Woman on death row the night before her execution. Prison guard says to her "what do you want for your last meal?" She replies "I dunno what do you feel like?"
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Woman on death row the night before her execution. Prison guard says to her "what do you want for your last meal?" She replies "I dunno what do you feel like?"
What does DNA stand for?
National Dyslexic Association
Dyslexia rules KO
Said to my wife u look slim in black , she said put the light on
"I'm sorry sir, you'll have to stop masturbating."
"Why Doctor?"
"Because I'm trying to speak to you."
SON: "Hey dad why is my sister called Teresa"?
DAD:"Because your mum loves Easter and it's an anagram of Easter"
SON: :"Thank's Dad"
DAD:"No Problem Alan"
This might be of interest to some of you.
The price of pies.
In Jamaica you can get a steak and kidney pie for £1.75, a chicken and mushroom pie for £1.60 and an apple pie for £2.15. In St Kitts and Nevis a steak and kidney pie will cost you £2, a chicken pie (without mushrooms) is £1.70 and a cherry pie can be yours for £1.95. In Trinidad and Tobago, that steak and kidney pie comes in at £2.50, but you can buy two for £3.50, while the chicken and mushroom pie is £2.25, or two for £3.25. They also offer meat and potato pie for £2, or two for £3. Their apple pies and cherry pies are often sold for £2.75, or two (any combination) for £4.75.
Those my friends are the Pie Rates of the Caribbean..
What are buccaneers?
They're the things on the sides of your buckin' head.
Personally, I don't think there's intelligent life on other planets.
Why should other planets be any different from this one?
My girlfriend has dumped me because of predictive text. She's still convinced I want to kick her puppy.
An Egyptian drove past me the other day and tooted at me then mooned at me ,
Bloody tooting car moon
A Michigan fan was sitting at a table reading the newspaper. The headline reads: 12 Brazilian soldiers killed. He shakes his head at the sad news and turns to the man sitting next to him and asks "How many is a Brazilian?"
When people go under water in movies i like to hold my breath to see if I could have survived the situation.
I nearly died in finding nemo.
Girl at Halloween party. "Ducking for apples? Change one letter and it's the story of my life".
Sex is bad for one but it's good for two
What's the difference between Tynecastle stadium and a porcupine?
All the pricks are on the outside of a porcupine.
A logician's wife had just had a baby.
The midwife handed the child to the father.
The mother asked him, "Is it a boy or a girl?"
He answered, "Yes."
:faf::faf::faf::faf::faf:
No English dictionary has been able to explain adequately the difference between these two words. In a recent linguistic competition held in London and attended by, supposedly, the best in the world, Samdar Balgobin, a Guyanese man, was the clear winner with a standing ovation which lasted over 5 minutes.
The final question was: 'How do you explain the difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED in a way that is easy to understand? Some people say there is no difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED. Here is his astute answer:
"When you marry the right woman, you are COMPLETE. When you marry the wrong woman, you are FINISHED. And when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are COMPLETELY FINISHED!"
He won a trip around the world and the admiration of all!!
Barry Crier joke:
A couple going out for dinner, and she's in the bathroom trying on a new dress, and she came out of the bathroom and said to her husband, "Does my bum look big in this?" He said, "Oh be fair, love, it's quite a small bathroom".