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  1. #631
    @hibs.net private member barcahibs's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CropleyWasGod View Post
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    Not sure if this will help.

    I used to "fight" my depression. Did everything I could to stave off what, in hindsight, was inevitable. All that achieved was a longer and deeper depression, with a feeling of failure that I'd not been able to "beat" it.

    That pattern continued for years, and then I developed a new approach. When an episode was on its way, I didn't run away. I let it happen. Just gave in to it, whilst using little management tools to help avoid its worst effects.

    The result is that my episodes are shorter, and less intense, and I have a greater feeling of control. In short, i treat my condition as a friend, rather than an enemy .

    It isn't a cure, but it's the most effective tool I've got to reduce the pain.

    Sent from my SM-A510F using Tapatalk
    Totally agree with this. I wasted so much energy over the years on fights that, with hindsight, i couldn't possibly win.

    Its an argument i use a lot but... When you see someone in a wheelchair does anyone think "oh if only they were a bit tougher and fought their illness/disability more they could get up and walk"?

    Friend of mine recently passed away from lung cancer. Did anyone look at him near the end and think "quitter"?

    You can't brute strength "fight" depression.

    You can make yourself resistant. You can equip yourself with tools that will make the journey easier, that's the kind of fighting that works.

    Best lesson I ever learned is that no matter how dark you feel, no matter how endless the struggle feels when you're in its grip, it WILL pass.

    When you're at your lowest you have to cling on to the fact that you WILL feel better than you do right now.

    For me (and obviously with the usual caveats that I'm not amedical professional) the way through was to recognise it, treat the symptoms (embrace it to a certain extent), lean o the support around me,and wait it out.

    The bouts are shorter and farther apart.

    I WILL feel depressed again in the future. And it WILL pass.

    Easy to say now of course.

    The other weapon I've found is nature. Being outdoors in greenspaces makes a huge difference. Our bodies and minds need to spend time outside. We evolved out there, we spent 200,000 years becoming so perfectly adapted to the outside that we became the dominant species on the planet - and then we shut ourselves inside.

    If you compress all of Human history into a 24hour period then the industrial revolution happened about 90 seconds ago. We started to live predominantly indoor lifestyles about 20 seconds ago.

    The other 23 hours and 58 minutes were spent outside, in amongst nature and greenspaces.

    I work in this field now and the power of it is pretty incredible.. And it's pretty much free of cost :)


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  3. #632
    Coaching Staff lord bunberry's Avatar
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    I really find it helpful reading all these posts. I'm going through a pretty rough patch at the moment after a really long period of feeling like things were on the up. It often feels like there is no light at the end of the tunnel and that's the part I find the most difficult to deal with. Sometimes I know that doing certain things will help, but it can be hard to motivate myself to get things done.

  4. #633
    Coaching Staff Sylar's Avatar
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    A key thing for me lately has been trying to identify my triggers whenever I feel an anxiety episode begin to manifest itself.

    Sometimes that's easy, but sometimes I fixate on symptoms of a bigger problem, rather than trying to work out what's really bothering me. Displacement, I believe it's called.

    I became a father 4 months ago, and my world is a wonderful place just now...most of the time. But feelings of inadequacy, feelings of irritation whenever I can't soothe my daughter, feelings of all out rage (where I leave the room) have made appearances. This was all well over and above my normal manifestation of anxiety, so a quick trip to my doctor and I was diagnosed with PTSD (our daughter's arrival into this world was pretty traumatic and we thought she was lost shortly after delivery, resulting in both of them being wheeled away and me being left with very little answer). That, blended with my anxiety makes it problematic for me to try and deal with her when she's upset, as I get pretty easily worked up too, and I constantly find myself feeling like a failure, or getting really angry at myself for feeling the way I do.

    Realising that this isn't my fault, and that it will pass is one thing. Composing myself into the moment is probably the biggest challenge I've faced in a very long time!

  5. #634
    @hibs.net private member CropleyWasGod's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by barcahibs View Post
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    Totally agree with this. I wasted so much energy over the years on fights that, with hindsight, i couldn't possibly win.

    Its an argument i use a lot but... When you see someone in a wheelchair does anyone think "oh if only they were a bit tougher and fought their illness/disability more they could get up and walk"?

    Friend of mine recently passed away from lung cancer. Did anyone look at him near the end and think "quitter"?

    You can't brute strength "fight" depression.

    You can make yourself resistant. You can equip yourself with tools that will make the journey easier, that's the kind of fighting that works.

    Best lesson I ever learned is that no matter how dark you feel, no matter how endless the struggle feels when you're in its grip, it WILL pass.

    When you're at your lowest you have to cling on to the fact that you WILL feel better than you do right now.

    For me (and obviously with the usual caveats that I'm not amedical professional) the way through was to recognise it, treat the symptoms (embrace it to a certain extent), lean o the support around me,and wait it out.

    The bouts are shorter and farther apart.

    I WILL feel depressed again in the future. And it WILL pass.

    Easy to say now of course.

    The other weapon I've found is nature. Being outdoors in greenspaces makes a huge difference. Our bodies and minds need to spend time outside. We evolved out there, we spent 200,000 years becoming so perfectly adapted to the outside that we became the dominant species on the planet - and then we shut ourselves inside.

    If you compress all of Human history into a 24hour period then the industrial revolution happened about 90 seconds ago. We started to live predominantly indoor lifestyles about 20 seconds ago.

    The other 23 hours and 58 minutes were spent outside, in amongst nature and greenspaces.

    I work in this field now and the power of it is pretty incredible.. And it's pretty much free of cost :)
    Superb post, thanks. I agree with every word, and wish i'd written it myself.... swine

    The other thing I will add is that, although I would gladly "cure" my depression tomorrow, there are a lot of positives to my experience. Without it, I wouldn't have made changes to my diet, my exercise regime, my attitude to life, and my spiritual life. All of these are changes for the better, and I thank my depression for pushing me into them.

    That "celebration" of the positivity of our situation is at the heart of the work I do as a hypnotherapist; recognising the "small victories" in our lives, and building on them as an example of how life isn't all crap, and that there are means of thinking differently. It doesn't cure things, of course, but it helps in bringing back that balance that we lose when the black dog comes to stay.

    The black dog, of course, doesn't have to be nasty and vicious. It can be warm and cuddly.
    Last edited by CropleyWasGod; 16-08-2017 at 08:03 AM.

  6. #635
    @hibs.net private member I'm_cabbaged's Avatar
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    Back here again.. after coming off my meds about a year and a half ago things were slowly progressing with the help of counseling through my work (nhs) The theory being that I'd built up a self preservation system through a few traumas until the sudden passing of my parents in a short period of time that over flowed the cup so to speak. I was slowly beginning to to come to terms with the previous traumas and accept that they did me no harm long term.
    Unfortunately my brother was suffering depression unknown to myself and thought that the world would be better off without him at the weekend, if only he'd talked about it..... Going on a selfish note, I'm feeling absolutely nothing, I've lost the last of my birth family and not an emotion. The self preservation has kicked in again I suppose, don't know what to do!!

  7. #636
    Quote Originally Posted by I'm_cabbaged View Post
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    Back here again.. after coming off my meds about a year and a half ago things were slowly progressing with the help of counseling through my work (nhs) The theory being that I'd built up a self preservation system through a few traumas until the sudden passing of my parents in a short period of time that over flowed the cup so to speak. I was slowly beginning to to come to terms with the previous traumas and accept that they did me no harm long term.
    Unfortunately my brother was suffering depression unknown to myself and thought that the world would be better off without him at the weekend, if only he'd talked about it..... Going on a selfish note, I'm feeling absolutely nothing, I've lost the last of my birth family and not an emotion. The self preservation has kicked in again I suppose, don't know what to do!!
    Genuinely gutted to hear whats happened to you. The passing of loved ones is always a traumatic time. When I'm feeling it most, I make a point of going for a quiet walk usually to the beach or somewhere off the beaten track and let it all out, the frustration, the why, the anger and end up crying my eyes out at how much I miss them the family that have passed on until there's no more tears to give. It helps me tremendously but folk are different and it may not be the answer for others. Feel for you mate.
    Last edited by lgnsh70; 06-09-2017 at 08:01 PM.

  8. #637
    @hibs.net private member Pete's Avatar
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    Humbled again by this thread. Best wishes to all of you and hope that things get better if you're down there just now.

  9. #638
    @hibs.net private member I'm_cabbaged's Avatar
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    Thanks folks, the PM was carried out yesterday so I can start to do all the finalising of things today, I think that may bring out the realisation of what's actually happened. Better out than in as they say!!

  10. #639
    @hibs.net private member CropleyWasGod's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by I'm_cabbaged View Post
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    Thanks folks, the PM was carried out yesterday so I can start to do all the finalising of things today, I think that may bring out the realisation of what's actually happened. Better out than in as they say!!
    I always try and look for "small wins" in these situations. Obviously, I don't know you, but it seems that you are in some sort of control at this moment; clear enough to be strong, to know your mind, and to put your thoughts down here.

    In your past, dark, days, could you have done that? I'm guessing not. If that's correct, you've made progress, and you need to recognise that and give yourself credit.

    As you say, there's probably a lot of emotion to come out. ....and, yeah, allow yourself to express that.

    Take care

    Sent from my SM-A510F using Tapatalk

  11. #640
    Coaching Staff hibsbollah's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by barcahibs View Post
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    Totally agree with this. I wasted so much energy over the years on fights that, with hindsight, i couldn't possibly win.

    Its an argument i use a lot but... When you see someone in a wheelchair does anyone think "oh if only they were a bit tougher and fought their illness/disability more they could get up and walk"?

    Friend of mine recently passed away from lung cancer. Did anyone look at him near the end and think "quitter"?

    You can't brute strength "fight" depression.

    You can make yourself resistant. You can equip yourself with tools that will make the journey easier, that's the kind of fighting that works.

    Best lesson I ever learned is that no matter how dark you feel, no matter how endless the struggle feels when you're in its grip, it WILL pass.

    When you're at your lowest you have to cling on to the fact that you WILL feel better than you do right now.

    For me (and obviously with the usual caveats that I'm not amedical professional) the way through was to recognise it, treat the symptoms (embrace it to a certain extent), lean o the support around me,and wait it out.

    The bouts are shorter and farther apart.

    I WILL feel depressed again in the future. And it WILL pass.

    Easy to say now of course.

    The other weapon I've found is nature. Being outdoors in greenspaces makes a huge difference. Our bodies and minds need to spend time outside. We evolved out there, we spent 200,000 years becoming so perfectly adapted to the outside that we became the dominant species on the planet - and then we shut ourselves inside.

    If you compress all of Human history into a 24hour period then the industrial revolution happened about 90 seconds ago. We started to live predominantly indoor lifestyles about 20 seconds ago.

    The other 23 hours and 58 minutes were spent outside, in amongst nature and greenspaces.

    I work in this field now and the power of it is pretty incredible.. And it's pretty much free of cost :)
    Outstanding post, wise and 100% true, every word.

  12. #641
    @hibs.net private member --------'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by barcahibs View Post
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    Totally agree with this. I wasted so much energy over the years on fights that, with hindsight, i couldn't possibly win.

    Its an argument i use a lot but... When you see someone in a wheelchair does anyone think "oh if only they were a bit tougher and fought their illness/disability more they could get up and walk"?

    Friend of mine recently passed away from lung cancer. Did anyone look at him near the end and think "quitter"?

    You can't brute strength "fight" depression.

    You can make yourself resistant. You can equip yourself with tools that will make the journey easier, that's the kind of fighting that works.

    Best lesson I ever learned is that no matter how dark you feel, no matter how endless the struggle feels when you're in its grip, it WILL pass.

    When you're at your lowest you have to cling on to the fact that you WILL feel better than you do right now.

    For me (and obviously with the usual caveats that I'm not amedical professional) the way through was to recognise it, treat the symptoms (embrace it to a certain extent), lean o the support around me,and wait it out.

    The bouts are shorter and farther apart.

    I WILL feel depressed again in the future. And it WILL pass.

    Easy to say now of course.

    The other weapon I've found is nature. Being outdoors in greenspaces makes a huge difference. Our bodies and minds need to spend time outside. We evolved out there, we spent 200,000 years becoming so perfectly adapted to the outside that we became the dominant species on the planet - and then we shut ourselves inside.

    If you compress all of Human history into a 24hour period then the industrial revolution happened about 90 seconds ago. We started to live predominantly indoor lifestyles about 20 seconds ago.

    The other 23 hours and 58 minutes were spent outside, in amongst nature and greenspaces.

    I work in this field now and the power of it is pretty incredible.. And it's pretty much free of cost :)

    Absolutely.

  13. #642
    Coaching Staff One Day Soon's Avatar
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    To all brothers (and sisters) on this thread I can only offer this.

    I have two approaches. One is to try to cope with it before, during and after its here by doing all the things CWG mentioned in his last post. They don't stop it but they do mitigate it to some extent. The other is to almost try to remove myself from the immediacy of it when it's here with what is almost a mantra - this is just a phase. It is just a phase, you always come out the other side sooner or later and if you are able to fasten on to that you can almost look at yourself going through it from a distance. So it gets to be in you while it is there, but the crucial thing is it doesn't get to be you completely. It's a short term guest.

    My dad died in October last year. Not long afterward a close relative was murdered. I had to organise two funerals, ID a body, deal with the aftermath (including a still ongoing legal dispute on inheritance). I didn't want anything to do with it in the case of the latter but there was no choice. I don't think I've ever felt so low and on many, many days I have struggled to get out of bed. I'd like to tell you some heroic story but I don't have one. It's just trying to cope.

    I suppose there's a slightly quirky funny-ish bit. Dad was a high-functioning alcoholic who caused family mayhem and deep, deep emotional distress. I miss him a lot - don't ask me to explain how or why - it doesn't seem rational to me. Mostly it is just a gnawing ache of the heart and a strong sense that an irreplaceable central cast member in my life is gone. From time to time it is more acute and once or twice there have been tears at my desk. But I've been seen in tears at my desk so frequently since 21 May 2016 that I've actually had people ask me if I'm watching Cup Final clips again.

    So there are days when Dad dies and there are days when Hibs win the Cup. I hope every supporter of every club has something as God-given as that to help lift them up.

  14. #643
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    Quote Originally Posted by One Day Soon View Post
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    To all brothers (and sisters) on this thread I can only offer this.

    I have two approaches. One is to try to cope with it before, during and after its here by doing all the things CWG mentioned in his last post. They don't stop it but they do mitigate it to some extent. The other is to almost try to remove myself from the immediacy of it when it's here with what is almost a mantra - this is just a phase. It is just a phase, you always come out the other side sooner or later and if you are able to fasten on to that you can almost look at yourself going through it from a distance. So it gets to be in you while it is there, but the crucial thing is it doesn't get to be you completely. It's a short term guest.

    My dad died in October last year. Not long afterward a close relative was murdered. I had to organise two funerals, ID a body, deal with the aftermath (including a still ongoing legal dispute on inheritance). I didn't want anything to do with it in the case of the latter but there was no choice. I don't think I've ever felt so low and on many, many days I have struggled to get out of bed. I'd like to tell you some heroic story but I don't have one. It's just trying to cope.

    I suppose there's a slightly quirky funny-ish bit. Dad was a high-functioning alcoholic who caused family mayhem and deep, deep emotional distress. I miss him a lot - don't ask me to explain how or why - it doesn't seem rational to me. Mostly it is just a gnawing ache of the heart and a strong sense that an irreplaceable central cast member in my life is gone. From time to time it is more acute and once or twice there have been tears at my desk. But I've been seen in tears at my desk so frequently since 21 May 2016 that I've actually had people ask me if I'm watching Cup Final clips again.

    So there are days when Dad dies and there are days when Hibs win the Cup. I hope every supporter of every club has something as God-given as that to help lift them up.
    Reading all the comments here it's amazing how many people are suffering some sort of anxiety/ Depression type condition.
    I have battled it for about 15 years on and off . Much worse over the last few years.
    Reading all the comments of help is refreshing as I can relate to so many of them.
    I have gone on medication for the fist time as my downs were lasting to long and I felt people were getting bored with my strange behaviours of being very remote and quite not wanting to be part of the fun or conversation.
    Often just staring as if in a different world.
    I spoke again with the doctor and explained how I was feeling and the medication has certainly helped me combined with me withdrawing from things or positions that I know raise my anxiety levels.
    It's not easy especially as it meant leaving the work I was involved in but it was the only way forward .
    People generally are very supportive I have not told everyone a selective few but you always get the ones that sneer or laugh at the condition but I now just smile and pitty them and hope they never have to deal with the anxiety attacks I get .
    Good luck to you all with however you are trying to deal with your issues.


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    Last edited by Greenworld; 07-09-2017 at 02:29 PM.

  15. #644
    @hibs.net private member wpj's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by I'm_cabbaged View Post
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    Back here again.. after coming off my meds about a year and a half ago things were slowly progressing with the help of counseling through my work (nhs) The theory being that I'd built up a self preservation system through a few traumas until the sudden passing of my parents in a short period of time that over flowed the cup so to speak. I was slowly beginning to to come to terms with the previous traumas and accept that they did me no harm long term.
    Unfortunately my brother was suffering depression unknown to myself and thought that the world would be better off without him at the weekend, if only he'd talked about it..... Going on a selfish note, I'm feeling absolutely nothing, I've lost the last of my birth family and not an emotion. The self preservation has kicked in again I suppose, don't know what to do!!
    So sorry to hear about you losses, wishing you well at this very difficult time. You are not alone.

  16. #645
    @hibs.net private member Hibs Class's Avatar
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    Good article here. Not the first to suffer, nor the first to speak out., but still well worth a read.

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/41599714
    ​#PERSEVERED


  17. #646
    @hibs.net private member Hiber-nation's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hibs Class View Post
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    Good article here. Not the first to suffer, nor the first to speak out., but still well worth a read.

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/41599714
    I was just going to post this. Hopefully it will be of help to someone.

  18. #647
    I only want to say the Scottish Cup is in the bag... Sir David Gray's Avatar
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    I'm coming on to this thread after my own personal experience earlier today.

    This morning, I witnessed my dad dripping in blood, being taken away in an ambulance, just a short while after he had attempted to take his own life.

    This is something which is completely out of character for him, there's absolutely no previous history of mental illness with him or anything that would raise concerns about suicide or self harming. I am aware that he had been feeling down recently, he was made redundant back in April from a really good job which he had been doing for many years and has struggled to find work since. At his time of life (almost 60) his employment opportunities are limited and preparing for interviews for the first time in almost 25 years has been really daunting for him. Meanwhile the money he did have is fast running out and I just don't think he has been able to cope with the fact that he has been the breadwinner all these years and suddenly he's relying on others to help him out - his pride and self worth have taken a real battering.

    Although he has been feeling noticeably down, no-one in the family had any inclination that he was about to attempt to end his life.

    Fortunately the attempt this morning was unsuccessful and he is currently in hospital receiving psychiatric help and he does appear to be receptive to this, which can only be a good thing.

    I just wanted to put this down here as I have read this thread with interest although I never really had anything meaningful to contribute to it previously due to my lack of personal experience with this type of illness.

    I guess that I just wanted to reiterate what others have said earlier on the thread which is that if anyone is reading this and feeling similar to my dad, please speak to someone. It doesn't have to be anyone in particular, just anyone that you can trust and feel you can talk to. I feel so fortunate to still have my dad tonight as the circumstances could so easily have been much more tragic. Please do not bottle these emotions up, there's always a solution to financial problems and people who can help you. Please never think that you are a burden or that you have let anyone down by not being able to provide a certain standard of living.

    Thanks for reading this, if anyone could provide me with any help on how to support someone who is recovering from a suicide attempt then I would really love to hear from you and would genuinely appreciate the help.
    HIBERNIAN F.C. - SCOTTISH CUP WINNERS 2016

    21.05.2016

  19. #648
    Coaching Staff HUTCHYHIBBY's Avatar
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    That must've been a difficult one to post SDG, I hope it all works out fine in the long run.

  20. #649
    Quote Originally Posted by Sir David Gray View Post
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    I'm coming on to this thread after my own personal experience earlier today.

    This morning, I witnessed my dad dripping in blood, being taken away in an ambulance, just a short while after he had attempted to take his own life.

    This is something which is completely out of character for him, there's absolutely no previous history of mental illness with him or anything that would raise concerns about suicide or self harming. I am aware that he had been feeling down recently, he was made redundant back in April from a really good job which he had been doing for many years and has struggled to find work since. At his time of life (almost 60) his employment opportunities are limited and preparing for interviews for the first time in almost 25 years has been really daunting for him. Meanwhile the money he did have is fast running out and I just don't think he has been able to cope with the fact that he has been the breadwinner all these years and suddenly he's relying on others to help him out - his pride and self worth have taken a real battering.

    Although he has been feeling noticeably down, no-one in the family had any inclination that he was about to attempt to end his life.

    Fortunately the attempt this morning was unsuccessful and he is currently in hospital receiving psychiatric help and he does appear to be receptive to this, which can only be a good thing.

    I just wanted to put this down here as I have read this thread with interest although I never really had anything meaningful to contribute to it previously due to my lack of personal experience with this type of illness.

    I guess that I just wanted to reiterate what others have said earlier on the thread which is that if anyone is reading this and feeling similar to my dad, please speak to someone. It doesn't have to be anyone in particular, just anyone that you can trust and feel you can talk to. I feel so fortunate to still have my dad tonight as the circumstances could so easily have been much more tragic. Please do not bottle these emotions up, there's always a solution to financial problems and people who can help you. Please never think that you are a burden or that you have let anyone down by not being able to provide a certain standard of living.

    Thanks for reading this, if anyone could provide me with any help on how to support someone who is recovering from a suicide attempt then I would really love to hear from you and would genuinely appreciate the help.
    Must have been a terrible experience for you. Sadly itís a time of year that can be very difficult for those struggling with their mental health. Trying to put a face on and join in all the fun and laughter when you struggling can really take itís toll. Hopefully your Dad is taking the 1st steps towards getting the help he needs.

    The best advice I can give with regards to supporting him is just be there when you can. It doesnít have to be big deep chats or constantly asking how he is or anything. Sometimes just having someone else around to make a cup of tea or whatever can be a huge help. Itís a real reassurance to know someone is there if you want to talk or to sit with you quietly if you donít.
    PM Awards General Poster of The Year 2015, 2016, 2017. Probably robbed in other years

  21. #650
    I only want to say the Scottish Cup is in the bag... Sir David Gray's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by HUTCHYHIBBY View Post
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    That must've been a difficult one to post SDG, I hope it all works out fine in the long run.
    Thanks mate yeah it's certainly been the toughest day of my life. Hopefully today's reached the lowest it can possibly go and it can only get better.

    The whole thing just seems surreal, it hasn't really sunk in yet.
    HIBERNIAN F.C. - SCOTTISH CUP WINNERS 2016

    21.05.2016

  22. #651
    I only want to say the Scottish Cup is in the bag... Sir David Gray's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pretty Boy View Post
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    Must have been a terrible experience for you. Sadly itís a time of year that can be very difficult for those struggling with their mental health. Trying to put a face on and join in all the fun and laughter when you struggling can really take itís toll. Hopefully your Dad is taking the 1st steps towards getting the help he needs.

    The best advice I can give with regards to supporting him is just be there when you can. It doesnít have to be big deep chats or constantly asking how he is or anything. Sometimes just having someone else around to make a cup of tea or whatever can be a huge help. Itís a real reassurance to know someone is there if you want to talk or to sit with you quietly if you donít.
    Thanks mate, I really appreciate that. You're spot on about this time of year. It can often be the loneliest time of the year for a lot of people. He's also felt guilty as he can't really afford to buy many presents for anyone that he usually buys so that has added to his problems.

    I'm conscious of being too overbearing and smothering him when he's home. I don't want to do that but it will be hard as I'll be dreading leaving him on his own.
    HIBERNIAN F.C. - SCOTTISH CUP WINNERS 2016

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  23. #652
    Coaching Staff HUTCHYHIBBY's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sir David Gray View Post
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    Thanks mate yeah it's certainly been the toughest day of my life. Hopefully today's reached the lowest it can possibly go and it can only get better.

    The whole thing just seems surreal, it hasn't really sunk in yet.
    Try and keep your head up and follow your own advice about talking to someone to help you navigate your way through it.

  24. #653
    @hibs.net private member Mon Dieu4's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear what you have been through SDG, sounds like a horrid time, I went through the same with my Dad with the job aspect, he found himself unemployed(through choice) after a long career and high powered job, he felt like no one would want him at his age and felt useless

    He took on few different jobs completely different from what he was doing before and didn't really like any of them but he stuck at it and now has a job he is in total love with

    There is hope out there and I'm glad your Dad is getting the help he needs

  25. #654
    All the best to your dad.

  26. #655
    I only want to say the Scottish Cup is in the bag... Sir David Gray's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by HUTCHYHIBBY View Post
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    Try and keep your head up and follow your own advice about talking to someone to help you navigate your way through it.
    Quote Originally Posted by patch1875 View Post
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    All the best to your dad.
    Thanks guys, it's greatly appreciated.

    Quote Originally Posted by Mon Dieu4 View Post
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    Sorry to hear what you have been through SDG, sounds like a horrid time, I went through the same with my Dad with the job aspect, he found himself unemployed(through choice) after a long career and high powered job, he felt like no one would want him at his age and felt useless

    He took on few different jobs completely different from what he was doing before and didn't really like any of them but he stuck at it and now has a job he is in total love with

    There is hope out there and I'm glad your Dad is getting the help he needs
    Thanks for this mate, it sounds very similar circumstances. After about 7 months of searching, he finally got a job a few weeks ago but quickly realised that there was a lot more to it than he first realised and he didn't feel that he had the required skills to do the job so packed it in after two weeks. This really knocked his confidence and he now feels "unemployable". The recruitment agency he was working with have also cut ties with him since he left which made it worse.

    I know that there will be a job out there for him, maybe not on the same salary but that's not the be all and end all. It's all about restoring his self belief again though which will take time. Hopefully once he starts to speak about his feelings and gets the help that he needs, he will realise that there are jobs out there for him to do, even at the age he's at.

    It's the usual alpha male attitude that my dad has though which is prevalent in a lot of men and I think that's one of the main causes of suicide rates being higher in men. There's an assumption that men must provide the goods for the family and when that doesn't happen, their pride and self worth is hit.

    I'm glad to hear that your dad is in a much better place now and hopefully the same will happen with my dad over the coming weeks and months.
    HIBERNIAN F.C. - SCOTTISH CUP WINNERS 2016

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  27. #656
    Scottish Cup Victory - Witness 2016 Scouse Hibby's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sir David Gray View Post
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    I'm coming on to this thread after my own personal experience earlier today.

    This morning, I witnessed my dad dripping in blood, being taken away in an ambulance, just a short while after he had attempted to take his own life.

    This is something which is completely out of character for him, there's absolutely no previous history of mental illness with him or anything that would raise concerns about suicide or self harming. I am aware that he had been feeling down recently, he was made redundant back in April from a really good job which he had been doing for many years and has struggled to find work since. At his time of life (almost 60) his employment opportunities are limited and preparing for interviews for the first time in almost 25 years has been really daunting for him. Meanwhile the money he did have is fast running out and I just don't think he has been able to cope with the fact that he has been the breadwinner all these years and suddenly he's relying on others to help him out - his pride and self worth have taken a real battering.

    Although he has been feeling noticeably down, no-one in the family had any inclination that he was about to attempt to end his life.

    Fortunately the attempt this morning was unsuccessful and he is currently in hospital receiving psychiatric help and he does appear to be receptive to this, which can only be a good thing.

    I just wanted to put this down here as I have read this thread with interest although I never really had anything meaningful to contribute to it previously due to my lack of personal experience with this type of illness.

    I guess that I just wanted to reiterate what others have said earlier on the thread which is that if anyone is reading this and feeling similar to my dad, please speak to someone. It doesn't have to be anyone in particular, just anyone that you can trust and feel you can talk to. I feel so fortunate to still have my dad tonight as the circumstances could so easily have been much more tragic. Please do not bottle these emotions up, there's always a solution to financial problems and people who can help you. Please never think that you are a burden or that you have let anyone down by not being able to provide a certain standard of living.

    Thanks for reading this, if anyone could provide me with any help on how to support someone who is recovering from a suicide attempt then I would really love to hear from you and would genuinely appreciate the help.
    Sorry to hear that SDG, I can only imagine what a traumatic experience that must have been for you personally. Good to hear your Dad is responsive to the efforts being made to help him and I sincerely hope he manages to turn things around positively. Stick in mate, your support will be invaluable to your Dad's recovery. Best regards to you and your family at this difficult time.
    "If a player is not interfering with play or seeking to gain
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  28. #657
    I only want to say the Scottish Cup is in the bag... Sir David Gray's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Scouse Hibby View Post
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    Sorry to hear that SDG, I can only imagine what a traumatic experience that must have been for you personally. Good to hear your Dad is responsive to the efforts being made to help him and I sincerely hope he manages to turn things around positively. Stick in mate, your support will be invaluable to your Dad's recovery. Best regards to you and your family at this difficult time.
    Thanks a lot mate, I genuinely appreciate your kind words.
    HIBERNIAN F.C. - SCOTTISH CUP WINNERS 2016

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  29. #658
    Coaching Staff hibsbollah's Avatar
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    That's awful SDG. I'm really sorry to hear that. I have had some experience of this too.

    There will be a protocol that the health people will go through with your dad and the family, I'd just say get all the help that is offered to you. Never say no to help because you don't want to be a nuisance. Ignore any stigma you might feel, it's not important. Also dont fall into the trap of blaming yourself at any point. This will be very traumatic for you even if you don't realise it straight away and you need to look after yourself and don't give yourself a hard time.

    Good luck to you and the family
    Last edited by hibsbollah; 20-12-2017 at 11:59 AM.

  30. #659
    I only want to say the Scottish Cup is in the bag... Sir David Gray's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by hibsbollah View Post
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    That's awful SDG. I'm really sorry to hear that. I have had some experience of this too.

    There will be a protocol that the health people will go through with your dad and the family, I'd just say get all the help that is offered to you. Never say no to help because you don't want to be a nuisance. Ignore any stigma you might feel, it's not important. Also dont not to fall into the trap of blaming yourself at any point. This will be very traumatic for you even if you don't realise it straight away and you need to look after yourself and don't give yourself a hard time.

    Good luck to you and the family
    Thanks mate much appreciated. I know we have had our differences over the years but it's at times like this that you realise what is truly important in life.

    I am really keen for there not to be any stigma attached to this and for it to all be out in the open. Keeping it bottled up isn't good for anyone and it's what lead to this in the first place.

    I wish more people would open up about mental health, it's nothing to be ashamed of.

    There is a part of me that is questioning my role in it all if i'm honest and i've been asking myself if I could have done anything differently or helped more to prevent it from getting to this point.

    I have no first hand experience of anything like this and to be honest i'm quite scared of the road ahead. I'm more than happy to take any help or guidance that is offered to me and the family.
    HIBERNIAN F.C. - SCOTTISH CUP WINNERS 2016

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  31. #660
    @hibs.net private member Mr White's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sir David Gray View Post
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    Thanks mate much appreciated. I know we have had our differences over the years but it's at times like this that you realise what is truly important in life.

    I am really keen for there not to be any stigma attached to this and for it to all be out in the open. Keeping it bottled up isn't good for anyone and it's what lead to this in the first place.

    I wish more people would open up about mental health, it's nothing to be ashamed of.

    There is a part of me that is questioning my role in it all if i'm honest and i've been asking myself if I could have done anything differently or helped more to prevent it from getting to this point.

    I have no first hand experience of anything like this and to be honest i'm quite scared of the road ahead. I'm more than happy to take any help or guidance that is offered to me and the family.
    I think that's a natural reaction to such a shock. Hopefully you get the chance to speak to some of the professionals helping your dad over the coming days who might be able to give some advice on things you can do to help him going forward.

    Today must have been an awful experience for you. I hope in time you both look back at it as the beginning of a massive improvement in your dad's life. All the best SDG.

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