always had a soft spot for, I guess what you would call educational(?), jokes. Jokes to do with maths and the likes.
best two I've heard recently
My dad once told me i had a lot of potential, right before he pushed me off the balcony.
&
(not so much a joke, but I like it)
sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium BATMAN!
anyone else out there with an awful sense of humour?
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25-03-2011 11:49 PM #1
'smart' jokes, so bad they're good
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26-03-2011 12:54 AM #3
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Q: What do you get if you divide the circumference of a Halloween lantern by its diameter?
A: Pumpkin Pi!Space to let
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26-03-2011 08:04 AM #4
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Bought a car off Bonnie Tyler the other week.
It's a great runner but every now and then it falls apart."You opened the box....and your soul belongs to me...."
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26-03-2011 12:56 PM #6
A debate in the Middle East about whether the flintstones should be shown on TV.The people in Dubai do not understand the humour,but those in Abi Dabi do.
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04-10-2011 02:32 PM #7This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote
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04-10-2011 05:26 PM #8
BBC News: An ultra-light plane has crashed into a Ferris wheel in a village north of Sydney, trapping four people, Australian officials say.
Some people dream of being a pilot, others simply fail to see the attraction
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17-09-2011 09:39 PM #9This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote
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18-09-2011 06:58 PM #10
What's the difference between Fernando Torres and Wayne Bridge?
John Terry appreciates Wayne Bridge's misses.
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19-09-2011 01:28 PM #11
"Wolfgang Mozart" said Mozart's friend to him. Then they were eaten by a gang of wolves.
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19-09-2011 02:01 PM #12This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote
(I'm assuming a spherical pumpkin.)
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22-09-2011 04:32 PM #13This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote
Must've been a long day.
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24-09-2011 10:19 AM #14This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show QuoteFollow the Hibs podcast, Longbangers, on Twitter (@longbangers)
https://longbangers.hubwave.net
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21-08-2023 04:26 PM #15This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote
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25-08-2023 05:46 PM #16
Did you hear about the dyslexic baker who joined the army?
He went out all buns glazing.
Do you think your security can keep you in purity, you will not shake us off above or below. Scottish friction, Scottish fiction
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26-08-2023 01:51 PM #18
Paddy climbs up to the top board of the swimming baths with a large fish under his arm. Murphy shouts up, "What you gonna do with that?"
Paddy replies, "Triple somersault with pike."
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23-09-2023 08:19 PM #19This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote
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20-04-2011 12:38 PM #20
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I played in a football match against a team of unreliable drug dealers.
It ended in a no score draw.
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20-04-2011 04:28 PM #21
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Putin comes on a state visit and is greeted by Her Majesty in the State Coach.On the way to the palace one of the horses does a humoungous fart and a dreadful smell fills the coach."i'm terribly sorry about that."says Her Maj."Think nothing of it,"says Putin "in fact I thought it was the horse."
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30-05-2011 01:25 AM #22
Two men are sitting at a restaurant when the waiter comes to take their drinks orders.
The first man says "I'll have an H2O please"
The other man, finding this funny says "I'll have an H2O too"
For some strange reason, after taking their drinks, the second man died.
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30-05-2011 11:52 AM #24This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote
A guy goes hunting in the woods.
As he's creeping through the undergrowth, he hears a rustling in the bushes up ahead. He can't see what's making the noise, but he fires just the same.
At which point a 9-foot grizzly bear rears up out of the bushes, very irate, clutching his forepaw.
"What did you do that for?" he says. "I wasn't bothering you. Why did you shoot me? That hurt!"
The hunter says, "Well, I'm a hunter, and you're a bear...."
The bear says, "Oh, really? And that gives you the right to shoot me when I'm minding my own business, not hurting anybody, just going about my regular bear affairs>? YOU need a LESSON!"
So the bear grabs the hunter, rips off all his clothes, and rapes him, before disappearing into the forest.
The hunter crawls back to the campsite where he's rescued and airlifted to hospital.
After lengthy surgery, much medication, and 6 months of psychological counselling, the hunter decides he's ready to face his fears and go back to the forest.
As he's creeping through the undergrowth, he hears a rustling in the bushes up ahead. He can't see what's making the noise, but he fires just the same.
At which point the same 9-foot grizzly bear rears up out of the bushes, very irate, clutching his other forepaw.
"What did you do that for?" he says. "I wasn't bothering you. Why did you shoot me? That hurt! Hey, it's YOU again! Do you NEVER learn?"
So the bear grabs the hunter, rips off all his clothes, and rapes him all over again, before disappearing back into the forest.
The hunter crawls back to the campsite where he's rescued and airlifted to hospital.
After even more surgery and much more medication, and after a whole year of counselling, the hunter decides he's ready to face his fears and go back to the forest.
As he's creeping through the undergrowth, he hears a rustling in the bushes up ahead. He can't see what's making the noise, but he fires just the same.
At which point the same 9-foot grizzly bear rears up out of the bushes, very irate, clutching his shoulder.
"What did you do that for?" he says. "I wasn't bothering you. Why did you shoot me? That really hurt!"
Then he stops, and looks hard at the hunter.
"Hey it's you AGAIN? You don't really come here for the hunting, do you?"
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30-05-2011 01:27 PM #25
23 people have been found glued to the ceiling and walls of a train in Dublin.
Police believe Irish Muslims have set off the 1st ever No Nails bomb
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30-05-2011 06:55 PM #26
When my girlfriend said she was leaving because of my obsession with The Monkees, I thought she was joking.
And then I saw her face.
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04-10-2011 09:29 AM #27This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote
Why is 10 afraid of 7?? 'Cause 7,8,9
A bear walks into a bar and the bar man goes "what ya want pal?"
Bear replies "a lager and a .................................................. .......................................whisky"
the bar man goes and gets the drinks when he gets back he goes to the bear "hey what's wi' the big pause???"
the bear replies "i was born with them"
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04-06-2011 10:51 PM #29
Saw two girls at the bar last night, so I approached the one and said, "Can I borrow your lighter mate?"
She said, "I don't smoke."
"Neither do I," I replied, "I want to dance with your fit friend, you tubby ****."
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05-06-2011 08:59 AM #30
Q: What's the definition of eternal love?
A: Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder playing tennis.
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