This is the "offside rule" explained for women:
You're in a shoe shop, second in the queue for the till. Behind the shop assistant on the till is a pair of shoes which you have seen and which you must have.
The female shopper in front of you has seen them also and is eyeing them with desire. Both of you have forgotten your purses.
It would be rude to push in front of the first woman if you had no money to pay for the shoes.
The shop assistant remains at the till waiting.
Your friend is trying on another pair of shoes at the back of the shop and sees your dilemma.
She prepares to throw her purse to you.
If she does so, you can catch the purse, then walk round the other shopper and buy the shoes!
At a pinch she could throw the purse ahead of the other shopper and "whilst it is in flight" you could nip around the other shopper, catch the purse and buy the shoes!
BUT, you must always remember that until the purse has "actually been thrown", it would be plain wrong for you to be in front of the other shopper and you would be OFFSIDE!
Results 1 to 24 of 24
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23-10-2012 03:19 PM #1
How to explain the offside rule to women.
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23-10-2012 03:27 PM #2This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote
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23-10-2012 05:06 PM #4
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All these women are actually in an offside position........ They are out of the kitchen.
Ohhhhhhhh
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23-10-2012 05:27 PM #5This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote
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23-10-2012 06:36 PM #6
It's easier to understand if you know why it's there, rather than what it is:
Imagine what would happen if a team was allowed to line up loads of its players right in front of the opposition goal mouth - it would be really easy for one of them to knock the ball into the net if it was passed to them.
So to prevent players from 'loitering' near the goalmouth like this there's a rule which says that a player from team A is offside if (and only if) he receives the ball while the only team B player standing between him and the goal is the goalkeeper himself
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23-10-2012 09:35 PM #7This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote
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23-10-2012 10:21 PM #8
Sorry. I must be confused. I was under the impression that jokes were supposed to be funny and not just patronising, sexist bull****. My mistake.
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23-10-2012 11:40 PM #10This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote
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24-10-2012 04:15 AM #11This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote
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24-10-2012 05:38 AM #12This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote
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24-10-2012 07:29 AM #13This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote
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24-10-2012 03:53 PM #14
I didn't know Andy Gray posted on this forum.
The "joke" in the OP wasn't funny the first time I heard it, and it hasn't become funny in the intervening 45 years.
Maybe we should rename the Holy Ground "Jurassic Park" - make all the dinosaurs feel right at home.
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26-10-2012 11:25 AM #17This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote
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29-10-2012 03:49 PM #19This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote
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29-10-2012 04:09 PM #20This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show QuoteEvery gimmick hungry yob,
Digging gold from rock and roll
Grabs the mic to tell us,
He'll die before he's sold.
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29-10-2012 05:24 PM #21
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I'm just glad I use my debit card which is always in my back pocket so will never need a purse. Saves confusion
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29-10-2012 05:39 PM #22This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show QuoteEvery gimmick hungry yob,
Digging gold from rock and roll
Grabs the mic to tell us,
He'll die before he's sold.
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29-10-2012 05:43 PM #23This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote
As would quite a number of female football fans I know.
Besides, judging by some of the discussion on other forums about our Friday night game and others in the EPL over the weekend, there are a fair few men on this forum who haven't much of a clue about the offside law or any other law of the game of football ...
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29-10-2012 05:46 PM #24This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote
Careful, Jill - you'll confuse the natives.
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