I hate being bipolar, its awesome.
Results 541 to 570 of 1283
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03-10-2018 06:37 AM #542This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote
When asked about it he said “I left my tart in Fat Sams disco”
Do you think your security can keep you in purity, you will not shake us off above or below. Scottish friction, Scottish fiction
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03-10-2018 02:00 PM #543This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote
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03-10-2018 03:30 PM #544
- Join Date
- Apr 2015
- Posts
- 281
My pet mouse Elvis died this morning.
He was caught in a trap.
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04-10-2018 02:41 PM #545
A convict with a stutter died in prison just before he could finish his sentence.
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04-10-2018 03:09 PM #546This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show QuoteFollow the Hibs podcast, Longbangers, on Twitter (@longbangers)
https://longbangers.hubwave.net
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09-10-2018 06:46 PM #547
A sperm donor, a joiner and Julius Caesar walked into a bar. He came, he saw and he conquered.
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19-10-2018 01:31 PM #548
- Join Date
- Apr 2002
- Age
- 49
- Posts
- 15,209
I had to phone a drugs helpline today and was told "If your problem is related to cannabis press hash"
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20-10-2018 11:27 AM #549
A man sees a monkey in the jungle with a tin opener and says, "You don't need a tin opener to open bananas."
To which the monkey replies, "It's for the custard, you daft *******.”
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28-10-2018 05:01 PM #550
- Join Date
- Sep 2018
- Location
- Greenland
- Posts
- 1,389
I was in spec savers the other day, you’ll never guess who I bumped into? 👀 Absolutely everyone 😆👀😂😂😂😂😂😂
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28-10-2018 06:53 PM #551
- Join Date
- Aug 2016
- Posts
- 898
Did you hear about the alcoholic dyslexic man?
He choked on his own vimto.
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28-10-2018 07:33 PM #552
After several break ins at butchers across the city, Police are struggling to find the missing link.
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29-10-2018 06:21 AM #553
Asked the librarian if the library had any books about paranoia. She said, "they're right behind you".
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01-11-2018 05:06 PM #554
- Join Date
- Dec 2007
- Age
- 81
- Posts
- 13,821
Exit signs. Are they on the way out?
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02-11-2018 12:19 PM #555
Man walks into an ancient Greek tailors with a pair of ripped trousers. Tailor says, "Euripides?"
Man says, "Yeah. Eumenides?"
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16-11-2018 08:30 AM #558
I was going to see Bohemian Rhapsody last night, but the lighting wasn’t that great – I could see a little sillhoutte of a man…
Follow the Hibs podcast, Longbangers, on Twitter (@longbangers)
https://longbangers.hubwave.net
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16-11-2018 11:40 AM #559
The bathroom at work had a sign on the door which said
DO NOT USE
OUT OF ORDER
so I made sure I went to the toilet before I washed my hands.
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22-11-2018 11:35 AM #560
I've just fitted strobe lights in the bedroom. . . . .. .It makes the wife look like she's moving during sex.
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22-11-2018 11:53 AM #561
It's amazing how a family can be torn apart by something as simple as wild dogs.
Follow the Hibs podcast, Longbangers, on Twitter (@longbangers)
https://longbangers.hubwave.net
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23-11-2018 01:50 AM #562
Went to the supermarket to get 6 cans of sprite, when I got home, I realized I picked 7 up.
Bob Mortimer-Athletico Mince.
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23-11-2018 02:59 PM #563
You ever heard of campanology?
Not sure, but it rings a bell.
Sent from my SM-A520F using Tapatalk
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27-11-2018 06:15 PM #564
How many Rangers fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they all still live in the dark age.
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11-12-2018 11:18 AM #566
An elephant in the jungle sees a mouse for the first time.
"What are you", he asks.
"I'm a mouse" says the mouse, "what are you?"
"I'm an elephant" says the elephant.
"Why are you so small?" asks the elephant.
The mouse replies indignantly, "I've been ill."
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11-12-2018 09:05 PM #567
Two guys were in court today for stealing a calendar, they both got six months.
Follow the Hibs podcast, Longbangers, on Twitter (@longbangers)
https://longbangers.hubwave.net
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13-12-2018 08:33 AM #568
Possibly not strictly in this thread category but I thought this Kevin Bridges joke was very funny:
A young woman from Clydebank was in Largs and was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the sea, but just before she could throw herself from the wharf, a handsome young man stopped her. "You have so much to live for," said the man. "I'm a sailor, and we are off to Australia tomorrow. I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take care of you, bring you food every day, and keep you happy." With nothing to lose, combined with the fact that she had always wanted to go to Australia , the woman accepted.
That night the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a small but comfortable compartment in the hold. From then on, every night he would bring her three sandwiches, a bottle of red wine, and make love to her until dawn. Two weeks later she was discovered by the captain during a routine inspection. "What are you doing here?" asked the captain.
"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she replied. "He brings me food every day and I get a free trip to Australia."
"I see," the captain says 'and that's all is it?' Her conscience then got the better of her and she added, "Plus, he's screwing me."
"He certainly is," replied the captain. "This is the Millport Ferry."
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13-12-2018 10:17 AM #569This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote
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