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  1. #361
    First Team Regular Mixu62's Avatar
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    Woman on death row the night before her execution. Prison guard says to her "what do you want for your last meal?" She replies "I dunno what do you feel like?"


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  3. #362
    @hibs.net private member Alfiembra's Avatar
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    What does DNA stand for?



    National Dyslexic Association

    Dyslexia rules KO

  4. #363
    @hibs.net private member Hibbyradge's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mixu62 View Post
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    Woman on death row the night before her execution. Prison guard says to her "what do you want for your last meal?" She replies "I dunno what do you feel like?"
    Nope . . .
    Buy nothing online unless you check for free cashback here first. I've already earned £2,389.68!



  5. #364
    Said to my wife u look slim in black , she said put the light on

  6. #365
    @hibs.net private member Future17's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mixu62 View Post
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    Woman on death row the night before her execution. Prison guard says to her "what do you want for your last meal?" She replies "I dunno what do you feel like?"
    Quote Originally Posted by Hibbyradge View Post
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    Nope . . .
    A critique, based on the stereotype, of the indecisive nature of the female of the species I believe.

  7. #366
    Left by mutual consent! Peevemor's Avatar
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    "I'm sorry sir, you'll have to stop masturbating."

    "Why Doctor?"

    "Because I'm trying to speak to you."

  8. #367
    @hibs.net private member oldbutdim's Avatar
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    SON: "Hey dad why is my sister called Teresa"?
    DAD:"Because your mum loves Easter and it's an anagram of Easter"
    SON: :"Thank's Dad"
    DAD:"No Problem Alan"

  9. #368
    Private Members Prediction League Winner Hibrandenburg's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by oldbutdim View Post
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    SON: "Hey dad why is my sister called Teresa"?
    DAD:"Because your mum loves Easter and it's an anagram of Easter"
    SON: :"Thank's Dad"
    DAD:"No Problem Alan"

  10. #369
    @hibs.net private member snooky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by oldbutdim View Post
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    SON: "Hey dad why is my sister called Teresa"?
    DAD:"Because your mum loves Easter and it's an anagram of Easter"
    SON: :"Thank's Dad"
    DAD:"No Problem Alan"



  11. #370
    Quote Originally Posted by oldbutdim View Post
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    SON: "Hey dad why is my sister called Teresa"?
    DAD:"Because your mum loves Easter and it's an anagram of Easter"
    SON: :"Thank's Dad"
    DAD:"No Problem Alan"

    Excellent.

  12. #371
    Testimonial Due Geo_1875's Avatar
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    This might be of interest to some of you.
    The price of pies.
    In Jamaica you can get a steak and kidney pie for £1.75, a chicken and mushroom pie for £1.60 and an apple pie for £2.15. In St Kitts and Nevis a steak and kidney pie will cost you £2, a chicken pie (without mushrooms) is £1.70 and a cherry pie can be yours for £1.95. In Trinidad and Tobago, that steak and kidney pie comes in at £2.50, but you can buy two for £3.50, while the chicken and mushroom pie is £2.25, or two for £3.25. They also offer meat and potato pie for £2, or two for £3. Their apple pies and cherry pies are often sold for £2.75, or two (any combination) for £4.75.

    Those my friends are the Pie Rates of the Caribbean..

  13. #372
    What are buccaneers?

    They're the things on the sides of your buckin' head.

  14. #373
    Quote Originally Posted by oldbutdim View Post
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    SON: "Hey dad why is my sister called Teresa"?
    DAD:"Because your mum loves Easter and it's an anagram of Easter"
    SON: :"Thank's Dad"
    DAD:"No Problem Alan"
    Genuinely... sent this to a lassie I know.. to which she replied:

    "OMG my Mum and Dad are called Teresa and Alan!".

    What are the chances.

  15. #374
    @hibs.net private member ian cruise's Avatar
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    Personally, I don't think there's intelligent life on other planets.

    Why should other planets be any different from this one?

  16. #375
    Private Members Prediction League Winner Hibrandenburg's Avatar
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    My girlfriend has dumped me because of predictive text. She's still convinced I want to kick her puppy.

  17. #376
    @hibs.net private member CropleyWasGod's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hibrandenburg View Post
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    My girlfriend has dumped me because of predictive text. She's still convinced I want to kick her puppy.
    Mine dumped me because of my obsession with the Monkees.

    I thought she was joking....

    And then I saw her face.

    Sent from my SM-A510F using Tapatalk

  18. #377
    Testimonial Due jabis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Peevemor View Post
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    "I'm sorry sir, you'll have to stop masturbating."

    "Why Doctor?"

    "Because I'm trying to speak to you."
    Is that a line from the next doctor who ?

  19. #378
    An Egyptian drove past me the other day and tooted at me then mooned at me ,
    Bloody tooting car moon

  20. #379
    A Michigan fan was sitting at a table reading the newspaper. The headline reads: 12 Brazilian soldiers killed. He shakes his head at the sad news and turns to the man sitting next to him and asks "How many is a Brazilian?"

  21. #380
    @hibs.net private member sleeping giant's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DH1875 View Post
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    A Michigan fan was sitting at a table reading the newspaper. The headline reads: 12 Brazilian soldiers killed. He shakes his head at the sad news and turns to the man sitting next to him and asks "How many is a Brazilian?"
    No Eternal Reward Shall Forgive Us Now For Wasting The Dawn

  22. #381
    First Team Regular Mixu62's Avatar
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    When people go under water in movies i like to hold my breath to see if I could have survived the situation.

    I nearly died in finding nemo.

  23. #382
    Girl at Halloween party. "Ducking for apples? Change one letter and it's the story of my life".


    Sex is bad for one but it's good for two

  24. #383
    What's the difference between Tynecastle stadium and a porcupine?

    All the pricks are on the outside of a porcupine.

  25. #384

  26. #385
    @hibs.net private member snooky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Future17 View Post
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    Loved the plastic surgery one

  27. #386
    Coaching Staff --------'s Avatar
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    Gamer IDs

    Gamertag: Eh? PSN ID: No comprendo, senor. Wii Code: What's a Wii?
    A logician's wife had just had a baby.

    The midwife handed the child to the father.

    The mother asked him, "Is it a boy or a girl?"

    He answered, "Yes."



  28. #387
    @hibs.net private member sleeping giant's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Doddie View Post
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    A logician's wife had just had a baby.

    The midwife handed the child to the father.

    The mother asked him, "Is it a boy or a girl?"

    He answered, "Yes."



  29. #388
    @hibs.net private member Billy Whizz's Avatar
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    No English dictionary has been able to explain adequately the difference between these two words. In a recent linguistic competition held in London and attended by, supposedly, the best in the world, Samdar Balgobin, a Guyanese man, was the clear winner with a standing ovation which lasted over 5 minutes.

    The final question was: 'How do you explain the difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED in a way that is easy to understand? Some people say there is no difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED. Here is his astute answer:
    "When you marry the right woman, you are COMPLETE. When you marry the wrong woman, you are FINISHED. And when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are COMPLETELY FINISHED!"


    He won a trip around the world and the admiration of all!!

  30. #389
    Private Members Prediction League Winner Hibrandenburg's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Billy Whizz View Post
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    No English dictionary has been able to explain adequately the difference between these two words. In a recent linguistic competition held in London and attended by, supposedly, the best in the world, Samdar Balgobin, a Guyanese man, was the clear winner with a standing ovation which lasted over 5 minutes.

    The final question was: 'How do you explain the difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED in a way that is easy to understand? Some people say there is no difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED. Here is his astute answer:
    "When you marry the right woman, you are COMPLETE. When you marry the wrong woman, you are FINISHED. And when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are COMPLETELY FINISHED!"


    He won a trip around the world and the admiration of all!!

  31. #390
    @hibs.net private member snooky's Avatar
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    Barry Crier joke:
    A couple going out for dinner, and she's in the bathroom trying on a new dress, and she came out of the bathroom and said to her husband, "Does my bum look big in this?" He said, "Oh be fair, love, it's quite a small bathroom".

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