People think I am stupid because I have a lisp.
I am getting thick of it
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People think I am stupid because I have a lisp.
I am getting thick of it
I used to like tractors.
I don't like tractors any more.
I'm an extractor fan. [emoji41]
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I bet on a horse the went off at 5/1
Came in at ten past two.
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Mates meeting in Shakespeare's on Lothian Road for our xmas night out
Trouble is I'm bard
I've started a business building yachts in my attic. sails are going through the roof.
Got laid off as a roofer for being drunk at work.
That's the last time I'm having a night on the tiles.
Said to my mate "I saw the ex UKIP leader and the 'Simply The Best' singer leaving on an aeroplane together this morning"
"Farage & Tina?"
"No, for Brazil I think!!..
How did Darth Vader know what Luke Skywalker was getting for Christmas?
He felt his presents.
Three red indian squaws, all pregnant, all sitting on animal skins.
The first squaw was sitting on a bear skin
The second squaw was sitting on a buffalo skin
The third squaw who was expecting twins was sitting on a hippopotamus skin
- Which only goes to prove that the squaw on the hippopotamus is equal to the sum of the squaws on the other two hides.
My doctor just gave me 6 months to live. So I shot him and the judge have gave me 15 years.
Met a bloke in the pub who claimed he was a clairvoyant.
He was an annoying sod, every time I tried to speak he kept laughing at me.
I was getting so wound up that I couldn't stand him laughing at me all the time so I punched him.
Always like to strike a happy medium.
I went for a job in a mirror shop but I just couldn't see myself working there.
My new years resolution is to stop using aerosol deodorants...
Roll on 2017!
There's been an explosion at a French cheese factory.
Debris everywhere.
Who circumcised Moby Dick?
4 skin divers!
What do you call 2 Spanish Firemen?
Hose A & Hose B
quasimodo got paid off.........got a Lump Sum & a Bottle of Bells
Quasimodo is getting chased down the streets by loads of kids he turns and says
"piss off I've not got your ball"
I finally learned how to convert units to the metric system!
It's a real 1.61kilometers6.35kilograms for me.
What's the difference between a chickpea and a lentil?
Donald Trump wouldn't pay $1000 to have a lentil on his face.
Whats the difference between a buffalo and a bison?
You can't wash your hands in a buffalo.