individual to help I would urge others not to count this possibility out although the term can be a little off-putting. Sometimes, with some people, it can be a case of approaching problems in one's life in a practical and pragmatic way to alleviate symptoms.

    I was never a great fan of anti-depressant medicines for me personally though recognise that they work well for some people. Some of the very latest research is beginning to indicate that there is a more of a placebo effect in some people than was once thought though this opinion is not widely held as yet. There is a place for such medication undoubtedly, it's just a pity that for financial reasons it is an early port of call after diagnosis from most GPs through necessity. The NHS simply cannot afford to offer talking therapies in an adequate way for the amount of people reporting depression symptoms, sadly.

    Agree strongly with Cropley above. Talk to your friends and family, don't be afraid or ashamed. Also remember that sometimes we have to make ourselves do things when suffering from depression that are almost painful to do and that sometimes means going through the motions of tasks before motivation comes along.

    Good luck to all on here and well done on a great and open discussion. I do not claim to be an expert despite my involvement in the field but being a long-term sufferer with some experience and knowledge am happy to talk privately to anyone here.
    Great post.

    On your last sentence, I would suggest that no-one is an expert..... it is an illness that we are only just beginning to understand. However, we are all experts on our own experience. And that's one of the keys to understanding; the fact that there are so many different experiences of depression.

  9. #38
    Coaching Staff HUTCHYHIBBY's Avatar
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    There are a lot daft threads on .net and there can be a lot of sniping and back biting at times too, but, threads like this show that there are a lot of decent empathetic people when a serious subject rears its head. I'm sure this thread will be of considerable use to a few folk, well done too all.

  10. #39
    Maybe you could help me with my latest worry. I'm only 20 and have been on about 3 or 4 different anti-depressants. Recently, my memory has been getting worse and I'm forgetting even the most basic of things. My doctor said it could be the Mirtazapine but I'm not yet ready to come off it.

  11. #40
    @hibs.net private member CropleyWasGod's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by stranraerhibby View Post
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    Maybe you could help me with my latest worry. I'm only 20 and have been on about 3 or 4 different anti-depressants. Recently, my memory has been getting worse and I'm forgetting even the most basic of things. My doctor said it could be the Mirtazapine but I'm not yet ready to come off it.
    Getting the right medication is always a lottery.

    Have you tried Venlafaxine? It always worked for me, although I hated the side-effects.

  12. #41
    @hibs.net private member happyhibbie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CropleyWasGod View Post
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    Great post.

    On your last sentence, I would suggest that no-one is an expert..... it is an illness that we are only just beginning to understand. However, we are all experts on our own experience. And that's one of the keys to understanding; the fact that there are so many different experiences of depression.
    Definately, my biggest fear was myself...even throughout my depression I was scared of "me" it was frightening, my volatile temper, bursting into a rage at the slightest thing, walking out the door in minus conditions & walking for miles, scared & isolated.

    I knew I was hurting the ones that loved me but I just seemed powerless to show any emotion back, that wasnt me ..but I knew I had to get "me" back. My GP was communicating through my Wife, he gave her fantastic support & advice too & if I agreed they would change my anti-depressant & remove me from the hell that was Xeroxat. I made a decision & a dangerous one at that, but one that changed & transformed my life.

    I went cold turkey, I refused any more medication despite the warnings of the side affects. I made a decision though & I wasnt for going back. It was hell ..4 weeks of absolute torture..I was locked away in my room, shaking/trembling, dizzy..my body felt like I had been hit by a bus ..my joints ached ..every joint, I had nightmares almost every night as the seratonin levels in my brain began to balance out.

    On the third week I decided I was taking a walk up to the shop, it was a weird feeling, I was walking like I was drunk ..my head was all fuzzy ...but you know what..that dark & lonely road I was walking down bacame a brighter place, it was like walking into an oasis of calm ..something had lifted...I walked home, made a coffee & had a conversation with my Wife & kids for the first time in months.

    i was back ..it was the start of a long road to recovery..I took a massive gamble & it worked.

  13. #42
    If you only feel 'happy' when you go to bed at night, especially if you wake up hours before it's time to get up and put the telly on and feel happy watching/listening to rubbish you wouldn't watch in the day, just to prolong the night, could you be heading towards real depression?

  14. #43
    @hibs.net private member CropleyWasGod's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nuitdelune View Post
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    If you only feel 'happy' when you go to bed at night, especially if you wake up hours before it's time to get up and put the telly on and feel happy watching/listening to rubbish you wouldn't watch in the day, just to prolong the night, could you be heading towards real depression?
    Those are signs that I notice when I'm in the grip of a depression. It might be worthwhile talking to a GP, or else doing one of the online tests; those are certainly no scientific, but they are a guide.

  15. #44
    Major Depression: High-Moderate
    Dysthymia: Very High


    These were my results. Deary me!

  16. #45
    Quote Originally Posted by CropleyWasGod View Post
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    Getting the right medication is always a lottery.

    Have you tried Venlafaxine? It always worked for me, although I hated the side-effects.
    I don't think so. The thing is, Mirtazapine has helped me sleep - even though I have the most awful, lucid dreams - before I went on it I wasn't getting any sleep at all.

  17. #46
    A few very interesting points being made.

    When it came to CBT i think it was successful for me for a variety of reasons. I was 'lucky' in the sense that my depression and health anxiety had a very clear cause. My depression had began to manifest itself very soon after I went to uni. Despite making friends I missed a lot of my 'old life' and struggled to adapt to new surroundings, I had constant feelings I was missing out on things and that every decision I made was a wrong one. This all came to a head when a friend of mine died suddenly only a few hours after I'd left him for the night. I was absolutely racked with feelings of guilt and slowly became obsessive about my own health.

    After about 3/4 months of becoming increasingly withdrawn, I was quite literally dragged to my GP by my sister. Unfortunately the GP I saw was, in my eyes, completely uninterested in me. I wad prescribed sleeping pills and sent on my way. A few weeks passed and I was in a terrible state. I was checking my throat in a mirror 40-50 times a day, checking my heart rate 15 times a day, I bought a thermometer and constantly took my temperature. All this whilst still feeling isolated, I absolutely refused to talk about it and lost contact with a few friends, not because they didn't care but because I refused to tell them the extent of what I was feeling.

    After another couple of weeks like this I had a friend who popped round unexpectedly one evening. I had had a terrible day and was having some extremely dark thoughts. I had hoarded about 200 paracetemol and had a bottle of vodka to hand. I'm not sure I believe in fate but had my mate not visited me that evening on a whim I'm not sure if I would be here to tell my story. He quite literally dragged me to the train station and took me to my parents where I broke down and everything I'd been feeling came tumbling out.

    I again visited my GP and was seen by the most wonderful doctor. She spent well over an hour with me, no doubt to the annoyance of those in the waiting room, and put me in touch with bereavement groups. She also prescribed xeroxat. Over the following weeks I slowly began to lose the feelings of guilt over my friends death but I was still very low and due to my health anxiety I became absolutely obsessed with side effects of medication so stopped taking it. I was visiting my GP at least twice a month with various complaints, desperately trying to convince whoever I saw that I had whatever disease I'd become obsessed about.

    After trying me on various medications my GP decided that this wasn't the approach for me so I was referred for CBT. At first I was unconvinced and my first few sessions where, imo, unsuccessful. However I slowly began to realise I was doing very little to help myself. I still wasn't willing to open up and i was unwilling to make any positive changes of things I could control. With a massive effort of will I started eating better, I stopped drinking, I started excercising again and took up boxing (and was pretty good), I set myself routines of getting up and out of bed by 10am every day. Slowly I was aware that the therapy sessions were becoming more positive and i felt I was getting more from them.

    For the last 2 years or so I've felt good. I still have low moments and my health anxiety still lurks not to far from the surface but on the whole I'm doing ok. Being able to talk about my issues was the biggest help for me, I found that my mates were far more willing to listen to me than I anticipated, some of them joke about it, others look uncomfortable but always make the effort to ask how I am and others are happy just to listen when I need to get something off my chest. My girlfriend of the last 18 months has been an absolute rock and is fully aware of what i have been through. Getting back out and about enabled me to meet her and a lot of other truly wonderful people.

    The point of my whole long winded story is that different things work for different people. Whilst medication will work for some so CBT will work for others. For me, being able to talk about things and learning to trust family and friends helped enormously. Being proactive and trying to help my own recovery was also key. As Happyhibbie says it can be a long road to recovery but It's well worth sticking it out.

  18. #47
    Quote Originally Posted by Pretty Boy View Post
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    A few very interesting points being made.

    When it came to CBT i think it was successful for me for a variety of reasons. I was 'lucky' in the sense that my depression and health anxiety had a very clear cause. My depression had began to manifest itself very soon after I went to uni. Despite making friends I missed a lot of my 'old life' and struggled to adapt to new surroundings, I had constant feelings I was missing out on things and that every decision I made was a wrong one. This all came to a head when a friend of mine died suddenly only a few hours after I'd left him for the night. I was absolutely racked with feelings of guilt and slowly became obsessive about my own health.

    After about 3/4 months of becoming increasingly withdrawn, I was quite literally dragged to my GP by my sister. Unfortunately the GP I saw was, in my eyes, completely uninterested in me. I wad prescribed sleeping pills and sent on my way. A few weeks passed and I was in a terrible state. I was checking my throat in a mirror 40-50 times a day, checking my heart rate 15 times a day, I bought a thermometer and constantly took my temperature. All this whilst still feeling isolated, I absolutely refused to talk about it and lost contact with a few friends, not because they didn't care but because I refused to tell them the extent of what I was feeling.

    After another couple of weeks like this I had a friend who popped round unexpectedly one evening. I had had a terrible day and was having some extremely dark thoughts. I had hoarded about 200 paracetemol and had a bottle of vodka to hand. I'm not sure I believe in fate but had my mate not visited me that evening on a whim I'm not sure if I would be here to tell my story. He quite literally dragged me to the train station and took me to my parents where I broke down and everything I'd been feeling came tumbling out.

    I again visited my GP and was seen by the most wonderful doctor. She spent well over an hour with me, no doubt to the annoyance of those in the waiting room, and put me in touch with bereavement groups. She also prescribed xeroxat. Over the following weeks I slowly began to lose the feelings of guilt over my friends death but I was still very low and due to my health anxiety I became absolutely obsessed with side effects of medication so stopped taking it. I was visiting my GP at least twice a month with various complaints, desperately trying to convince whoever I saw that I had whatever disease I'd become obsessed about.

    After trying me on various medications my GP decided that this wasn't the approach for me so I was referred for CBT. At first I was unconvinced and my first few sessions where, imo, unsuccessful. However I slowly began to realise I was doing very little to help myself. I still wasn't willing to open up and i was unwilling to make any positive changes of things I could control. With a massive effort of will I started eating better, I stopped drinking, I started excercising again and took up boxing (and was pretty good), I set myself routines of getting up and out of bed by 10am every day. Slowly I was aware that the therapy sessions were becoming more positive and i felt I was getting more from them.

    For the last 2 years or so I've felt good. I still have low moments and my health anxiety still lurks not to far from the surface but on the whole I'm doing ok. Being able to talk about my issues was the biggest help for me, I found that my mates were far more willing to listen to me than I anticipated, some of them joke about it, others look uncomfortable but always make the effort to ask how I am and others are happy just to listen when I need to get something off my chest. My girlfriend of the last 18 months has been an absolute rock and is fully aware of what i have been through. Getting back out and about enabled me to meet her and a lot of other truly wonderful people.

    The point of my whole long winded story is that different things work for different people. Whilst medication will work for some so CBT will work for others. For me, being able to talk about things and learning to trust family and friends helped enormously. Being proactive and trying to help my own recovery was also key. As Happyhibbie says it can be a long road to recovery but It's well worth sticking it out.
    Interesting that you mention University - I had little or no problems before going to University - I think the competitiveness definately had an impact on my anxiety.

  19. #48
    Coaching Staff The Green Goblin's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by euansdad View Post
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    Anyone else have these problems? My old man is from the old brigade who thinks pull yourself together is the answer. Never used to be like this and time in the army hasn't helped. However, I'm not afraid to admit things and feel no stigma in being affected by this.

    Just wondering if other people here have had problems associated with these issues? I personally can get low and worry about things that many people wouldn't even give much a thought about! I'm on anti depressants but don't want to be on them forever. Has there been other things that people find useful?

    Cheers

    Long pm offering some specific advice and support just sent. sorry for not posting here.

  20. #49
    @hibs.net private member CropleyWasGod's Avatar
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    One of the most pleasing things about this thread is that, as far as I can see, the contributors are all male. We are supposed to be the "stronger sex", and typically we find it hard to talk about issues like this.

    I suspect, though, that there are others reading the thread who don't feel comfortable or confident enough to contribute. That's understandable. What I would say to them is that, if you feel the need, you can PM me or some of the others who have offered their help. Alternatively, try some of the approaches that have been suggested.

    Oh, and if you're told to "pull yourself together", you're allowed to commit violence.

  21. #50
    Left by mutual consent! Phil D. Rolls's Avatar
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  22. #51
    @hibs.net private member CropleyWasGod's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Filled Rolls View Post
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    This is something I have had a lot of discussions about. I have to say that I disagree with the general tone of that piece.

    I do agree that there are cases of celebrities who talk in the glossy mags about "my drugs and depression hell", and of whom the cynic in me thinks "okay, any excuse to get in the news".

    However, the great value in that is that it says to the rest of us, those who have "ordinary" lives, that money and "success" are no barriers to depression. I know from my own experience that it's very easy to say "why do i have depression? My life is good. I have a job, I have great kids, friends...etc etc"... which then spirals into self-loathing because, according to my demons, I have nothing to be depressed about. The notion that the so-called great and good can suffer as well is, in itself, a comfort.

    For every Catherine Zeta-Jones (and he may be being unfair; she isn't given the chance to respond), I would give you Stephen Fry. His "Secret Life of the Manic Depressive" was one of the most emotional bits of telly I have ever seen.

  23. #52
    Left by mutual consent! Phil D. Rolls's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CropleyWasGod View Post
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    This is something I have had a lot of discussions about. I have to say that I disagree with the general tone of that piece.

    I do agree that there are cases of celebrities who talk in the glossy mags about "my drugs and depression hell", and of whom the cynic in me thinks "okay, any excuse to get in the news".

    However, the great value in that is that it says to the rest of us, those who have "ordinary" lives, that money and "success" are no barriers to depression. I know from my own experience that it's very easy to say "why do i have depression? My life is good. I have a job, I have great kids, friends...etc etc"... which then spirals into self-loathing because, according to my demons, I have nothing to be depressed about. The notion that the so-called great and good can suffer as well is, in itself, a comfort.

    For every Catherine Zeta-Jones (and he may be being unfair; she isn't given the chance to respond), I would give you Stephen Fry. His "Secret Life of the Manic Depressive" was one of the most emotional bits of telly I have ever seen.
    Anybody wanting to see the real pain of depression could do worse than look at his piece to camera in Aberdeen.

    As for the celebrity thing, people like CZJ are very good at raising awareness of what Bipolar isn't! I have to say, on a personal note though, Neil Lennon describing his depression gave me an insight into what I was going through. Up until then, I thought it was just part of being a celtic male.

  24. #53
    Quote Originally Posted by Filled Rolls View Post
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    Anybody wanting to see the real pain of depression could do worse than look at his piece to camera in Aberdeen.

    As for the celebrity thing, people like CZJ are very good at raising awareness of what Bipolar isn't! I have to say, on a personal note though, Neil Lennon describing his depression gave me an insight into what I was going through. Up until then, I thought it was just part of being a celtic male.
    Interesting you mention Lennon. I always get very uncomfortable when people get tore into him on the main board based on his 'football persona'.

    His willingness to speak out about his depression was fantastic imo and having met him personally on a few occasions I like and respect him.

  25. #54
    @hibs.net private member CropleyWasGod's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Filled Rolls View Post
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    Anybody wanting to see the real pain of depression could do worse than look at his piece to camera in Aberdeen.

    As for the celebrity thing, people like CZJ are very good at raising awareness of what Bipolar isn't! I have to say, on a personal note though, Neil Lennon describing his depression gave me an insight into what I was going through. Up until then, I thought it was just part of being a celtic male.
    For all his faults, Lennon deserves so much credit for coming out about that. He didn't need to, but to do so in the environment he lives and works in was extremely brave. I am sure that, like you, there will be many men who saw that and had a lightbulb moment.

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    Good thread.

    I've suffered with depression most of my adult life, at varying levels of potency. It's a lonely, dark place. I am currently in the throes of the worst spell of illness I have ever felt, which culminated in a suicide attempt about 3 months ago.

    I'm on my 4th antidepressant this year which is Lofepramine, after failing on Fluoxetine, Mirtazapine and Duloxetine. I am also on anti psychotic drug Chlorpromazine. I've been referred to a Psychiatrist who I see once a week. I've been referred for a treatment called CBrasp which is a talking therapy, but there is a massive waiting list and I am nowhere near the top of it.

    I sleep for about 12-14 hours a night. Sleep is my comfotable place where I can shut the world out and the horrid racing thoughts going round my head. I struggle to do the simplest of things like brushing my teeth which takes a herculean effort. I've lost weight too.

    I've had to give up work and College as both were too demanding on me, and making me worse. I feel worthless. My self esteem and confidence are rock bottom, and I need a good haircut and a shave.

    This is what depression is like for me.

    I've recently been open about it with my friends and family, and this helps as everyone has their own experiences with this illness, and share their experiences. My friend told me to look at myself in the mirror every morning and coach myself in to a healthy state of mind, and this helps me.

    Tomorrow I am going to try hynotherapy at a private clinic in Edinburgh. It's expensive and I have no idea how effective it shall be, but I am willing to try everything to get better (I've already tried acupuncture and meditation).

  27. #56
    @hibs.net private member CropleyWasGod's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Apocalypso View Post
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    Good thread.

    I've suffered with depression most of my adult life, at varying levels of potency. It's a lonely, dark place. I am currently in the throes of the worst spell of illness I have ever felt, which culminated in a suicide attempt about 3 months ago.

    I'm on my 4th antidepressant this year which is Lofepramine, after failing on Fluoxetine, Mirtazapine and Duloxetine. I am also on anti psychotic drug Chlorpromazine. I've been referred to a Psychiatrist who I see once a week. I've been referred for a treatment called CBrasp which is a talking therapy, but there is a massive waiting list and I am nowhere near the top of it.

    I sleep for about 12-14 hours a night. Sleep is my comfotable place where I can shut the world out and the horrid racing thoughts going round my head. I struggle to do the simplest of things like brushing my teeth which takes a herculean effort. I've lost weight too.

    I've had to give up work and College as both were too demanding on me, and making me worse. I feel worthless. My self esteem and confidence are rock bottom, and I need a good haircut and a shave.

    This is what depression is like for me.

    I've recently been open about it with my friends and family, and this helps as everyone has their own experiences with this illness, and share their experiences. My friend told me to look at myself in the mirror every morning and coach myself in to a healthy state of mind, and this helps me.

    Tomorrow I am going to try hynotherapy at a private clinic in Edinburgh. It's expensive and I have no idea how effective it shall be, but I am willing to try everything to get better (I've already tried acupuncture and meditation).
    I feel for you, mate.

    I'm here if you need a complete stranger to vent to.

  28. #57
    @hibs.net private member stu in nottingham's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Apocalypso View Post
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    Good thread.

    I've suffered with depression most of my adult life, at varying levels of potency. It's a lonely, dark place. I am currently in the throes of the worst spell of illness I have ever felt, which culminated in a suicide attempt about 3 months ago.

    I'm on my 4th antidepressant this year which is Lofepramine, after failing on Fluoxetine, Mirtazapine and Duloxetine. I am also on anti psychotic drug Chlorpromazine. I've been referred to a Psychiatrist who I see once a week. I've been referred for a treatment called CBrasp which is a talking therapy, but there is a massive waiting list and I am nowhere near the top of it.

    I sleep for about 12-14 hours a night. Sleep is my comfotable place where I can shut the world out and the horrid racing thoughts going round my head. I struggle to do the simplest of things like brushing my teeth which takes a herculean effort. I've lost weight too.

    I've had to give up work and College as both were too demanding on me, and making me worse. I feel worthless. My self esteem and confidence are rock bottom, and I need a good haircut and a shave.

    This is what depression is like for me.

    I've recently been open about it with my friends and family, and this helps as everyone has their own experiences with this illness, and share their experiences. My friend told me to look at myself in the mirror every morning and coach myself in to a healthy state of mind, and this helps me.

    Tomorrow I am going to try hynotherapy at a private clinic in Edinburgh. It's expensive and I have no idea how effective it shall be, but I am willing to try everything to get better (I've already tried acupuncture and meditation).
    I'm sorry to hear of your difficulties, Apocalypso. I wish you well. It's encouraging to hear that you are trying different things. If you have the will right now, will you take a little look at the subject of Mindfulness? It's something that helped me. Maybe just look at it in small steps.

    Good luck

    http://www.get.gg/mindfulness.htm
    FAITH HOPE LOVE

    My Blog:
    The Tears of a Clown

  29. #58
    Quote Originally Posted by Apocalypso View Post
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    Good thread.

    I've suffered with depression most of my adult life, at varying levels of potency. It's a lonely, dark place. I am currently in the throes of the worst spell of illness I have ever felt, which culminated in a suicide attempt about 3 months ago.

    I'm on my 4th antidepressant this year which is Lofepramine, after failing on Fluoxetine, Mirtazapine and Duloxetine. I am also on anti psychotic drug Chlorpromazine. I've been referred to a Psychiatrist who I see once a week. I've been referred for a treatment called CBrasp which is a talking therapy, but there is a massive waiting list and I am nowhere near the top of it.

    I sleep for about 12-14 hours a night. Sleep is my comfotable place where I can shut the world out and the horrid racing thoughts going round my head. I struggle to do the simplest of things like brushing my teeth which takes a herculean effort. I've lost weight too.

    I've had to give up work and College as both were too demanding on me, and making me worse. I feel worthless. My self esteem and confidence are rock bottom, and I need a good haircut and a shave.

    This is what depression is like for me.

    I've recently been open about it with my friends and family, and this helps as everyone has their own experiences with this illness, and share their experiences. My friend told me to look at myself in the mirror every morning and coach myself in to a healthy state of mind, and this helps me.

    Tomorrow I am going to try hynotherapy at a private clinic in Edinburgh. It's expensive and I have no idea how effective it shall be, but I am willing to try everything to get better (I've already tried acupuncture and meditation).
    Sorry to hear about your difficulties.

    Really good to see you are trying different things and are taking the right steps to get on the road to recovery.

    Can only offer advice from personal experience as I'm no expert. However keep talking, it was a massive release for me. I have a feeling this thread will hang about at the top of the board for a while so don't be scared to post your thoughts and feelings on here from time to time. Also, ask questions. If you don't understand treatment, medication etc ask your Doctor, councillor etc. I found knowledge to be a massive help for me.

    Most of all stay as positive as you possibly can. A common theme on this thread is people who are on the road to recovery. It can be a long road and It's not easy but It's doable.

    Good luck.

  30. #59
    First Team Regular HibeeN's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FalkirkHibby View Post
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    Anxiety sometimes affects me, the fight or flight thing that builds up adrenaline and constricts the arteries, can cause chest pains and palps. If you don't know what it is it can feel like a heart problem which just adds to the panic and then you get a full blown attack. Stupid really. Getting rid of it is a Labrador dog
    I suffer from this too. It doesn't manifest itself in the chest pains for me though - I get a nervous feeling like fluttering in my stomach which quickly escalates, I begin to feel really hot and light-headed and if I can't control it, I start to feel so ill to the point where I will be physically sick unless I can calm myself down. Started when I was about 16/17 and had it for a few years, then it subsided for a while but in the past 12 months it has come back again.

    Since it came back it's a struggle to force myself to do things out of fear that an attack will come on. I got a ST again this year after a couple of years of not having one and the first home game against Hearts I was sitting in my seat fighting an attack - and what's worse is you worry about it and that worry just compounds it and makes you feel worse. "I'm sitting in this seat and I'm feeling very nervous and hot, what if I'm sick? If I feel sick I'm going to have to push past all these people and all the way down the stairs to get out - what if I don't make it to the toilets in time?"

    Luckily I've found that I've become better at controlling them to an extent - I still get the nervous feeling and feel dizzy and nauseous but it's been a while since I've been physically sick because of it. I tend to carry a small plastic bag around with me - to date, I've never needed to use it but it sort of acts like a safety net - I know if I need to be sick I have got something with me.

    I also find that routine helps - when I can plan something out and know how something is going to go then I feel much more confident about the situation. It's when I'm faced with a new situation or something I'm not used to that I'm more vulnerable to an attack coming on. For instance - most home games this season I have coped fine - I get the bus at exactly the same time, listen to Off the Ball and Sportsound while walking down to Easter Road and get to my seat about 15 minutes before kick-off. But against Dundee Utd it was an early kick-off on a Sunday - I was getting a different bus at a different time and didn't have anything to listen to on the radio so started to feel a bit dodgy. As soon as I am sitting in my seat I feel absolutely fine - it's just the constant worrying about it that takes its toll. It can be very draining to have to psych yourself up for simple tasks.

    Some things that help me are just things that take my mind off whatever it is I'm worrying about. Singing helps - concentrating on the words and music. I also generally take a long time to do my make-up...not because I wear a lot but because the routine is familiar and comforting and takes up concentration. Just finding little, mundane things that make you focus on them instead of worrying about having an attack, because worrying about it often brings it on - self-fulfilling prophecy.

  31. #60
    @hibs.net private member stu in nottingham's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by HibeeN View Post
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    I suffer from this too. [...]self-fulfilling prophecy.
    These are classic symptoms of panic attacks. There is a lot of information in how to deal with them out there. I am glad you have managed to 'find your salvation' by using practical problem-solving techniques.

    Good for you and good luck.

    Understanding anxiety and panic attacks
    http://www.mind.org.uk/help/diagnose...itions/anxiety
    FAITH HOPE LOVE

    My Blog:
    The Tears of a Clown

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