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  1. #271
    People think I am stupid because I have a lisp.

    I am getting thick of it
    Last edited by stevie-bee; 05-12-2016 at 06:02 AM.


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  3. #272
    @hibs.net private member Thief's Avatar
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    I used to like tractors.
    I don't like tractors any more.
    I'm an extractor fan.


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  4. #273
    Testimonial Due Just Jimmy's Avatar
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    I bet on a horse the went off at 5/1




    Came in at ten past two.

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  5. #274
    Testimonial Due jodjam's Avatar
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    Mates meeting in Shakespeare's on Lothian Road for our xmas night out

    Trouble is I'm bard

  6. #275
    @hibs.net private member sleeping giant's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by stevie-bee View Post
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    People think I am stupid because I have a lisp.

    I am getting thick of it
    No Eternal Reward Shall Forgive Us Now For Wasting The Dawn

  7. #276
    @hibs.net private member Jim44's Avatar
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    I've started a business building yachts in my attic. sails are going through the roof.

  8. #277
    @hibs.net private member snooky's Avatar
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    Got laid off as a roofer for being drunk at work.
    That's the last time I'm having a night on the tiles.

  9. #278
    @hibs.net private member blackpoolhibs's Avatar
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    Said to my mate "I saw the ex UKIP leader and the 'Simply The Best' singer leaving on an aeroplane together this morning"
    "Farage & Tina?"
    "No, for Brazil I think!!..

  10. #279
    Coaching Staff HUTCHYHIBBY's Avatar
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    How did Darth Vader know what Luke Skywalker was getting for Christmas?

    He felt his presents.

  11. #280
    Promising Youngster Alfiembra's Avatar
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    Three red indian squaws, all pregnant, all sitting on animal skins.
    The first squaw was sitting on a bear skin
    The second squaw was sitting on a buffalo skin
    The third squaw who was expecting twins was sitting on a hippopotamus skin


    • Which only goes to prove that the squaw on the hippopotamus is equal to the sum of the squaws on the other two hides.

  12. #281
    First Team Regular Mixu62's Avatar
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    My doctor just gave me 6 months to live. So I shot him and the judge have gave me 15 years.

  13. #282
    @hibs.net private member sleeping giant's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Alfiembra View Post
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    Three red indian squaws, all pregnant, all sitting on animal skins.
    The first squaw was sitting on a bear skin
    The second squaw was sitting on a buffalo skin
    The third squaw who was expecting twins was sitting on a hippopotamus skin


    • Which only goes to prove that the squaw on the hippopotamus is equal to the sum of the squaws on the other two hides.

    Brilliant . Stealing that anaw :-)
    No Eternal Reward Shall Forgive Us Now For Wasting The Dawn

  14. #283
    Promising Youngster Alfiembra's Avatar
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    Met a bloke in the pub who claimed he was a clairvoyant.
    He was an annoying sod, every time I tried to speak he kept laughing at me.
    I was getting so wound up that I couldn't stand him laughing at me all the time so I punched him.

    Always like to strike a happy medium.

  15. #284
    Coaching Staff heretoday's Avatar
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    I went for a job in a mirror shop but I just couldn't see myself working there.

  16. #285
    First Team Regular weedgiehibbie's Avatar
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    My new years resolution is to stop using aerosol deodorants...

    Roll on 2017!

  17. #286
    @hibs.net private member sleeping giant's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by weedgiehibbie View Post
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    My new years resolution is to stop using aerosol deodorants...

    Roll on 2017!
    I've stopped using shampoo

    Honestly :
    Last edited by sleeping giant; 01-01-2017 at 02:17 AM.

  18. #287
    @hibs.net private member sleeping giant's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Alfiembra View Post
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    Three red indian squaws, all pregnant, all sitting on animal skins.
    The first squaw was sitting on a bear skin
    The second squaw was sitting on a buffalo skin
    The third squaw who was expecting twins was sitting on a hippopotamus skin


    • Which only goes to prove that the squaw on the hippopotamus is equal to the sum of the squaws on the other two hides.
    I've just tried to tell that at a party

    What a state. I'm sure I sounded like I had Tourette's .
    No Eternal Reward Shall Forgive Us Now For Wasting The Dawn

  19. #288
    @hibs.net private member --------'s Avatar
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    Gamertag: Eh? PSN ID: No comprendo, senor. Wii Code: What's a Wii?
    Quote Originally Posted by Jim44 View Post
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    I've started a business building yachts in my attic. sails are going through the roof.

    I know how you get the yacht out of the attic when you're finished.

    You just break the bottle.

  20. #289
    There's been an explosion at a French cheese factory.

    Debris everywhere.

  21. #290
    Promising Youngster
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    Who circumcised Moby Dick?

    4 skin divers!

  22. #291
    Promising Youngster
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    What do you call 2 Spanish Firemen?

    Hose A & Hose B

  23. #292
    Promising Youngster
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    quasimodo got paid off.........got a Lump Sum & a Bottle of Bells

  24. #293
    @hibs.net private member Captain Trips's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ayrshire Hibee View Post
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    quasimodo got paid off.........got a Lump Sum & a Bottle of Bells
    And a years back pay as well
    If I choose to revert back to Carlsberg it will have to be The Carlsberg

  25. #294
    @hibs.net private member Captain Trips's Avatar
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    Quasimodo is getting chased down the streets by loads of kids he turns and says

    "piss off I've not got your ball"
    If I choose to revert back to Carlsberg it will have to be The Carlsberg

  26. #295
    First Team Breakthrough steve75's Avatar
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    Gamertag: rowPP
    I finally learned how to convert units to the metric system!

    It's a real 1.61kilometers6.35kilograms for me.

  27. #296
    Private Members Prediction League Winner Hibrandenburg's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by steve75 View Post
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    I finally learned how to convert units to the metric system!

    It's a real 1.61kilometers6.35kilograms for me.
    Now that lives up to the thread title

  28. #297
    @hibs.net private member snooky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hibrandenburg View Post
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    Now that lives up to the thread title
    It's in a different 3.45234 miles.

  29. #298
    @hibs.net private member sleeping giant's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by steve75 View Post
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    I finally learned how to convert units to the metric system!

    It's a real 1.61kilometers6.35kilograms for me.
    Mate , that's poor.
    Very poor indeed. Probably the worst joke I have ever heard :
    No Eternal Reward Shall Forgive Us Now For Wasting The Dawn

  30. #299
    Testimonial Due Geo_1875's Avatar
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    What's the difference between a chickpea and a lentil?

    Donald Trump wouldn't pay $1000 to have a lentil on his face.

  31. #300
    Promising Youngster Alfiembra's Avatar
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    Whats the difference between a buffalo and a bison?

    You can't wash your hands in a buffalo.

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