I have Polish friend who is a roadie for a band.
I have a Czech one too...Czech one too...Czech one too....
Results 241 to 270 of 1283
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19-07-2016 11:06 AM #241
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19-07-2016 11:39 AM #243
I've just bought a house with period features. My wife hates that nickname.
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19-07-2016 05:55 PM #245This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show QuoteNo Eternal Reward Shall Forgive Us Now For Wasting The Dawn
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20-07-2016 06:18 AM #247
Put bet on 3 horses today.
Sunshine, Moonlight & Good Times
Not one bloody winner!
I blame it on the bookie.
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20-07-2016 01:01 PM #249This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote
There is no such thing as too much yarn, just not enough time.
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20-07-2016 03:41 PM #250This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show QuoteNo Eternal Reward Shall Forgive Us Now For Wasting The Dawn
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20-07-2016 03:42 PM #251
I'm stealing these .
Apologies in advance .No Eternal Reward Shall Forgive Us Now For Wasting The Dawn
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23-07-2016 11:43 AM #252
Guy goes into the same pub once a year for three years on the same date every July, orders three pints of lager drinks them and leaves. On the fourth year the barman remembers him and asks why he only comes once a year and drinks three pints.
The guy explains that 4 years ago he was finally reunited with two army colleagues who he served with in the second world war,one lives in Australia,the other in Canada. They vowed to each have a round of drinks every year on the anniversary of their reunion hence the three pints. The barman remembered the date and sure enough twelve months later the guy appeared and orderered only two pints of lager. "I'm so sorry said the barman, has one of your friends passed away"? "No" replied the guy. "my mate in Canada is on antibiotics so can't drink"
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23-07-2016 02:19 PM #253
- Join Date
- Nov 2003
- Location
- A thousand miles from nowhere
- Posts
- 756
Julius Caesar walks into a bar and says 'can I have a martinus please?'
Barman says: 'don't you mean a martini?'
Julius Caesar says, 'If I wanted a double I'd have asked for one.'
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23-07-2016 09:54 PM #255
3 guys in the dock in front of a cock-eyed judge
Judge says to the first guy, "How do you plead" and the second guy says "Not Guilty" to which the judge replies "I wasn't speaking to you" and the third guy says "I never opened my mouth"This is how it feels
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26-07-2016 07:41 AM #256This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote
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12-11-2016 09:14 PM #257
Sad news tonight in show business, Glen Campbell has alzheimer's he's getting cards and messages from people he doesn't even know.
Last edited by blackpoolhibs; 16-11-2016 at 09:34 PM.
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12-11-2016 10:51 PM #258
I just set myself up as a self employed fishmonger.
No employees yet, I'm a sole trader.
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13-11-2016 08:43 PM #259
- Join Date
- Mar 2005
- Posts
- 546
I was at a fundraiser disco for dyslexia Scotland
Everything was going brilliant until the DJ put on YMCA
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14-11-2016 12:20 AM #260
Little Red riding hood found in a critical condition.
Paramedics have stabilised her condition, but she's not out of the woods yet.
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14-11-2016 06:11 AM #261This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote
Do you think your security can keep you in purity, you will not shake us off above or below. Scottish friction, Scottish fiction
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17-11-2016 10:29 AM #265This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote
I believe it originated with the the late, great, Chic Murray?
"I was in London the other week. A chap came up to me and asked, 'D'you know the Battersea Dog's Home?' I answered, 'No - I didn't know he'd been away ...'"
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24-11-2016 07:15 PM #266
- Join Date
- Aug 2011
- Posts
- 1,935
Not a clever joke, but I thought it was funny.
What do you call a dog with no tongue?
Stinky baws! 😂
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24-11-2016 07:25 PM #267
I went to the doctors with hearing problems.
He said "can you describe the symptoms?"
I said "Homer is a fat bloke and Marge has blue hair".
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26-11-2016 07:58 AM #268
I'm going to the Fibonacci convention this year.
It's going to be as big as the last two put together.
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26-11-2016 10:08 AM #269
- Join Date
- Apr 2007
- Posts
- 8,344
This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote
"Nurse", he mumbles, from behind the mask. "Are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check. Are my testicles black?"
Concerned that he may elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles in the other. Then, she takes a close look and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir!"
The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but, listen very, very closely......
A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k?
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26-11-2016 06:13 PM #270
Whats the difference between a hippo and a zippo ?
Ones a little heavy and the other is a little lighter.
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