How to explain the offside rule to women.

[iwasthere1972]

This is the "offside rule" explained for women:

You're in a shoe shop, second in the queue for the till. Behind the shop assistant on the till is a pair of shoes which you have seen and which you must have.

The female shopper in front of you has seen them also and is eyeing them with desire. Both of you have forgotten your purses.

It would be rude to push in front of the first woman if you had no money to pay for the shoes.

The shop assistant remains at the till waiting.

Your friend is trying on another pair of shoes at the back of the shop and sees your dilemma.

She prepares to throw her purse to you.

If she does so, you can catch the purse, then walk round the other shopper and buy the shoes!

At a pinch she could throw the purse ahead of the other shopper and "whilst it is in flight" you could nip around the other shopper, catch the purse and buy the shoes!

BUT, you must always remember that until the purse has "actually been thrown", it would be plain wrong for you to be in front of the other shopper and you would be OFFSIDE!

[Peevemor]

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This is the "offside rule" explained for women:

You're in a shoe shop, second in the queue for the till. Behind the shop assistant on the till is a pair of shoes which you have seen and which you must have.

The female shopper in front of you has seen them also and is eyeing them with desire. Both of you have forgotten your purses.

It would be rude to push in front of the first woman if you had no money to pay for the shoes.

The shop assistant remains at the till waiting.

Your friend is trying on another pair of shoes at the back of the shop and sees your dilemma.

She prepares to throw her purse to you.

If she does so, you can catch the purse, then walk round the other shopper and buy the shoes!

At a pinch she could throw the purse ahead of the other shopper and "whilst it is in flight" you could nip around the other shopper, catch the purse and buy the shoes!

BUT, you must always remember that until the purse has "actually been thrown", it would be plain wrong for you to be in front of the other shopper and you would be OFFSIDE!

But what about your other mate who is waiting for you beside the cash desk. Although she's skint and has no intention of buying anything, she could feasibly catch the purse if your mate at the back of the shop throws it too far. Is she interfering with the purchase?

[GhostofBolivar]

Well this isn't blatantly sexist at all...

[wearethehibs]

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Well this isn't blatantly sexist at all...

If you think thats bad wait for my comment.



All these women are actually in an offside position........ They are out of the kitchen.


Ohhhhhhhh

[GhostofBolivar]

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If you think thats bad wait for my comment.



All these women are actually in an offside position........ They are out of the kitchen.


Ohhhhhhhh

I'm just curious why the OP went to the trouble of actually trying to explain the offside rule at all. He should have realised that girls only watch the game because they're waiting for the bit at the end of the game where all the hunky guys swap shirts and, in any case, offside is too complicated for a girl's mind to comprehend and they shouldn't worry their pretty little heads about it

[Scouse Hibee]

It's easier to understand if you know why it's there, rather than what it is:

Imagine what would happen if a team was allowed to line up loads of its players right in front of the opposition goal mouth - it would be really easy for one of them to knock the ball into the net if it was passed to them.

So to prevent players from 'loitering' near the goalmouth like this there's a rule which says that a player from team A is offside if (and only if) he receives the ball while the only team B player standing between him and the goal is the goalkeeper himself

[HUTCHYHIBBY]

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I'm just curious why the OP went to the trouble of actually trying to explain the offside rule at all. He should have realised that girls only watch the game because they're waiting for the bit at the end of the game where all the hunky guys swap shirts and, in any case, offside is too complicated for a girl's mind to comprehend and they shouldn't worry their pretty little heads about it

You must be a right hoot down the boozer!

[GhostofBolivar]

Sorry. I must be confused. I was under the impression that jokes were supposed to be funny and not just patronising, sexist bull****. My mistake.

[EH6 Hibby]

I'm a woman and I thought it was funny.

[HUTCHYHIBBY]

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Sorry. I must be confused. I was under the impression that jokes were supposed to be funny and not just patronising, sexist bull****. My mistake.

Nae need for an apology.

[GhostofBolivar]

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I'm a woman and I thought it was funny.

I know more than a few girls who wouldn't.

[Geo_1875]

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Sorry. I must be confused. I was under the impression that jokes were supposed to be funny and not just patronising, sexist bull****. My mistake.

I don't see where anyone said it was a joke.

[EH6 Hibby]

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I know more than a few girls who wouldn't.

You know more than a few girls who need to lighten up a bit if thy find that offensive.

[--------]

I didn't know Andy Gray posted on this forum.

The "joke" in the OP wasn't funny the first time I heard it, and it hasn't become funny in the intervening 45 years.

Maybe we should rename the Holy Ground "Jurassic Park" - make all the dinosaurs feel right at home.

[HUTCHYHIBBY]

I've always liked The Flintstones!

[The_Exile]

[HUTCHYHIBBY]

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Hee hee! this should be fun!

[sambajustice]

I hope they didnt drive to the shoe shop in the first place...

[iwasthere1972]

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I'm a woman and I thought it was funny.

Thank god some folk just see it as a joke and it's not a reflection of real life.

[marinello59]

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Thank god some folk just see it as a joke and it's not a reflection of real life.

My wife would boot you in the heehaws if you repeated it to her. Then she would check to see if YOU understood the offside rule properly.

[Jay]

I'm just glad I use my debit card which is always in my back pocket so will never need a purse. Saves confusion

[marinello59]

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I'm just glad I use my debit card which is always in my back pocket so will never need a purse. Saves confusion

Really?

[--------]

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My wife would boot you in the heehaws if you repeated it to her. Then she would check to see if YOU understood the offside rule properly.

As would quite a number of female football fans I know.


Besides, judging by some of the discussion on other forums about our Friday night game and others in the EPL over the weekend, there are a fair few men on this forum who haven't much of a clue about the offside law or any other law of the game of football ...

[--------]

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I'm just glad I use my debit card which is always in my back pocket so will never need a purse. Saves confusion

Careful, Jill - you'll confuse the natives.