People think I am stupid because I have a lisp.
I am getting thick of it
Results 271 to 300 of 1283
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01-12-2016 09:35 PM #271
- Join Date
- Mar 2005
- Posts
- 546
Last edited by stevie-bee; 05-12-2016 at 06:02 AM.
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01-12-2016 11:12 PM #272
I used to like tractors.
I don't like tractors any more.
I'm an extractor fan.
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02-12-2016 01:42 AM #273
I bet on a horse the went off at 5/1
Came in at ten past two.
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15-12-2016 06:25 PM #274
Mates meeting in Shakespeare's on Lothian Road for our xmas night out
Trouble is I'm bard
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16-12-2016 05:14 PM #275This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show QuoteNo Eternal Reward Shall Forgive Us Now For Wasting The Dawn
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19-12-2016 04:06 PM #276
I've started a business building yachts in my attic. sails are going through the roof.
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19-12-2016 04:20 PM #277
Got laid off as a roofer for being drunk at work.
That's the last time I'm having a night on the tiles.
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23-12-2016 07:26 PM #278
Said to my mate "I saw the ex UKIP leader and the 'Simply The Best' singer leaving on an aeroplane together this morning"
"Farage & Tina?"
"No, for Brazil I think!!..
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25-12-2016 12:41 AM #279
How did Darth Vader know what Luke Skywalker was getting for Christmas?
He felt his presents.
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29-12-2016 03:55 PM #280
Three red indian squaws, all pregnant, all sitting on animal skins.
The first squaw was sitting on a bear skin
The second squaw was sitting on a buffalo skin
The third squaw who was expecting twins was sitting on a hippopotamus skin
- Which only goes to prove that the squaw on the hippopotamus is equal to the sum of the squaws on the other two hides.
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30-12-2016 08:06 AM #281
My doctor just gave me 6 months to live. So I shot him and the judge have gave me 15 years.
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30-12-2016 09:07 AM #282This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote
Brilliant . Stealing that anaw :-)No Eternal Reward Shall Forgive Us Now For Wasting The Dawn
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30-12-2016 06:40 PM #283
Met a bloke in the pub who claimed he was a clairvoyant.
He was an annoying sod, every time I tried to speak he kept laughing at me.
I was getting so wound up that I couldn't stand him laughing at me all the time so I punched him.
Always like to strike a happy medium.
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31-12-2016 06:16 AM #284
I went for a job in a mirror shop but I just couldn't see myself working there.
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31-12-2016 09:51 PM #285
My new years resolution is to stop using aerosol deodorants...
Roll on 2017!
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01-01-2017 01:57 AM #286This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote
Honestly :Last edited by sleeping giant; 01-01-2017 at 02:17 AM.
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01-01-2017 02:22 AM #287This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote
What a state. I'm sure I sounded like I had Tourette's .No Eternal Reward Shall Forgive Us Now For Wasting The Dawn
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02-01-2017 01:47 PM #288This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote
I know how you get the yacht out of the attic when you're finished.
You just break the bottle.
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03-01-2017 02:01 PM #290
- Join Date
- May 2010
- Location
- Killie
- Posts
- 94
Who circumcised Moby Dick?
4 skin divers!
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03-01-2017 02:03 PM #291
- Join Date
- May 2010
- Location
- Killie
- Posts
- 94
What do you call 2 Spanish Firemen?
Hose A & Hose B
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03-01-2017 02:04 PM #292
- Join Date
- May 2010
- Location
- Killie
- Posts
- 94
quasimodo got paid off.........got a Lump Sum & a Bottle of Bells
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04-01-2017 10:19 PM #293
- Join Date
- Apr 2002
- Age
- 49
- Posts
- 15,209
This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote
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04-01-2017 10:23 PM #294
- Join Date
- Apr 2002
- Age
- 49
- Posts
- 15,209
Quasimodo is getting chased down the streets by loads of kids he turns and says
"piss off I've not got your ball"
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06-01-2017 02:38 PM #295
I finally learned how to convert units to the metric system!
It's a real 1.61kilometers6.35kilograms for me.
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06-01-2017 03:54 PM #296This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote
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06-01-2017 04:42 PM #297This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote
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06-01-2017 04:46 PM #298This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote
Very poor indeed. Probably the worst joke I have ever heard :No Eternal Reward Shall Forgive Us Now For Wasting The Dawn
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12-01-2017 09:10 AM #299
What's the difference between a chickpea and a lentil?
Donald Trump wouldn't pay $1000 to have a lentil on his face.
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12-01-2017 07:38 PM #300
Whats the difference between a buffalo and a bison?
You can't wash your hands in a buffalo.
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