George Burns' famous line IIRCThis quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote
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14-05-2015 08:02 PM #211
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14-05-2015 08:40 PM #212This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote
Indeed. But true of us all - eventually.
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14-05-2015 09:24 PM #213This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show QuoteNo Eternal Reward Shall Forgive Us Now For Wasting The Dawn
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15-05-2015 07:41 AM #214This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote
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15-05-2015 09:47 AM #215This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote
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16-05-2015 05:39 PM #216
- Join Date
- Aug 2005
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A man walked into a bar and shouted Ouch!...
It was an Iron Bar!
Did you hear about the homosexual ghosts?
They gave each other the willies!Last edited by HibbyDave; 16-05-2015 at 05:41 PM.
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16-05-2015 06:11 PM #217This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote
I said, "If it's all the same to you, I'll have the soup".
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16-05-2015 11:32 PM #218This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote
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17-05-2015 03:01 PM #219
I was once turned down by a girl when I asked her to dance, she said "no chance, I'm fussy who I dance with"
I responded with "Well I'm not, that's why I asked you"
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18-05-2015 05:51 PM #220
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- Sep 2007
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- 12,555
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the idiots house.
Knock knock
Whose there?
The chicken.
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22-05-2015 02:33 PM #221
Helium goes into a bar, and orders a drink. Barman says “Sorry, we don’t serve noble gases”. Helium doesn't react.
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03-06-2015 03:11 AM #223
Man drives up to hooker she says 'i'll do anything for £50'
Great says the man drives her to his house and says 'if you start with stripping back the old paper then paint te walls white love that'd be great'
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19-06-2015 02:02 PM #225
The Germans think their sausage is the best in the world but it's actually the wurst.
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19-06-2015 05:25 PM #226
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- Nov 2013
- Posts
- 1,283
How do you know if the shark chasing you is a drag queen ?
Da ra ,,,,,, da ra,,,,,,, da ra da da ( to yhe tune of I love you baby)
Not an easy one to write down but give it a go
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19-06-2015 06:16 PM #227
Bloke goes the toilet in the pub, after a couple of minutes the pub is silenced by an agonising ear splitting scream from the toilets. The barman doesn't bat an eyelid and carries on serving drinks. Someone says to him don't you think you should go and see what has happened? Nah he replied I know what's happened.......the toilet has been removed for repairs, that's the third bloke this week that has sat on the mop wringing bucket and pulled the handle to flush it!
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23-09-2015 09:15 PM #228
Guy with two left feet walks into a shoe shop and asks "do you have any flip flips? "
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23-09-2015 10:03 PM #229
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- Jun 2007
- Location
- Edinburgh
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- 38
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- 3,372
What do you call half a rabbit?
Rab
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24-09-2015 01:37 AM #230
My room-mate just called me scizophrenic
Ha!
Jokes on him.....I don't have a room-mate.
(Can't claim credit for this one, saw it somewhere else on-line and laughed but knew I shouldn't)
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25-09-2015 05:07 PM #231
I think this qualifies!
In fact, I like it so much, I'm putting it in my signature!
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13-10-2015 11:10 AM #232
- Join Date
- Apr 2015
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- 281
Muslims have invented an exploding prayer mat.
The profits are going through the roof.
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13-10-2015 12:56 PM #233This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote
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22-10-2015 02:25 PM #234
- Join Date
- Apr 2015
- Posts
- 281
In a fit of rage, my wife shouted at me:
I'm married to an idiot.
I told her that was bigamy
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25-10-2015 11:17 AM #235
A jambo was explaining to a judge why he'd abused some sheep, "I did it because my mom and sister was away on holiday and I got lonely".
Judge: "Don't you mean 'were'?"
Jambo: "No."
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25-10-2015 11:48 AM #236
Was woken last night by some guy trying to steal my garden gate,I was going to shout at him from my bedroom window but didn't in case he took a fence.
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27-10-2015 03:10 PM #237
Just been down to Tescos to try and get a vampire costume for Halloween. When the girl gave me a Hearts strip I told her "you must have misheard me, I want to look like a Count".
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29-10-2015 07:02 AM #238
Asked my local librarian if they had a book on Pavlov's dog and Schrodinger's cat.
She said it rings a bell but she's not sure if it's there or not.
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25-11-2015 10:27 PM #239
I was walking through the park when I lost my thesaurus yesterday, I can't find the words to explain how I feel.
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