Well done on apologising- that's a big step. We have all done things we regret when drinking, so don't give yourself a hard time about it.Quote:
Originally Posted by StranraerHibee
Printable View
Well done on apologising- that's a big step. We have all done things we regret when drinking, so don't give yourself a hard time about it.Quote:
Originally Posted by StranraerHibee
SAMH do good work -
http://www.samh.org.uk/get-involved/...g/what-if.aspx
:aok: Thanks mate, I feel a lot better having made it up to people, I'm surprised by others understanding and forgiveness!Quote:
Originally Posted by mrdependable
I thought I would give this a bump as I know Christmas can be a difficult time for many. I wish everyone on this thread my best wishes at this time
Feeling low, who to turn to?
I've had one of the worst weeks of my life. Having been up in Aberdeen for the game last Friday, I ran out of Diazepam and wonder if the withdrawals are adding to my feelings of anxiety. I made the effort to see both my CPN and GP yesterday and I just felt a bit fobbed off. I would trade this diagnoses of a personality disorder for almost anything, maybe if I was bipolar I would be taken more seriously by my care team.
I hope you've had a better couple of weeks StranraerHibee. Hopefully you are getting the treatment you needQuote:
Originally Posted by StranraerHibee
I know this is an easy thing to say and a hard thing to do, but don't let yourself be fobbed off. I'm lucky in that I had family members who just basically refused to take no for an answer from the docs (I'd have just caved in), maybe if you can't do it you have someone who can help you like that? Some GPs are absolutely hopeless when it comes to mental health, others are literal lifesavers. if the first GP doesn't help you, go back til you find one that will.Quote:
Originally Posted by StranraerHibee
I know this post was a long time ago and hopefully your feelings have moved on a bit, but withdrawal is almost definitely adding to your symptoms. At one point when I was on meds I forgot to get a prescription filled on the Friday of a bank holiday. I was that ashamed of myself for being so stupid I didn't say to anyone and ended up going a week without - it was absolute hell. At the time my mind wouldn't link the lack of my meds with the depressive thoughts, I was too busy calling myself every name under the sun and making myself as ill as possible but a couple of months later looking back it was pretty obvious!
Just remember that no matter how bad you feel, this isn't how you will always feel. It WILL pass. Stay strong if you can, and if you feel you can't then talk to people about it - there are people out there who will help you carry the burden if they possibly can.
Inspired by Stu in Nottingham's thread on his recent loss I wanted to add my thanks to those of others for the community that's been built right here.
This is going to sound ****ing stupid (especially when compared to the magnitude of the issues Stu is facing) but this website has played a genuine and definite part in saving my life. Two threads in particular, this one and another little known one called the calendar thread.
The calendar thread did many good things in its brief history. It came up with real and positive solutions to issues such as world hunger, nuclear disarmament and which of the young ladies from Girl's Aloud would be least welcome at a signing event*. But it did questionable things too and one of those was playing a part in saving me.
It came about at a time of my life when the world just seemed to be a place full of fear and pain, when I had a deep seated belief that I was a worthless human being who deserved nothing out of life. When I really believed that every other person in this world was someone who had a desire to do me harm - and that I deserved it.
But on the calendar thread I found acceptance (or at least tolerance for my stupidity!). It doesn't sound much, a bunch of dafties on the internet letting me post nonsense amongst their genius - but at that point in my life I was so low that it felt like the world. I was going through a period when I had very little other human contact, I wouldn't leave my house for weeks on end, I hid in the bathroom when people knocked at my door, I went to my bed and cried whenever the phone rang (bloody telemarketers :greengrin ). At times all I wanted was for it all to end. But then I'd miss the next landmark post :greengrin .
The calendar thread showed me that the world could bring smiles and laughter, that people maybe weren't as scary and awful as my imagination had built them up to be. I want to take this opportunity to say a big thank you to everyone who posted on that thread - it's impossible to name you all, but you know who you are. Thank you, you helped save my life (and you should all bear part of that guilt :greengrin )
During that period the only time I left the house was to go with my dad to Easter Road. My counsellor asked me a long time later what it was that allowed me to do that? And I said that it was the sense of community, of togetherness, of single minded love that a crowd of people in green and white all pulling in the same direction brought. As a Hibby at Easter Road I felt included, a part of something bigger than myself for maybe the first time in my life.
One thing all this taught me is to try and be mindful of the world around me - something that might seem tiny and insignificant to you, could be massively important to someone else. In the words of our greatest religious teachers we should all "be excellent to one another".
I don't post much anymore, I've still got social phobia and it still prevents me speaking as much as I'd like but I read just about everything. I think I can feel myself slowly spiralling back down towards a dark place again but I'm confident that this time I have mechanisms to cope with that - like many have said, there are no real cures for mental illness, just ways to cope.
I guess what I'm saying is that community is important. Sharing is important, listening is important, communication is important. The Hibee family is important.
And that means everyone here is important. Everyone reading this, no matter how low you feel - you are important.
You never know, by posting on hibs.net you might be saving someone else's life.
Has anyone else ever spilt some orange juice?
*against my arguments, I'd have welcomed all of them :na na:
thank you for the reply barcahibs. I can't begin to imagine what Stu is going through - my thoughts are with him and his family at this difficult time. I've resorted to ordering my medication on the internet. Having begged my GP for months to proscribe me something for anxiety I have finally given up.Quote:
Originally Posted by barcahibs
Quote:
Originally Posted by barcahibs
If it's any small comfort, I enjoyed and looked forward to your posts on the calendar thread. I remember being particularly tickled by one (pretty sure it was yours) where you imagined Petrie getting Ivan Sproule on an exercise bike at East Mains to fire up the 'leccy, for some physics defying purpose.)*.:greengrin You're obviously witty, and have a facility with words. I hope that you're able to derive some comfort and confidence from that talent.
*I'm a bit shaky on the rest of the detail. It has been a wee while.
No it's not! Thanks for sharing your thoughts.Quote:
Originally Posted by barcahibs
I was having a read through the calendar thread the other week and some of your posts were just too witty for the likes of me but I tried my best :greengrin
Some really moving posts on this thread. Puts problems that I think I've got into perspective really - I can definitely put mines down to lazy-*******-itis!
Perspective is important, of course, but I have a bit of an alternative view about stuff like that.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jones28
When you're in crisis, you're in crisis, and you feel the pain. No amount of people saying "you think you've got it bad... look at so-and-so" is going to alter that. Indeed, as I have found out myself, that can be counter-productive; you can end up feeling guilty about feeling depressed, and that just intensifies the pain.
Feel the pain, own it and embrace it is one strategy I have. Running away from it often makes it worse for me.
Yes indeed. downward social comparisons don't tend to work too well in trying circumstances and I think that's a fairly widely accepted view.Quote:
Originally Posted by CropleyWasGod
I agree, sometimes we just have to accept pain. One way to do that is to not be frightened of it and face it, live with it. We are mostly stronger and better at doing this than we imagine in my humble opinion.
It's probably accepted amongst professionals, and by those who have problems, but not so much by those who have no experience or expertise. The old cliche "och, pull yourself together" is still too prevalent, IMO.Quote:
Originally Posted by stu in nottingham
Thought I should add my wee 2p worth, Stu, to your own story. Sometimes talking to a complete stranger is very therapeutic. I'm here for a chat if you need.
Yes Crops, that's what I was trying to say (though not very well). Thanks for your thoughts and the very kind offer. I will bear that in mind, truly. I hope this thread remains an inspiration for many. I showed it to my Sue once and she took some comfort from it,Quote:
Originally Posted by CropleyWasGod
Sometimes I think back at my "treatment" & wished one of the so-called therapists had said that to me, as opposed to peering over his tick sheet & clip board & then consulting with his superior to then come back & up my dosage of anti depressants.Quote:
Originally Posted by CropleyWasGod
Each & every time I had to visit a different clinic & each & every time I met a different person with a different clip board but same old tick sheet & same old up or stabilize my dosage. No-one acted any different from another, all had the same monotone personality & asked questions from the generic tick list. How refreshing it was to attend a clinic in Craigmillar where I met with a brilliant therapist who didn't have a clip board or tick sheet & who cared not a jot about medication. That in itself lifted my mood, someone who knew what I was going through & knew the meaning of communication. Sometimes, as the old saying goes ..its good to talk. It certainly wasn't a cure nor was it a quick fix ..but it sure as hell was a bloody good start ..
Sadly, I've recently seen how futile that manner of treating somebody can be, K.Quote:
Originally Posted by GrumpyHibbie
That's great. Sometimes we just need someone who can inject a little hope. Thankfully, there are still individuals around in this world who can do that.Quote:
Originally Posted by GrumpyHibbie
This is a really good bit of advice...... For the past few weeks I've been doing this via the Royal Ed, still got a long way to go but defo on the up.Quote:
Originally Posted by CropleyWasGod
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/b...el-review.html
Just finished this excellent book...I highly recommend it.
I have only mild experience with depression and it was a temporary experience related to the end of the long term relationship, so I'm probably not best placed to talk about that, but for a long time I have experienced anxiety (especially in social situations) and only really managed to get it under control in the past couple of years. What really helped me was being aware that the mind and body are inherently linked; anxiety is a future based emotion caused by negative thoughts in your head (which may or may not be generated by past experiences). When you think these thoughts and become anxious, your body tenses up, breathing becomes shallow, you may sweat more than usual and even experience palputations and severe symptoms of panic as your 'fight or flight' mechanism kicks in. A close friend once told me that what helped him defeat social anxiety was the realisation that if you change the way you think, your body will follow, if you change your body, the mind will follow. For me changing the negative thought process going on inside my head was almost impossible by itself - it's like trying not to think of a pink giraffe........all you can think about is a pink giraffe! I therefore took steps to start getting into shape, stopping the excessive drinking and recreational drug use and making quiet time every day where I would go through breathing exercises and practice the martial arts I had just started doing. It took time, but I got there. I'm now fitter than I've ever been and relaxed in most of my daily life. I still experience anxiety at times - probably a couple of times a week - but now that I can trick my body into feeling how I do when I do martial arts and meditative exercises, it is soooo much easier to deal with - and almost always passes within seconds or minutes after I realise that I seem to be getting really tense for no reason at all. If I feel 'a bit funny' when I wake up in the morning I also grab a blank piece of paper, focus on it and repeat "this is what I fear" whilst breathing in and out slowly - I alternate between saying it in my head and aloud. I also try to use positive reinforcement now and again by saying things to myself like "Look how awesome I am, I have a great group of friends, my family loves me, my love life is better than most people I know, I'm a fantastic programmer and martial artist and on top of all that I get paid a higher hourly rate and have far, far better job prospects than around 80% of my friends .".
None of this has been recommended professionally to me because I was too embarrassed to talk to anyone about it - the reality was that most people didn't really notice how anxious I really was and the people that did probably only thought I was a little weird, I had created my own personal hell where the only respite came from mind altering substances and eventually I grew to hate my daily dependance on them and the effects it was having on me the following day during my 'sober at work/school' time. I realised that only I can hear and control the negative thoughts in my head and therefore only I can change that thought process into a positive one. I hope some of the methods I have used to overcome my own problems in life can be of use to anyone suffering from anxiety on here. Feel free to PM me if you want to talk, I log on for a wee read on .Net most days and will try to respond as soon as I can.
Take care folks.
Great stuff, mate.Quote:
Originally Posted by Dinkydoo
I have often found that sharing my experiences is therapeutic in itself. Just getting it "out there", spoken or written, can be extremely empowering. It gives you a sense of self-worth that you don't get by keeping it inside.
:aok:
Talking through things can be very therapeutic although when it came to the breakup of my other half of 6 years I talked and talked and talked about the same **** without really getting anywhere - it was a complicated split that started with real confusion but as time progressed, lies and deceit came out the woodwork. It felt so good to talk about it but after a while I felt it was preventing me from moving on with my life. I have no idea if any of these principles can be applied to any other types of depression, so I'm just putting my experiences out there.Quote:
Originally Posted by CropleyWasGod
Positive reinforcement and visualising all the details about this new confident me that I knew I could become was what really helped pull me through my anxiety - supplemented by daily exercise and relaxation. Don't get me wrong, everyone gets a little nervous about things like first dates or giving a presentation, but worrying the hell out of yourself constantly is so destructive to your self confidence and achieves nothing positive. What makes things worse is that with anxiety, certainly in my experiences anyway, the more you worry about something the higher the chance of it becoming a self fulfilling prophecy - I used to do this ALL the time with things like providing training at work and it still scares the crap out of me sometimes, but I don't crucify myself for 'potentially' appearing nervous before its even happened. If I know of a big event that's approaching which I might get jittery about I try to prepare myself mentally a few days before hand - give it a week if you can. 10 minutes a day is enough for me where I'll try to visualise in great detail myself doing whatever it is with great confidence - how do I walk? am I breathing deeply? I'm making and holding eye contact with everyone as I speak... If at any point during the day you find yourself slipping back into that negative thought process stop yourself, and start visualising this confident you that you are working towards - get up and walk around if you have to, just break that chain of thought. If you prepare yourself mentally enough for anything your body should slip naturally into the 'mode' you've programmed into yourself - this may take a few attempts to achieve though!
Every day is a new day and although you might not feel that you are 'there' yet, you can be. Try not to dwell on the past because its already happened but every day you have another opportunity to prove to yourself how great YOU really are.
I hope I'm not sounding patronising because this sort of stuff really worked and continues to work for me. Once you have that one good experience you'll grow more and more natural confidence as time goes on.
Possibly distressing to read so please only do so if you're not easily distressed about incidents with kids.
Most of the advice on here rotates around sharing so forgive me for sharing this but yesterday I had a traumatic experience that I just can't get out of my head. Before I start I'd like to point out that I worked as a paramedic for 10 years and thought I'd been confronted with all life could throw at me. I was wrong.
Yesterday I was driving back from a long weekend at the beach with my wife and 5 year old son when we pulled over for a short break at a motorway service station. We were in the main foyer when an elderly lady came out of the restaurant with a toddler in her arms screaming for someone to help her. It turns out that the wee guy had choked on a piece of sausage he'd been eating and was already showing signs of extreme cyanosis. I told the staff at the kiosk to call the emergency services and then took the wee guy from his gran.
Instinct kicked in and I put the little guy face down on my left arm with his head down and started giving him back blows as I'd been trained to do and after the first five I turned him over to see if they'd been effective. There were a few very small pieces of sausage in his mouth so I did a mouth sweep and cleared these out, he then started to cry and I could hear him take in air with a high pitched whistling sound like an asthmatic and slowly but surely his lips started to regain colour. The noises he was making were quite distressing because obviously the blockage wasn't fully cleared but my logic was not to try to attempt a full clearance of the partial blockage because that would risk closing his airway again should the object move again.
At this point a doctor who'd been dining in the restaurant approached me and I told him what had happened, I gave him the wee guy so that he could asses his condition and before I could say anything the doctor started to carry out the Heimlich maneuver (whilst this is very effective with adults and larger kids it should be avoided with babies and small children). This resulted in the wee guys stomach content being thrust up into his wind pipe and the blockage was again complete. The result was that the little guy again started turning blue and was obviously in a bad way. I tried to persuade the doctor to let me have the kid back so I could again carry out back blows and mouth to mouth should it be necessary but the doctor was now screaming for someone to give him a pen. His intention was to carry out an improvised coniotomy to open the airway below the obstruction. It took an age for someone to finally bring a pen and even then it seemed the doctor was very hesitant to carry out the procedure.
The arrival of the paramedics took the decision out of his hands and the paramedics took the little guy into the ambulance to treat him. The last thing I heard before the ambulance left was that the little guy was still unconscious and had an oxygen saturation of only 91%. When I got home that night I rang the hospital to try and find out the condition of the wee guy but understandably the hospital were reluctant to give out any information regarding his condition to non family members. All that they would tell me was that he was still alive but there seemed to be an ominous tone to the STILL.
As I mentioned at the start I've seen more than my share of traumatic incidents and thought I'd been unscathed until now. I just can't get his wee face out of my head or get rid of the feeling that I should have battered the **** out of this doctor or reacted differently one way or the other. I also know that these are typical symptoms of PTSD which is probably the reason I'm sharing this on here. I'm scanning all the local news channels in the area where this happened to try and find something about his condition but as of yet there's nothing.
Apologies if anyone has found this distressing but I just had to get it off my chest, so far I feel little or no benefit for having done so but hopefully later.
Wow scary stuff. Given that you had to act in an instant I think you did a marvellous job, certainly shouldn't beat yourself up about what you would have done in hindsight.
Fingers crossed, hopefully the kid makes a full recovery.
What a horribly distressing situation.Quote:
Originally Posted by Hiberlin
Din't think you have anything to feel guilty about. You acted decisively and, in my opinion, correctly in the curcumstances. You aren't responsible for someone elses panic and/or mistake.
Hope the wee man makes a full recovery.
The quicker you seek professional help for PTSD, the better. As always, start with your GP and discuss the symptoms. Don't sit on it.Quote:
Originally Posted by Hiberlin
By the sounds of things you did everything you should have. I think you should be very proud of the way you acted. Hope the young lad makes a full recovery.Quote:
Originally Posted by Hiberlin
Sent from my GT-S5830i using Tapatalk 2
Cheers guys, someone suggested I leave my contact details at the hospital and ask them to pass it on to the parents with the hope that they'll contact me. I thought about this for a while but decided against it because this is really about them and not me.
Still it was good to talk and hearing your opinion makes it a little easier to believe I was limited in my options. Thanks.
I have just stumbled on this thread and wanted to say thank you to the OP and all subsequent posters for having the guts to raise these issues. It wasn't lost on my that the number of views of this thread seem to far outweigh almost any other on this bit of the forum...a telling statistic.
I suffer from panic attacks, which only appear when I am speaking in public (which my job requires me to do frequently). This isn't the jitters or nerves, this is full blown panic and it culminated on two occasions when I ran out of the room when presenting to colleagues. Up until that point I was an excellent presenter (still am apparently), a confident speaker and a natural extrovert who would lead meetings at the drop of a hat and was hard to shut up once I got started.
The panic attacks appeared from absolutely nowhere and from the moment the first one came it was a downward spiral which culminated in extra-ordinary periods of self doubt, self chastisement and utter terror in anticipation of the next speaking event and the next one after that and so on....given that I was speaking at events or chairing meetings once or twice a week at the peak of all this it was a hell of a time and a burden not just on me but my family. I note from many of the posts here that our families are often the ones who suffer most alongside us.
This downward spiral also gave rise to (or triggered) depression whcih was not as acute as many sufferers have to deal with but enough to seriously drain me and call into question whether I remainded in my career or gave it all away. With three children and a supportive wife this was not an option.
The point to this background was to allow me to explain what has happened to make things manageable as there were points in the last 15 years when I honestly believed NOTHING could fix this and NOTHING would improve. This was a dreadful time and the dark days seem like they will never end - but they do and they can.
What helped me gain control of the panic attacks and depression are as follows and I am simply telling this in case it helps anyone who may be at the "depths of despair" stage:
1. Telling someone: I had two panic attacks in front of several senior colleagues - no hiding place after that and the support I received from everyone was astonishing. I even had two colleagues speak to me confidentially about similar anxiety issues they were facing. The minute these supportive conversations took place a huge cloud started to lift. I was mortified at the time but looking back this was THE definining moment in gaining back some control and the analogy for other anxiety sufferers irrespective of how the anxiety manifests itself is to speak openly to trusted colleagues/family/friends. There is NO stigma no matter how guilty/ashamed/depressed etc you feel - all of these irrational feelings will melt away the minute you have an open conversation.
2. Professional help: My GP referred me to a psychologist. He didn't "fix me" but as he said on day one he didn't even try. What he DID do was explain what was happening, explain why and then explain that I needed to immediately stop fighting anxiety and start to accept it and manage it. Best advice I ever received and things improved from that point onwards.
3. Medication: I resisted meds for over 10 years and when I look back this annoys me so much. In MY case (and I appreciate we have all had very different experiences) and with the encouragement of professionals (psychologist and GP) I tool Xanax before major public speaking events. I started on 100mg and am now down to 12.5mg before "easy" events and no more than 50mg for "big" ones. The beauty of this for my problem is that a) I can practice managing my anxiety in a controlled manner by dropping the Xanax amount as I improve my control - this graded exposure type of approach is v.commonly used for anxiety/panic sufferers but is hard to put into practice in front of say 100 people in an audience when you are on the stage due to speak to them!! b) Having the Xanax as a crutch immediately and I mean immediately removed the anticipatory anxiety which was so debilitating and which lifted a cloud that had been over me for years and allowed things to be put into prespective. We can be so irrational at times especially when things are bad and this was a huge and positive benefit of having a drug that I new would "protect" me when I needed it. When depression struck I was less reticient about meds and took Lovan - now down to half a tab a day and it has worked wonders for me. Again this is just me, hundreds of others won't be so lucky or will need to try other combinations/drugs etc but for me the Lovan has helped and I want to work on coming off this med over the next few months and see how I feel.
4. Exercise/nutrition: Keeping fit, eating well as so many other posters will tell you is the key building block. Too much alcohol only makes things worse and in my personal view the absolute dread that accompanies a bad hangover is no longer worth it, no matter how hard it may be to keep a lid on things on a big night....given how Hibs have been playing these last few years this has been the hardest "rule" to follow of course as drowning my sorrows is hugely tempting...
5. Self help stuff: I reckon I have read every book on anxiety ever written. Just made things worse and 1-4 above much better (for me) as tools to gain some control back. One book however that helped me a lot is a book called "the curse of the strong" http://www.amazon.co.uk/Depressive-I.../dp/1847092357 which really puts things into perspective, offers absolutely no miracle cure and at the end of it makes you feel quite special to have these problems:-)! I also took up a recommendation from a recent post on here and am reading a book called My Age of Anxiety which so far has been a great read.
Apologies for rambling on but I was so surprised to see this thread on .Net and the purpose of posting is simply to share my experience, thank the OP and others for having the guts to raise this and hopefully offer encouragement to anyone who is in the darkest hole that things do get better (I don't believe they get cured) and that the support of people around you and on this forum will help. Happy to PM with anyone who wants to discuss further or via this forum whatever works.
Thanks again OP. Restored my faith in our club. Seriously.