Originally Posted by
Edinburghlass
Can definitely relate to a lot of what has been said on here. Most of my 20s was lost to depression and I had something of a mid-life crisis early than I should have! Most of it came down to me trying to measure myself against everyone else. I was out of work while just about all my peers were working and seemingly doing well in their careers, they were dating, getting married and having the sort of life that seemed unattainable to me. Between 2004 and 2005, I had 9 jobs. Most lasted as little as 2 months as I blundered from one position to another, confidence would take a hit, would move on, fail there, move on again with lower confidence, move job again, and so on.
I've tried spells of counselling, fluoxetine, temazepam, but the thing that really worked was self acceptance. At risk of sounding like an old hippy, once I learned to accept who I was and not measure myself against other people, I got happier. I've not really had any success with relationships but so what? Other people might consider my life as being a bit pathetic for spending much of it on my own, but so what?! That says more about their needs than mine. I've never hit the heights in my career, but I work with great people and laugh regularly each day of my life at work. Can many other people say that? That's what matters to me, not te size of my pay packet, type of car I drive or any of the other unimportant things that people were telling me I'd failed for.
I had to dump a few people to get away from their mindsets, but it's worked for me. Even when I was dating someone who used to hit me, I valued other people's acceptance of me as part of a couple more than I cared about myself taking a beating! That's how low my confidence was and how desperate I was for people to accept me and be 'normal'. (Difficult to explain, but people's attitudes towards me as a person changed massively when I was in that relationship - suddenly I wasn't on the outside looking in, but I was living the same life as everyone else) Being on my own is something I'm comfortable with, and I don't live in fear in my own home that I'm going to get a kicking if I say the wrong thing.
I'm not naturally competitive, so a competitive environment and people don't suit me. It's took about 10 years from the minute I left Uni to be happy in my career. I just gave up being ambitious and career focused, started going home at 5pm, focused on the things I enjoy, stopped measuring myself through other people's eyes and I've not needed any medication since 2005. I think those factors are all inter-related!