Hearts banter

I am sure many members have stories of humorous banter with the maroon neighbours so thought I would share a light-hearted one. With the next game being against them and keeping away from the unsavoury side of it we could highlight the funny experiences.

When Hearts played Liverpool a few seasons ago after the 2012 horror show (sorry) my brother n law offered me two Liverpool v Hearts Europa tickets in the Red room giving my son and I the opportunity to see them hopefully get spanked.
At halftime I went for a wee refreshment with my son. In the red suite were around half a dozen yams all enjoying the Anfield experience and a bit hyped. I got to the bar and called for a pint and a coke. Next thing this Jambo next to me recognising the Edinburgh accent and assuming I am one of them shouts 'brother' and gives me the biggest man hug possible while singing the only song they know. I peeled him off while my son was packing up laughing and said well pal that's probably the first Hearts match you have been to where you have hugged a Hibby. He put his head in his hands and trotted off with his mates slagging him to bits and him strangely asking me 'dinnae tell anybody'.:na na:

Every September weekend a crowd of mixed age boys go to Benidorm.
One of the guys sons came one year. He came down to the pool with a pair of Hearts shorts on. I was very confused. His auld mans a Hibby, and is regularly arguing with Jambos. It was explained that when his son was young, and because he was working weekends, someone else took him to Swine-castle. Feeble excuse if you ask me.
Anyway, I ran a bus 🚌 to the Falkirk semi and at half time, with us 3-0 down, I got a text from the Jambo asking if I was on my way home. 😡4 Hibs goals & 3 days later, I text him back. “That’s me on my way hame now Davy” ⚽️🍺😋😜
“Barsteward” or words to that effect was his reply.
⚽️🇳🇬💚

No banter with me, they're just a bunch of anal suppository's

:agree:

I know a few rabid match going Yams, we get on fine but I cant think of any specific funny moments. All the Hibbies and Jambos get on pretty well down here though. I suppose because the place is full of Old Firm and EPL fanboys and we both have somebody to mutually look down on. :greengrin

Oh how I laughed when Harry Potter became their manager and one of them said it was a great appointment.

Leaving Tynie after two late joe Mcbride goals salvaged a draw. Stramash trying to cross road up at skate ford as there’s a red man and hobbies pushing to cross. One guy shouts ffs lads wait for the wee green hibby. All pushing stops and we stand patiently till the wee green hibby signals we can cross the road. You probably had to be there to fully appreciate that one.

I know of 1 Jambo from Livingston that paid top dollar for a Hampden 2016 final hospitality package with his Hun mates to watch Hibs get beat!

Since moving down south Im still tied to my old high school mates, a group of 6 or 7 jambos, who I still keep up with. Despite my best intentions to engage in a bit of light hearted football banter on social media or what have you, every time it goes south because of this hmfc blinkered mentality which ultimately results in a FTH and end of chat. Impossible to engage with jambos seriously about hearts, or hibs, without them being ***** about it. Hibs class, be the the better man and let them talk amongst themselves. ******s.

Last derby I was at I was in hospitality, so was sat in the home end. Sitting behind me was 6-7 lovely older gentleman who constantly referred to any Hibs player on the ball as 'fenian *******s'.

Banter.

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Originally Posted by HIBERNIAN-0762

No banter with me, they're just a bunch of anal suppository's

:agree:

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This.

Anyone heard the one about the yam roasters inserting their small change into a life size farmyard beast?

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I don't speak to any of them

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Originally Posted by Booked4Being-Ugly

I know of 1 Jambo from Livingston that paid top dollar for a Hampden 2016 final hospitality package with his Hun mates to watch Hibs get beat!

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We had one sitting right behind us in hospitality with a leeds utd fan who was wearing one of those wee half and half badges that had leeds and the rangers on it. Patronising git who came close to a bit of bad luck once or twice.

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Originally Posted by Skol

Leaving Tynie after two late joe Mcbride goals salvaged a draw. Stramash trying to cross road up at skate ford as there’s a red man and hobbies pushing to cross. One guy shouts ffs lads wait for the wee green hibby. All pushing stops and we stand patiently till the wee green hibby signals we can cross the road. You probably had to be there to fully appreciate that one.

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Left at 2 nil[emoji34][emoji34] only done it twice since

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But but but 5-1 is the best 'banter' I get from Hearts fans these days. They seem mystified that I don't care.

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Originally Posted by Skol

Leaving Tynie after two late joe Mcbride goals salvaged a draw. Stramash trying to cross road up at skate ford as there’s a red man and hobbies pushing to cross. One guy shouts ffs lads wait for the wee green hibby. All pushing stops and we stand patiently till the wee green hibby signals we can cross the road. You probably had to be there to fully appreciate that one.

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Quality end to that night, Hibbies leaving the old away end onto Gorgie road singing our songs.

Class.

GGTTH

Funniest moment was watching the pre World Cup friendly Vs Saudi in Milne'sBar. The TV edit made it look like Medals Mackay had scored from a free kick and the majority in the bar started singing his name. As the replay clarified one John Collins had actually taken the free kick, a single Hibby in the corner started "Can you hear the Jambos sing?" which me and my mate would have joined in with if we weren't rolling on the floor laughing....

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Late Spring 1986, yams have just lost at Dens Park and my dad, an armchair yam is in a foul mood! So my Mum (hibby) makes the dinner and we all eat quietly. Dad makes teas/coffees for after dinner and my Mum brings out a sweet treat to have with it...... a packet of Jam Tarts!! Dad was not amused, rest of us laughing our collective asses off.

No a lot of banter you can have with them these days. All very delicate wee souls since the cheating days are over and their fantasy of being some big super mighty team is starting to become harder and harder to back up.

I do enjoy getting into debates with them though, their desperate scrabbling for the "oh but but 5-1" comfort blankets is always amusing to watch :greengrin

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Originally Posted by 21.05.2016

No a lot of banter you can have with them these days. All very delicate wee souls since the cheating days are over and their fantasy of being some big super mighty team is starting to become harder and harder to back up.

I do enjoy getting into debates with them though, their desperate scrabbling for the "oh but but 5-1" comfort blankets is always amusing to watch :greengrin

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I always think to myself that in the back of their minds they know fine well they won this tainted cup using a fugitive Russian criminals laundered 'money' while being in debt to the tune of multiple millions. Still, if it makes them feel better then such is life.

Mon the Cabbage!!!

:flag:

After the 2-2 cup derby at the PBS . I hadn’t noticed a couple of texts from one of my jambo mates ( too busy singing ,then going mental when PH scored ) but the first text said boom , followed with another fin boom and that’s 115 ya muppet . Then when I phoned him laughing my head off , he said these immoral words . “ it won’t mean anything unless yous go on and win it “ .
😂😂😂😂🇳🇬🏆

I was in a pub toilet in Leith one Saturday night standing at the urinal with john Robertson on one side of me and Walter Kidd on the other. There was a rumour going round at the time that robbo might be moving to hibs so being bevvied I said when are you signing for hibs then weeman before he could answer Kidd says you only go there when you're finished to which I replied how are you no there you were finished 10year ago ya ****.Everybody including Robertson started pissing themselves laughing, Kidd raging mumbles I hate cheeky wee ****s like you,good memories. GGTTH

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Originally Posted by Bostonhibby

Anyone heard the one about the yam roasters inserting their small change into a life size farmyard beast?

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Whatever happened to the old cow, was her insides ripped out to see how much they got.

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Originally Posted by Johnny_Leith

Last derby I was at I was in hospitality, so was sat in the home end. Sitting behind me was 6-7 lovely older gentleman who constantly referred to any Hibs player on the ball as 'fenian *******s'. Banter.

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Doesn't surprise me however I'm not very subtle and would have started a conversation with my neebor about the Lady Haig Poppy fund and their inability to pay it and see where it went from there! Plums

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Originally Posted by Pretty Boy

But but but 5-1 is the best 'banter' I get from Hearts fans these days. They seem mystified that I don't care.

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You know you've won the debate when you get the 5-1 from them. When they resort to that just say something like "ch-ching", "bingo" or "jackpot". When they ask what that's supposed to mean? You say "I win" then walk away.

My best man is a Jambo. I've taken some slaggings over the years but it's my turn now. He takes it well though and wouldn't change the banter for anything.

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Originally Posted by 21.05.2016

No a lot of banter you can have with them these days. All very delicate wee souls since the cheating days are over and their fantasy of being some big super mighty team is starting to become harder and harder to back up.

I do enjoy getting into debates with them though, their desperate scrabbling for the "oh but but 5-1" comfort blankets is always amusing to watch :greengrin

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Thats how I find it too but, I try to avoid getting into football chat with them.

Very difficult to have banter with anyone who calls us hobos, filth, peg sellers and spoon burners. That and 1-5 is all they have

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Originally Posted by silverhibee

Whatever happened to the old cow, was her insides ripped out to see how much they got.

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Still swallowing up whatever cash they have left after paying extra for the seats they thought they'd already paid for and meeting the rising global prices for plastic owls.

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Originally Posted by kaimendhibs

Very difficult to have banter with anyone who calls us hobos, filth, peg sellers and spoon burners. That and 1-5 is all they have

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They are the most horrible, arrogant,disgusting,smelly, cardigan wearing,pathetic, deluded set of fans on this planet. They wouldn’t know banter if it smacked them in the face. FUDS the lot of them

I had occasion about 24 years ago to meet with the late John Haggart regularly when he was with Sharkeys. He was a fantastic guy who was always really friendly towards me. I had absolutely no idea of who he was and his association with Hearts. I had not long moved to Edinburgh and we spoke about football, Liverpool and why I had started to support Hibs. I gave him my reasons and threw in lots of insults about Hearts,Tynecastle etc. He never once outed himself and still treated me like a perfect gentleman. It was at least 6 months later when I was told by a colleague that he was an ex Hearts manager. The next time we met I asked John why he had never pulled me up for slagging Hearts, he said son I liked the fact that you were just showing your love of Hibs and football in general, who I supported had no bearing on your passion.

Sharkeys hertz fans and well enough said

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Originally Posted by WoreTheGreen

Sharkeys hertz fans and well enough said

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They are Hibs fans

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Originally Posted by Ringothedog

They are Hibs fans

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Think it’s more Man Utd corporate hospitality stuff these days.

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Originally Posted by greenlex

Think it’s more Man Utd corporate hospitality stuff these days.

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More than likely, it was certainly Hibs at school

Really i went to school with them and always remember them as hertz fans mind you it’s a good few year ago

Boroughmuir ?

When I was working as a paramedic in Berlin I was sat at traffic lights in the ambulance on my way back to the watch after a call. On the other side of the road there was a group of lads crossing the road and one of them had a hearts top on. I picked up the microphone to our PA system and shouted "7-0 yah bass". The look on his face was epic as he tried to figure out where it came from and his utter disbelief when he saw what he thought was some German guy giving him the 7 fingers out of an ambulance.

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Originally Posted by Ringothedog

Boroughmuir ?

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No primary school

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Originally Posted by KingDomofFife84

My best man is a Jambo. I've taken some slaggings over the years but it's my turn now. He takes it well though and wouldn't change the banter for anything.

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Best man and Jambo in the same sentence. :shocked:

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Originally Posted by Hibrandenburg

When I was working as a paramedic in Berlin I was sat at traffic lights in the ambulance on my way back to the watch after a call. On the other side of the road there was a group of lads crossing the road and one of them had a hearts top on. I picked up the microphone to our PA system and shouted "7-0 yah bass". The look on his face was epic as he tried to figure out where it came from and his utter disbelief when he saw what he thought was some German guy giving him the 7 fingers out of an ambulance.

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:faf:

There's a story that the autumn after the 0-7 game two council gardeners at princes Street garden planted swathes of daffodils on Castle Hill, but did it in a perfect massive 0-7. I was told they were clearly visible for a few years, dunno if anyone can confirm.

Not Hearts banter but my neighbour was a big Rangers fan. We shared the front lawn and as I done shift work I ended up doing the mowing and lawn care. After a couple of years he insisted on doing the spring prep so let him crack on. A good few weeks later I was looking out my upstairs bedroom window. The ******* had done a huge lush RFC on the lawn with the Evergreen fertiliser.

In 1986 I used to work/drink in the 'Tap o' Lauriston', it was a great pub with the regulars 50-50 Hibs/Hearts. Saturday-nights usualy ended-up with the football-songs, each trying to outdo the other but there was never any trouble as most of the guys were mates. In (roughly) January, when they were unbeaten and looking likely for the league, one of our mates, Peter Kane, a staunch Hibee, started to agree with the Jambos a lot, even indulging in one or two of their tunes. We couldn't understand it and when he was asked why he just said "I'd rather an Edinburgh-team won it as against they Septic xxxxxx !". Come the last game of the season, we were in the main stand and then the word came over that Dundee had scored - we were all going mental but Peter had to be stopped from almost doing a somersault !. Cutting a long story short, on the way back to the 'Tap' after the game, looking forward to our Jambo-mates return, I asked Peter what was with the the big celebrations - I thought he wanted an Edinburgh-team to win the league ??. He just smiled and said 'Because I supported them, the daft-*******'s were buying me drink all the time - I've been blootered oot ma skull every Saturday-night for 4-5 months and it hasn't cost me a bolt thanks to they fannies !!" . He was merciless with the Jambos that night at the 'Tap' - it was one of the best nights of my life !

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Originally Posted by kaimendhibs

Very difficult to have banter with anyone who calls us hobos, filth, peg sellers and spoon burners. That and 1-5 is all they have

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You are forgetting the favourite one "Vermin"

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Originally Posted by Hibrandenburg

When I was working as a paramedic in Berlin I was sat at traffic lights in the ambulance on my way back to the watch after a call. On the other side of the road there was a group of lads crossing the road and one of them had a hearts top on. I picked up the microphone to our PA system and shouted "7-0 yah bass". The look on his face was epic as he tried to figure out where it came from and his utter disbelief when he saw what he thought was some German guy giving him the 7 fingers out of an ambulance.

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:faf::top marks

This is epic :greengrin

I once went to a works night out where the organiser had picked the haymarket bar as the meeting point. A smartarse yam messaged me to ask how I was enjoying being in hearts territory. I replied saying I felt like a pilgrim in an unholy land. Radio silence for the rest of the evening :greengrin

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Originally Posted by linlithgowhibbie

You are forgetting the favourite one "Vermin"

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Ahhh, my bad

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Originally Posted by McD

:faf::top marks

This is epic :greengrin

I once went to a works night out where the organiser had picked the haymarket bar as the meeting point. A smartarse yam messaged me to ask how I was enjoying being in hearts territory. I replied saying I felt like a pilgrim in an unholy land. Radio silence for the rest of the evening :greengrin

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:greengrin

The Steven Naismith thread over there is a sight to behold.

59 pages of hope,fear,denial,and just the occasional lucid posting (probably an undercover Hibby).

They are so bored now though that it has gone into bizarre postings with pictures of Hitler, plus Billie Piper in various states of mild undress, which is getting the natives over aroused by the looks of things. I don't think many of them see semi clad women in real life, unless they peek at their Mammy's getting changed.

At 2-0 down at tynecastle at half time, receiving the text about ‘normal service’ ‘lower league dross’ ‘taking candy from babies’ etc etc. Seen him on the way to the bus stop after the game and he was red faced then. The rest as they say is Hibstory. He also takes pride of place in the ‘time for heroes’ DVD as one of them giving JC abuse as he stood in front of them at ER celebrating. He gets a complimentary photo sent every time I watch it.

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Originally Posted by Scouse Hibby

I had occasion about 24 years ago to meet with the late John Haggart regularly when he was with Sharkeys. He was a fantastic guy who was always really friendly towards me. I had absolutely no idea of who he was and his association with Hearts. I had not long moved to Edinburgh and we spoke about football, Liverpool and why I had started to support Hibs. I gave him my reasons and threw in lots of insults about Hearts,Tynecastle etc. He never once outed himself and still treated me like a perfect gentleman. It was at least 6 months later when I was told by a colleague that he was an ex Hearts manager. The next time we met I asked John why he had never pulled me up for slagging Hearts, he said son I liked the fact that you were just showing your love of Hibs and football in general, who I supported had no bearing on your passion.

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Great story.
It is always good and classy not to make a moron of yourself with other football supporters....................unless they are fanny's.

After a match at Tynie me, my mate and his brother headed back into town to Rakes bar in St Andrew's Square.
The pub was very busy, my pal's brother goes up to the bar for a round and it's about 4 deep round the bar so begins pushing his way through.
He accidentally bumps into one of the punters. The punter says "excuse me who are you pushing?" the response "I'm just trying to get tot he bar mate"
The punter then says "Do you not know who I am?" to which my mate says "ehmmm No who the F are you?"

"I'm Scott Crabbe of Hearts "

my mate "Never heard of you now please get out the way so i can get a round"

:flag::flag::flag::flag::flag:

I was at tynecastle for the 2-2 game. Couldn't get any signal whilst in the stadium but when I got back to the car afterwards all the texts sent from earlier finally starting coming through. As you can imagine, many of my jambo acquaintances had been quick to message me at HT.

"115 years, oops maybe next year!"

"Big team pumps wee team again"

"walk in the park"

"bottled the Scottish cup again"

Etc etc etc was pretty much along the lines of what was sent. Needless to say they were all pretty quiet after that, until later when all the "awck well now we get to pump yous out on your own patch" etc texts started.

Oh how much sweeter they make it all :greengrin:thumbsup:

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Originally Posted by KingFranck

After a match at Tynie me, my mate and his brother headed back into town to Rakes bar in St Andrew's Square.
The pub was very busy, my pal's brother goes up to the bar for a round and it's about 4 deep round the bar so begins pushing his way through.
He accidentally bumps into one of the punters. The punter says "excuse me who are you pushing?" the response "I'm just trying to get tot he bar mate"
The punter then says "Do you not know who I am?" to which my mate says "ehmmm No who the F are you?"

"I'm Scott Crabbe of Hearts "

my mate "Never heard of you now please get out the way so i can get a round"

:flag::flag::flag::flag::flag:

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Ah the old "do you not know who I am?" line, the trademark of a Grade A fud.

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Originally Posted by Scouse Hibby

I had occasion about 24 years ago to meet with the late John Haggart regularly when he was with Sharkeys. He was a fantastic guy who was always really friendly towards me. I had absolutely no idea of who he was and his association with Hearts. I had not long moved to Edinburgh and we spoke about football, Liverpool and why I had started to support Hibs. I gave him my reasons and threw in lots of insults about Hearts,Tynecastle etc. He never once outed himself and still treated me like a perfect gentleman. It was at least 6 months later when I was told by a colleague that he was an ex Hearts manager. The next time we met I asked John why he had never pulled me up for slagging Hearts, he said son I liked the fact that you were just showing your love of Hibs and football in general, who I supported had no bearing on your passion.

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His son was working with them the last time I spoke to him . Big Sevco supporter