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  1. #811
    @hibs.net private member overdrive's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by wpj View Post
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    A quick look on the internet suggests apart from Holland & Barrett it's quite expensive.
    Sorry to hijack the thread about a very worthwhile discussion point about an issue which clearly affects many posters here, but Iím confused by the legalities of CBD oil, particularly around the current story of the wee boy with epilepsy and his motherís efforts to get CBD oil for him being thwarted by the authorities.

    https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-44504142

    The discussion on here, everything Iíve read, and the fact Holland and Barrett and other shops sell the stuff suggests itís legal here. So whatís the issue surrounding this lad and his mother?

    Is it a different type of oil? Is it some sort of high strength variant? Is there an age limit?


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  3. #812
    @hibs.net private member CropleyWasGod's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by overdrive View Post
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    Sorry to hijack the thread about a very worthwhile discussion point about an issue which clearly affects many posters here, but Iím confused by the legalities of CBD oil, particularly around the current story of the wee boy with epilepsy and his motherís efforts to get CBD oil for him being thwarted by the authorities.

    https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-44504142

    The discussion on here, everything Iíve read, and the fact Holland and Barrett and other shops sell the stuff suggests itís legal here. So whatís the issue surrounding this lad and his mother?

    Is it a different type of oil? Is it some sort of high strength variant? Is there an age limit?
    It's the THC component that is illegal here.

    Sent from my SM-A520F using Tapatalk

  4. #813
    A few year ago now I got addicted to tramadol and 30mg cocodamal on prescription after a operation, went through a spell off thinking everbody was looking and talking about me, also hated going to work after operation recovery but still taking tablets.got to the point 8am on a Monday and could not wait till 3pm on a Friday, then dreaded going back on a Monday. Happy to say better days now though after some counciling and advice keep myself busy playing golf,darts and getting out and about, also talking to people I trust about it, I can't speak openly about it to other people I know yet and thats been about 4 years

  5. #814
    Quote Originally Posted by Leith's finest View Post
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    A few year ago now I got addicted to tramadol and 30mg cocodamal on prescription after a operation, went through a spell off thinking everbody was looking and talking about me, also hated going to work after operation recovery but still taking tablets.got to the point 8am on a Monday and could not wait till 3pm on a Friday, then dreaded going back on a Monday. Happy to say better days now though after some counciling and advice keep myself busy playing golf,darts and getting out and about, also talking to people I trust about it, I can't speak openly about it to other people I know yet and thats been about 4 years
    That's really interesting about the Co-codamol. It sounds like you've been through a lot and I hope things are getting better and moving, at least, in the right direction for you. I take a lot of Co-codamol for migraines (which come with their own depressive issues). The feeling of being 'off' them was indescribable, I was so much more 'level' in how I mentally spoke to myself. A few migraines, a few painkillers in and it all goes to mush again. I know they can be addictive and I know they come with a whole load of issues, but it's never really that easy is it.
    Hope things get better for you quickly LF.

  6. #815
    @hibs.net private member I'm_cabbaged's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CropleyWasGod View Post
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    It's the THC component that is illegal here.

    Sent from my SM-A520F using Tapatalk
    Are you still taking it and is it working if you are?

  7. #816
    @hibs.net private member SRHibs's Avatar
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    Gamertag: Limit Break PSN ID: cyniUK
    Has anyone whoís come off anti-depressants found themselves going through slight manic phases? Iíve been off them a couple of months but still getting irrationally angry at stupid things, but also having really hyper/positive/manic periods. A little bit worrying but thereís no depression so not sure if I should just stick with it.


  8. #817
    Quote Originally Posted by SRHibs View Post
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    Has anyone whoís come off anti-depressants found themselves going through slight manic phases? Iíve been off them a couple of months but still getting irrationally angry at stupid things, but also having really hyper/positive/manic periods. A little bit worrying but thereís no depression so not sure if I should just stick with it.
    I'm afraid I've no real help here, but I did come off Amitriptyline after a year of using them to stop migraines. Certainly think about these questions - How quickly did you come off them? Did a doctor or a pharmacist tell you what the side-effects would be? Are you on any other medication? Maybe keep a dot-journal to record triggers/reactions and severity of reactions.

    Hope it goes well for you.

  9. #818
    Iíve just started on Duloxetine as another attempt to relieve my tension.

    Halfway through week 2 and itís been tough with a much lower mood, tiredness but the worst is Iím sweating more than Rafa Nadal was yesterday!

    Not sure these drugs are for me.

  10. #819
    First Team Breakthrough
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    I'm currently on citalopram.works for me.anxiety is horrible.best wishes to everyone on here fighting it.

  11. #820
    First Team Breakthrough Lendo's Avatar
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    Hi SR. I have a similar issue although not always about when coming off medication. The doctor suggested that I may suffer from Cyclothymia. Hope the link below works. It might be worth reading up on.

    https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/cyclothymia/


    Quote Originally Posted by SRHibs View Post
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    Has anyone who’s come off anti-depressants found themselves going through slight manic phases? I’ve been off them a couple of months but still getting irrationally angry at stupid things, but also having really hyper/positive/manic periods. A little bit worrying but there’s no depression so not sure if I should just stick with it.
    Last edited by Lendo; 16-07-2018 at 11:25 AM.

  12. #821
    @hibs.net private member SRHibs's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by heidtheba View Post
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    I'm afraid I've no real help here, but I did come off Amitriptyline after a year of using them to stop migraines. Certainly think about these questions - How quickly did you come off them? Did a doctor or a pharmacist tell you what the side-effects would be? Are you on any other medication? Maybe keep a dot-journal to record triggers/reactions and severity of reactions.

    Hope it goes well for you.
    Thanks for the well wishes.

    My doctor thought it was time I came off so I tapered down. Was initially on 30, so tapered down slowly to 5mg every 2 days then came straight off.

    Definitely helped with the physical withdrawal symptoms as they were very mild, but itís just my head is a bit iffy. I think keeping a journal may help, especially if I rate the severity of my moods.


  13. #822
    @hibs.net private member SRHibs's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lendo View Post
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    Hi SR. I have a similar issue although not always about when coming off medication. The doctor suggested that I may suffer from Cyclothymia. Hope the link below works. It might be worth reading up on.

    https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/cyclothymia/
    Yeah, my thought was that it could ether be a withdrawal symptom, or symptoms that my medication may have been keeping at bay. Itís hard to explain, but the manic/happy phases almost feel like chemical highs, like theyíre not Ďrealí. I might just be thinking too much into things though.

    Will maybe discuss with my GP the next time Iím in.


  14. #823
    Testimonial Due LustForLeith's Avatar
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    Think Iím in one of those phases where I canít shake the feeling of being low but I have no idea whatís causing it.

    Not been as active (ie walking) as much in recent weeks. Also let my emails build up from 1 unread to 16. In them is nothing to worry about and Iím a stickler for a to do list but just now feel for anything I do I need to do another two things after it

  15. #824
    Testimonial Due GreenNWhiteArmy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SRHibs View Post
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    Has anyone whoís come off anti-depressants found themselves going through slight manic phases? Iíve been off them a couple of months but still getting irrationally angry at stupid things, but also having really hyper/positive/manic periods. A little bit worrying but thereís no depression so not sure if I should just stick with it.
    This has been happening to me as well... did you ever find a way to control it mate?

    Reluctant to take the meds again due to certain side effects but can't say my overall mood has improved

  16. #825
    Testimonial Due GreenNWhiteArmy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LustForLeith View Post
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    Think Iím in one of those phases where I canít shake the feeling of being low but I have no idea whatís causing it.

    Not been as active (ie walking) as much in recent weeks. Also let my emails build up from 1 unread to 16. In them is nothing to worry about and Iím a stickler for a to do list but just now feel for anything I do I need to do another two things after it
    Also in a similar position as yourself. I used to do a bit mountain biking but lately I've just had no energy or desire to get out and do it. It's like survival mode to get through the working day and home

    I know to an extent what is contributing to it but trying to get in to another mindset or way of thinking is difficult.

    I've got an app called headspace which i use occasionally but can't say it's worked a treat. Has anyone else had better joy with it?

  17. #826
    Quote Originally Posted by GreenNWhiteArmy View Post
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    Also in a similar position as yourself. I used to do a bit mountain biking but lately I've just had no energy or desire to get out and do it. It's like survival mode to get through the working day and home

    I know to an extent what is contributing to it but trying to get in to another mindset or way of thinking is difficult.

    I've got an app called headspace which i use occasionally but can't say it's worked a treat. Has anyone else had better joy with it?
    Didnít have much joy myself tended just to switch off listening to it or thinking about how I felt more.

    I find listening to music much better really lifts my mood and a great distraction.

  18. #827
    Coaching Staff hibsbollah's Avatar
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    I have a friend ive known for eight years. Our kids have been in the same class since nursery. He's always been the bloke I immediately have a lot in common with, and have a chat every day in the playground. Last year out of the blue he told me was signed off sick with stress, and he said he didnt really understand what his purpose in life was anymore. I offered him some paid work with me to get him back into the workplace on a gradual basis and in a relaxed environment. I also told him about my similar experiences in the past, how he must get some good meds if he felt like they helped, and explore as many solutions as possible. Getting a good counsellor. Lots of exercise. relaxation. Social contact. Sleep. All that good stuff.

    I genuinely enjoyed his company, we went for a pint in the Spring where we argued long and hard about the rights and wrongs of Morrissey and the Smiths, and although he didnt get signed back to work, he said he had a good counsellor and was getting somewhere with her. I saw him in the playground at the end of school term in June, and we said we need to definitely get together with our respective missuses for a pint or something to eat soon. I found out last week that he killed himself over the holidays. Ive just seen his wife, whose appearance has changed in a major way. His two kids have gone back to school without a dad. Noone knows what to do or say.


    Im absolutely not posting this as a request for sympathy, or for a general chat about the sadness of the situation. I just want to make a plea that if anyone reading this thread, which i know has become a bit of a self help community in some ways, is feeling like theyve slipped off the edge, or is starting to feel suicidal thoughts, please contact someone. If you're in that position you are bound to feel like no-one cares, thats wrong. Lots of people will care about you, even if you dont realise it. Mental health services are underresourced, yes, but there will be people who will be available to help you. Speak to your GP. Get a referral to a professional. And above all, open up to someone. Just talk. **** it, you can PM me for a chat if you want , although my wisdom will be limited. Almost everyone now understands that mental health issues are no reason to fear you or stigmatise you. People will be sympathetic and want to help. Please dont leave it too late.

  19. #828
    Coaching Staff One Day Soon's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by hibsbollah View Post
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    I have a friend ive known for eight years. Our kids have been in the same class since nursery. He's always been the bloke I immediately have a lot in common with, and have a chat every day in the playground. Last year out of the blue he told me was signed off sick with stress, and he said he didnt really understand what his purpose in life was anymore. I offered him some paid work with me to get him back into the workplace on a gradual basis and in a relaxed environment. I also told him about my similar experiences in the past, how he must get some good meds if he felt like they helped, and explore as many solutions as possible. Getting a good counsellor. Lots of exercise. relaxation. Social contact. Sleep. All that good stuff.

    I genuinely enjoyed his company, we went for a pint in the Spring where we argued long and hard about the rights and wrongs of Morrissey and the Smiths, and although he didnt get signed back to work, he said he had a good counsellor and was getting somewhere with her. I saw him in the playground at the end of school term in June, and we said we need to definitely get together with our respective missuses for a pint or something to eat soon. I found out last week that he killed himself over the holidays. Ive just seen his wife, whose appearance has changed in a major way. His two kids have gone back to school without a dad. Noone knows what to do or say.


    Im absolutely not posting this as a request for sympathy, or for a general chat about the sadness of the situation. I just want to make a plea that if anyone reading this thread, which i know has become a bit of a self help community in some ways, is feeling like theyve slipped off the edge, or is starting to feel suicidal thoughts, please contact someone. If you're in that position you are bound to feel like no-one cares, thats wrong. Lots of people will care about you, even if you dont realise it. Mental health services are underresourced, yes, but there will be people who will be available to help you. Speak to your GP. Get a referral to a professional. And above all, open up to someone. Just talk. **** it, you can PM me for a chat if you want , although my wisdom will be limited. Almost everyone now understands that mental health issues are no reason to fear you or stigmatise you. People will be sympathetic and want to help. Please dont leave it too late.

    I'm so sorry to hear that.

    "he said he didnt really understand what his purpose in life was anymore" - I've been there. Kind, friendly words can be like a lifebelt. Seeking them or giving them can make the difference.

  20. #829
    @hibs.net private member lord bunberry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by hibsbollah View Post
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    I have a friend ive known for eight years. Our kids have been in the same class since nursery. He's always been the bloke I immediately have a lot in common with, and have a chat every day in the playground. Last year out of the blue he told me was signed off sick with stress, and he said he didnt really understand what his purpose in life was anymore. I offered him some paid work with me to get him back into the workplace on a gradual basis and in a relaxed environment. I also told him about my similar experiences in the past, how he must get some good meds if he felt like they helped, and explore as many solutions as possible. Getting a good counsellor. Lots of exercise. relaxation. Social contact. Sleep. All that good stuff.

    I genuinely enjoyed his company, we went for a pint in the Spring where we argued long and hard about the rights and wrongs of Morrissey and the Smiths, and although he didnt get signed back to work, he said he had a good counsellor and was getting somewhere with her. I saw him in the playground at the end of school term in June, and we said we need to definitely get together with our respective missuses for a pint or something to eat soon. I found out last week that he killed himself over the holidays. Ive just seen his wife, whose appearance has changed in a major way. His two kids have gone back to school without a dad. Noone knows what to do or say.


    Im absolutely not posting this as a request for sympathy, or for a general chat about the sadness of the situation. I just want to make a plea that if anyone reading this thread, which i know has become a bit of a self help community in some ways, is feeling like theyve slipped off the edge, or is starting to feel suicidal thoughts, please contact someone. If you're in that position you are bound to feel like no-one cares, thats wrong. Lots of people will care about you, even if you dont realise it. Mental health services are underresourced, yes, but there will be people who will be available to help you. Speak to your GP. Get a referral to a professional. And above all, open up to someone. Just talk. **** it, you can PM me for a chat if you want , although my wisdom will be limited. Almost everyone now understands that mental health issues are no reason to fear you or stigmatise you. People will be sympathetic and want to help. Please dont leave it too late.
    Really sorry to hear that, itís a truly tragic story. I donít know you personally, but I certainly appreciated the correspondence we had when I finally plucked up the courage to speak about my own problems. I just hope that you are staying strong and remembering that in times of despair that everyone on this thread is only a pm away. That goes for anyone going through a tough spell. I know from experience that talking with strangers who know what youíre going through can be really helpful.

    GIRLS DONT LIKE BOYS GIRLS LIKE SIMON MURRAY

  21. #830
    I only want to say the Scottish Cup is in the bag... Sir David Gray's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by hibsbollah View Post
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    I have a friend ive known for eight years. Our kids have been in the same class since nursery. He's always been the bloke I immediately have a lot in common with, and have a chat every day in the playground. Last year out of the blue he told me was signed off sick with stress, and he said he didnt really understand what his purpose in life was anymore. I offered him some paid work with me to get him back into the workplace on a gradual basis and in a relaxed environment. I also told him about my similar experiences in the past, how he must get some good meds if he felt like they helped, and explore as many solutions as possible. Getting a good counsellor. Lots of exercise. relaxation. Social contact. Sleep. All that good stuff.

    I genuinely enjoyed his company, we went for a pint in the Spring where we argued long and hard about the rights and wrongs of Morrissey and the Smiths, and although he didnt get signed back to work, he said he had a good counsellor and was getting somewhere with her. I saw him in the playground at the end of school term in June, and we said we need to definitely get together with our respective missuses for a pint or something to eat soon. I found out last week that he killed himself over the holidays. Ive just seen his wife, whose appearance has changed in a major way. His two kids have gone back to school without a dad. Noone knows what to do or say.


    Im absolutely not posting this as a request for sympathy, or for a general chat about the sadness of the situation. I just want to make a plea that if anyone reading this thread, which i know has become a bit of a self help community in some ways, is feeling like theyve slipped off the edge, or is starting to feel suicidal thoughts, please contact someone. If you're in that position you are bound to feel like no-one cares, thats wrong. Lots of people will care about you, even if you dont realise it. Mental health services are underresourced, yes, but there will be people who will be available to help you. Speak to your GP. Get a referral to a professional. And above all, open up to someone. Just talk. **** it, you can PM me for a chat if you want , although my wisdom will be limited. Almost everyone now understands that mental health issues are no reason to fear you or stigmatise you. People will be sympathetic and want to help. Please dont leave it too late.
    I echo every single word of this.
    HIBERNIAN F.C. - SCOTTISH CUP WINNERS 2016

    21.05.2016

  22. #831
    Coaching Staff Jones28's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by hibsbollah View Post
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    I have a friend ive known for eight years. Our kids have been in the same class since nursery. He's always been the bloke I immediately have a lot in common with, and have a chat every day in the playground. Last year out of the blue he told me was signed off sick with stress, and he said he didnt really understand what his purpose in life was anymore. I offered him some paid work with me to get him back into the workplace on a gradual basis and in a relaxed environment. I also told him about my similar experiences in the past, how he must get some good meds if he felt like they helped, and explore as many solutions as possible. Getting a good counsellor. Lots of exercise. relaxation. Social contact. Sleep. All that good stuff.

    I genuinely enjoyed his company, we went for a pint in the Spring where we argued long and hard about the rights and wrongs of Morrissey and the Smiths, and although he didnt get signed back to work, he said he had a good counsellor and was getting somewhere with her. I saw him in the playground at the end of school term in June, and we said we need to definitely get together with our respective missuses for a pint or something to eat soon. I found out last week that he killed himself over the holidays. Ive just seen his wife, whose appearance has changed in a major way. His two kids have gone back to school without a dad. Noone knows what to do or say.


    Im absolutely not posting this as a request for sympathy, or for a general chat about the sadness of the situation. I just want to make a plea that if anyone reading this thread, which i know has become a bit of a self help community in some ways, is feeling like theyve slipped off the edge, or is starting to feel suicidal thoughts, please contact someone. If you're in that position you are bound to feel like no-one cares, thats wrong. Lots of people will care about you, even if you dont realise it. Mental health services are underresourced, yes, but there will be people who will be available to help you. Speak to your GP. Get a referral to a professional. And above all, open up to someone. Just talk. **** it, you can PM me for a chat if you want , although my wisdom will be limited. Almost everyone now understands that mental health issues are no reason to fear you or stigmatise you. People will be sympathetic and want to help. Please dont leave it too late.
    Wow. I'm so sorry for your loss HB. I'd like to echo this, if there is anyone who needs someone anonymous to talk to please feel free to private message me. Suicide has had a direct effect on my wife's family and would do anything to help.

  23. #832
    Coaching Staff stu in nottingham's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by hibsbollah View Post
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    I have a friend ive known for eight years. Our kids have been in the same class since nursery. He's always been the bloke I immediately have a lot in common with, and have a chat every day in the playground. Last year out of the blue he told me was signed off sick with stress, and he said he didnt really understand what his purpose in life was anymore. I offered him some paid work with me to get him back into the workplace on a gradual basis and in a relaxed environment. I also told him about my similar experiences in the past, how he must get some good meds if he felt like they helped, and explore as many solutions as possible. Getting a good counsellor. Lots of exercise. relaxation. Social contact. Sleep. All that good stuff.

    I genuinely enjoyed his company, we went for a pint in the Spring where we argued long and hard about the rights and wrongs of Morrissey and the Smiths, and although he didnt get signed back to work, he said he had a good counsellor and was getting somewhere with her. I saw him in the playground at the end of school term in June, and we said we need to definitely get together with our respective missuses for a pint or something to eat soon. I found out last week that he killed himself over the holidays. Ive just seen his wife, whose appearance has changed in a major way. His two kids have gone back to school without a dad. Noone knows what to do or say.


    Im absolutely not posting this as a request for sympathy, or for a general chat about the sadness of the situation. I just want to make a plea that if anyone reading this thread, which i know has become a bit of a self help community in some ways, is feeling like theyve slipped off the edge, or is starting to feel suicidal thoughts, please contact someone. If you're in that position you are bound to feel like no-one cares, thats wrong. Lots of people will care about you, even if you dont realise it. Mental health services are underresourced, yes, but there will be people who will be available to help you. Speak to your GP. Get a referral to a professional. And above all, open up to someone. Just talk. **** it, you can PM me for a chat if you want , although my wisdom will be limited. Almost everyone now understands that mental health issues are no reason to fear you or stigmatise you. People will be sympathetic and want to help. Please dont leave it too late.
    I am deeply sorry to hear about your friend, hibsbolla. Thank you doing what you could for him and for being willing to share this story. I just wanted to contribute regarding your remark 'No one knows what to do or say.'

    From professional experience but much more so my personal experience as a suicide survivor I have made a few observations that might be worth thinking about generally for people. I think the most hurtful thing I experienced was in a long-time neighbour shooing her children inside the house as I walked up the road to my home one evening. Things were new, raw and she obviously wanted to avoid having to speak to me as she didn't know what to say. It hurt but it's forgivable as people genuinely don't understand how to act and speak in the circumstances. For the survivor though it makes one feel like an outcast and as if you're being judged in some way - on top of all the other problems one has to face.

    I'll start with a few things to avoid:

    The first one that comes to mind is 'I understand how you feel'. Meant well but you cannot truly understand. It absolutely okay to to acknowledge as much too, it shows that you recognise the complexity of such a situation.

    Don't value judge the suicide as taking the selfish choice or implying a weakness etc. This may conflict with the person's own thoughts as they seek to understand them. Be extra careful about saying things that could be interpreted as inferring blame on the survivor.

    Don't disappear. It's natural that support dies away over time. It can be that it's after the initial shock has died off, the months after can be very difficult as the person tries to process their loss.

    Don't be impatient. Avoid the 'moving on now' speech or other such cliches as this can place pressure on the person to 'get over it'.

    Alternatively, here are a few more helpful words and actions:

    Be a 'safe place' for the person to go to if they need to talk, make them understand that you're here to listen. Just your presence is often enough.

    It's okay to say something like, 'I don't know what to say but I'm here for you'. Again, your presence alone can offer solace.

    Offer help and support in a specific way and do this proactively. Rather than saying 'let me know if you need anything' try things that relieve stress in the individuals such as picking up the kids from school, doing their shopping or spending some time sitting with them. Make it easy for them to accept help.

    Best wishes.
    Last edited by stu in nottingham; 18-08-2018 at 07:55 PM.

  24. #833
    Coaching Staff stu in nottingham's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jones28 View Post
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    Wow. I'm so sorry for your loss HB. I'd like to echo this, if there is anyone who needs someone anonymous to talk to please feel free to private message me.
    Add me to that too.

  25. #834
    @hibs.net private member Mibbes Aye's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by stu in nottingham View Post
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    I am deeply sorry to hear about your friend, hibsbolla. Thank you doing what you could for him and for being willing to share this story. I just wanted to contribute regarding your remark 'No one knows what to do or say.'

    From professional experience but much more so my personal experience as a suicide survivor I have made a few observations that might be worth thinking about generally for people. I think the most hurtful thing I experienced was in a long-time neighbour shooing her children inside the house as I walked up the road to my home one evening. Things were new, raw and she obviously wanted to avoid having to speak to me as she didn't know what to say. It hurt but it's forgivable as people genuinely don't understand how to act and speak in the circumstances. For the survivor though it makes one feel like an outcast and as if you're being judged in some way - on top of all the other problems one has to face.

    I'll start with a few things to avoid:

    The first one that comes to mind is 'I understand how you feel'. Meant well but you cannot truly understand. It absolutely okay to to acknowledge as much too, it shows that you recognise the complexity of such a situation.

    Don't value judge the suicide as taking the selfish choice or implying a weakness etc. This may conflict with the person's own thoughts as they seek to understand them. Be extra careful about saying things that could be interpreted as inferring blame on the survivor.

    Don't disappear. It's natural that support dies away over time. It can be that it's after the initial shock has died off, the months after can be very difficult as the person tries to process their loss.

    Don't be impatient. Avoid the 'moving on now' speech or other such cliches as this can place pressure on the person to 'get over it'.

    Alternatively, here are a few more helpful words and actions:

    Be a 'safe place' for the person to go to if they need to talk, make them understand that you're here to listen. Just your presence is often enough.

    It's okay to say something like, 'I don't know what to say but I'm here for you'. Again, your presence alone can offer solace.

    Offer help and support in a specific way and do this proactively. Rather than saying 'let me know if you need anything' try things that relieve stress in the individuals such as picking up the kids from school, doing their shopping or spending some time sitting with them. Make it easy for them to accept help.

    Best wishes.
    Lots of sound comment there Stu, I would highlight one bit you mentioned in particular:

    It's natural that support dies away over time. It can be that it's after the initial shock has died off, the months after can be very difficult as the person tries to process their loss.

    This sort of loss never goes away for those directly affected but becomes more normalised for those not so close. And for those affected there are many trigger points - birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas etc are obvious ones, but going somewhere you associate with the person, if it was a partner then receiving random junk mail addressed to them, bumping into old colleagues who never knew, hearing a piece of music you associate with them - all that and anything else can be huge to deal with.

    I'm probably repeating Stu here but offering acceptance, being non-judgmental and non-directive, and just giving the space and time for someone to talk, if they want to, isn't just all one can do but is probably the best one can do. No pressure on the person suffering, but they know they have the safe space if they want it.
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  26. #835
    Coaching Staff hibsbollah's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jones28 View Post
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    Wow. I'm so sorry for your loss HB. I'd like to echo this, if there is anyone who needs someone anonymous to talk to please feel free to private message me. Suicide has had a direct effect on my wife's family and would do anything to help.
    Thanks to you and others for your kind words, but really the sense of loss I feel will be infinitesimally small compared to his wife and kids. It's all about them really. I was out drinking and having a laugh watching comedy at the festival today, I doubt his family will be able to do that.

    I suppose the main emotions I have are senses of failure and regret that I couldn't help him enough to make a difference.

  27. #836
    @hibs.net private member Peevemor's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by hibsbollah View Post
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    Thanks to you and others for your kind words, but really the sense of loss I feel will be infinitesimally small compared to his wife and kids. It's all about them really. I was out drinking and having a laugh watching comedy at the festival today, I doubt his family will be able to do that.

    I suppose the main emotions I have are senses of failure and regret that I couldn't help him enough to make a difference.
    One of my friends went through a pretty tough time mainly (I suspect) due to his wife's mental health issues. Various people in our entourage, including myself, did our best to help him out and eventually we all remarked that, over a period of 2-3 months, he seemed to be in better form each time we seen him. Even though things were looking up we didn't lessen our support. Unfortunately it didn't stop him taking his own life.

    That was early 2016.

    A couple of months later, one of my colleagues also committed suicide. He was in the middle of a messy separation/divorce and was also missing his native South of France (to where his wife and kids had returned). Although he didn't seem as troubled as my pal mentioned above, different people had gone out their way to help him out (including his boss who offered amazing financial support).

    Your feelings are normal but honestly there's nothing you could have done. I've obviously had numerous long discussions with people who were close to the 2 guys I've spoken about and we've asked ourselves all sorts of questions. The consensus is that we couldn't realistically have done more for either of these guys, and that there are some things that are simply beyond comprehension.

  28. #837
    I only want to say the Scottish Cup is in the bag... Sir David Gray's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by hibsbollah View Post
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    Thanks to you and others for your kind words, but really the sense of loss I feel will be infinitesimally small compared to his wife and kids. It's all about them really. I was out drinking and having a laugh watching comedy at the festival today, I doubt his family will be able to do that.

    I suppose the main emotions I have are senses of failure and regret that I couldn't help him enough to make a difference.
    Quote Originally Posted by Peevemor View Post
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    One of my friends went through a pretty tough time mainly (I suspect) due to his wife's mental health issues. Various people in our entourage, including myself, did our best to help him out and eventually we all remarked that, over a period of 2-3 months, he seemed to be in better form each time we seen him. Even though things were looking up we didn't lessen our support. Unfortunately it didn't stop him taking his own life.

    That was early 2016.

    A couple of months later, one of my colleagues also committed suicide. He was in the middle of a messy separation/divorce and was also missing his native South of France (to where his wife and kids had returned). Although he didn't seem as troubled as my pal mentioned above, different people had gone out their way to help him out (including his boss who offered amazing financial support).

    Your feelings are normal but honestly there's nothing you could have done. I've obviously had numerous long discussions with people who were close to the 2 guys I've spoken about and we've asked ourselves all sorts of questions. The consensus is that we couldn't realistically have done more for either of these guys, and that there are some things that are simply beyond comprehension.
    Absolutely agree with this.

    Mental illnesses are something that we do not have a full understanding of at the moment and much more funding and research is needed.

    I'm sure your friend will have appreciated the help and support at the time and perhaps that actually prolonged his life beyond what may have happened if your support hadn't been there.

    Feelings of regret and failure are absolutely normal when someone takes their own life despite offering your help to them.

    I honestly don't think it works like that, having gone through my own dad's suicide attempts at the end of last year and beginning of this year. I believe that the brain is just such a complex organ that we do not fully understand enough about its failings to provide adequate support to every single person with a mental illness.

    Hopefully one day that will change.
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  29. #838
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    Iíve been attending The Changing Room initiative through Hi s and cant recommend it highly enough.

    I donít think weíll ever fully understand mental health. What worries me is that we all have a least one thing which no matter how bad things get would stop us committing suicide, famiky, friends, Hibs(!!!) stuff like that.

    The worry is when youíre so low that you canít even see the worth in other people or things to stop you doing it? If you look at the amount of famous people whoíve committed suicide. Fair enough, theyíll maybe have more money but they still have the same issues.

    Youíd always think they would have at least one thing from committing suicide but clearly thereís a point of no return that anyone can reach.

    I know what Iím trying to say but Iím terrible at saying it. What would maybe be good would be some sort of Hibs.net support group/forum/WhatsApp group where folk could check on each other and give each other the support we all need but sometimes donít ask for?

  30. #839
    Coaching Staff HUTCHYHIBBY's Avatar
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    Horizon on Wednesday 22nd @ 2100 on BBC2 is titled Stopping male suicide, might be worth watching for anyone affected by such a harrowing subject.
    Last edited by HUTCHYHIBBY; 23-08-2018 at 05:23 AM.

  31. #840
    @hibs.net private member MagicSwirlingShip's Avatar
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    Thought Iíd pop this in here - a brilliant young charity that has been helping young people across Edinburgh and the Lothians get access to mental health counselling is desperately needing funding.

    If anyone looking in here can help please check out https://www.joshuanolanfoundation.org/ - they do amazing work!

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