My grandad has diarrhea, my dad has it and i have it too, runs in the family.
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My grandad has diarrhea, my dad has it and i have it too, runs in the family.
Thanks for explaining the word "many" to me, it means a lot.
PJ and Drunken: Let's get ready to stumble.
Oldie but goldie......
Scotsman and Englishman and an Irishman are the only survivors from a plane crash in the desert.
They each decide to salvage something from the plane that might help their survival.
The Englishman finds a gun.
"What good is that?" - the other two ask.
He replies - "If we meet some wild nomadic tribes we will be able to protect ourselves and if we see vultures, we can kill them for food."
"Brilliant!" - the other two reply.
"What did you get, Jock?" - the two ask.
He produces an umbrella.
"What good is that?" - they ask.
He replies - "Well, it will shade us from the blazing sun and, if it rains, we can turn it upside down and catch some water."
"Brilliant!" - they reply.
"And what did you get, Paddy?" - they ask.
"I've got this car door" - says the Irishman.
"What good is that?" - they ask.
Paddy replies "Well, I was just thinking, if it gets too hot, we can wind down the window."
The farmer said he had forty eight sheep in his field and asked me to round them up.
I said "OK, fifty".
In Spain, there is a tradition after a bullfight to serve the mayor the bull’s testicles.
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One day after a bullfight, the mayor asks the waiter: “Funny, why are they so small today?”
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The waiter: “Today, sir, the bull won
I have found my favourite old toy, a globe, in the loft. When I was a boy it meant the world to me.
The Scottish Space Agency send a rocket to the moon, on board is a Jambo and a monkey. Each of them has an envelope with their instructions on arrival.
When the rocket touches down the monkey opens his envelope first and starts to carry out his orders.
1. Signal back to earth that the rocket has arrived safely. He sends a signal.
2. Check the exterior of the rocket for damage. The monkey makes the check.
3. Fix any damage. The monkey repairs some of the heat shield panels.
4. Take a rock and soil sample. The monkey starts to collect rocks and gets and uses his spade to gather some soil.
5. Map the local area. The monkey starts to measure distances and takes photos.
The list continues in this manner.
While all of this is going on the Jambo is watching the monkey in amazement until he remembers his own envelope. He opens it up and sees that he only has one job to do, it says “remember to feed the monkey”.
I saw a brightly coloured mountain train carriage the other day and I thought to myself 'that's a funny colour'.
Knock knock!
Who's there?
Hawaii.
Hawaii who?
I'm very well, thank you and Hawaii you?
I'd been away told my wife I'd come home with a case of diarrhoea."Couldn't you get the Bud Light?"she asked.
What do you call a cat does it take to screw in a light bulb? They could worry the banana.
I suppose it's the way you tell 'em. :rolleyes:
In my defence I'd like to point out that the quoted joke was created by an AI tasked with writing jokes. You can't argue that it's not smart or bad but whether it's funny or not because of it is debatable:greengrin
http://www.iflscience.com/technology/ais-attempts-at-oneliner-jokes-are-unintentionally-hilarious/
If you say gullible very slowly it sounds like oranges.
A Tunnocks teacake picked up a Caramel Log in his taxi to head to the airport.
He asks "So how long are you a way for?"
My neighbour lives in a tumble drier. He gets around a lot.
I phoned the RAC and told tbem "my car won't start", the lassie on the phone said "try it in reverse" so I said "start won't car my"