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  1. #61
    @hibs.net private member Hiber-nation's Avatar
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    I ordered Pelican Curry but got a right shock when I saw the massive bill.


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  3. #62
    @hibs.net private member SRH's Avatar
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    Gamertag: Limit Break PSN ID: cyniUK
    Quote Originally Posted by forthhibby View Post
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    Electron and proton go into a bar. Proton: 'Your round'. Electron: 'You sure?' Proton: 'I'm positive'
    Neutron goes into a bar. Neutron asks the barman: "How much for a pint of Fosters". Barman replies: "For you sir, no charge."


  4. #63
    Private Members Prediction League Winner Hibrandenburg's Avatar
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    Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac? He used to lie awake at night wondering if there really is a dog!

  5. #64
    @hibs.net private member JE89's Avatar
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    Got Olympic tickets for the 400m butterfly. Can't wait to see an insect that big.

    Why don't they have bookies in China? The Chineese don't like Tibet.

  6. #65
    Testimonial Due Calvin's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hiberlin View Post
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    Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac? He used to lie awake at night wondering if there really is a dog!

  7. #66
    First Team Regular Leicester Fan's Avatar
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    Glenn Campbells been diagnosed with Alzheimers Disease...

    Now he's getting cards & letters from people he doesn't even know

  8. #67
    @hibs.net private member R'Albin's Avatar
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    I need to stop speaking to inanimate objects. Note to shelf.



    I tried to catch some fog earlier. I mist.



    "I have a split personality" said Tom being Frank.

  9. #68
    First Team Regular Leicester Fan's Avatar
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    My girlfriend is the exact double of Adele.

    40 stone.




    im in hospital waiting for my daughters test results after she swallowed lots of lego.

    Im not worried but she's sh**ting bricks

  10. #69
    @hibs.net private member Hamish's Avatar
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    This bloke said to me, 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library.' I thought 'That's a turn-up for the books."

  11. #70
    @hibs.net private member Speedy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jack View Post
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    Q: What do you get if you divide the circumference of a Halloween lantern by its diameter?
    A: Pumpkin Pi!
    I'll give you marks for working but you've mixed up your formulas

  12. #71
    First Team Regular Leicester Fan's Avatar
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    What's the difference between Fernando Torres and Wayne Bridge?

    John Terry appreciates Wayne Bridge's misses.

  13. #72
    Coaching Staff Future17's Avatar
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    "Wolfgang Mozart" said Mozart's friend to him. Then they were eaten by a gang of wolves.

  14. #73
    Ginger goal machine nonshinyfinish's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by deano88 View Post
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    I'll give you marks for working but you've mixed up your formulas
    I don't believe he has - the circumference of a circle = pi x the diameter.

    (I'm assuming a spherical pumpkin.)

    Logan, McGregor, Hanlon (Gunnarsson 83), Fontaine (Henderson 70), Gray, Fyvie, McGeouch, McGinn, Stevenson, Stokes, Cummings (Keatings 65)

  15. #74
    @hibs.net private member Speedy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nonshinyfinish View Post
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    I don't believe he has - the circumference of a circle = pi x the diameter.

    (I'm assuming a spherical pumpkin.)
    Is the correct answer.

    Must've been a long day.

  16. #75
    Administrator matty_f's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nonshinyfinish View Post
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    I don't believe he has - the circumference of a circle = pi x the diameter.

    (I'm assuming a spherical pumpkin.)
    That's a crap joke.
    http://hibscomebackison.blogspot.co.uk/ - Read my blog "So A Season Starts.. " - Updated TODAY 03/08/15

  17. #76
    Ginger goal machine nonshinyfinish's Avatar
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    Barman says, "Sorry, we don't serve neutrinos." A neutrino walks into the bar.

    Logan, McGregor, Hanlon (Gunnarsson 83), Fontaine (Henderson 70), Gray, Fyvie, McGeouch, McGinn, Stevenson, Stokes, Cummings (Keatings 65)

  18. #77
    Private Members Prediction League Winner Hibrandenburg's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nonshinyfinish View Post
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    Barman says, "Sorry, we don't serve neutrinos." A neutrino walks into the bar.
    Ooh! Someone is well up to date on his quantum science. :-)

  19. #78
    Testimonial Due H18SScottW's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Leicester Fan View Post
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    I'm now 20 hours into my sponsored semaphore marathon, unfortunately I'm starting to flag quite badly.




    Two DJ's walking down the street ...

    DJ 1: "Do you fancy going to the pictures tonight?"

    DJ 2: "Dunno, who's the projectionist?"

  20. #79
    Quote Originally Posted by Hiber-nation View Post
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    I ordered Pelican Curry but got a right shock when I saw the massive bill.
    I had a Tarka Vindaloo.
    Just like a Chicken Vindaloo, but it's 'otter.


    Hospital visitor walks into a ward, goes up to the first bed and the patient says 'Fair fa' yer honest sonsie face'
    Visitor says 'Aye,right' and goes to the next bed.
    That patient says 'Wee sleekit cooerin' tim'rous beastie.'
    Visitor turns to the nurse and says 'I take it this is a psychiatric ward?'
    The nurse says:





    'Naw it's the Burns unit.'

  21. #80
    @hibs.net private member Peevemor's Avatar
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    A skeleton walked into a bar and asked for a pint of lager and a mop.

  22. #81
    Testimonial Due forthhibby's Avatar
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    Three strings walk into a bar. The first string says confidently, "I've got the first round, boys," and strides up to the bar. Bartender says, "Are you a string?" String says, "Yeah." Bartender says, "sorry, we don't serve strings here." String returns to his buddies, red-faced. "Looks like we aren't getting drinks after all, boys."

    String #2 steps up and says, "Don't worry, I'll take care of this." He glides up, drops a twenty on the bar and shouts, "Three whiskeys for me and my buddies, friend!" Bartender looks him up and down, takes his twenty, and says, "Are you a string?" String #2 stands there dumbstruck, unable to even form even the simplest of replies. Bartender says, "Listen, pal, like I told your friend over there, we don't serve strings. Now, beat it."

    "Well," says String #2 to his buddies, "That's that. It's over. Let's just go."

    But just then, String #3 has an idea. He ties himself up in a big knot, frays the ends of himself with his pocketknife, and sidles up to the bar. "I'd like three whiskeys, please." Bartender looks at him and says, "Are you a string?"

    "No" he says to the bartender, "I'm a frayed knot."

  23. #82
    @hibs.net private member R'Albin's Avatar
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    I had an argument with a Lolly pop lady today. She made me cross.

  24. #83
    @hibs.net private member The_Exile's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nonshinyfinish View Post
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    Barman says, "Sorry, we don't serve neutrinos." A neutrino walks into the bar.
    In the same vein as the above.........

    Neutrino...................knock knock

  25. #84
    Private Members Prediction League Winner Hibrandenburg's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Caversham Green View Post
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    I had a Tarka Vindaloo.
    Just like a Chicken Vindaloo, but it's 'otter.


    Hospital visitor walks into a ward, goes up to the first bed and the patient says 'Fair fa' yer honest sonsie face'
    Visitor says 'Aye,right' and goes to the next bed.
    That patient says 'Wee sleekit cooerin' tim'rous beastie.'
    Visitor turns to the nurse and says 'I take it this is a psychiatric ward?'
    The nurse says:





    'Naw it's the Burns unit.'
    Like!

  26. #85
    Ginger goal machine nonshinyfinish's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by The_Exile View Post
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    In the same vein as the above.........

    Neutrino...................knock knock


    I heard that one next week.

    Logan, McGregor, Hanlon (Gunnarsson 83), Fontaine (Henderson 70), Gray, Fyvie, McGeouch, McGinn, Stevenson, Stokes, Cummings (Keatings 65)

  27. #86
    Testimonial Due Kaiser_Sauzee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nonshinyfinish View Post
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    Barman says, "Sorry, we don't serve neutrinos." A neutrino walks into the bar.
    Let's wait for validation of the results, shall we?

    VERY clever though.

  28. #87
    First Team Regular Mixu62's Avatar
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    A woman walks into a butchers shop on a freezing winters day in Glasgow. Just as she enters, the butcher is coming out of the walk-in fridge and stands with his back to a heater. The woman looks at the meat on display and says, "it that your Ayrshire bacon?" The butcher replies, "naw, just tryin' tae warm ma hands up!"

  29. #88
    First Team Breakthrough RigRoars's Avatar
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    A penguin walks into a bar.

    Barman says 'can i help you'?

    Penguin says 'I'm looking for my brother,have you seen him'?

    Barman says 'what does he look like'?




    Whats the difference between Mick Jagger and a sheep farmer from the the highlands?

    Mick Jagger says 'Hey you get of a ma cloud'

    Sheep farmer says ' Hey McLeod get of a ma Ewe'
    Last edited by RigRoars; 04-10-2011 at 02:14 AM.

  30. #89
    Testimonial Due Dinkydoo's Avatar
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    Gamertag: Dinkydoo1875
    Tea is for mugs.



    -----------------------------

    First thing this morning, there was a tap on my door.Funny sense of humour my plumber has.

    ----------------------------

    I was eating my tea last night when I suddenly thought to myself, "This milk must be seriously out of date."

    ----------------------------

    I went for a job interview as a blacksmith yesterday. He said, "Have you ever shoed a horse?"I said, "No, but I've told a donkey to **** off."
    Last edited by Dinkydoo; 05-10-2011 at 11:47 AM.

  31. #90
    Promising Youngster TheUsualSuspect's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Doddie View Post
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    A guy goes hunting in the woods.

    As he's creeping through the undergrowth, he hears a rustling in the bushes up ahead. He can't see what's making the noise, but he fires just the same.............................................. ..

    "Hey it's you AGAIN? You don't really come here for the hunting, do you?"


    Doddie, I have to ask, are you sure that's not an autobiography? just that your sig picture looks like it has a 9ft grizzly bear on it.

    Why is 10 afraid of 7?? 'Cause 7,8,9


    A bear walks into a bar and the bar man goes "what ya want pal?"
    Bear replies "a lager and a .................................................. .......................................whisky"
    the bar man goes and gets the drinks when he gets back he goes to the bear "hey what's wi' the big pause???"
    the bear replies "i was born with them"

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