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Breaking : there was an accident on the M8 this morning involving a red lorry, then a yellow lorry, then a red lorry, then a yellow lorry.
A police spokesperson said to the press this morning
"There's no easy way to say this"...
There is a TV channel in Japan dedicated to Origami. It’s Pay Per View
A friend of mine just failed an exam on Aboriginal musical instruments. A said to him “did you redo it?”
Ok, I'm writing this from the emergency room, but don't worry the doctors say I will make a full recovery. However I feel it's my duty to warn everyone that the "Dyson Ball Cleaner" has a very misleading name.
So I went to Hyde Park this morning,
couldn’t find anyone...............
I’ve decided to dress as a different bread everyday next week.
Roll on Monday......
Done a job in Cornwall today, the money was great so I decided to take a week in lieu.
My mate got sacked from his job at the fairground.
He’s suing them for funfair dismissal.
The world patronising championships results have just been released in condescending order.
Exciting session at the autopsy club yesterday evening.
It was open Mike night.
Before going on a camping trip I checked my insurance, apparently if my tent blows away I won’t be covered.
I had a pizza with just green peppers on it, nothing else, it was a pepperonly pizza
The new drug for depressed lesbians?
Triacockagin 😁
What does Jeff Bezos do before bed?
He puts his pajamazon.
What do you call a magician who doesn't have any magic?
Ian.
I have a pet dogfish who is 12 years old today, I've had him since he was a guppy!
My mate had unprotected phone sex, now he’s got hearing aids.
I was once a postman but I quit after an hour.
I looked at my first letter to deliver and thought "This isn't for me".
2 thai ladies offered to sleep with a guy...."it will be like winning the lottery" they said...
...and they were right - he had 6 balls in a row😇
Just sent a nude photo of myself to everyone in my address book.
Not only is it embarrassing but it’s cost me a fortune in stamps.
I tried to join the local cricket club but I couldn't get any sound rubbing my legs together!
I see a guy in London has taught his dog to play the trumpet just by taking him in the underground. He's gone from Barking to Tooting!
Did you hear the one about the conspiracy theorist who was mugged whilst out walking and blamed himself.