hibs.net Messageboard

 

Page 16 of 17 FirstFirst ... 614151617 LastLast
Results 451 to 480 of 495
  1. #451
    @hibs.net private member Hibbyradge's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2002
    Location
    1000's of people's Barcelona
    Posts
    33,456
    Quote Originally Posted by DH1875 View Post
    This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote
    Why did the cow go to the cinema?

    Cause it wanted to see a MOOvie.

    *Not reading through the whole thread so if its been done before, sue me.
    You're safe, DH.

    Nobody will have told that one. Believe me.
    Buy nothing online unless you check for free cashback here first. I've already earned £1,789.68!




  2. Log in to remove the advert

  3. #452
    @hibs.net private member Peevemor's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2003
    Location
    Saint-Malo, Brittany
    Age
    50
    Posts
    17,263
    Quote Originally Posted by Hibbyradge View Post
    This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote
    You're safe, DH.

    Nobody will have told that one. Believe me.
    I'm not sure everyone has the same definition of "smart"...

  4. #453
    Quote Originally Posted by Peevemor View Post
    This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote
    I'm not sure everyone has the same definition of "smart"...
    Well its up there with 3 jokes posted before it

  5. #454
    @hibs.net private member Golden Fleece's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2002
    Location
    between a brewery & distillery
    Posts
    11,681
    Quote Originally Posted by DH1875 View Post
    This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote
    Well its down there with 3 jokes posted before it
    STFY
    #Persevered
    Scotland can be a beacon, within these islands and beyond, for a socially just and sustainable society. Whilst there are many priorities which will require independence, there is also much that can and must be done now by the Scottish Parliament and the Scottish Government.

  6. #455
    @hibs.net private member snooky's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2002
    Location
    Down East
    Posts
    11,538
    Blog Entries
    4
    Quote Originally Posted by DH1875 View Post
    This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote
    Well its up there with 3 jokes posted before it
    Let's get all the old cow jokes out now and be done with them.

    Why do cows have bells round their necks? Because their horns don't work. <groan>

  7. #456
    Testimonial Due Geo_1875's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    In my Joy Division Oven Gloves
    Posts
    4,037
    What animal would you see at the Edinburgh Tattoo?

    A miltary coo.

  8. #457
    @hibs.net private member --------'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Posts
    25,324
    Gamer IDs

    Gamertag: Eh? PSN ID: No comprendo, senor. Wii Code: What's a Wii?
    Quote Originally Posted by Geo_1875 View Post
    This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote
    What animal would you see at the Edinburgh Tattoo?

    A miltary coo.

    What do you call a coo with a machine gun and a number 7 on its back?

    A right-wing military coo.

  9. #458
    @hibs.net private member lord bunberry's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Location
    edinburgh
    Posts
    12,185
    Quote Originally Posted by Hibbyradge View Post
    This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote
    There seems to be an animal theme developing, so ...

    An old bull and a young bull stand on a hillside, overlooking a field in which several cows are grazing.

    The young bull says to the old bull, “Hey, let’s run down the hill and f*** one of those heifers.”

    The old bull replies, “No, let’s walk down and f*** all of them.”
    I’ve been laughing at this joke for ages and I don’t really know why

    GIRLS DONT LIKE BOYS GIRLS LIKE SIMON MURRAY

  10. #459
    @hibs.net private member sleeping giant's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2004
    Location
    Broxburn
    Posts
    18,014
    When we getting back to smart jokes ? :-)
    No Eternal Reward Shall Forgive Us Now For Wasting The Dawn

  11. #460
    @hibs.net private member Hibbyradge's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2002
    Location
    1000's of people's Barcelona
    Posts
    33,456
    Quote Originally Posted by lord bunberry View Post
    This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote
    I’ve been laughing at this joke for ages and I don’t really know why
    It's a belter, that's why.

    Because of that joke, there are loads of people to whom the nickname "young bull" applies.
    Buy nothing online unless you check for free cashback here first. I've already earned £1,789.68!



  12. #461
    Testimonial Due hibby6270's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2004
    Location
    Leith, Edinburgh
    Age
    59
    Posts
    1,650
    When you’re halfway through eating that scabby horse, you’re not as hungry as you first thought!

  13. #462
    Promising Youngster Alfiembra's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    Location
    Embra
    Age
    61
    Posts
    93
    A man was driving through the countryside when his car broke down, not knowing what was wrong he stood looking under the bonnet scratching his head. He was parked next to a field which had two horses in it, all of a sudden one of the horses came trotting over to him. To his amazement the horse spoke to him.

    “Broken down” asks the horse.
    The man is speechless, a talking horse.
    ”Have you run out of petrol” asks the horse.
    The man still amazed says, “No I only filled up a few miles back”
    The horse then says “Give the battery leads a wiggle, make sure they’re on tight”
    The man checks the leads and sure enough one was loose, he tightens it up try’s the starter and the car bursts into life.
    The man is over the moon “Thank you so much” he says to the horse.
    ”No problem” says the horse and trots back off to the other horse.

    The man drives off and a few miles down the road spots a cafe and decides to stop for a coffee.
    While getting served he chats to the owner.
    ” The strangest thing just happened to me, my car broke down a few miles back and I didn’t know what was wrong with it. I was beside a field and this horse came over and started talking to me. I couldn’t believe it, then the horse told me how to fix my car”

    The owner of the cafe looked at the man quizzically and said.
    ”Was it a black horse or a white horse”
    ”A black horse” says the man.
    ”Ah you were lucky then” replied the owner.
    ” The white horse knows **** all about cars”

  14. #463
    A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced Up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized She was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took The seat right beside his. Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, “Business trip or pleasure?”

    She turned, smiled and said, “Business. I’m going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston."

    He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen Sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs!

    Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, “What’s your Business at this convention?”

    “Lecturer,” she responded. “I use information that I have learned from my Personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.”

    “Really?” he said. “And what kind of myths are there?”

    “Well,” she explained, “one popular myth is that African-American men are The most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is That Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is Scotsmen who are the best. I have also discovered that the lover with Absolutely the best stamina is the Irish

    Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed.. “I’m Sorry,” she said, “I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I don’t Even know your name.”

    “Tonto,” the man said, “Tonto McTavish but my friends call me Paddy".

  15. #464
    'S' Form
    Join Date
    Jan 2018
    Location
    Edinburgh
    Posts
    21
    What did one tonsil say to the other tonsil?

    Get your jacket on, the doctor's taking us out tonight 😀

  16. #465
    Private Members Prediction League Winner Hibrandenburg's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2002
    Location
    Brandenburg
    Age
    52
    Posts
    9,718
    There are 2 things on earth you can see from space:

    1. The Great Wall of China

    2. Footballs leaving Tynecastle and burning on re-entry into the Earth's atmosphere

  17. #466
    @hibs.net private member blackpoolhibs's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2002
    Location
    Blackpool
    Age
    58
    Posts
    48,032
    A woman from Hinckley Leicestershire (pictured here) has lost her case at Leicester magistrates court today, after she tried to sue the "Royal infirmary " Her husband went in for an operation which left him unable to have sex with her afterwards.
    Mrs DeMinger of Hinckley aged 67 said to reporters outside court this afternoon "Me and me 'usband Fred 'ave 'ad bangin' sex till 'e went ta 'ospital and 'ad 'is operation, now 'e's not interested 'n me and it's all down to them twats" !
    The surgeon who performed the operation and attended court to give evidence said "all we did was removed Fred's Cataracts" !minger.jpg

  18. #467
    @hibs.net private member
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Posts
    2,734
    Dickens ‘A Tale Of Two Cities’ was first serialised in two local newspapers.

    “It was the Bicester Times, it was The Worcester Times”.


    Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

  19. #468
    @hibs.net private member snooky's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2002
    Location
    Down East
    Posts
    11,538
    Blog Entries
    4
    The residents of Morningside are so posh they get the Big Issue delivered.

  20. #469
    First Team Breakthrough
    Join Date
    Apr 2015
    Posts
    180
    Was out with my wife for dinner, we had venison.
    It was a bit deer.

  21. #470
    @hibs.net private member snooky's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2002
    Location
    Down East
    Posts
    11,538
    Blog Entries
    4
    Quote Originally Posted by rodhibs55 View Post
    This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote
    Was out with my wife for dinner, we had venison.
    It was a bit deer.
    Maybe, but you had two in a roe!

  22. #471
    @hibs.net private member Hibbyradge's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2002
    Location
    1000's of people's Barcelona
    Posts
    33,456
    Quote Originally Posted by Hibrandenburg View Post
    This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote
    There are 2 things on earth you can see from space:

    1. The Great Wall of China

    2. Footballs leaving Tynecastle and burning on re-entry into the Earth's atmosphere
    The first one isn't true.
    Buy nothing online unless you check for free cashback here first. I've already earned £1,789.68!



  23. #472
    @hibs.net private member snooky's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2002
    Location
    Down East
    Posts
    11,538
    Blog Entries
    4
    Oldie but somewhat appropriate.

    Maid: "Your Lordship, the butler is urinating in the snow to spelling out his name".
    His Lordship: "That's nothing to worry about, my dear. Men do these things."
    Maid: I know your Lordship, but it's in Her Ladyship's handwriting"

  24. #473
    @hibs.net private member alhibby's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Location
    near the libby
    Age
    62
    Posts
    408
    Was oot clearing the snow earlier and I felt my mouth freezing up.
    So I gritted my teeth! 😂

  25. #474
    @hibs.net private member alhibby's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Location
    near the libby
    Age
    62
    Posts
    408
    What's the difference between a kangaroo and a kangaroot?

    One is a animal and the other one is a Geordie stuck in a lift.

  26. #475
    @hibs.net private member sleeping giant's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2004
    Location
    Broxburn
    Posts
    18,014
    Quote Originally Posted by alhibby View Post
    This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote
    What's the difference between a kangaroo and a kangaroot?

    One is a animal and the other one is a Geordie stuck in a lift.
    No Eternal Reward Shall Forgive Us Now For Wasting The Dawn

  27. #476
    @hibs.net private member blackpoolhibs's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2002
    Location
    Blackpool
    Age
    58
    Posts
    48,032
    I went to see a faith healer last night.
    He was that bad, a bloke in a wheelchair got up and walked out!

  28. #477
    'S' Form
    Join Date
    Jan 2018
    Location
    Edinburgh
    Posts
    21
    Quote Originally Posted by blackpoolhibs View Post
    This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote
    A woman from Hinckley Leicestershire (pictured here) has lost her case at Leicester magistrates court today, after she tried to sue the "Royal infirmary " Her husband went in for an operation which left him unable to have sex with her afterwards.
    Mrs DeMinger of Hinckley aged 67 said to reporters outside court this afternoon "Me and me 'usband Fred 'ave 'ad bangin' sex till 'e went ta 'ospital and 'ad 'is operation, now 'e's not interested 'n me and it's all down to them twats" !
    The surgeon who performed the operation and attended court to give evidence said "all we did was removed Fred's Cataracts" !minger.jpg
    :

  29. #478
    Testimonial Due Geo_1875's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    In my Joy Division Oven Gloves
    Posts
    4,037
    What did the drummer call his daughters?

    Anna 1 Anna 2

  30. #479
    @hibs.net private member Billy Whizz's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2002
    Location
    Edinburgh
    Age
    56
    Posts
    23,083
    Subject Thought this would interest you - England v Ireland. St Patrick's Day 17th March 2018.


    England v Ireland March 17 St Patrick’s Day Twickenham



    This may be of interest to one of you.

    A friend of mine has two tickets in a corporate box for England v Ireland 17th Mar.

    He paid £300 each, but he didn't realise when he bought them months ago that it was going to be the same day as his wedding. If you are interested, he is looking for someone to take his place.








    It's at Marylebone Registry Office, at 4.30pm.

    The bride's name is Nicole -- she's 5'4", about 8 stone, quite pretty, has her own income and is a really good cook

  31. #480
    Private Members Prediction League Winner Hibrandenburg's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2002
    Location
    Brandenburg
    Age
    52
    Posts
    9,718
    Hibs have agreed to withdraw their complaint after a 50p piece was thrown on the pitch at the last Tynecastle derby. Turns out it was a takeover bid.

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
hibs.net ©2012 All Rights Reserved