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  1. #481
    @hibs.net private member blackpoolhibs's Avatar
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    My grandad has diarrhea, my dad has it and i have it too, runs in the family.


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  3. #482
    @hibs.net private member Hiber-nation's Avatar
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    Thanks for explaining the word "many" to me, it means a lot.

  4. #483
    First Team Breakthrough Alfiembra's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hiber-nation View Post
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    Thanks for explaining the word "many" to me, it means a lot.
    Its a bit like laying linoleum you’ve got to have a flair for it.

  5. #484
    @hibs.net private member snooky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hiber-nation View Post
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    Thanks for explaining the word "many" to me, it means a lot.
    For some reason that one took me a wee while. Probably because I thought you were answering a previous poster.

  6. #485
    Testimonial Due Geo_1875's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by blackpoolhibs View Post
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    My grandad has diarrhea, my dad has it and i have it too, runs in the family.
    There was a report of an outbreak of diarrhoea at an Indian holiday resort. When asked how many cases a resort spokesman said "No cases sir, but many many handbags and a lot of bin bags."

  7. #486
    @hibs.net private member Captain Trips's Avatar
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    PJ and Drunken: Let's get ready to stumble.
    If I choose to revert back to Carlsberg it will have to be The Carlsberg

  8. #487
    @hibs.net private member snooky's Avatar
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    Oldie but goldie......

    Scotsman and Englishman and an Irishman are the only survivors from a plane crash in the desert.
    They each decide to salvage something from the plane that might help their survival.

    The Englishman finds a gun.
    "What good is that?" - the other two ask.
    He replies - "If we meet some wild nomadic tribes we will be able to protect ourselves and if we see vultures, we can kill them for food."
    "Brilliant!" - the other two reply.

    "What did you get, Jock?" - the two ask.
    He produces an umbrella.
    "What good is that?" - they ask.
    He replies - "Well, it will shade us from the blazing sun and, if it rains, we can turn it upside down and catch some water."
    "Brilliant!" - they reply.

    "And what did you get, Paddy?" - they ask.
    "I've got this car door" - says the Irishman.
    "What good is that?" - they ask.
    Paddy replies "Well, I was just thinking, if it gets too hot, we can wind down the window."

  9. #488
    The farmer said he had forty eight sheep in his field and asked me to round them up.

    I said "OK, fifty".

  10. #489
    @hibs.net private member Chez's Avatar
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    In Spain, there is a tradition after a bullfight to serve the mayor the bull’s testicles.
    -
    One day after a bullfight, the mayor asks the waiter: “Funny, why are they so small today?”
    -
    The waiter: “Today, sir, the bull won



  11. #490
    @hibs.net private member Hamish's Avatar
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    I have found my favourite old toy, a globe, in the loft. When I was a boy it meant the world to me.

  12. #491
    The Scottish Space Agency send a rocket to the moon, on board is a Jambo and a monkey. Each of them has an envelope with their instructions on arrival.

    When the rocket touches down the monkey opens his envelope first and starts to carry out his orders.

    1. Signal back to earth that the rocket has arrived safely. He sends a signal.

    2. Check the exterior of the rocket for damage. The monkey makes the check.

    3. Fix any damage. The monkey repairs some of the heat shield panels.

    4. Take a rock and soil sample. The monkey starts to collect rocks and gets and uses his spade to gather some soil.

    5. Map the local area. The monkey starts to measure distances and takes photos.

    The list continues in this manner.

    While all of this is going on the Jambo is watching the monkey in amazement until he remembers his own envelope. He opens it up and sees that he only has one job to do, it says “remember to feed the monkey”.

  13. #492
    @hibs.net private member StevieT's Avatar
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    I saw a brightly coloured mountain train carriage the other day and I thought to myself 'that's a funny colour'.

  14. #493
    Coaching Staff Future17's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by StevieT View Post
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    I saw a brightly coloured mountain train carriage the other day and I thought to myself 'that's a funny colour'.
    Took me a while. :-)

  15. #494
    @hibs.net private member snooky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by StevieT View Post
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    I saw a brightly coloured mountain train carriage the other day and I thought to myself 'that's a funny colour'.
    Now, that's quite subtle.

  16. #495
    @hibs.net private member CropleyWasGod's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Future17 View Post
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    Took me a while. :-)
    It took me all afternoon.

  17. #496
    Coaching Staff heretoday's Avatar
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    Knock knock!

    Who's there?

    Hawaii.

    Hawaii who?

    I'm very well, thank you and Hawaii you?

  18. #497
    @hibs.net private member snooky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by heretoday View Post
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    Knock knock!

    Who's there?

    Hawaii.

    Hawaii who?

    I'm very well, thank you and Hawaii you?
    Where's the 'smart' part?

  19. #498
    I'd been away told my wife I'd come home with a case of diarrhoea."Couldn't you get the Bud Light?"she asked.

  20. #499
    Private Members Prediction League Winner Hibrandenburg's Avatar
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    What do you call a cat does it take to screw in a light bulb? They could worry the banana.

  21. #500
    @hibs.net private member Hibbyradge's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hibrandenburg View Post
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    What do you call a cat does it take to screw in a light bulb? They could worry the banana.
    That's not geranium.
    Buy nothing online unless you check for free cashback here first. I've already earned £1,789.68!



  22. #501
    @hibs.net private member snooky's Avatar
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    I suppose it's the way you tell 'em.

  23. #502
    Private Members Prediction League Winner Hibrandenburg's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hibbyradge View Post
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    That's not geranium.
    Quote Originally Posted by snooky View Post
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    I suppose it's the way you tell 'em.
    In my defence I'd like to point out that the quoted joke was created by an AI tasked with writing jokes. You can't argue that it's not smart or bad but whether it's funny or not because of it is debatable

    http://www.iflscience.com/technology/ais-attempts-at-oneliner-jokes-are-unintentionally-hilarious/

  24. #503
    @hibs.net private member blackpoolhibs's Avatar
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    If you say gullible very slowly it sounds like oranges.

  25. #504
    Pun Lovin' Criminal Northernhibee's Avatar
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    A Tunnocks teacake picked up a Caramel Log in his taxi to head to the airport.

    He asks "So how long are you a way for?"


    Do you think your security can keep you in purity, you will not shake us off above or below. Scottish friction, Scottish fiction

  26. #505
    @hibs.net private member Just Alf's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by blackpoolhibs View Post
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    If you say gullible very slowly it sounds like oranges.
    Grrrrr!



    Sent from my SM-G925F using Tapatalk
    "The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
    --Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.

  27. #506
    @hibs.net private member blackpoolhibs's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Just Alf View Post
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    Grrrrr!



    Sent from my SM-G925F using Tapatalk

    You didnt?

  28. #507
    @hibs.net private member Just Alf's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by blackpoolhibs View Post
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    You didnt?
    Please.......




    Just leave me alone!!!!!!
















    Sent from my SM-G925F using Tapatalk
    "The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
    --Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.

  29. #508
    Coaching Staff heretoday's Avatar
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    My neighbour lives in a tumble drier. He gets around a lot.

  30. #509
    @hibs.net private member Scouse Hibby's Avatar
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    I phoned the RAC and told tbem "my car won't start", the lassie on the phone said "try it in reverse" so I said "start won't car my"
    "If a player is not interfering with play or seeking to gain
    an advantage, then he should be."

  31. #510
    @hibs.net private member Peevemor's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Scouse Hibby View Post
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    I phoned the RAC and told tbem "my car won't start", the lassie on the phone said "try it in reverse" so I said "start won't car my"
    That's like the guy who tried on a pair of shoes and told the salesman that they were too tight.

    "Try them with the tongue out"

    "They're thtill thoo thighth!"

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