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  1. #331
    What's the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?

    About three stone.


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  3. #332
    @hibs.net private member Godsahibby's Avatar
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    I asked my mate what made him move to Switzerland, he said the flags a big plus!

  4. #333
    @hibs.net private member snooky's Avatar
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    My great grandfather fell at Waterloo.............. somebody pushed him off the platform.

  5. #334
    I'm getting the impression that people posting on this thread are ignoring both the word 'smart' and 'good'.

  6. #335
    @hibs.net private member easty's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SuperAllyMcleod View Post
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    I'm getting the impression that people posting on this thread are ignoring both the word 'smart' and 'good'.
    I dinnae get it...

  7. #336
    Quote Originally Posted by easty View Post
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    I dinnae get it...
    Now that's quite good and smart!

    I should have made clear it was a comment and not a joke

  8. #337
    @hibs.net private member Scouse Hibee's Avatar
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    Hear about the head chef on Mastermind? He said PASS on every question and got them all right.

  9. #338
    @hibs.net private member alhibby's Avatar
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    My wife asked me to bring home some stuff for the pancakes.

    She wasn't happy when I came back with a push up bra.

  10. #339
    Coaching Staff --------'s Avatar
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    Gamertag: Eh? PSN ID: No comprendo, senor. Wii Code: What's a Wii?
    Quote Originally Posted by Doddie View Post
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    Everything that goes up must come down - but there comes a time when not everything that's down is gonna come up.


    Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? Who has your dinner ready for you on the table, the TV turned to your favourite channel, and a freshly-made bed turned down and waiting?

    It means you're in the wrong house.


    Have I already posted my deja vu joke?



    Sex at my age is like shooting pool with a rope.

    Quote Originally Posted by Scouse Hibee View Post
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    Have I already told you my deja vu joke.

    OI! Watch it!

  11. #340
    @hibs.net private member Scouse Hibee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Doddie View Post
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    OI! Watch it!
    I'm sure you said that to me once before.

  12. #341
    Coaching Staff --------'s Avatar
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    Gamertag: Eh? PSN ID: No comprendo, senor. Wii Code: What's a Wii?
    Quote Originally Posted by Scouse Hibee View Post
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    I'm sure you said that to me once before.

  13. #342
    If you jumped of a river bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.

  14. #343
    First Team Regular Mixu62's Avatar
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    I can't remember how to write 51, 6 and 500 in Roman numerals.

    I AM LIVID.

  15. #344
    @hibs.net private member StevieT's Avatar
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    What do you call a man with no shins?

    Tony (toe-knee)

  16. #345
    @hibs.net private member Hibbyradge's Avatar
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    Buy nothing online unless you check for free cashback here first. I've already earned £2,389.68!



  17. #346
    Private Members Prediction League Winner Hibrandenburg's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hibbyradge View Post
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  18. #347
    @hibs.net private member snooky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hibbyradge View Post
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    Took me a few moments to get it - but that made it even funnier.

  19. #348
    @hibs.net private member easty's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hibbyradge View Post
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    Very good 😂

  20. #349
    First Team Regular weedgiehibbie's Avatar
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    When I was young, I was adopted by a man called Daz.

    He's my non-biological father.

  21. #350
    @hibs.net private member Alfiembra's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by weedgiehibbie View Post
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    When I was young, I was adopted by a man called Daz.

    He's my non-biological father.
    Is your name Soapy Souter?

  22. #351
    Coaching Staff heretoday's Avatar
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    I know what a pekingese is but what's a shih tzu?

    One that doesn't have any penguins.

  23. #352
    Quote Originally Posted by heretoday View Post
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    I know what a pekingese is but what's a shih tzu?

    One that doesn't have any penguins.
    Deja Vu repeating itself there (post 207).

    Anyway, my Bonny Tyler satnav kept telling me to turn around so I exchanged it for a Fleetwood Mac one.

    That keeps telling me I can go my own way.

  24. #353
    Left by mutual consent! Peevemor's Avatar
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    Did you hear about the guy that took his girlfriend out into the fog and mist?

  25. #354
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    Quote Originally Posted by Caversham Green View Post
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    Anyway, my Bonny Tyler satnav kept telling me to turn around so I exchanged it for a Fleetwood Mac one.

    That keeps telling me I can go my own way.
    That's better than my U2 satnav which takes me where the streets have no name. I still haven't found what I'm looking for.


    Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

  26. #355
    @hibs.net private member Scouse Hibee's Avatar
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    Walked out of Costa this morning when the guy started speaking a foreign language to me.I asked for coffee in English and he replied "Di Caff", must be Italian or something?

  27. #356
    Private Members Prediction League Winner Hibrandenburg's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by grunt View Post
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    That's better than my U2 satnav which takes me where the streets have no name. I still haven't found what I'm looking for.


    Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
    Don't even consider getting an AC/DC one.

  28. #357
    Private Members Prediction League Winner Hibrandenburg's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Peevemor View Post
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    Did you hear about the guy that took his girlfriend out into the fog and mist?
    Nope, too thick for that one.

  29. #358
    @hibs.net private member snooky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hibrandenburg View Post
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    Nope, too thick for that one.
    Harr! harr!

  30. #359
    Left by mutual consent! Peevemor's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hibrandenburg View Post
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    Nope, too thick for that one.
    Ahem... (missed)... ahem.

  31. #360
    Private Members Prediction League Winner Hibrandenburg's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Peevemor View Post
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    Ahem... (missed)... ahem.
    Aaaah, so it's a bit like the guy who tried to shoot his wife in the fog and mist?

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