Depression and anxiety

[euansdad]

Anyone else have these problems? My old man is from the old brigade who thinks pull yourself together is the answer. Never used to be like this and time in the army hasn't helped. However, I'm not afraid to admit things and feel no stigma in being affected by this.

Just wondering if other people here have had problems associated with these issues? I personally can get low and worry about things that many people wouldn't even give much a thought about! I'm on anti depressants but don't want to be on them forever. Has there been other things that people find useful?

Cheers

[yeezus.]

:agree: I'm on Mirtazapine (45mg) having tried 3 or 4 other tablets (including Citalopram) which didn't work. I found some of the anti-anxiety tablets realy useful but the doctors keep telling me how reluctant they are to hand them out (mainly because they are a short term fix.)

[Waxy]

Excersise and a good diet do alot to help with depression and anxiety.
I have had bouts of these and it's true what the oldies say about it.If you want it to go away you can only change things yourself.
It wont go away by itself.
Dont dwell on it and make good things happen

[Betty Boop]

Anyone else have these problems? My old man is from the old brigade who thinks pull yourself together is the answer. Never used to be like this and time in the army hasn't helped. However, I'm not afraid to admit things and feel no stigma in being affected by this. Just wondering if other people here have had problems associated with these issues? I personally can get low and worry about things that many people wouldn't even give much a thought about! I'm on anti depressants but don't want to be on them forever. Has there been other things that people find useful?CheersHave you thought about having a course of cognitive behavioural therapy ? http://www.patient.co.uk/health/Cognitive-Behaviour-Therapy-(CBT).htm

[Pretty Boy]

Been a few threads on here about both and It's always good to talk.

I suffered from pretty severe depression for about 18 months to 2 years and had some very dark thoughts. There was a lot of horrible stuff going on in my life at the time. Eventually I found a brilliant doctor who referred me for cognitive behavioural therapy as anti depressants absolutely terrified me and worked me up into some awful states.

On top of that I have also had bother with health anxiety. Not the usual man flu type thing but genuine unfounded fears about my health. The strange thing about health anxiety is it causes genuine physical symptoms such as nausea, pins and needles, aches and pains, stomach upset etc. I was a habitual googler of symptoms and at various times was absolutely convinced I had MS, lupus, cancer, pneumonia, lymphoma, malaria and lyme disease amongst others. Sounds ridiculous but the fears are genuine. I had all kinds of blood tests and everything was negative but that only reassured for a short time before something else cropped up. Whenever I did have anything actually wrong with me I was terrified of taking medication because I was sure I would get side effects so it was a vicious cycle. Thankfully I'm slowly but surely getting over this as well.

You'll find there are a few people on this board only too happy to share their experiences which will hopefully help you. For all the silly arguments and whatever there are a hell of a lot of very good people post on here.

[Betty Boop]

Been a few threads on here about both and It's always good to talk.

I suffered from pretty severe depression for about 18 months to 2 years and had some very dark thoughts. There was a lot of horrible stuff going on in my life at the time. Eventually I found a brilliant doctor who referred me for cognitive behavioural therapy as anti depressants absolutely terrified me and worked me up into some awful states.

On top of that I have also had bother with health anxiety. Not the usual man flu type thing but genuine unfounded fears about my health. The strange thing about health anxiety is it causes genuine physical symptoms such as nausea, pins and needles, aches and pains, stomach upset etc. I was a habitual googler of symptoms and at various times was absolutely convinced I had MS, lupus, cancer, pneumonia, lymphoma, malaria and lyme disease amongst others. Sounds ridiculous but the fears are genuine. I had all kinds of blood tests and everything was negative but that only reassured for a short time before something else cropped up. Whenever I did have anything actually wrong with me I was terrified of taking medication because I was sure I would get side effects so it was a vicious cycle. Thankfully I'm slowly but surely getting over this as well.

You'll find there are a few people on this board only too happy to share their experiences which will hopefully help you. For all the silly arguments and whatever there are a hell of a lot of very good people post on here.:agree:

[euansdad]

Definitely mate. I enjoy this forum and there are a lot of very decent and helpful people here...... Guess that's why I'm a sad case and post so much since I joined! Aye, I have been on a waiting list for CBT for a while and it came through earlier this week that my course starts on the 6th of December so hopefully that will make a huge difference to. Thanks everyone for your help and also those who private messaged me with their thoughts

[Jack]

Have you thought about having a course of cognitive behavioural therapy ? http://www.patient.co.uk/health/Cognitive-Behaviour-Therapy-(CBT).htm

Never looked that one up so not sure about it, I would say though stick to NHS or NHS approved sites.

[Betty Boop]

Never looked that one up so not sure about it, I would say though stick to NHS or NHS approved sites.


Highly commended patient resource by the BMA .

[hibsbollah]

Highly commended patient resource by the BMA .:agree:

:agree: My GP gave me a link to that site in fact. Staffed by doctors.

[deeks01]

Very interesting thread , as an infrequent poster I've never seen any of the alluded to previous threads but it's always good to get some other people's perspective and realise this state of mind (don't know if that's appropriate terminology tbh but anyway) doesn't have to be at the forefront 24/7 , which I'm sure you'll all agree it sometimes is.

Personal experience I have been struggling with depression for over 2 years. Was tried with a few things after my dad convinced me to see the GP before finding mirtazipine worked for me (it was reduced to the lowest dose a while back which didn't help and it's since been upped again) on a , hopefully , temporary basis. Unfortunately at the same time I was feeling low my health took a rather drastic decline , due to a pre-existing medical condition (Cystic Fibrosis) , and that forced to drop out of college after falling way too far behind by being stuck in hospital for an extended period. Got fixed up and my health remained stable for a while but see being unemployed and with no prospects? Doesn't help. Sat about on my arse for far too long with the occasional job interview that I never heard back from and this affected my health. Since then it's been up and down , managed to get back to college for a few months and was looking after myself , feeling as good as I had in years then I randomly got a collapsed lung (a freak of nature , just happens sometimes apparently) tried to continue with the course and failed abjectly. Since then I've done nothing , literally nothing. At the end of this period i was lying in bed almost 24/7 , hardly eating and doing zero meds. I hadn't been out the house in over a month and had contact with only those i was forced to communicate with by necessity... It looked pretty bleak. HOWEVER (and this is the point to actually take note of , not this boring back story) at this point I was re-admitted and received intensive physical treatment for my lungs etc , my mirtazipine was increased again and I talked everything through with my doctor who convinced me over time there was 'a point' in all this. Haven't looked back since to be honest. I feel healthy and my friends and family have been great recently. Culminating in a job interview on Wednesday where the lady said she would phone on Monday and probably offer me the job. I'd even been looking at voluntary work to get me off my lazy arse but an actual job suits better!

My point in all of that ^^ is at the end really , doesn't matter how bleak things seem there are always people willing to help you if you let them. Don't shut yourself away because that state of mind? It isn't permanent. If you start to feel like this talk to someone or go out and do some exercise or even just socialise , it's a vicious circle if you shut yourself off and do nothing! I'm aware how hard it is to do anything sometimes btw but it is possible no matter how ***** you feel!

Hope this little story doesn't bore you too much as I am aware how grim it is haha!

Never suffered from anxiety but @PrettyBoy I am aware how real the fear for out health is , doesn't matter how 'genuine' it is , and it can be all consuming. Well done on turning that round.

I'll keep an eye on this thread as I have a feeling it could make interesting reading to get a different perspective on these things!

[SRHibs]

Been a few threads on here about both and It's always good to talk.

I suffered from pretty severe depression for about 18 months to 2 years and had some very dark thoughts. There was a lot of horrible stuff going on in my life at the time. Eventually I found a brilliant doctor who referred me for cognitive behavioural therapy as anti depressants absolutely terrified me and worked me up into some awful states.

On top of that I have also had bother with health anxiety. Not the usual man flu type thing but genuine unfounded fears about my health. The strange thing about health anxiety is it causes genuine physical symptoms such as nausea, pins and needles, aches and pains, stomach upset etc. I was a habitual googler of symptoms and at various times was absolutely convinced I had MS, lupus, cancer, pneumonia, lymphoma, malaria and lyme disease amongst others. Sounds ridiculous but the fears are genuine. I had all kinds of blood tests and everything was negative but that only reassured for a short time before something else cropped up. Whenever I did have anything actually wrong with me I was terrified of taking medication because I was sure I would get side effects so it was a vicious cycle. Thankfully I'm slowly but surely getting over this as well.

You'll find there are a few people on this board only too happy to share their experiences which will hopefully help you. For all the silly arguments and whatever there are a hell of a lot of very good people post on here.

I can relate to the HA anxiety completely - I also had a period when I thought I had every terminal illness under the sun. Have had some hilariously obscure illnesses in my time - ALS being the rarest, probably.

For now, I've still got various problems. BDD causes me the most issues currently. Unfortunately, help is still a distance away, after being on a waiting list for God knows how long. Have been through various different medications - Fluoxetine, Citalopram, Venlafaxine, Paroxetine etc etc. so it's clear that medicating is not the way forward, for me. Unfortunately, I feel like I'm going to be too damn stubborn to really benefit from CBT. OP, the best thing to do if you don't want to be on SSRIs, is to do excercise and keep yourself healthy.

[stoneyburn hibs]

A stupid post to most this will seem but im trying to understand it so put me right please, at what point do you know you are depressed ? stupid question maybe but i would not know but i think i would speak for quite a lot of people who are ignorant to this.
Personally i dont think i have been depressed at any point in my life, been down but my theory is give yourself a slap and get on with your life, educate me please.

[barcahibs]

Suffered all my life with mental health issues but principally social anxiety disorder - which became over time general anxiety disorder - and depression. This comes with the usual side orders of stuff like paranoia, self destructive behaviour and lashing out at friends and family

1) You're not alone. I believe something like 1 in 5 adults will suffer a mental health issue at some point in their life. Millions of people, many of them hugely successful, have been through and are going through the same thing you are. You can make it through too.

2) There is no shame in having a mental health issue. for whatever reason your brain works differently to 'normal' people (if there is such a thing - hint, there isn't!). This is not your fault, anymore than if you'd been born with or developed any other disease or illness.

3) You cannot "snap out of it", "pull yourself together", "man up", or "just get on with it". No more than people in a wheelchair should just get up and walk or people with bronchitis should quit all that wheezing. The symptoms of mental health problems aren't always visible (99% of people I know won't know I have any issue at all), this doesn't make them any less real.

4) "friends" who don't understand any of the above aren't your friends.

For me these have been the best lessons I've learned through my experience. Recently I've added one more, which to me has probably become the most important

5) This too shall pass. The way you're feeling when you're at your worst is NOT how you will always feel. Hang on, no matter how hard it seems at times. It WILL pass, its when things are at their most hopeless that your strength will pull you through - living with mental health issues doesn't mean you are weak, the fact you're living with it shows you are strong.

Two years ago I was completely housebound, couldn't leave the front door without help - and didn't trust those who were offering their help. I can remember lying on my couch crying my eyes out - all because my boiler had made a funny noise and I was going to have to phone someone to come fix it! I'd decided I was so worthless there was no point living any longer. It seems bizarre to me now looking back that I could make such a mountain out of a molehill - but that doesn't make what I was feeling at the time any less real. I held on, and through time those feelings passed.

Speak to your doctor. There's no shame, they will understand and they will treat what you're telling them seriously and with compassion (if the first doctor you go to doesn't, go back and speak to another)

For some people medication will help - it only made me worse, I lost several years of my life to stuff like seroxat, I found the side effects worse than the original illness. A friend of mine has been taking antidepressants for over ten years and they've allowed her to live a 'normal' life. Speak to your doctor, discuss the options, if one med doesn't work then it could be worth trying another. There are other meds that can help you through a short term fix if things get really bad.

I've been through a couple of courses of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT, mentioned by Betty Boop above). Its a recognised treatment method - and these days is considered by many as the 'go to' option. Its one of these things where you have to be in the right frame of mind to do it, you have to want to change. My first course I wasn't in the right place and it failed, I tried again two years and (touch wood!) its holding this time.

Its all about examining why your mind works the way it does, what causes those damaging thoughts and anxieties, what specific things trigger them, and how you can change your ways of thinking to combat it.
The theory is that thought processes are formed by habit. At some point in your life your brain came up with these thought processes as a defense mechanism and over time thinking like that became a habit - long past the time when they were ever helpful. Via various exercises you're taught how to recognise this and slowly train your brain to think in a different way. Its amazing what you find when you begin to examine yourself in this way - I found that I'm incredibly prone to "mind reading" (assuming you know what other people are thinking) and "catastrophising" (assuming the worst possible outcome will come true in any situation) amongst others. If you discover you're doing any of these you can do little 'experiments' to see if these ways of thinking are true or are helpful.
Eventually you might move onto to trying to work out what your "core beliefs" are, why you feel the way you do (for me this came down to a core belief that I'm a worthless human being which I still sort of believe to be honest :greengrin )
Its hard work and it takes time but I've found it really helpful. Be aware that for many it'll be something you'll have ot work on all your life. Relapses are common, they aren't permanent.

Other helpful things I've found are things like establishing routines (eating at the same time every day, going to bed and getting up at set times), filling my day with tasks to keep my mind and body busy. Finding a goal in life and work towards it, even if at first this was just something daft like working up to going out to the shops on my own or phoning a friend. Going outdoors and engaging with nature has helped me too - I'm not in Edinburgh but I know there are mental health groups there that do things like go out and spend the day with the Council countryside rangers helping them out.

If you feel up to it you can also be introduced to things like graded exposure to your fears (kind of like when people that are afraid of spiders go to the zoo to handle a tarantula), group sessions, etc etc. I didn't find either of those things helpful but others will.

The answer for most people will probably lie in a mixture of all the things above.

Finally, do what you're doing right here, talk about it. You'll find more people will understand and will want to help than you can imagine. Those that don't want to help or put you down aren't worth your thoughts. Don't hide from it or feel you have to hide it from others (though you can hide it from others if you like, I do!).

Face it, look it in the eye and tell it "wha's in cherge here?" :greengrin

[barcahibs]

A stupid post to most this will seem but im trying to understand it so put me right please, at what point do you know you are depressed ? stupid question maybe but i would not know but i think i would speak for quite a lot of people who are ignorant to this.
Personally i dont think i have been depressed at any point in my life, been down but my theory is give yourself a slap and get on with your life, educate me please.

One of the problems with depression as an illness is that it uses a word thats in common every day use - and which usually means "a bit sad" :greengrin

Its one of those things where if you ever experience true depression (and I'm not saying you have or haven't) you'll know it.

I think that technically you have to present symptoms of depression for a consecutive period of more than two weeks and for this to have happened more than once? There's a sort of sheet thing the GP gets you to fill in if you go into talk about depression, some of the symptoms I remember are things like constant feelings of guilt or worthlessness, paranoia, fatigue, sleeping far too much or too little, inability to concentrate, inability to feel happiness or take pleasure in anything, recurring thoughts of suicide.

Imagine spending a fortnight (and for most people much more than a fortnight) thinking, every hour of every day, that you're a worthless human being and the world would be a better place if you weren't in it. Imagine thats all you can think about, over and over again, that no-one can convince you otherwise. For many people that's living with depression.

For most people with clinical depression they can't just give themselves a slap and get on with it. There's an actual physical chemical problem in their brain - they can no more snap out of it than someone with a broken leg can just tell it fuse itself together again.

[Hiber-nation]

Best thread I have read on here for some time - thanks for sharing folks.

[euansdad]

Thanks for sharing. Was a bit nervous about starting this thread but glad I did. Think it does help to share experiences.

[hibsbollah]

A stupid post to most this will seem but im trying to understand it so put me right please, at what point do you know you are depressed ? stupid question maybe but i would not know but i think i would speak for quite a lot of people who are ignorant to this.
Personally i dont think i have been depressed at any point in my life, been down but my theory is give yourself a slap and get on with your life, educate me please.

Its not a stupid post at all, i think a lot of people find it hard to understand depression.

The best way to get your head round it is to imagine it as a virus the same as flu. Depression the illness and depression the feeling of sadness are totally different things. (Depression' is probably the worst named illness in the world of medicine). A lot of people who have depression can be ill for months, cant get out of bed, have no energy, then get diagnosed and refuse to believe the diagnosis. They just assumed it was a virus, and in many cases have happy, successful lives and have no good reason (as they see it) to be depressed.

I think its brilliant so many posters have spoken so openly about it on this thread, good on all of you:aok:

[Phil D. Rolls]

In my experience, medication is a great way to give you the kick on to deal with the source of your problems. I ended up getting Fluoxetine a few years back. The lift I got from it was enough to allow me to take positive steps to change my life.

Since then, I have realised that depression is something I had lived with for a long time. I still get low, but by being able to spot what is going on, I have more chance of not slipping into depression, which is a hideous, crippling illness.

I view it in much the same way as physical illness like diabetes. It is something I live with, and I try to control the illness, rather than let it control me. The hardest thing for a person with depression to accept is that there is hope and they will get better - the very nature of it means that you take a pessimistic outlook on life.

When I am low now, I try to remind myself that I have been here before, and things will change. If you are suffering then don't hesitate to speak to your GP. Try and describe your symptoms: how are you sleeping; what is your appetite like; are you avoiding people that you like; do you feel like life is not living. There are also many great sources of advice on the net (as well as some dodgy ones). Here's a couple of links:

http://www.samh.org.uk/
http://www.moodcafe.co.uk/

Even looking at these means you are acknowledging your problems, and you have made a big step. One last thing, if you are drinking too much (as I was) try and cut back, and build towards a couple of days of sobriety - I also have serious doubts about weed. You'll be amazed how things come into focus, and also what a liar alcohol is.

Good luck, it's a long road, but you can get better. Sleep and nutrition are massive factors. One last thing, I found that just talking to someone made me feel a whole lot better.

I hope that's helpful, the rest is up to you.

[LeighLoyal]

Anxiety sometimes affects me, the fight or flight thing that builds up adrenaline and constricts the arteries, can cause chest pains and palps. If you don't know what it is it can feel like a heart problem which just adds to the panic and then you get a full blown attack. Stupid really. Getting rid of it is a Labrador dog

[stoneyburn hibs]

In my experience, medication is a great way to give you the kick on to deal with the source of your problems. I ended up getting Fluoxetine a few years back. The lift I got from it was enough to allow me to take positive steps to change my life.

Since then, I have realised that depression is something I had lived with for a long time. I still get low, but by being able to spot what is going on, I have more chance of not slipping into depression, which is a hideous, crippling illness.

I view it in much the same way as physical illness like diabetes. It is something I live with, and I try to control the illness, rather than let it control me. The hardest thing for a person with depression to accept is that there is hope and they will get better - the very nature of it means that you take a pessimistic outlook on life.

When I am low now, I try to remind myself that I have been here before, and things will change. If you are suffering then don't hesitate to speak to your GP. Try and describe your symptoms: how are you sleeping; what is your appetite like; are you avoiding people that you like; do you feel like life is not living. There are also many great sources of advice on the net (as well as some dodgy ones). Here's a couple of links:

http://www.samh.org.uk/
http://www.moodcafe.co.uk/

Even looking at these means you are acknowledging your problems, and you have made a big step. One last thing, if you are drinking too much (as I was) try and cut back, and build towards a couple of days of sobriety - I also have serious doubts about weed. You'll be amazed how things come into focus, and also what a liar alcohol is.

Good luck, it's a long road, but you can get better. Sleep and nutrition are massive factors. One last thing, I found that just talking to someone made me feel a whole lot better.

I hope that's helpful, the rest is up to you.

Your reply and Bollah's reply were really insightful, maybe im just a car crash waiting to happen, i smoke about 20 a day , work for myself (building trade), never drink on a school night but drink to excess on a friday and saturday,my diet is good at home but terrible whilst at work , burger vans and pies for lunch, the reason for me saying all of that- is that is generally that is my life, sometimes i go for weeks without being paid and that has at times been coupled with lack of work, i find myself getting down about it and angry, is that a form of depression/life or me being a phud, or both ?

[Phil D. Rolls]

Your reply and Bollah's reply were really insightful, maybe im just a car crash waiting to happen, i smoke about 20 a day , work for myself (building trade), never drink on a school night but drink to excess on a friday and saturday,my diet is good at home but terrible whilst at work , burger vans and pies for lunch, the reason for me saying all of that- is that is generally that is my life, sometimes i go for weeks without being paid and that has at times been coupled with lack of work, i find myself getting down about it and angry, is that a form of depression/life or me being a phud, or both ?

One thing I can definitely say is you are not a phud. :aok:

[Phil D. Rolls]

A stupid post to most this will seem but im trying to understand it so put me right please, at what point do you know you are depressed ? stupid question maybe but i would not know but i think i would speak for quite a lot of people who are ignorant to this.
Personally i dont think i have been depressed at any point in my life, been down but my theory is give yourself a slap and get on with your life, educate me please.

Psychiatrists define depression here:

http://www.mental-health-today.com/dep/dsm.htm

Others working in the field would see it as anything that stops you achieving full enjoyment of life. Psychiatrists use the tick list, but really illness is a barrier that is getting in the way of you being the person you want to be.

[MSK]

I suffered depression for years (early 30 onwards) ...chemical "restraint" didnt help in the slightest ..the worse I felt, the more they upped my dosage ..I was merely a guinae pig for drug companies..Xeroxat (Paroxatine) ****ed my head & made me suicidal ..powerful mind bending drug ...

Went cold turkey, spoke to the right people (Filled Roll's is bang on) & never looked back ..

[Phil D. Rolls]

One of the problems with depression as an illness is that it uses a word thats in common every day use - and which usually means "a bit sad" :greengrin

Its one of those things where if you ever experience true depression (and I'm not saying you have or haven't) you'll know it.

I think that technically you have to present symptoms of depression for a consecutive period of more than two weeks and for this to have happened more than once? There's a sort of sheet thing the GP gets you to fill in if you go into talk about depression, some of the symptoms I remember are things like constant feelings of guilt or worthlessness, paranoia, fatigue, sleeping far too much or too little, inability to concentrate, inability to feel happiness or take pleasure in anything, recurring thoughts of suicide.

Imagine spending a fortnight (and for most people much more than a fortnight) thinking, every hour of every day, that you're a worthless human being and the world would be a better place if you weren't in it. Imagine thats all you can think about, over and over again, that no-one can convince you otherwise. For many people that's living with depression.

For most people with clinical depression they can't just give themselves a slap and get on with it. There's an actual physical chemical problem in their brain - they can no more snap out of it than someone with a broken leg can just tell it fuse itself together again.

Always remember in my training, and adult nurse said "why do people say they are a wee bit depressed? You don't go around saying you're a wee bit arthritic, or a wee bit hypoglaecemic. You don't get a wee bit depressed, you get crippled so you don't have the confidence to go to the shops; you need to get pished or stoned every night because you can't face waking up. Depression is a debilitating illness, that some people fight for longer than they should.

[MSK]

Always remember in my training, and adult nurse said "why do people say they are a wee bit depressed? You don't go around saying you're a wee bit arthritic, or a wee bit hypoglaecemic. You don't get a wee bit depressed, you get crippled so you don't have the confidence to go to the shops; you need to get pished or stoned every night because you can't face waking up. Depression is a debilitating illness, that some people fight for longer than they should.


Dont you think the "Adult Nurse" was a bit patronising ..?

Depression can work in stages, you can feel a " wee bit" depressed ..you can feel a "wee bit" no well ..a "wee bit" sore ....a "wee bit" down, a "wee bit" on edge ..

You can get a "wee bit" depressed ...thats the bit between top & middle ...before you hit rock bottom ..

[Phil D. Rolls]

So sweet Sir ..so sweet ..:aok:

Had a lot of time for that lecturer, an old school general nurse, who actually "got it". If you'd asked her what "Care With Compassion" is, she'd have turned round and said - "it's what I'm employed to do".

[CropleyWasGod]

This thread is so encouraging.

I have been a long-term sufferer, probably 15 years.

It's clear that, as society moves on, we are becoming more willing to talk about issues like depression. The fact that there are other sufferers, and that we are not alone, is so comforting.

I will add my tuppence worth on things that have helped me. Before that, though, I had a "lightbulb moment" a few years ago. That was the realisation that, like HIV and cancer, there is no cure. The best we can hope for is management. That was a pivotal moment for me.... rather than running away from it, I started to embrace my illness as part of myself. As a result, it has been easier to deal with. It will never go away, but it can be managed.

My toolbox:-

Diet
Exercise
Medication
Meditation
Herbal supplements.... Vitamin D, Omega-3, 5-HTP
Human contact
Sense of humour
Light box
Crap telly
Action on Depression and their self-help groups

If anyone wants to talk about any of this stuff (by IM, if you want), I'm happy to talk.

[MSK]

Had a lot of time for that lecturer, an old school general nurse, who actually "got it". If you'd asked her what "Care With Compassion" is, she'd have turned round and said - "it's what I'm employed to do".Sorry FR....I was thinking of a more patronising Nurse still in practice ..Sweet Sweet was her passing word ..she thought depression was all "in the mind" ..:greengrin

[Phil D. Rolls]

Sorry FR....I was thinking of a more patronising Nurse still in practice ..Sweet Sweet was her passing word ..she thought depression was all "in the mind" ..:greengrin

She didn't get it. Al she had to do was let the boys watch the World Series on the radio. :greengrin

[MSK]

She didn't get it. Al she had to do was let the boys watch the World Series on the radio. :greengrin:greengrin

[yeezus.]

I was referred for CBT by my doctor as an alternative to tablets and I hated it. The lady was not at all helpful and whenever I questioned what she said she would reply: "It seems to me you just want to be stuck on tablets..."

[CropleyWasGod]

I was referred for CBT by my doctor as an alternative to tablets and I hated it. The lady was not at all helpful and whenever I questioned what she said she would reply: "It seems to me you just want to be stuck on tablets..."

CBT isn't for everybody, that's for sure, despite it being talked-up as a cure. It didn't work for me, because I treated it too much like an academic exercise. It became very clear very quickly that I wasn't going to be able to change 40-odd years of thinking patterns overnight.

What I think is more helpful, though, is just "talking". Whether that's just spraffing nonsense with your mates, or talking about the actual issues on here, I have found that social interaction can be very good for self-esteem.

You might also want to check out support groups. It's possible that there are none where you live.... that's often the case in smaller towns.... check out Action on Depression's website.

[yeezus.]

CBT isn't for everybody, that's for sure, despite it being talked-up as a cure. It didn't work for me, because I treated it too much like an academic exercise. It became very clear very quickly that I wasn't going to be able to change 40-odd years of thinking patterns overnight.

What I think is more helpful, though, is just "talking". Whether that's just spraffing nonsense with your mates, or talking about the actual issues on here, I have found that social interaction can be very good for self-esteem.

You might also want to check out support groups. It's possible that there are none where you live.... that's often the case in smaller towns.... check out Action on Depression's website.

Thanks for that. I don't mind talking with people but I find it hard as my family know very little about it. When I was at University in Aberdeen, I couldn't go to classes - tutorials in paticular were intimidating and many departments were quite clear that I have to attend and contribute every week - other departments were really helpful and allowed me to submit a written piece as opposed to talking in class. The university had a great counselling service and if it weren't for them I don't know where I'd be.

My friends all live in Aberdeen - and talking about mental health issues in Stranraer could prove difficult with the small-minded conservative attitudes down here.

I'll need to ask the doctor about counselling - I think it helps.

Cheers for the website.

[euansdad]

Aye that strikes a cord. With being in the army and surrounded by what some may term as hard men, you would have thought I was outgoing. In fact, fear sometimes of facing people has been part of it. The thought of attending a family get together or speaking to a lot of people can get on top of me. Of course, you have to face it down particularly when you have to go work! But, it is part of the problem.

[stu in nottingham]

I was referred for CBT by my doctor as an alternative to tablets and I hated it. The lady was not at all helpful and whenever I questioned what she said she would reply: "It seems to me you just want to be stuck on tablets..."


CBT isn't for everybody, that's for sure, despite it being talked-up as a cure. It didn't work for me, because I treated it too much like an academic exercise. It became very clear very quickly that I wasn't going to be able to change 40-odd years of thinking patterns overnight.

What I think is more helpful, though, is just "talking". Whether that's just spraffing nonsense with your mates, or talking about the actual issues on here, I have found that social interaction can be very good for self-esteem.

You might also want to check out support groups. It's possible that there are none where you live.... that's often the case in smaller towns.... check out Action on Depression's website.

I am a researcher in mental health and have a Masters in Psychology. Also a long-time depression sufferer.

I agree with the above points about CBT, it certainly isn't for everyone. The problem is that because it's seen as something of a 'quick-fix' by a beleaguered NHS it is often offered as the therapy of choice, simply because it is one of the least expensive 'talking therapies' to supply at maybe 6-8 sessions. It tends to offer a 'sticking plaster cure' rather than a deeper analysis but that is appropriate for many. Interestingly, some of my latest research indicated that the latest drugs being developed in the area were potentially more expensive than the talking therapies, perhaps surprisingly.

It can sometimes depend on the quality of the CBT therapist to a degree in my personal opinion. I visited one through the NHS a few years ago and found it intensely frustrating at times with the practitioner continually and very rigidly bringing me back to 'the (CBT) model' whenever I started to express myself about the problems. It does work for some people though and some of its greatest effectiveness is said to be in the areas of anxiety and depression.

I like the approach used by a private psychotherapist friend of mine and am reminded of it by a comment by CropleyWasGod on an earlier post. The friend talks of having a 'toolbox' of different therapies that he can use for clients with different difficulties. He will discuss during a consultation the different types of therapy he can provide for a client and even change the types of therapy if its agreed that this is appropriate. He sees different tools as being required for different jobs, whether that be CBT, Hynotherapy or whatever.

The best work I have undertaken with a therapist when myself suffering from anxiety and depression was with a 'life coach' and on gaining the right individual to help I would urge others not to count this possibility out although the term can be a little off-putting. Sometimes, with some people, it can be a case of approaching problems in one's life in a practical and pragmatic way to alleviate symptoms.

I was never a great fan of anti-depressant medicines for me personally though recognise that they work well for some people. Some of the very latest research is beginning to indicate that there is a more of a placebo effect in some people than was once thought though this opinion is not widely held as yet. There is a place for such medication undoubtedly, it's just a pity that for financial reasons it is an early port of call after diagnosis from most GPs through necessity. The NHS simply cannot afford to offer talking therapies in an adequate way for the amount of people reporting depression symptoms, sadly.

Agree strongly with Cropley above. Talk to your friends and family, don't be afraid or ashamed. Also remember that sometimes we have to make ourselves do things when suffering from depression that are almost painful to do and that sometimes means going through the motions of tasks before motivation comes along.

Good luck to all on here and well done on a great and open discussion. I do not claim to be an expert despite my involvement in the field but being a long-term sufferer with some experience and knowledge am happy to talk privately to anyone here.

[CropleyWasGod]

I am a researcher in mental health and have a Masters in Psychology. Also a long-time depression sufferer.

I agree with the above points about CBT, it certainly isn't for everyone. The problem is that because it's seen as something of a 'quick-fix' by a beleaguered NHS it is often offered as the therapy of choice, simply because it is one of the least expensive 'talking therapies' to supply at maybe 6-8 sessions. It tends to offer a 'sticking plaster cure' rather than a deeper analysis but that is appropriate for many. Interestingly, some of my latest research indicated that the latest drugs being developed in the area were potentially more expensive than the talking therapies, perhaps surprisingly.

It can sometimes depend on the quality of the CBT therapist to a degree in my personal opinion. I visited one through the NHS a few years ago and found it intensely frustrating at times with the practitioner continually and very rigidly bringing me back to 'the (CBT) model' whenever I started to express myself about the problems. It does work for some people though and some of its greatest effectiveness is said to be in the areas of anxiety and depression.

I like the approach used by a private psychotherapist friend of mine and am reminded of it by a comment by CropleyWasGod on an earlier post. The friend talks of having a 'toolbox' of different therapies that he can use for clients with different difficulties. He will discuss during a consultation the different types of therapy he can provide for a client and even change the types of therapy if its agreed that this is appropriate. He sees different tools as being required for different jobs, whether that be CBT, Hynotherapy or whatever.

The best work I have undertaken with a therapist when myself suffering from anxiety and depression was with a 'life coach' and on gaining the right individual to help I would urge others not to count this possibility out although the term can be a little off-putting. Sometimes, with some people, it can be a case of approaching problems in one's life in a practical and pragmatic way to alleviate symptoms.

I was never a great fan of anti-depressant medicines for me personally though recognise that they work well for some people. Some of the very latest research is beginning to indicate that there is a more of a placebo effect in some people than was once thought though this opinion is not widely held as yet. There is a place for such medication undoubtedly, it's just a pity that for financial reasons it is an early port of call after diagnosis from most GPs through necessity. The NHS simply cannot afford to offer talking therapies in an adequate way for the amount of people reporting depression symptoms, sadly.

Agree strongly with Cropley above. Talk to your friends and family, don't be afraid or ashamed. Also remember that sometimes we have to make ourselves do things when suffering from depression that are almost painful to do and that sometimes means going through the motions of tasks before motivation comes along.

Good luck to all on here and well done on a great and open discussion. I do not claim to be an expert despite my involvement in the field but being a long-term sufferer with some experience and knowledge am happy to talk privately to anyone here.

Great post.

On your last sentence, I would suggest that no-one is an expert..... it is an illness that we are only just beginning to understand. However, we are all experts on our own experience. And that's one of the keys to understanding; the fact that there are so many different experiences of depression.

[HUTCHYHIBBY]

There are a lot daft threads on .net and there can be a lot of sniping and back biting at times too, but, threads like this show that there are a lot of decent empathetic people when a serious subject rears its head. I'm sure this thread will be of considerable use to a few folk, well done too all.

[yeezus.]

Maybe you could help me with my latest worry. I'm only 20 and have been on about 3 or 4 different anti-depressants. Recently, my memory has been getting worse and I'm forgetting even the most basic of things. My doctor said it could be the Mirtazapine but I'm not yet ready to come off it.

[CropleyWasGod]

Maybe you could help me with my latest worry. I'm only 20 and have been on about 3 or 4 different anti-depressants. Recently, my memory has been getting worse and I'm forgetting even the most basic of things. My doctor said it could be the Mirtazapine but I'm not yet ready to come off it.

Getting the right medication is always a lottery.

Have you tried Venlafaxine? It always worked for me, although I hated the side-effects.

[MSK]

Great post.

On your last sentence, I would suggest that no-one is an expert..... it is an illness that we are only just beginning to understand. However, we are all experts on our own experience. And that's one of the keys to understanding; the fact that there are so many different experiences of depression.Definately, my biggest fear was myself...even throughout my depression I was scared of "me" it was frightening, my volatile temper, bursting into a rage at the slightest thing, walking out the door in minus conditions & walking for miles, scared & isolated.

I knew I was hurting the ones that loved me but I just seemed powerless to show any emotion back, that wasnt me ..but I knew I had to get "me" back. My GP was communicating through my Wife, he gave her fantastic support & advice too & if I agreed they would change my anti-depressant & remove me from the hell that was Xeroxat. I made a decision & a dangerous one at that, but one that changed & transformed my life.

I went cold turkey, I refused any more medication despite the warnings of the side affects. I made a decision though & I wasnt for going back. It was hell ..4 weeks of absolute torture..I was locked away in my room, shaking/trembling, dizzy..my body felt like I had been hit by a bus ..my joints ached ..every joint, I had nightmares almost every night as the seratonin levels in my brain began to balance out.

On the third week I decided I was taking a walk up to the shop, it was a weird feeling, I was walking like I was drunk ..my head was all fuzzy ...but you know what..that dark & lonely road I was walking down bacame a brighter place, it was like walking into an oasis of calm ..something had lifted...I walked home, made a coffee & had a conversation with my Wife & kids for the first time in months.

i was back ..it was the start of a long road to recovery..I took a massive gamble & it worked.

[Nuitdelune]

If you only feel 'happy' when you go to bed at night, especially if you wake up hours before it's time to get up and put the telly on and feel happy watching/listening to rubbish you wouldn't watch in the day, just to prolong the night, could you be heading towards real depression?

[CropleyWasGod]

If you only feel 'happy' when you go to bed at night, especially if you wake up hours before it's time to get up and put the telly on and feel happy watching/listening to rubbish you wouldn't watch in the day, just to prolong the night, could you be heading towards real depression?

Those are signs that I notice when I'm in the grip of a depression. It might be worthwhile talking to a GP, or else doing one of the online tests; those are certainly no scientific, but they are a guide.

[Nuitdelune]

Major Depression (http://www.hibs.net/major_depression.html):
High-Moderate


Dysthymia (http://www.hibs.net/dysthymia.html):
Very High




These were my results. Deary me!

[yeezus.]

Getting the right medication is always a lottery.

Have you tried Venlafaxine? It always worked for me, although I hated the side-effects.

I don't think so. The thing is, Mirtazapine has helped me sleep - even though I have the most awful, lucid dreams - before I went on it I wasn't getting any sleep at all.

[Pretty Boy]

A few very interesting points being made.

When it came to CBT i think it was successful for me for a variety of reasons. I was 'lucky' in the sense that my depression and health anxiety had a very clear cause. My depression had began to manifest itself very soon after I went to uni. Despite making friends I missed a lot of my 'old life' and struggled to adapt to new surroundings, I had constant feelings I was missing out on things and that every decision I made was a wrong one. This all came to a head when a friend of mine died suddenly only a few hours after I'd left him for the night. I was absolutely racked with feelings of guilt and slowly became obsessive about my own health.

After about 3/4 months of becoming increasingly withdrawn, I was quite literally dragged to my GP by my sister. Unfortunately the GP I saw was, in my eyes, completely uninterested in me. I wad prescribed sleeping pills and sent on my way. A few weeks passed and I was in a terrible state. I was checking my throat in a mirror 40-50 times a day, checking my heart rate 15 times a day, I bought a thermometer and constantly took my temperature. All this whilst still feeling isolated, I absolutely refused to talk about it and lost contact with a few friends, not because they didn't care but because I refused to tell them the extent of what I was feeling.

After another couple of weeks like this I had a friend who popped round unexpectedly one evening. I had had a terrible day and was having some extremely dark thoughts. I had hoarded about 200 paracetemol and had a bottle of vodka to hand. I'm not sure I believe in fate but had my mate not visited me that evening on a whim I'm not sure if I would be here to tell my story. He quite literally dragged me to the train station and took me to my parents where I broke down and everything I'd been feeling came tumbling out.

I again visited my GP and was seen by the most wonderful doctor. She spent well over an hour with me, no doubt to the annoyance of those in the waiting room, and put me in touch with bereavement groups. She also prescribed xeroxat. Over the following weeks I slowly began to lose the feelings of guilt over my friends death but I was still very low and due to my health anxiety I became absolutely obsessed with side effects of medication so stopped taking it. I was visiting my GP at least twice a month with various complaints, desperately trying to convince whoever I saw that I had whatever disease I'd become obsessed about.

After trying me on various medications my GP decided that this wasn't the approach for me so I was referred for CBT. At first I was unconvinced and my first few sessions where, imo, unsuccessful. However I slowly began to realise I was doing very little to help myself. I still wasn't willing to open up and i was unwilling to make any positive changes of things I could control. With a massive effort of will I started eating better, I stopped drinking, I started excercising again and took up boxing (and was pretty good), I set myself routines of getting up and out of bed by 10am every day. Slowly I was aware that the therapy sessions were becoming more positive and i felt I was getting more from them.

For the last 2 years or so I've felt good. I still have low moments and my health anxiety still lurks not to far from the surface but on the whole I'm doing ok. Being able to talk about my issues was the biggest help for me, I found that my mates were far more willing to listen to me than I anticipated, some of them joke about it, others look uncomfortable but always make the effort to ask how I am and others are happy just to listen when I need to get something off my chest. My girlfriend of the last 18 months has been an absolute rock and is fully aware of what i have been through. Getting back out and about enabled me to meet her and a lot of other truly wonderful people.

The point of my whole long winded story is that different things work for different people. Whilst medication will work for some so CBT will work for others. For me, being able to talk about things and learning to trust family and friends helped enormously. Being proactive and trying to help my own recovery was also key. As Happyhibbie says it can be a long road to recovery but It's well worth sticking it out.

[yeezus.]

A few very interesting points being made.

When it came to CBT i think it was successful for me for a variety of reasons. I was 'lucky' in the sense that my depression and health anxiety had a very clear cause. My depression had began to manifest itself very soon after I went to uni. Despite making friends I missed a lot of my 'old life' and struggled to adapt to new surroundings, I had constant feelings I was missing out on things and that every decision I made was a wrong one. This all came to a head when a friend of mine died suddenly only a few hours after I'd left him for the night. I was absolutely racked with feelings of guilt and slowly became obsessive about my own health.

After about 3/4 months of becoming increasingly withdrawn, I was quite literally dragged to my GP by my sister. Unfortunately the GP I saw was, in my eyes, completely uninterested in me. I wad prescribed sleeping pills and sent on my way. A few weeks passed and I was in a terrible state. I was checking my throat in a mirror 40-50 times a day, checking my heart rate 15 times a day, I bought a thermometer and constantly took my temperature. All this whilst still feeling isolated, I absolutely refused to talk about it and lost contact with a few friends, not because they didn't care but because I refused to tell them the extent of what I was feeling.

After another couple of weeks like this I had a friend who popped round unexpectedly one evening. I had had a terrible day and was having some extremely dark thoughts. I had hoarded about 200 paracetemol and had a bottle of vodka to hand. I'm not sure I believe in fate but had my mate not visited me that evening on a whim I'm not sure if I would be here to tell my story. He quite literally dragged me to the train station and took me to my parents where I broke down and everything I'd been feeling came tumbling out.

I again visited my GP and was seen by the most wonderful doctor. She spent well over an hour with me, no doubt to the annoyance of those in the waiting room, and put me in touch with bereavement groups. She also prescribed xeroxat. Over the following weeks I slowly began to lose the feelings of guilt over my friends death but I was still very low and due to my health anxiety I became absolutely obsessed with side effects of medication so stopped taking it. I was visiting my GP at least twice a month with various complaints, desperately trying to convince whoever I saw that I had whatever disease I'd become obsessed about.

After trying me on various medications my GP decided that this wasn't the approach for me so I was referred for CBT. At first I was unconvinced and my first few sessions where, imo, unsuccessful. However I slowly began to realise I was doing very little to help myself. I still wasn't willing to open up and i was unwilling to make any positive changes of things I could control. With a massive effort of will I started eating better, I stopped drinking, I started excercising again and took up boxing (and was pretty good), I set myself routines of getting up and out of bed by 10am every day. Slowly I was aware that the therapy sessions were becoming more positive and i felt I was getting more from them.

For the last 2 years or so I've felt good. I still have low moments and my health anxiety still lurks not to far from the surface but on the whole I'm doing ok. Being able to talk about my issues was the biggest help for me, I found that my mates were far more willing to listen to me than I anticipated, some of them joke about it, others look uncomfortable but always make the effort to ask how I am and others are happy just to listen when I need to get something off my chest. My girlfriend of the last 18 months has been an absolute rock and is fully aware of what i have been through. Getting back out and about enabled me to meet her and a lot of other truly wonderful people.

The point of my whole long winded story is that different things work for different people. Whilst medication will work for some so CBT will work for others. For me, being able to talk about things and learning to trust family and friends helped enormously. Being proactive and trying to help my own recovery was also key. As Happyhibbie says it can be a long road to recovery but It's well worth sticking it out.

Interesting that you mention University - I had little or no problems before going to University - I think the competitiveness definately had an impact on my anxiety.

[The Green Goblin]

Anyone else have these problems? My old man is from the old brigade who thinks pull yourself together is the answer. Never used to be like this and time in the army hasn't helped. However, I'm not afraid to admit things and feel no stigma in being affected by this.

Just wondering if other people here have had problems associated with these issues? I personally can get low and worry about things that many people wouldn't even give much a thought about! I'm on anti depressants but don't want to be on them forever. Has there been other things that people find useful?

Cheers


Long pm offering some specific advice and support just sent. :aok: sorry for not posting here.

[CropleyWasGod]

One of the most pleasing things about this thread is that, as far as I can see, the contributors are all male. We are supposed to be the "stronger sex", and typically we find it hard to talk about issues like this.

I suspect, though, that there are others reading the thread who don't feel comfortable or confident enough to contribute. That's understandable. What I would say to them is that, if you feel the need, you can PM me or some of the others who have offered their help. Alternatively, try some of the approaches that have been suggested.

Oh, and if you're told to "pull yourself together", you're allowed to commit violence. :greengrin

[Phil D. Rolls]

This was in today's Telegraph, http://www.telegraph.co.uk/health/9684388/Celebrities-do-little-to-lift-the-stigma-of-mental-illness.html .

[CropleyWasGod]

This was in today's Telegraph, http://www.telegraph.co.uk/health/9684388/Celebrities-do-little-to-lift-the-stigma-of-mental-illness.html .

This is something I have had a lot of discussions about. I have to say that I disagree with the general tone of that piece.

I do agree that there are cases of celebrities who talk in the glossy mags about "my drugs and depression hell", and of whom the cynic in me thinks "okay, any excuse to get in the news".

However, the great value in that is that it says to the rest of us, those who have "ordinary" lives, that money and "success" are no barriers to depression. I know from my own experience that it's very easy to say "why do i have depression? My life is good. I have a job, I have great kids, friends...etc etc"... which then spirals into self-loathing because, according to my demons, I have nothing to be depressed about. :rolleyes: The notion that the so-called great and good can suffer as well is, in itself, a comfort.

For every Catherine Zeta-Jones (and he may be being unfair; she isn't given the chance to respond), I would give you Stephen Fry. His "Secret Life of the Manic Depressive" was one of the most emotional bits of telly I have ever seen.

[Phil D. Rolls]

This is something I have had a lot of discussions about. I have to say that I disagree with the general tone of that piece.

I do agree that there are cases of celebrities who talk in the glossy mags about "my drugs and depression hell", and of whom the cynic in me thinks "okay, any excuse to get in the news".

However, the great value in that is that it says to the rest of us, those who have "ordinary" lives, that money and "success" are no barriers to depression. I know from my own experience that it's very easy to say "why do i have depression? My life is good. I have a job, I have great kids, friends...etc etc"... which then spirals into self-loathing because, according to my demons, I have nothing to be depressed about. :rolleyes: The notion that the so-called great and good can suffer as well is, in itself, a comfort.

For every Catherine Zeta-Jones (and he may be being unfair; she isn't given the chance to respond), I would give you Stephen Fry. His "Secret Life of the Manic Depressive" was one of the most emotional bits of telly I have ever seen.

:agree: Anybody wanting to see the real pain of depression could do worse than look at his piece to camera in Aberdeen.

As for the celebrity thing, people like CZJ are very good at raising awareness of what Bipolar isn't! I have to say, on a personal note though, Neil Lennon describing his depression gave me an insight into what I was going through. Up until then, I thought it was just part of being a celtic male.

[Pretty Boy]

:agree: Anybody wanting to see the real pain of depression could do worse than look at his piece to camera in Aberdeen.

As for the celebrity thing, people like CZJ are very good at raising awareness of what Bipolar isn't! I have to say, on a personal note though, Neil Lennon describing his depression gave me an insight into what I was going through. Up until then, I thought it was just part of being a celtic male.

Interesting you mention Lennon. I always get very uncomfortable when people get tore into him on the main board based on his 'football persona'.

His willingness to speak out about his depression was fantastic imo and having met him personally on a few occasions I like and respect him.

[CropleyWasGod]

:agree: Anybody wanting to see the real pain of depression could do worse than look at his piece to camera in Aberdeen.

As for the celebrity thing, people like CZJ are very good at raising awareness of what Bipolar isn't! I have to say, on a personal note though, Neil Lennon describing his depression gave me an insight into what I was going through. Up until then, I thought it was just part of being a celtic male.

For all his faults, Lennon deserves so much credit for coming out about that. He didn't need to, but to do so in the environment he lives and works in was extremely brave. I am sure that, like you, there will be many men who saw that and had a lightbulb moment.

[Apocalypso]

Good thread.

I've suffered with depression most of my adult life, at varying levels of potency. It's a lonely, dark place. I am currently in the throes of the worst spell of illness I have ever felt, which culminated in a suicide attempt about 3 months ago.

I'm on my 4th antidepressant this year which is Lofepramine, after failing on Fluoxetine, Mirtazapine and Duloxetine. I am also on anti psychotic drug Chlorpromazine. I've been referred to a Psychiatrist who I see once a week. I've been referred for a treatment called CBrasp which is a talking therapy, but there is a massive waiting list and I am nowhere near the top of it.

I sleep for about 12-14 hours a night. Sleep is my comfotable place where I can shut the world out and the horrid racing thoughts going round my head. I struggle to do the simplest of things like brushing my teeth which takes a herculean effort. I've lost weight too.

I've had to give up work and College as both were too demanding on me, and making me worse. I feel worthless. My self esteem and confidence are rock bottom, and I need a good haircut and a shave.

This is what depression is like for me.

I've recently been open about it with my friends and family, and this helps as everyone has their own experiences with this illness, and share their experiences. My friend told me to look at myself in the mirror every morning and coach myself in to a healthy state of mind, and this helps me.

Tomorrow I am going to try hynotherapy at a private clinic in Edinburgh. It's expensive and I have no idea how effective it shall be, but I am willing to try everything to get better (I've already tried acupuncture and meditation).

[CropleyWasGod]

Good thread.

I've suffered with depression most of my adult life, at varying levels of potency. It's a lonely, dark place. I am currently in the throes of the worst spell of illness I have ever felt, which culminated in a suicide attempt about 3 months ago.

I'm on my 4th antidepressant this year which is Lofepramine, after failing on Fluoxetine, Mirtazapine and Duloxetine. I am also on anti psychotic drug Chlorpromazine. I've been referred to a Psychiatrist who I see once a week. I've been referred for a treatment called CBrasp which is a talking therapy, but there is a massive waiting list and I am nowhere near the top of it.

I sleep for about 12-14 hours a night. Sleep is my comfotable place where I can shut the world out and the horrid racing thoughts going round my head. I struggle to do the simplest of things like brushing my teeth which takes a herculean effort. I've lost weight too.

I've had to give up work and College as both were too demanding on me, and making me worse. I feel worthless. My self esteem and confidence are rock bottom, and I need a good haircut and a shave.

This is what depression is like for me.

I've recently been open about it with my friends and family, and this helps as everyone has their own experiences with this illness, and share their experiences. My friend told me to look at myself in the mirror every morning and coach myself in to a healthy state of mind, and this helps me.

Tomorrow I am going to try hynotherapy at a private clinic in Edinburgh. It's expensive and I have no idea how effective it shall be, but I am willing to try everything to get better (I've already tried acupuncture and meditation).

I feel for you, mate.

I'm here if you need a complete stranger to vent to.

[stu in nottingham]

Good thread.

I've suffered with depression most of my adult life, at varying levels of potency. It's a lonely, dark place. I am currently in the throes of the worst spell of illness I have ever felt, which culminated in a suicide attempt about 3 months ago.

I'm on my 4th antidepressant this year which is Lofepramine, after failing on Fluoxetine, Mirtazapine and Duloxetine. I am also on anti psychotic drug Chlorpromazine. I've been referred to a Psychiatrist who I see once a week. I've been referred for a treatment called CBrasp which is a talking therapy, but there is a massive waiting list and I am nowhere near the top of it.

I sleep for about 12-14 hours a night. Sleep is my comfotable place where I can shut the world out and the horrid racing thoughts going round my head. I struggle to do the simplest of things like brushing my teeth which takes a herculean effort. I've lost weight too.

I've had to give up work and College as both were too demanding on me, and making me worse. I feel worthless. My self esteem and confidence are rock bottom, and I need a good haircut and a shave.

This is what depression is like for me.

I've recently been open about it with my friends and family, and this helps as everyone has their own experiences with this illness, and share their experiences. My friend told me to look at myself in the mirror every morning and coach myself in to a healthy state of mind, and this helps me.

Tomorrow I am going to try hynotherapy at a private clinic in Edinburgh. It's expensive and I have no idea how effective it shall be, but I am willing to try everything to get better (I've already tried acupuncture and meditation).

I'm sorry to hear of your difficulties, Apocalypso. I wish you well. It's encouraging to hear that you are trying different things. If you have the will right now, will you take a little look at the subject of Mindfulness? It's something that helped me. Maybe just look at it in small steps.

Good luck

http://www.get.gg/mindfulness.htm

[Pretty Boy]

Good thread.

I've suffered with depression most of my adult life, at varying levels of potency. It's a lonely, dark place. I am currently in the throes of the worst spell of illness I have ever felt, which culminated in a suicide attempt about 3 months ago.

I'm on my 4th antidepressant this year which is Lofepramine, after failing on Fluoxetine, Mirtazapine and Duloxetine. I am also on anti psychotic drug Chlorpromazine. I've been referred to a Psychiatrist who I see once a week. I've been referred for a treatment called CBrasp which is a talking therapy, but there is a massive waiting list and I am nowhere near the top of it.

I sleep for about 12-14 hours a night. Sleep is my comfotable place where I can shut the world out and the horrid racing thoughts going round my head. I struggle to do the simplest of things like brushing my teeth which takes a herculean effort. I've lost weight too.

I've had to give up work and College as both were too demanding on me, and making me worse. I feel worthless. My self esteem and confidence are rock bottom, and I need a good haircut and a shave.

This is what depression is like for me.

I've recently been open about it with my friends and family, and this helps as everyone has their own experiences with this illness, and share their experiences. My friend told me to look at myself in the mirror every morning and coach myself in to a healthy state of mind, and this helps me.

Tomorrow I am going to try hynotherapy at a private clinic in Edinburgh. It's expensive and I have no idea how effective it shall be, but I am willing to try everything to get better (I've already tried acupuncture and meditation).

Sorry to hear about your difficulties.

Really good to see you are trying different things and are taking the right steps to get on the road to recovery.

Can only offer advice from personal experience as I'm no expert. However keep talking, it was a massive release for me. I have a feeling this thread will hang about at the top of the board for a while so don't be scared to post your thoughts and feelings on here from time to time. Also, ask questions. If you don't understand treatment, medication etc ask your Doctor, councillor etc. I found knowledge to be a massive help for me.

Most of all stay as positive as you possibly can. A common theme on this thread is people who are on the road to recovery. It can be a long road and It's not easy but It's doable.

Good luck.

[HibeeN]

Anxiety sometimes affects me, the fight or flight thing that builds up adrenaline and constricts the arteries, can cause chest pains and palps. If you don't know what it is it can feel like a heart problem which just adds to the panic and then you get a full blown attack. Stupid really. Getting rid of it is a Labrador dog

I suffer from this too. It doesn't manifest itself in the chest pains for me though - I get a nervous feeling like fluttering in my stomach which quickly escalates, I begin to feel really hot and light-headed and if I can't control it, I start to feel so ill to the point where I will be physically sick unless I can calm myself down. Started when I was about 16/17 and had it for a few years, then it subsided for a while but in the past 12 months it has come back again.

Since it came back it's a struggle to force myself to do things out of fear that an attack will come on. I got a ST again this year after a couple of years of not having one and the first home game against Hearts I was sitting in my seat fighting an attack - and what's worse is you worry about it and that worry just compounds it and makes you feel worse. "I'm sitting in this seat and I'm feeling very nervous and hot, what if I'm sick? If I feel sick I'm going to have to push past all these people and all the way down the stairs to get out - what if I don't make it to the toilets in time?"

Luckily I've found that I've become better at controlling them to an extent - I still get the nervous feeling and feel dizzy and nauseous but it's been a while since I've been physically sick because of it. I tend to carry a small plastic bag around with me - to date, I've never needed to use it but it sort of acts like a safety net - I know if I need to be sick I have got something with me.

I also find that routine helps - when I can plan something out and know how something is going to go then I feel much more confident about the situation. It's when I'm faced with a new situation or something I'm not used to that I'm more vulnerable to an attack coming on. For instance - most home games this season I have coped fine - I get the bus at exactly the same time, listen to Off the Ball and Sportsound while walking down to Easter Road and get to my seat about 15 minutes before kick-off. But against Dundee Utd it was an early kick-off on a Sunday - I was getting a different bus at a different time and didn't have anything to listen to on the radio so started to feel a bit dodgy. As soon as I am sitting in my seat I feel absolutely fine - it's just the constant worrying about it that takes its toll. It can be very draining to have to psych yourself up for simple tasks.

Some things that help me are just things that take my mind off whatever it is I'm worrying about. Singing helps - concentrating on the words and music. I also generally take a long time to do my make-up...not because I wear a lot but because the routine is familiar and comforting and takes up concentration. Just finding little, mundane things that make you focus on them instead of worrying about having an attack, because worrying about it often brings it on - self-fulfilling prophecy.

[stu in nottingham]

I suffer from this too. [...]self-fulfilling prophecy.

These are classic symptoms of panic attacks. There is a lot of information in how to deal with them out there. I am glad you have managed to 'find your salvation' by using practical problem-solving techniques.

Good for you and good luck.

Understanding anxiety and panic attacks
http://www.mind.org.uk/help/diagnoses_and_conditions/anxiety

[EuanH78]

Great thread.

I have suffered on and off with depression and can relate to a lot of whats been said here. I'm currently on Citalopram which works for me. I've found that anti depressants usually arent enough on there own and there needs to be a concious decision to tackle issues head on as well.

One of the most important steps I have taken was to remove myself from bad relationships, sounds simple I guess but one of them was my Brother and one my Mother - I'm not attaching blame to them btw, just that the relationship we had was not good for my mental health. I've found that sometimes you have to be a little bit selfish to be able to look after yourself properly, though I cant say it comes guilt free.

[Sylar]

Interesting that you mention University - I had little or no problems before going to University - I think the competitiveness definately had an impact on my anxiety.

Couldn't agree more and it only gets worse the further on you go at University!

I had no issues going through my undergraduate degree. I had my girlfriend and a good network of friends around me and we all shared the same philosophy of working hard but playing hard. There's three groups of people who go to University in my experience - those who go to party, those who enjoy a balanced life and those who hibernate behind a wall of books, essays and deadlines.

During my undergrad, I allocated plenty of time to getting things done in reasonable time. I've never to this day pulled an all-nighter trying to get things done and I was very much an advocate of taking what grade I got and realising my level accordingly. I'm not exactly stupid and I was in the fortunate position where I consistently got decent grades and so this wasn't a stress to me during this time. I know plenty of people who crumbled during this time as grades, social aspects etc didn't go for them and if you've no coping mechanism then anxiety, stress and depression are going to hit hard.

When I progressed to my Masters course, I maintained the same philosophy - I had a good group of friends around me again (many of whom joined the course from my undergrad classes) and my now wife was still an ever-present crux. However, I certainly noticed the demands and pressures which come with University when I started my PhD. I have had the support of my wife throughout the process but it is quite easily one of the most soul destroying and isolated experiences any one person can undertake. I've been hindered by a poor lead supervisory relationship, an office with absolutely zero social dynamic and an unmanageable pressure to meet the bar set by previous "golden" students. Not only that but the PhD is the start of a journey into academia where there are more people than places so not only are you undergoing a stressful transition from student to researcher but you're having to somehow define yourself as elite and go over and above to set yourself apart from the rest.

I've no problem admitting that I've struggled through periods of my PhD. I've fallen to bits on many an occasion, I drink more than I ever used to, I have sleepless nights worrying about things and feel a constant sense of inadequacy, dread and trepidation as to what the future holds. It's only gotten worse in these past few weeks/months as I get to the conclusion and attempt to balance finishing the write-up and balancing job seeking. It's been utterly horrendous the past week or so when I was offered a seemingly dream position but turned it down for personal reasons, thus further fuelling the dread that I'm not going to find a suitable position at the end of it all. In the past few weeks I've noticed a deterioration in my physical health, an increase in alcohol consumption (even more-so than normal) and a tendency to break down at the slightest thing as pressure continues to mount. Hell, yesterday I got home from grocery shopping and discovered that I'd bought conditioner instead of shampoo and that was it. Floodgates open.

My experiences of depression are incredibly mild and I'd never label myself as such but I certainly suffer from constant anxiety at the minute and I've become incredibly intimate with the feeling of being stressed. I find it nice that a lot of posters on here, including some I perhaps haven't gotten on with in the past, are willing to open up, share their own experiences and provide advice. I can fully understand why people with no emotional support network struggle to deal with hardship and some go to very dark places indeed, in some instances to the point of no return. Lovely group of folks we have on here really.

[MSK]

I remember speaking to a therapist who said to me, as good as I may feel depression could only be one knock away ...putting that into perspective she perhaps has a point but then again it is entirely up to the individuals coping mechanism. I lost both my Mum & my Dad within weeks of each other earlier this year & those words rang aloud in my ears. However after what I had been through I felt so much stronger, it wasnt about me this time, it was about supporting members of my family who had supported me through my dark days, I had to remain strong, my family needed me more than I had ever expected. Feeling down or sorry for myself was never an option & it is amazing how your collective inner strength, will power or whatever you fancy calling it comes to the fore in situations like that, it certainly puts the more menial of lifes chores into perspective.

The greiving will go on, I dont think you can ever get over losing loved ones but I can look back to my therapists reference & think ..I had a double knock, a totally unexpected double knock but it didnt & I wouldnt allow it to drag me back down that dark road again. I done my bit & my family did theirs, I took comfort that they were there for me, what little to pay to be there for them.

[Hibrandenburg]

Excellent thread and the posts made by many that I hold in high esteem should give comfort and hopefully help de-stigmatise those sufferers on here.

[yeezus.]

Couldn't agree more and it only gets worse the further on you go at University!

I had no issues going through my undergraduate degree. I had my girlfriend and a good network of friends around me and we all shared the same philosophy of working hard but playing hard. There's three groups of people who go to University in my experience - those who go to party, those who enjoy a balanced life and those who hibernate behind a wall of books, essays and deadlines.

During my undergrad, I allocated plenty of time to getting things done in reasonable time. I've never to this day pulled an all-nighter trying to get things done and I was very much an advocate of taking what grade I got and realising my level accordingly. I'm not exactly stupid and I was in the fortunate position where I consistently got decent grades and so this wasn't a stress to me during this time. I know plenty of people who crumbled during this time as grades, social aspects etc didn't go for them and if you've no coping mechanism then anxiety, stress and depression are going to hit hard.

When I progressed to my Masters course, I maintained the same philosophy - I had a good group of friends around me again (many of whom joined the course from my undergrad classes) and my now wife was still an ever-present crux. However, I certainly noticed the demands and pressures which come with University when I started my PhD. I have had the support of my wife throughout the process but it is quite easily one of the most soul destroying and isolated experiences any one person can undertake. I've been hindered by a poor lead supervisory relationship, an office with absolutely zero social dynamic and an unmanageable pressure to meet the bar set by previous "golden" students. Not only that but the PhD is the start of a journey into academia where there are more people than places so not only are you undergoing a stressful transition from student to researcher but you're having to somehow define yourself as elite and go over and above to set yourself apart from the rest.

I've no problem admitting that I've struggled through periods of my PhD. I've fallen to bits on many an occasion, I drink more than I ever used to, I have sleepless nights worrying about things and feel a constant sense of inadequacy, dread and trepidation as to what the future holds. It's only gotten worse in these past few weeks/months as I get to the conclusion and attempt to balance finishing the write-up and balancing job seeking. It's been utterly horrendous the past week or so when I was offered a seemingly dream position but turned it down for personal reasons, thus further fuelling the dread that I'm not going to find a suitable position at the end of it all. In the past few weeks I've noticed a deterioration in my physical health, an increase in alcohol consumption (even more-so than normal) and a tendency to break down at the slightest thing as pressure continues to mount. Hell, yesterday I got home from grocery shopping and discovered that I'd bought conditioner instead of shampoo and that was it. Floodgates open.

My experiences of depression are incredibly mild and I'd never label myself as such but I certainly suffer from constant anxiety at the minute and I've become incredibly intimate with the feeling of being stressed. I find it nice that a lot of posters on here, including some I perhaps haven't gotten on with in the past, are willing to open up, share their own experiences and provide advice. I can fully understand why people with no emotional support network struggle to deal with hardship and some go to very dark places indeed, in some instances to the point of no return. Lovely group of folks we have on here really.

Thanks for that - it's good to know others were in the same position. I've put my University place on hold for now - there is just no communication between departments at Aberdeen - I'd get letters threatening me with suspension despite having made other arrangements with department heads before hand. Having packed University in, I'm now alone - in Stranraer, with no job and a fresh feeling hopelessness - especially considering there is no counselor in my area.

I have great appreciaton for the people who post on here - I think it will do us the world of good.

[euansdad]

Sorry hear that mate and it sounds as if the university haven't really helped in alleviating any pressure on you. I wish you well and hope things get easier. Can you move back to nearer any family?

[yeezus.]

Sorry hear that mate and it sounds as if the university haven't really helped in alleviating any pressure on you. I wish you well and hope things get easier. Can you move back to nearer any family?

I'm living with family at the moment. All my friends are in Aberdeen - with the cost of flats up there it's just not possible for me to move.

[Pretty Boy]

Thanks for that - it's good to know others were in the same position. I've put my University place on hold for now - there is just no communication between departments at Aberdeen - I'd get letters threatening me with suspension despite having made other arrangements with department heads before hand. Having packed University in, I'm now alone - in Stranraer, with no job and a fresh feeling hopelessness - especially considering there is no counselor in my area.

I have great appreciaton for the people who post on here - I think it will do us the world of good.

It's funny you mention Aberdeen as that's where I went to uni and moving there was when I first noticed my problems.

Not blaming the city in itself, when I was well it was a great city to be a student but I agree the uni were difficult to deal with. I tried to explain problems and offer compromises and one person would agree before I got a threatening letter from another 2 days later, that didn't help my stress levels. Also whilst Aberdeen is a big city I had a irrational feeling of being miles from anywhere (home maybe?) and felt like I was in a strange place.

If you're feeling isolated at home just now feel free to send me a PM as I'm more than happy to 'listen' if you need to get things off your chest. That's if you feel comfortable getting advice from a hypochondriac, depressed stranger of course!!

[GORDONSMITH7]

Funnily enough a few lads were talking about this just the other day on the Bounce. I will put a link to this excellent thread across there if you don't mind. I think that it would be appreciated.

BIG G

[euansdad]

Funnily enough a few lads were talking about this just the other day on the Bounce. I will put a link to this excellent thread across there if you don't mind. I think that it would be appreciated.

BIG G

Definitely. Thanks mate

[green leaves]

Funnily enough a few lads were talking about this just the other day on the Bounce. I will put a link to this excellent thread across there if you don't mind. I think that it would be appreciated.

BIG G

Thanks Gordon,a very interesting read,it was me who started a the Bounce thread and i no another poster on this thread was also employed by a Japanese firm in Livi,is there a link?or is it down to watching hibs?:wink:

ive been struggling for a wee while now,but finally gave in an sought medical advice,firstly prescribed beta blockers,to calm me during panic attacks,they made me worse!Now on Citalopram,only on day 2 of the tablets,so not noticed much difference so far.I suffer from panic attacks and just generally getting my self worked up over nothing,stupid trivial things.

Signed off from work for 4 weeks,to give me a break and to give the pills time to work.

Thanks for this very imformative thread.

[EuanH78]

Thanks Gordon,a very interesting read,it was me who started a the Bounce thread and i no another poster on this thread was also employed by a Japanese firm in Livi,is there a link?or is it down to watching hibs?:wink:

ive been struggling for a wee while now,but finally gave in an sought medical advice,firstly prescribed beta blockers,to calm me during panic attacks,they made me worse!Now on Citalopram,only on day 2 of the tablets,so not noticed much difference so far.I suffer from panic attacks and just generally getting my self worked up over nothing,stupid trivial things.

Signed off from work for 4 weeks,to give me a break and to give the pills time to work.

Thanks for this very imformative thread.

I found that once you understand the physiology of panic attacks they are much easier to deal with.

Hopefully without being patronising - panic attacks are a throwback to older times, basically when the body or mind perceives a threat it creates a fight or flight response (the panic attack) hyperventilating, heightened awareness etc. even down to the bowels evacuating to make running away or fighting easier.

This is fine when you are likely to be getting chased around by a bear or something but not if its a mild social phobia or something like that. Trouble is, the part of the brain that creates them cant distinguish the difference between the threats so one response fits all which in modern times can be inappropriate.

I found them easier to deal with by knowing that I could rationalise what was happening. Hopefully it can help someone else too.

[CropleyWasGod]

I found that once you understand the physiology of panic attacks they are much easier to deal with.

Hopefully without being patronising - panic attacks are a throwback to older times, basically when the body or mind perceives a threat it creates a fight or flight response (the panic attack) hyperventilating, heightened awareness etc. even down to the bowels evacuating to make running away or fighting easier.

This is fine when you are likely to be getting chased around by a bear or something but not if its a mild social phobia or something like that. Trouble is, the part of the brain that creates them cant distinguish the difference between the threats so one response fits all which in modern times can be inappropriate.

I found them easier to deal with by knowing that I could rationalise what was happening. Hopefully it can help someone else too.

Rationalising things also helped me to deal with my depression.

Once I stopped trying to run away from my condition (which was always pointless, futile and left me feeling more of a failure), I started to understand the physiology of it all. As things stand, there is no "cure" for depression; in that respect, it is like HIV and cancer.

I did a lot of work some years ago for an HIV self-help group, and I learned a lot about how people with that condition accept and manage things. It is central to their lives, in some cases defines their lives, and they change and manage their lives accordingly.

I imitated a lot of what they did. I "embraced" my condition, understood that (as far as I know, because as a society we don't KNOW a lot yet) it was partly physiological.... and made the appropriate changes to my lifestyle. Those changes didn't cure things, of course, but to a certain extent they took the sting out of them.

Of course, it's easy to sit here in a lucid period and say "yeah, try and rationalise". The last thing we are when we are depressed is rational. However, maybe some of you can file this away in your sub-conscious and, when things feel a bit easier, look at it again.

[stu in nottingham]

Now on Citalopram,only on day 2 of the tablets,so not noticed much difference so far.[...]Signed off from work for 4 weeks,to give me a break and to give the pills time to work.


Think the advice on Citalopram is that it can take 4-6 weeks to be effective so hang in there and be patient, Cowie.


Rationalising things also helped me to deal with my depression.

Once I stopped trying to run away from my condition (which was always pointless, futile and left me feeling more of a failure), I started to understand the physiology of it all. As things stand, there is no "cure" for depression; in that respect, it is like HIV and cancer.

I did a lot of work some years ago for an HIV self-help group, and I learned a lot about how people with that condition accept and manage things. It is central to their lives, in some cases defines their lives, and they change and manage their lives accordingly.

I imitated a lot of what they did. I "embraced" my condition, understood that (as far as I know, because as a society we don't KNOW a lot yet) it was partly physiological.... and made the appropriate changes to my lifestyle. Those changes didn't cure things, of course, but to a certain extent they took the sting out of them.


Exactly the right approach in my humble opinion, to think in terms of managing the condition rather than chasing a 'cure'. In this way we can find acceptance of who we are, understand and learn to love ourselves. It takes the feeling of 'failure' away and allows us to operate in a way that is comfortable and caring of ourselves.

To help people feel better at what might perhaps at first seem a disappointing outlook, consider the reported responses about quality of life from people with a wide range of chronic illnesses. They, in spite of their chronic conditions, often report a better quality of life. Although this may seem unlikely it has been seen time over. It's due to a heightened concentration on the other good things in their lives, for example appreciating their friends and family more. It is important to understand that chronic conditions can offer other openings to feelings of well-being.

[stu in nottingham]

There's a lot of useful information about depression and anxiety within this site:
http://www.uncommonforum.com/

Conversation about Citalopram:
http://www.uncommonforum.com/viewtopic.php?t=19267

[Phil D. Rolls]

If people viewed depression like the view physical illness, they would not tell sufferers to pull themself together. It's like asking a man with a broken leg why he didn't run for a bus. The very thing that you would pull yourself together with is broken.

[EuanH78]

There's a lot of useful information about depression and anxiety within this site:
http://www.uncommonforum.com/

Conversation about Citalopram:
http://www.uncommonforum.com/viewtopic.php?t=19267

Got to say Citalopram has worked for me, I had previously been on Paroxetine but stopped that because it was making me feel like a different person altogether.

First few weeks of citalopram I had dry mouth and skin, disturbed sleep, nausea, lethargy and the brain zaps (you'll know them if you get them, a bit scary at first tbh but nothing to worry about ) though most of these side effects have passed now all but occasionally.

[stu in nottingham]

Got to say Citalopram has worked for me, I had previously been on Paroxetine but stopped that because it was making me feel like a different person altogether.

First few weeks of citalopram I had dry mouth and skin, disturbed sleep, nausea, lethargy and the brain zaps (you'll know them if you get them, a bit scary at first tbh but nothing to worry about ) though most of these side effects have passed now all but occasionally.

I'm glad you mentioned the 'brain zaps'. I began a course of Citalopram some years ago for a while and distinctly remember after a day or two having some very uncomfortable mental sensations, almost like I was losing control of my thinking. I was a little shocked by it. It was however short-lived. I had wondered if I had somehow imagined it or if it was some placebo-type efect?

Citalopram did absolutely nothing for me - apart from give me one or two unpleasant side-effects. Your story just goes to show though that it takes different things for different people to help. Glad they were good for you, Euan.

[Edinburghlass]

Can definitely relate to a lot of what has been said on here. Most of my 20s was lost to depression and I had something of a mid-life crisis early than I should have! Most of it came down to me trying to measure myself against everyone else. I was out of work while just about all my peers were working and seemingly doing well in their careers, they were dating, getting married and having the sort of life that seemed unattainable to me. Between 2004 and 2005, I had 9 jobs. Most lasted as little as 2 months as I blundered from one position to another, confidence would take a hit, would move on, fail there, move on again with lower confidence, move job again, and so on.

I've tried spells of counselling, fluoxetine, temazepam, but the thing that really worked was self acceptance. At risk of sounding like an old hippy, once I learned to accept who I was and not measure myself against other people, I got happier. I've not really had any success with relationships but so what? Other people might consider my life as being a bit pathetic for spending much of it on my own, but so what?! That says more about their needs than mine. I've never hit the heights in my career, but I work with great people and laugh regularly each day of my life at work. Can many other people say that? That's what matters to me, not te size of my pay packet, type of car I drive or any of the other unimportant things that people were telling me I'd failed for.

I had to dump a few people to get away from their mindsets, but it's worked for me. Even when I was dating someone who used to hit me, I valued other people's acceptance of me as part of a couple more than I cared about myself taking a beating! That's how low my confidence was and how desperate I was for people to accept me and be 'normal'. (Difficult to explain, but people's attitudes towards me as a person changed massively when I was in that relationship - suddenly I wasn't on the outside looking in, but I was living the same life as everyone else) Being on my own is something I'm comfortable with, and I don't live in fear in my own home that I'm going to get a kicking if I say the wrong thing.

I'm not naturally competitive, so a competitive environment and people don't suit me. It's took about 10 years from the minute I left Uni to be happy in my career. I just gave up being ambitious and career focused, started going home at 5pm, focused on the things I enjoy, stopped measuring myself through other people's eyes and I've not needed any medication since 2005. I think those factors are all inter-related!

[euansdad]

Can definitely relate to a lot of what has been said on here. Most of my 20s was lost to depression and I had something of a mid-life crisis early than I should have! Most of it came down to me trying to measure myself against everyone else. I was out of work while just about all my peers were working and seemingly doing well in their careers, they were dating, getting married and having the sort of life that seemed unattainable to me. Between 2004 and 2005, I had 9 jobs. Most lasted as little as 2 months as I blundered from one position to another, confidence would take a hit, would move on, fail there, move on again with lower confidence, move job again, and so on.

I've tried spells of counselling, fluoxetine, temazepam, but the thing that really worked was self acceptance. At risk of sounding like an old hippy, once I learned to accept who I was and not measure myself against other people, I got happier. I've not really had any success with relationships but so what? Other people might consider my life as being a bit pathetic for spending much of it on my own, but so what?! That says more about their needs than mine. I've never hit the heights in my career, but I work with great people and laugh regularly each day of my life at work. Can many other people say that? That's what matters to me, not te size of my pay packet, type of car I drive or any of the other unimportant things that people were telling me I'd failed for.

I had to dump a few people to get away from their mindsets, but it's worked for me. Even when I was dating someone who used to hit me, I valued other people's acceptance of me as part of a couple more than I cared about myself taking a beating! That's how low my confidence was and how desperate I was for people to accept me and be 'normal'. (Difficult to explain, but people's attitudes towards me as a person changed massively when I was in that relationship - suddenly I wasn't on the outside looking in, but I was living the same life as everyone else) Being on my own is something I'm comfortable with, and I don't live in fear in my own home that I'm going to get a kicking if I say the wrong thing.

I'm not naturally competitive, so a competitive environment and people don't suit me. It's took about 10 years from the minute I left Uni to be happy in my career. I just gave up being ambitious and career focused, started going home at 5pm, focused on the things I enjoy, stopped measuring myself through other people's eyes and I've not needed any medication since 2005. I think those factors are all inter-related!


Sounds good and I'm glad it worked for you. Think your spot on in terms of competitiveness. It can motivate but it can also really drag you down. My old man kept pushing and comparing me with others to try and motivate me and that trend continued in the army and to be honest, after a while, it convinced me that I wasn't good enough no matter what I did!

[Edinburghlass]

You're not wrong. Once I'd learned that the things people were telling me were important, really weren't that important to me, everything got better. Living my own life and not for others made the difference. It just took me a little while to get there :agree:

[Lucius Apuleius]

A very interesting thread and certainly opened my eyes. I could have put myself firmly in the “pull yourself” bracket until reading this. Lack of understanding probably. Not for one second saying I have had a revelation and now fully understand because I don’t, although, as I said I think I have a greater understanding. Two very close relations of mine were prescribed anti depressants (I don’t recall what they were (the drugs, not the relations )) after I was diagnosed with cancer. I had, and still do to a certain extent, have problems with that. I am ill but I am getting on with life, travelling abroad and getting on with my work when not going through treatment and it is they who require treatment for depression? Flummoxed me. I was depressed at the time obviously yet felt there was no way I could go to a doctor and admit it. Ended up me being the strong one for the others. Now, that is not to say the persons concerned were not absolutely fantastic and looked after me in other ways, they did, to such an extent I don’t think I would have come out the other side without them. Looking back, and I still have cancer that is never going away, I can see now that we were all probably feeling the same way yet we approached it from different directions. I faced the demons inside my head and decided they could never win; they needed a little more time and assistance to get there.

Now, this leads me to the crux of the manner, and please, nobody take this in the wrong way, it is a genuine question. I am not going to quote each and every post, that would be ludicrous, however the vast majority of the posts indicate to me that some form of acceptance with the condition has been achieved by a self analysis that you have to be who you are and not who other people expect you to be. That is fantastic and a creed that I have believed in all my life. Does that not constitute “pulling yourself together” ?

Sincere good luck to everybody above in fighting these demons no matter how you do it, and also congratulations on being brave enough to post them on a public message board.

[CropleyWasGod]

A very interesting thread and certainly opened my eyes. I could have put myself firmly in the “pull yourself” bracket until reading this. Lack of understanding probably. Not for one second saying I have had a revelation and now fully understand because I don’t, although, as I said I think I have a greater understanding. Two very close relations of mine were prescribed anti depressants (I don’t recall what they were (the drugs, not the relations )) after I was diagnosed with cancer. I had, and still do to a certain extent, have problems with that. I am ill but I am getting on with life, travelling abroad and getting on with my work when not going through treatment and it is they who require treatment for depression? Flummoxed me. I was depressed at the time obviously yet felt there was no way I could go to a doctor and admit it. Ended up me being the strong one for the others. Now, that is not to say the persons concerned were not absolutely fantastic and looked after me in other ways, they did, to such an extent I don’t think I would have come out the other side without them. Looking back, and I still have cancer that is never going away, I can see now that we were all probably feeling the same way yet we approached it from different directions. I faced the demons inside my head and decided they could never win; they needed a little more time and assistance to get there.

Now, this leads me to the crux of the manner, and please, nobody take this in the wrong way, it is a genuine question. I am not going to quote each and every post, that would be ludicrous, however the vast majority of the posts indicate to me that some form of acceptance with the condition has been achieved by a self analysis that you have to be who you are and not who other people expect you to be. That is fantastic and a creed that I have believed in all my life. Does that not constitute “pulling yourself together” ?

Sincere good luck to everybody above in fighting these demons no matter how you do it, and also congratulations on being brave enough to post them on a public message board.

You raise a lot of interesting points, which have formed part of the debate and research in recent years.

One of the buzz-words just now is "resilience".... the measure of how we react to, normally negative, life upheavals. In your case, you were diagnosed, but it was those around you who apparently suffered more in mental health terms. That suggest that they have less resilience than you. Easy to say, but so difficult to rationalise. Why are some more resilient than others? Is it genetic, environmental, physiological? That's only one of the great mysteries surrounding depression.

As for "pulling yourself together", there are different ways of doing that. What depression sufferers hate, though, is the attitude that says "there's f all wrong with you. Man up. " etc etc...... it's ignorant, and never helpful. Generally, it's said in a negative manner, albeit it may be well-meaning. The kind of "pulling yourself together" that you describe, though, is much more positive.... but it can take years. Years of trial and error, of pain for you and your loved ones.

[CropleyWasGod]

A question for everyone on here.

My son has a college project to do, and he is probably going to do it on depression. He has been reading this thread with interest.

The question is.... is anyone willing to be quoted in his project? He won't use any of your user names, and he doesn't know any of you personally, so confidentiality shouldn't be an issue. However, he and I respect your rights in that respect, so no-one would be quoted without their consent.

Probably best if you PM me with your thoughts.

Ta.

[Lucius Apuleius]

You raise a lot of interesting points, which have formed part of the debate and research in recent years.

One of the buzz-words just now is "resilience".... the measure of how we react to, normally negative, life upheavals. In your case, you were diagnosed, but it was those around you who apparently suffered more in mental health terms. That suggest that they have less resilience than you. Easy to say, but so difficult to rationalise. Why are some more resilient than others? Is it genetic, environmental, physiological? That's only one of the great mysteries surrounding depression.

As for "pulling yourself together", there are different ways of doing that. What depression sufferers hate, though, is the attitude that says "there's f all wrong with you. Man up. " etc etc...... it's ignorant, and never helpful. Generally, it's said in a negative manner, albeit it may be well-meaning. The kind of "pulling yourself together" that you describe, though, is much more positive.... but it can take years. Years of trial and error, of pain for you and your loved ones.

Thanks for that CWG. See where you are coming from with the resilience and how difficult it would be to rationalise. I have to admit, although I often thought of saying the negative comments you come out with, I never did. Resilience again? :greengrin

Thankfull to say that both are now off the pills so maybe it was just a case of something needed to help them through stuff. Me? I am still on the drugs :greengrin

[yeezus.]

It's funny you mention Aberdeen as that's where I went to uni and moving there was when I first noticed my problems.

Not blaming the city in itself, when I was well it was a great city to be a student but I agree the uni were difficult to deal with. I tried to explain problems and offer compromises and one person would agree before I got a threatening letter from another 2 days later, that didn't help my stress levels. Also whilst Aberdeen is a big city I had a irrational feeling of being miles from anywhere (home maybe?) and felt like I was in a strange place.

If you're feeling isolated at home just now feel free to send me a PM as I'm more than happy to 'listen' if you need to get things off your chest. That's if you feel comfortable getting advice from a hypochondriac, depressed stranger of course!!

Yeah I hear that quite a few people who have moved to Aberdeen suffer. When I was 17 I just wanted to get as far away from Stranraer as possible. Cheers for your help - I'll maybe take you up on that PM sometime.

[PatHead]

Euan's dad

A doctor once said to me that depression doesn't happen overnight and can take months to have a full impact. Equally it doesn't go away overnight and you have to be patient.

Apart from your normal medication try baby steps and make sure and give yourself a treat at least once a day, doesn't have to be anything major it could be as simple as taking the kids to the park and watching them laugh, having a fish supper now and then, playing football with the kids, going for a walk and feeling the rain on your face, telling the wife how much you love her- just something that you enjoy and makes you feel good. But be sure and "treat" yourself at least once a day. Think about how you appreciate it and remember it when you are struggling. Stupid thing to say but I always found smiling helps.

Hopefully these small moments will build up and become more frequent then you may can start enjoying life again. Be sure and talk to others about it, don't let it bottle up. Follow any guidance and follow instructions you get from the Doctor. Be sure to note any times you are appreciated, remember them when you are down. Helps improve self worth.

You will have some more bad times just be sure and try to keep forcing yourself to have a treat. It won't cure you its own but it may give you something to look forward to........until the baby comes!

Keep your chins up!

[hibsbollah]

Now, this leads me to the crux of the manner, and please, nobody take this in the wrong way, it is a genuine question. I am not going to quote each and every post, that would be ludicrous, however the vast majority of the posts indicate to me that some form of acceptance with the condition has been achieved by a self analysis that you have to be who you are and not who other people expect you to be. That is fantastic and a creed that I have believed in all my life. Does that not constitute “pulling yourself together” ?



After thinking about what you've said and the thoughtful way in which you've said it, I think you're right. Part of the answer to getting well is in simple terms, 'pulling yourself together'. The problem is there is often an accompanying subtext to this phrase which is '...and therefore stop being such a bairn'. I don't have a problem with the phrase personally, as long as the severity of the illness and the depth of the hole that the sufferer needs to climb out of, is understood.

Theres another elephant in the room here. Supporting Hibs is bad for your mental health. Discuss :greengrin

[CropleyWasGod]

After thinking about what you've said and the thoughtful way in which you've said it, I think you're right. Part of the answer to getting well is in simple terms, 'pulling yourself together'. The problem is there is often an accompanying subtext to this phrase which is '...and therefore stop being such a bairn'. I don't have a problem with the phrase personally, as long as the severity of the illness and the depth of the hole that the sufferer needs to climb out of, is understood.

I take your point.... but one could also say that about any recoverable illness. I have yet to hear anyone say "those words" without some sort of negativity attached. The result, almost always, is a further erosion of any self-esteem.

[hibsbollah]

I take your point.... but one could also say that about any recoverable illness. I have yet to hear anyone say "those words" without some sort of negativity attached. The result, almost always, is a further erosion of any self-esteem.

:agree: Its probably one of those phrases that you can use about yourself but you should probably avoid when speaking about others.

[Phil D. Rolls]

Been thinking about the way depression can take over your life, and send you into a vicious spiral. You often end up with so many problems, caused by and exacerbating the problem that you find it hard to put them right.

For example: your house is a mess, and you are embarrassed to see people; your finances are in a mess; you have neglected your appearance, your clothes might be dirty and worn out; you drink too much, and when you wake up you feel worse, and even less prepared to tackle your problems; you are unhappy in relationships and treat people the wrong way.

All of these things impact on each other, and the weight of them ways you down more and more. One of the best things you can do is take just one problem, and break it down into components. Then set yourself a goal to fix just one of those small parts.

An example might be, your whole house is filthy and untidy. You know you don't want it to be like that, but you just cannot get started on the job. Why not concentrate on your bedroom? You might not feel up to doing the whole job - so start off by changing your bed and give yourself a lot of praise for completing that one task.

Keep going in small steps, and do it at a pace you can cope with (it might take you a week or more) . Recognise that you are taking control of the illness, and praise yourself everytime you achieve something.

Your whole way of thinking has been that you are worthless, but I bet you haven't always felt like that. I also bet you are saying "yeah big deal I made the bed". You learned to worry, it happened in small steps without you knowing it. You can teach yourself to like yourself again in the same manner.

It's not easy, you have to tell yourself you are doing well, when you don't believe it yourself. Ever taught someone to drive, or play guitar, or to plaster a wall. I bet there were times you praised that person, even though you knew they could improve.

Treat yourself in the same way. If you work at it, and keep repeating it, your brain will learn to be confident.

[Pretty Boy]

:agree: Its probably one of those phrases that you can use about yourself but you should probably avoid when speaking about others.

Agree with that.

Personally the thing I hated the most was the question 'what have you got to be depressed about?' Utterly infuriating as it just shows a total ignorance of the condition. Over the last few years I've met many people who areapparently successful, wealthy etc but all of them had depression.

[CropleyWasGod]

Agree with that.

Personally the thing I hated the most was the question 'what have you got to be depressed about?' Utterly infuriating as it just shows a total ignorance of the condition. Over the last few years I've met many people who areapparently successful, wealthy etc but all of them had depression.

:agree:

And I'm willing to bet that one of the prime drivers of their depression was perfectionism.....

[Phil D. Rolls]

Agree with that.

Personally the thing I hated the most was the question 'what have you got to be depressed about?' Utterly infuriating as it just shows a total ignorance of the condition. Over the last few years I've met many people who areapparently successful, wealthy etc but all of them had depression.

Do people say "what have you got to be diabetic about"? :brickwall

It is one of the hardest aspects of depression to have to explain to loved ones and colleagues that it is no fault of theirs that you are depressed. It just adds to the burden and lowers your self worth even more, when you have to go through how your illness works.

At the same time, it makes you feel worse to see the affect it has on them. It makes you worse to act in a way you don't want to.

[stu in nottingham]

Been thinking about the way depression can take over your life, and send you into a vicious spiral. You often end up with so many problems, caused by and exacerbating the problem that you find it hard to put them right.

For example: your house is a mess, and you are embarrassed to see people; your finances are in a mess; you have neglected your appearance, your clothes might be dirty and worn out; you drink too much, and when you wake up you feel worse, and even less prepared to tackle your problems; you are unhappy in relationships and treat people the wrong way.

All of these things impact on each other, and the weight of them ways you down more and more. One of the best things you can do is take just one problem, and break it down into components. Then set yourself a goal to fix just one of those small parts.

An example might be, your whole house is filthy and untidy. You know you don't want it to be like that, but you just cannot get started on the job. Why not concentrate on your bedroom? You might not feel up to doing the whole job - so start off by changing your bed and give yourself a lot of praise for completing that one task.

Keep going in small steps, and do it at a pace you can cope with (it might take you a week or more) . Recognise that you are taking control of the illness, and praise yourself everytime you achieve something.

Your whole way of thinking has been that you are worthless, but I bet you haven't always felt like that. I also bet you are saying "yeah big deal I made the bed". You learned to worry, it happened in small steps without you knowing it. You can teach yourself to like yourself again in the same manner.

It's not easy, you have to tell yourself you are doing well, when you don't believe it yourself. Ever taught someone to drive, or play guitar, or to plaster a wall. I bet there were times you praised that person, even though you knew they could improve.

Treat yourself in the same way. If you work at it, and keep repeating it, your brain will learn to be confident.

Excellent and insightful post.

Sometimes the problems seem so great and numerous that it's difficult to take that first small step. I am a firm believer in taking one small step at a time -and that's for most problems in life.

[Phil D. Rolls]

Excellent and insightful post.

Sometimes the problems seem so great and numerous that it's difficult to take that first small step. I am a firm believer in taking one small step at a time -and that's for most problems in life.

Thanks for that. These are my experiences, I have to add, that there are failures and setbacks on the way, and I sometimes had to go round several times in even completing the smallest step. I just want people to believe that recovery is possible and that by acknowledging their problems, they are half way to working out the solution.

At the same time, I'd also like to emphasise the importance of getting professional help. We tend to try and soldier on, and for many of us it is this attitude that has gradually worn us down. There is no shame in admitting that you are having problems.

Unfortunately men are notoriously bad at facing up to any illness. There is no need to be, no one is going to laugh, or call you weak. It could well be it is trying to be strong, in a situation that most would say is intolerable (bereavment, redundancy, seperation are examples) that has contributed to how you feel.

[MSK]

A question for everyone on here.

My son has a college project to do, and he is probably going to do it on depression. He has been reading this thread with interest.

The question is.... is anyone willing to be quoted in his project? He won't use any of your user names, and he doesn't know any of you personally, so confidentiality shouldn't be an issue. However, he and I respect your rights in that respect, so no-one would be quoted without their consent.

Probably best if you PM me with your thoughts.

Ta.Feel free to quote any of mine if yer lad finds them helpful ..pm me too if he has any questions, only too glad tae help ..:aok:

[Phil D. Rolls]

A question for everyone on here.

My son has a college project to do, and he is probably going to do it on depression. He has been reading this thread with interest.

The question is.... is anyone willing to be quoted in his project? He won't use any of your user names, and he doesn't know any of you personally, so confidentiality shouldn't be an issue. However, he and I respect your rights in that respect, so no-one would be quoted without their consent.

Probably best if you PM me with your thoughts.

Ta.

Happy for my stuff to be quoted.

[Pretty Boy]

A question for everyone on here.

My son has a college project to do, and he is probably going to do it on depression. He has been reading this thread with interest.

The question is.... is anyone willing to be quoted in his project? He won't use any of your user names, and he doesn't know any of you personally, so confidentiality shouldn't be an issue. However, he and I respect your rights in that respect, so no-one would be quoted without their consent.

Probably best if you PM me with your thoughts.

Ta.

Like others happy to be quoted or to give more in depth answers to any questions your son might have.

[Edinburghlass]

Again, happy to contribute.........

[Sylar]

No problem, as per above.

[Apocalypso]

I wouldn't be vexed if I were to be quoted or paraphrased.

[Phil D. Rolls]

“I think I've discovered the secret of life -- you just hang around until you get used to it.”
― Charles M. Schulz

[yeezus.]

Thought I'd try and resurrect this thread. I've been prescribed 75mg of Venlafaxine and took my first tablet this morning. Has anyone used this drug? I have felt very ill all day.

[CropleyWasGod]

Thought I'd try and resurrect this thread. I've been prescribed 75mg of Venlafaxine and took my first tablet this morning. Has anyone used this drug? I have felt very ill all day.

I have been on and off it for years, always at 75 mg.

It takes a while to build up a tolerance to it, and you will feel pretty crap until it kicks in.

The side effects are, at least for me:- night sweats, weight gain (watch your cholesterol), crappy dreams and loss of libido.

It does work for me, though.

[yeezus.]

I have been on and off it for years, always at 75 mg.

It takes a while to build up a tolerance to it, and you will feel pretty crap until it kicks in.

The side effects are, at least for me:- night sweats, weight gain (watch your cholesterol), crappy dreams and loss of libido.

It does work for me, though.

Thanks for your response. Last night was the first night in over a year without Mirtazapine so my sleeping pattern is well and truly messed up.

[SRHibs]

Thought I'd try and resurrect this thread. I've been prescribed 75mg of Venlafaxine and took my first tablet this morning. Has anyone used this drug? I have felt very ill all day.

I was prescribed it a few months ago for my problems. Started at a low dosage and ended up increasing gradually to 150mg a day (maybe more, I forget). I'll be honest with you, the illness never went away for me. It didn't last all day, but after taking a tablet, I'd be left feeling sick and with no appetite for a couple of hours. Everyone reacts differently, though. Good luck!

[yeezus.]

I was prescribed it a few months ago for my problems. Started at a low dosage and ended up increasing gradually to 150mg a day (maybe more, I forget). I'll be honest with you, the illness never went away for me. It didn't last all day, but after taking a tablet, I'd be left feeling sick and with no appetite for a couple of hours. Everyone reacts differently, though. Good luck!

Thanks for that. I've been on it three days now and I just can't stop sweating so if that's the worst side effect I'll be happy.

[SRHibs]

Anyone else suffer from BDD and have any good coping strategies?

[yeezus.]

Anyone else suffer from BDD and have any good coping strategies?

:agree: I do to an extent. I found University more intimidating when it comes to this and I remember trying to cover my face/ look at the ground. This was brought up at the CBT meeting I had and the doctor said there was more chance of people looking at me strangely if I covered my face.

[Lofarl]

I suffer with tinntius. When you are stressed or anxious the noise gets amplified in your brain. It's a cruel trick the brain plays on itself. Had it for 7 months now, the first few were the hardest I've ever experienced. I'm generally ok now, but still wary of loud noises. I moved seats away from the singing section over to the west. Even then I wear earplugs.

Best advice I can give it wear earplugs at nightclubs and gigs.

[mrdependable]

really interesting to hear other peoples experiences with depression and mental health issues. Ive suffered from what i would describe as chronic but low level depression all my adult life. I have been on anti-depressants a few times but they didnt really work for me, but everyones experiences are different. I am going to see someone about CBT next week. Does anyone have any experiences of it?

[CropleyWasGod]

really interesting to hear other peoples experiences with depression and mental health issues. Ive suffered from what i would describe as chronic but low level depression all my adult life. I have been on anti-depressants a few times but they didnt really work for me, but everyones experiences are different. I am going to see someone about CBT next week. Does anyone have any experiences of it?

I tried CBT some years ago. It didn't work for me, for various reasons. However, I know others that it has worked for.

Good luck.:aok:

[StevesFamau5]

I suffer with tinntius. When you are stressed or anxious the noise gets amplified in your brain. It's a cruel trick the brain plays on itself. Had it for 7 months now, the first few were the hardest I've ever experienced. I'm generally ok now, but still wary of loud noises. I moved seats away from the singing section over to the west. Even then I wear earplugs.

Best advice I can give it wear earplugs at nightclubs and gigs.

is that why that happens? dammit. i love the danve music scene i live for trance and i go to plenty of gigs/club nights and festivals. now i know next time im taking plugs. somtimes the noise in my ears causes massive pain :(

Sent from my GT-I9100 using Tapatalk 2

[mrdependable]

I tried CBT some years ago. It didn't work for me, for various reasons. However, I know others that it has worked for.

Good luck.:aok:

Thanks CWG
It's great that forums like these can be used to share experiences in this area.

[--------]

One book I've found very helpful - "Overcoming Depression for Dummies". You'll get it from Amazon; it works both for sufferers from depression and for those who're concerned about a family member or friend.

Explains stuff simply; clear, easy to use table of contents; and you don't have to read the thing straight through from cover to cover - you can dip into it from place to place. Lots of good stuff in it. For mild depression, the book itself will be a huge help. For more serious cases, you can use it along with counselling and/or therapy. One thing it does say - first step is to talk to someone, and to keep in touch with your GP.

[Just Alf]

Thanks Doddie, it's now ordered.

On CBT, while difficult, for me at least, to get my head around it, I found it made a big improvement in my life. As others have said I've found I need to revisit it but I believe this is all part of conditioning yourself appropriately.

On another note, Hibs.net has also helped me :-)
Argument, laughs, discussions etc from (sort of) like minded individuals... Thank you .

[--------]

Thanks Doddie, it's now ordered.

On CBT, while difficult, for me at least, to get my head around it, I found it made a big improvement in my life. As others have said I've found I need to revisit it but I believe this is all part of conditioning yourself appropriately.

On another note, Hibs.net has also helped me :-)
Argument, laughs, discussions etc from (sort of) like minded individuals... Thank you .


You're welcome. Hope you find it helpful.

[judas]

Been thinking about the way depression can take over your life, and send you into a vicious spiral. You often end up with so many problems, caused by and exacerbating the problem that you find it hard to put them right.

For example: your house is a mess, and you are embarrassed to see people; your finances are in a mess; you have neglected your appearance, your clothes might be dirty and worn out; you drink too much, and when you wake up you feel worse, and even less prepared to tackle your problems; you are unhappy in relationships and treat people the wrong way.

All of these things impact on each other, and the weight of them ways you down more and more. One of the best things you can do is take just one problem, and break it down into components. Then set yourself a goal to fix just one of those small parts.

An example might be, your whole house is filthy and untidy. You know you don't want it to be like that, but you just cannot get started on the job. Why not concentrate on your bedroom? You might not feel up to doing the whole job - so start off by changing your bed and give yourself a lot of praise for completing that one task.

Keep going in small steps, and do it at a pace you can cope with (it might take you a week or more) . Recognise that you are taking control of the illness, and praise yourself everytime you achieve something.

Your whole way of thinking has been that you are worthless, but I bet you haven't always felt like that. I also bet you are saying "yeah big deal I made the bed". You learned to worry, it happened in small steps without you knowing it. You can teach yourself to like yourself again in the same manner.

It's not easy, you have to tell yourself you are doing well, when you don't believe it yourself. Ever taught someone to drive, or play guitar, or to plaster a wall. I bet there were times you praised that person, even though you knew they could improve.

Treat yourself in the same way. If you work at it, and keep repeating it, your brain will learn to be confident.

I appreciate you starting this thread.

[--------]

Been thinking about the way depression can take over your life, and send you into a vicious spiral. You often end up with so many problems, caused by and exacerbating the problem that you find it hard to put them right.

For example: your house is a mess, and you are embarrassed to see people; your finances are in a mess; you have neglected your appearance, your clothes might be dirty and worn out; you drink too much, and when you wake up you feel worse, and even less prepared to tackle your problems; you are unhappy in relationships and treat people the wrong way.

All of these things impact on each other, and the weight of them ways you down more and more. One of the best things you can do is take just one problem, and break it down into components. Then set yourself a goal to fix just one of those small parts.

An example might be, your whole house is filthy and untidy. You know you don't want it to be like that, but you just cannot get started on the job. Why not concentrate on your bedroom? You might not feel up to doing the whole job - so start off by changing your bed and give yourself a lot of praise for completing that one task.

Keep going in small steps, and do it at a pace you can cope with (it might take you a week or more) . Recognise that you are taking control of the illness, and praise yourself everytime you achieve something.

Your whole way of thinking has been that you are worthless, but I bet you haven't always felt like that. I also bet you are saying "yeah big deal I made the bed". You learned to worry, it happened in small steps without you knowing it. You can teach yourself to like yourself again in the same manner.

It's not easy, you have to tell yourself you are doing well, when you don't believe it yourself. Ever taught someone to drive, or play guitar, or to plaster a wall. I bet there were times you praised that person, even though you knew they could improve.

Treat yourself in the same way. If you work at it, and keep repeating it, your brain will learn to be confident.


Missed this earlier, FR - apologies, I should have read the whole thread. Very good, thoughtful post - :top marks

[Hibs Class]

Been reading through this thread again - one of the best I've ever seen on here and well worth a bump. Quite humbling and inspiring to read some folks' stories - makes me feel lucky that I've never really been in these places and gives me just a little understanding of how bad people can feel. One recurring theme seems to be that even when it looks like there is no hope, that there always is, and you should never give up.

[Pete]

Been reading through this thread again - one of the best I've ever seen on here and well worth a bump. Quite humbling and inspiring to read some folks' stories - makes me feel lucky that I've never really been in these places and gives me just a little understanding of how bad people can feel. One recurring theme seems to be that even when it looks like there is no hope, that there always is, and you should never give up.

:agree:

All you can do is hope that those effected by depression understand this before they let things get out of hand.

[mrdependable]

I thought this thread deserved a bump. Ive been going through a hard time recently following a difficult break up. Having had a few mild episodes of depression before, I have made an appointment to see a dr on Monday.

[CropleyWasGod]

I thought this thread deserved a bump. Ive been going through a hard time recently following a difficult break up. Having had a few mild episodes of depression before, I have made an appointment to see a dr on Monday.

Sorry to hear that.

We are here, of course, if you want to vent, or PM. You know, though, that you have already made 2 small but significant steps. The first was to make the appointment. The second was to come on here and talk about it.

[Sweep]

Hi. Does anyone else suffer from anxiety? I'm on citalopram 30 mg after having been on paroxetine for about 10 years. My anxiety comes in episodes and can last about 3 months but this time it's been about 6 months and there's days and nights when I feel so bad I just want to run out the house. I have a constant fear of dying, with any niggles or pains suddenly becoming (in my mind) life ending illnesses. It gets so bad that I panic and have the physical effects of a panic attack which in turn adds to the anxiety like having a heart attack or something wrong with my breathing. Dr has referred me for CBT but as yet I've not heard anything. I just need someone to tell me I'm not going to die ( well not yet anyway) I'm only 41.

[Phil D. Rolls]

Hi. Does anyone else suffer from anxiety? I'm on citalopram 30 mg after having been on paroxetine for about 10 years. My anxiety comes in episodes and can last about 3 months but this time it's been about 6 months and there's days and nights when I feel so bad I just want to run out the house. I have a constant fear of dying, with any niggles or pains suddenly becoming (in my mind) life ending illnesses. It gets so bad that I panic and have the physical effects of a panic attack which in turn adds to the anxiety like having a heart attack or something wrong with my breathing. Dr has referred me for CBT but as yet I've not heard anything. I just need someone to tell me I'm not going to die ( well not yet anyway) I'm only 41.

Mate, you learned how to worry, and you can unlearn that with CBT. Hang in there.

[mrdependable]

Sorry to hear that.

We are here, of course, if you want to vent, or PM. You know, though, that you have already made 2 small but significant steps. The first was to make the appointment. The second was to come on here and talk about it.
thanks CWG. I am already feeling a little better for having made these steps. Ive been on antidepressants before but this is probably the lowest ive been. Id recommend anyone with feelings of depression, anxiety to go and see their GP

[CropleyWasGod]

thanks CWG. I am already feeling a little better for having made these steps. Ive been on antidepressants before but this is probably the lowest ive been. Id recommend anyone with feelings of depression, anxiety to go and see their GP

:aok:

[yeezus.]

Hi. Does anyone else suffer from anxiety? I'm on citalopram 30 mg after having been on paroxetine for about 10 years. My anxiety comes in episodes and can last about 3 months but this time it's been about 6 months and there's days and nights when I feel so bad I just want to run out the house. I have a constant fear of dying, with any niggles or pains suddenly becoming (in my mind) life ending illnesses. It gets so bad that I panic and have the physical effects of a panic attack which in turn adds to the anxiety like having a heart attack or something wrong with my breathing. Dr has referred me for CBT but as yet I've not heard anything. I just need someone to tell me I'm not going to die ( well not yet anyway) I'm only 41.

The first anti-depressant I was put on was citalopram and it made me a lot worse. I ended up trying to top myself on it so I've been on 6 or 7 different tablets since. I'm now on Sertraline 150mg and diazepam as and when. If you ever want to talk about it please send me a PM. I've been through the mill and am currently at the start of what I predict will be another bad turn.

Folks on this forum have been extremely supportive.

[Lester B]

The first anti-depressant I was put on was citalopram and it made me a lot worse. I ended up trying to top myself on it so I've been on 6 or 7 different tablets since. I'm now on Sertraline 150mg and diazepam as and when. If you ever want to talk about it please send me a PM. I've been through the mill and am currently at the start of what I predict will be another bad turn.

Folks on this forum have been extremely supportive.

SSRI drugs, of which citalopram is one, can be effective but they can vary from person to person so finding the right one can be hard and the wrong one can make things worse short term. Thing about any drug therapies is that they don't fix things totally. It's not like taking something for physical pain and as others have said here things like exercise and watching what you eat need to be utilised too. Some parts of the country are better than others for NHS support so you can't rely on that. There are good things on the web about this and bad things. Search for the good stuff and realise that there are even phone lines you can try if your local GP/services are not working.

Good luck in fighting it sir!

[steakbake]

Hi. Does anyone else suffer from anxiety? I'm on citalopram 30 mg after having been on paroxetine for about 10 years. My anxiety comes in episodes and can last about 3 months but this time it's been about 6 months and there's days and nights when I feel so bad I just want to run out the house. I have a constant fear of dying, with any niggles or pains suddenly becoming (in my mind) life ending illnesses. It gets so bad that I panic and have the physical effects of a panic attack which in turn adds to the anxiety like having a heart attack or something wrong with my breathing. Dr has referred me for CBT but as yet I've not heard anything. I just need someone to tell me I'm not going to die ( well not yet anyway) I'm only 41.

Maybe the good thing about this thread is it might show how many people have endured similar. You're not alone and you're not on your own.

For a long period of time anxiety and depression totally paralysed my day to day life. All sorts of thing, including a time when I couldn't leave the house without ironing my clothes. I also became convinced that any time I drove, I'd knocked someone over and not realised. Things came to a head one day when I spend a full afternoon driving in circles, going back to check then becoming convinced it had happened again. I also had the headache = brain tumour, feeling under the weather = a mortal illness. It's exhausting and drains your life.

CBT was the way out but I had to persist with the doctor. First one I saw was useless. Second one I saw was tremendous.

Still get extremely anxious at times but the OCD has never been an issue again.

The drugs are a crutch, I'd say, until you can fly solo and deal with things yourself. IMHO I wished I'd got off them a lot sooner than I did.

Be brave - CBT is useful and can get you out of it. In the meantime, you can find info online about the kind of things and techniques CBT involves: mood diaries, rationalising your thoughts etc etc.

[Phil D. Rolls]

If you get a chance to see the programme about Frank Brunos daughter, it's well worth it. It both gives an explanation of the true misery of Bi Polar, and explains how recovery is possible.

With most illnesses, every time it recurs, you are more clued up about how to get back to where you want to be.

[yeezus.]

SSRI drugs, of which citalopram is one, can be effective but they can vary from person to person so finding the right one can be hard and the wrong one can make things worse short term. Thing about any drug therapies is that they don't fix things totally. It's not like taking something for physical pain and as others have said here things like exercise and watching what you eat need to be utilised too. Some parts of the country are better than others for NHS support so you can't rely on that. There are good things on the web about this and bad things. Search for the good stuff and realise that there are even phone lines you can try if your local GP/services are not working.

Good luck in fighting it sir!

:aok: Thanks mate I appreciate it.

[sambajustice]

I've got a friend (seriously I do, its not me) who had a bit of break down infront of me and told me that they were depressed and a bit ashamed about it. I told them not to be of course, nothing to be ashamed about and that I was there for them and so was another friend they'd told. They didnt want anyone else knowing and has only told 2 of us.

They been to the docs and is on medication but i'm not sure how much this is helping.

I was just trying to give some reassuring chat but wasnt too sure what to say.

I remember reading this thread a while back and thought i'd look here for some advice in how I can help my friend. Its kind of different in that its not affecting me directly but this person has confided in me so i'd like to help.

[HUTCHYHIBBY]

I've got a friend (seriously I do, its not me) who had a bit of break down infront of me and told me that they were depressed and a bit ashamed about it. I told them not to be of course, nothing to be ashamed about and that I was there for them and so was another friend they'd told. They didnt want anyone else knowing and has only told 2 of us.

They been to the docs and is on medication but i'm not sure how much this is helping.

I was just trying to give some reassuring chat but wasnt too sure what to say.

I remember reading this thread a while back and thought i'd look here for some advice in how I can help my friend. Its kind of different in that its not affecting me directly but this person has confided in me so i'd like to help.

Let them have a wee read of this thread, there's been a few folk that have been there and done that who have indicated they would be more than happy to assist folk in any way they can, you never know, a wee PM or two could well work wonders.

[mrdependable]

Let them have a wee read of this thread, there's been a few folk that have been there and done that who have indicated they would be more than happy to assist folk in any way they can, you never know, a wee PM or two could well work wonders. id be more than happy to assist anyone that PMs me, as im sure would others on this thread. Speaking personally, in answer to the poster with a friend who is depressed, id say just be there for them and keep in touch. When depressed it is natural to cut yourself off and not seek out company, but company is often what you need.

[Sweep]

Maybe the good thing about this thread is it might show how many people have endured similar. You're not alone and you're not on your own.

For a long period of time anxiety and depression totally paralysed my day to day life. All sorts of thing, including a time when I couldn't leave the house without ironing my clothes. I also became convinced that any time I drove, I'd knocked someone over and not realised. Things came to a head one day when I spend a full afternoon driving in circles, going back to check then becoming convinced it had happened again. I also had the headache = brain tumour, feeling under the weather = a mortal illness. It's exhausting and drains your life.

CBT was the way out but I had to persist with the doctor. First one I saw was useless. Second one I saw was tremendous.

Still get extremely anxious at times but the OCD has never been an issue again.

The drugs are a crutch, I'd say, until you can fly solo and deal with things yourself. IMHO I wished I'd got off them a lot sooner than I did.

Be brave - CBT is useful and can get you out of it. In the meantime, you can find info online about the kind of things and techniques CBT involves: mood diaries, rationalising your thoughts etc etc.


Thanks for your post. I have just received my appointment for CBT so looking forward to that. I'm also starting to feel better with the citalopram kicking in although that has been around 3 months to really take effect.

[mrdependable]

Just giving this thread a bump, as I think it's an extremely valuable for one for those of us who suffer from depression etc. Ive settled down after being prescribed fluoxetine. Hope everyone out there is well

[CropleyWasGod]

Just giving this thread a bump, as I think it's an extremely valuable for one for those of us who suffer from depression etc. Ive settled down after being prescribed fluoxetine. Hope everyone out there is well

It's worth bumping it, that's for sure. This is the time of the year when the light is disappearing and the blues take hold.

Good to hear you're settling down. Take care of yourself.

[mrdependable]

It's worth bumping it, that's for sure. This is the time of the year when the light is disappearing and the blues take hold.

Good to hear you're settling down. Take care of yourself.

thanks CWG

[Pretty Boy]

4 weeks and 2 days until i am 2 years 'drug free'.

Been pretty good on the whole. Had a funny spell about 5 months back with my health anxiety. Had a bit of a flu like illness and a few lymph nodes in my neck and under the jaw popped up so of course i had lymphoma! Was actually quite good in a way as i was able to get the silly thought processes under control quite quickly.

Hope everyone else is well.

[Sylar]

Been a few threads on here about both and It's always good to talk.

I suffered from pretty severe depression for about 18 months to 2 years and had some very dark thoughts. There was a lot of horrible stuff going on in my life at the time. Eventually I found a brilliant doctor who referred me for cognitive behavioural therapy as anti depressants absolutely terrified me and worked me up into some awful states.

On top of that I have also had bother with health anxiety. Not the usual man flu type thing but genuine unfounded fears about my health. The strange thing about health anxiety is it causes genuine physical symptoms such as nausea, pins and needles, aches and pains, stomach upset etc. I was a habitual googler of symptoms and at various times was absolutely convinced I had MS, lupus, cancer, pneumonia, lymphoma, malaria and lyme disease amongst others. Sounds ridiculous but the fears are genuine. I had all kinds of blood tests and everything was negative but that only reassured for a short time before something else cropped up. Whenever I did have anything actually wrong with me I was terrified of taking medication because I was sure I would get side effects so it was a vicious cycle. Thankfully I'm slowly but surely getting over this as well.

You'll find there are a few people on this board only too happy to share their experiences which will hopefully help you. For all the silly arguments and whatever there are a hell of a lot of very good people post on here.

Sorry to quote such an old post PB but I was reading back over this thread and one of your points really struck true to me (bold).

I lost a very close friend of mine incredibly young - she contracted a rare type of cancer which started with incredibly small, unrecognisable symptoms and her passing seemed to spark my own HA and I'd Google my symptoms for the smallest things and come up with some horrifying conclusions before common sense (and my wife!) would prevail and slap me about the head. As ridiculous as I knew it was, I'd convince myself of all sorts.

I've managed to stop doing it but tonight I was trying to look up a diagram of the nerves in the hand, as I've had a twitch in my index finger and I recalled the Facebook page, I ****ing Love Science, posting a pretty neat graphic of the internal hand and I was curious to see how nerve concentration looked. Type 'nerve fingers twitch' into Google and you're greeted with early symptoms of Parkinsons, Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis (or Lou Gehrig's Disease), MS...the internet can be a scary place, particularly if you do suffer from anxiety and can't control the runaway thoughts and concerns!

[hibsbollah]

www.moodgym.anu.edu.au

This is a recomended site, CBT course you can access from your smartphone. Particularly useful if you're on a long NHS waiting list for 'real' CBT.

[yeezus.]

I'm feeling very low at the moment. That being said I always find this thread a real lifeline - to know that others have gone through periods in their life feeling as if life isn't worth living.

2013 has been a write off for me and I owe a lot of people apologies (some on Hibs.net).

I've got no life here in Stranraer, I just wish I could turn back the clock and do things differently in Aberdeen and not have let my family down.

Anyway, this thread and the people of this forum in general have been a huge help, I owe many people on here a huge thanks.

[CropleyWasGod]

I'm feeling very low at the moment. That being said I always find this thread a real lifeline - to know that others have gone through periods in their life feeling as if life isn't worth living.

2013 has been a write off for me and I owe a lot of people apologies (some on Hibs.net).

I've got no life here in Stranraer, I just wish I could turn back the clock and do things differently in Aberdeen and not have let my family down.

Anyway, this thread and the people of this forum in general have been a huge help, I owe many people on here a huge thanks.

If it's any consolation, this time of year is the worst for me. The days are at their shortest. The solstice is just a couple of weeks away though.

Ever thought of a light box? I have one on in the office constantly just now.

And meditation? I swear by it. It's not a cure, but it helps to unravel the nasty thoughts and helps me to find some balance.

[yeezus.]

If it's any consolation, this time of year is the worst for me. The days are at their shortest. The solstice is just a couple of weeks away though.

Ever thought of a light box? I have one on in the office constantly just now.

And meditation? I swear by it. It's not a cure, but it helps to unravel the nasty thoughts and helps me to find some balance.

Thanks for the advice mate, never thought of meditation. Turned to the drink last night, just wanted to forget all my problems - definitely the last time I'm drinking on 150mg of anti-depressants!

[Pete]

I'm feeling very low at the moment. That being said I always find this thread a real lifeline - to know that others have gone through periods in their life feeling as if life isn't worth living.

2013 has been a write off for me and I owe a lot of people apologies (some on Hibs.net).

I've got no life here in Stranraer, I just wish I could turn back the clock and do things differently in Aberdeen and not have let my family down.

Anyway, this thread and the people of this forum in general have been a huge help, I owe many people on here a huge thanks.


Thanks for the advice mate, never thought of meditation. Turned to the drink last night, just wanted to forget all my problems - definitely the last time I'm drinking on 150mg of anti-depressants!

Drink does make you forget but all it does in the long term is lubricate the slide. Anti-depressants or not I'm not sure you should be drinking at all if you are using it as some sort of self medication.

I wouldn't go beating yourself up about certain things you have done either. If you mix depression with drink or drugs, or heaven forbid all three, then it can be an extremely bad combination. People are going to get hurt. That could mean others or yourself both mentally or physically. At the very least you will probably come across as a total arse and when you look back you will be thankful that's all that happened. You say you're writing off a period of your life but I wouldn't...try and use it as an experience that you can learn from. Thinking about it, did you not start to open up on here in 2013?

As CWG suggests, maybe you should try a light box. They are surprisingly common and if they help in any way then surely it's worth it.

[yeezus.]

Drink does make you forget but all it does in the long term is lubricate the slide. Anti-depressants or not I'm not sure you should be drinking at all if you are using it as some sort of self medication.

I wouldn't go beating yourself up about certain things you have done either. If you mix depression with drink or drugs, or heaven forbid all three, then it can be an extremely bad combination. People are going to get hurt. That could mean others or yourself both mentally or physically. At the very least you will probably come across as a total arse and when you look back you will be thankful that's all that happened. You say you're writing off a period of your life but I wouldn't...try and use it as an experience that you can learn from. Thinking about it, did you not start to open up on here in 2013?

As CWG suggests, maybe you should try a light box. They are surprisingly common and if they help in any way then surely it's worth it.

Thanks for the reply mate. I managed to apologise to the guy in town I insulted and he was dead understanding and forgiving. I appreciate all the advice - there has been an amazing response on here - it's sometimes hard to open up as a 21 year old man but I think it's been worth it with all the advice I've had.

[Phil D. Rolls]

Thanks for the reply mate. I managed to apologise to the guy in town I insulted and he was dead understanding and forgiving. I appreciate all the advice - there has been an amazing response on here - it's sometimes hard to open up as a 21 year old man but I think it's been worth it with all the advice I've had.

Well done for apologising, must have taken a bit of bottle.

[yeezus.]

Well done for apologising, must have taken a bit of bottle.

It did, I've got a couple of Motherwell based Hearts fans to say sorry to then I think I'm all caught up. Not drinking again.

[mrdependable]

It did, I've got a couple of Motherwell based Hearts fans to say sorry to then I think I'm all caught up. Not drinking again.

Well done on apologising- that's a big step. We have all done things we regret when drinking, so don't give yourself a hard time about it.

[Phil D. Rolls]

SAMH do good work -

http://www.samh.org.uk/get-involved/fundraising/what-if.aspx

[yeezus.]

Well done on apologising- that's a big step. We have all done things we regret when drinking, so don't give yourself a hard time about it.

:aok: Thanks mate, I feel a lot better having made it up to people, I'm surprised by others understanding and forgiveness!

[mrdependable]

I thought I would give this a bump as I know Christmas can be a difficult time for many. I wish everyone on this thread my best wishes at this time

[yeezus.]

Feeling low, who to turn to?

I've had one of the worst weeks of my life. Having been up in Aberdeen for the game last Friday, I ran out of Diazepam and wonder if the withdrawals are adding to my feelings of anxiety. I made the effort to see both my CPN and GP yesterday and I just felt a bit fobbed off. I would trade this diagnoses of a personality disorder for almost anything, maybe if I was bipolar I would be taken more seriously by my care team.

[mrdependable]

Feeling low, who to turn to?

I've had one of the worst weeks of my life. Having been up in Aberdeen for the game last Friday, I ran out of Diazepam and wonder if the withdrawals are adding to my feelings of anxiety. I made the effort to see both my CPN and GP yesterday and I just felt a bit fobbed off. I would trade this diagnoses of a personality disorder for almost anything, maybe if I was bipolar I would be taken more seriously by my care team.

I hope you've had a better couple of weeks StranraerHibee. Hopefully you are getting the treatment you need

[barcahibs]

Feeling low, who to turn to?

I've had one of the worst weeks of my life. Having been up in Aberdeen for the game last Friday, I ran out of Diazepam and wonder if the withdrawals are adding to my feelings of anxiety. I made the effort to see both my CPN and GP yesterday and I just felt a bit fobbed off. I would trade this diagnoses of a personality disorder for almost anything, maybe if I was bipolar I would be taken more seriously by my care team.

I know this is an easy thing to say and a hard thing to do, but don't let yourself be fobbed off. I'm lucky in that I had family members who just basically refused to take no for an answer from the docs (I'd have just caved in), maybe if you can't do it you have someone who can help you like that? Some GPs are absolutely hopeless when it comes to mental health, others are literal lifesavers. if the first GP doesn't help you, go back til you find one that will.

I know this post was a long time ago and hopefully your feelings have moved on a bit, but withdrawal is almost definitely adding to your symptoms. At one point when I was on meds I forgot to get a prescription filled on the Friday of a bank holiday. I was that ashamed of myself for being so stupid I didn't say to anyone and ended up going a week without - it was absolute hell. At the time my mind wouldn't link the lack of my meds with the depressive thoughts, I was too busy calling myself every name under the sun and making myself as ill as possible but a couple of months later looking back it was pretty obvious!

Just remember that no matter how bad you feel, this isn't how you will always feel. It WILL pass. Stay strong if you can, and if you feel you can't then talk to people about it - there are people out there who will help you carry the burden if they possibly can.

[barcahibs]

Inspired by Stu in Nottingham's thread on his recent loss I wanted to add my thanks to those of others for the community that's been built right here.

This is going to sound ****ing stupid (especially when compared to the magnitude of the issues Stu is facing) but this website has played a genuine and definite part in saving my life. Two threads in particular, this one and another little known one called the calendar thread.

The calendar thread did many good things in its brief history. It came up with real and positive solutions to issues such as world hunger, nuclear disarmament and which of the young ladies from Girl's Aloud would be least welcome at a signing event*. But it did questionable things too and one of those was playing a part in saving me.

It came about at a time of my life when the world just seemed to be a place full of fear and pain, when I had a deep seated belief that I was a worthless human being who deserved nothing out of life. When I really believed that every other person in this world was someone who had a desire to do me harm - and that I deserved it.

But on the calendar thread I found acceptance (or at least tolerance for my stupidity!). It doesn't sound much, a bunch of dafties on the internet letting me post nonsense amongst their genius - but at that point in my life I was so low that it felt like the world. I was going through a period when I had very little other human contact, I wouldn't leave my house for weeks on end, I hid in the bathroom when people knocked at my door, I went to my bed and cried whenever the phone rang (bloody telemarketers :greengrin ). At times all I wanted was for it all to end. But then I'd miss the next landmark post :greengrin .

The calendar thread showed me that the world could bring smiles and laughter, that people maybe weren't as scary and awful as my imagination had built them up to be. I want to take this opportunity to say a big thank you to everyone who posted on that thread - it's impossible to name you all, but you know who you are. Thank you, you helped save my life (and you should all bear part of that guilt :greengrin )

During that period the only time I left the house was to go with my dad to Easter Road. My counsellor asked me a long time later what it was that allowed me to do that? And I said that it was the sense of community, of togetherness, of single minded love that a crowd of people in green and white all pulling in the same direction brought. As a Hibby at Easter Road I felt included, a part of something bigger than myself for maybe the first time in my life.

One thing all this taught me is to try and be mindful of the world around me - something that might seem tiny and insignificant to you, could be massively important to someone else. In the words of our greatest religious teachers we should all "be excellent to one another".

I don't post much anymore, I've still got social phobia and it still prevents me speaking as much as I'd like but I read just about everything. I think I can feel myself slowly spiralling back down towards a dark place again but I'm confident that this time I have mechanisms to cope with that - like many have said, there are no real cures for mental illness, just ways to cope.

I guess what I'm saying is that community is important. Sharing is important, listening is important, communication is important. The Hibee family is important.

And that means everyone here is important. Everyone reading this, no matter how low you feel - you are important.

You never know, by posting on hibs.net you might be saving someone else's life.



Has anyone else ever spilt some orange juice?




*against my arguments, I'd have welcomed all of them :na na:

[yeezus.]

I know this is an easy thing to say and a hard thing to do, but don't let yourself be fobbed off. I'm lucky in that I had family members who just basically refused to take no for an answer from the docs (I'd have just caved in), maybe if you can't do it you have someone who can help you like that? Some GPs are absolutely hopeless when it comes to mental health, others are literal lifesavers. if the first GP doesn't help you, go back til you find one that will.

I know this post was a long time ago and hopefully your feelings have moved on a bit, but withdrawal is almost definitely adding to your symptoms. At one point when I was on meds I forgot to get a prescription filled on the Friday of a bank holiday. I was that ashamed of myself for being so stupid I didn't say to anyone and ended up going a week without - it was absolute hell. At the time my mind wouldn't link the lack of my meds with the depressive thoughts, I was too busy calling myself every name under the sun and making myself as ill as possible but a couple of months later looking back it was pretty obvious!

Just remember that no matter how bad you feel, this isn't how you will always feel. It WILL pass. Stay strong if you can, and if you feel you can't then talk to people about it - there are people out there who will help you carry the burden if they possibly can.

thank you for the reply barcahibs. I can't begin to imagine what Stu is going through - my thoughts are with him and his family at this difficult time. I've resorted to ordering my medication on the internet. Having begged my GP for months to proscribe me something for anxiety I have finally given up.

[s.a.m]

Inspired by Stu in Nottingham's thread on his recent loss I wanted to add my thanks to those of others for the community that's been built right here.

This is going to sound ****ing stupid (especially when compared to the magnitude of the issues Stu is facing) but this website has played a genuine and definite part in saving my life. Two threads in particular, this one and another little known one called the calendar thread.

The calendar thread did many good things in its brief history. It came up with real and positive solutions to issues such as world hunger, nuclear disarmament and which of the young ladies from Girl's Aloud would be least welcome at a signing event*. But it did questionable things too and one of those was playing a part in saving me.

It came about at a time of my life when the world just seemed to be a place full of fear and pain, when I had a deep seated belief that I was a worthless human being who deserved nothing out of life. When I really believed that every other person in this world was someone who had a desire to do me harm - and that I deserved it.

But on the calendar thread I found acceptance (or at least tolerance for my stupidity!). It doesn't sound much, a bunch of dafties on the internet letting me post nonsense amongst their genius - but at that point in my life I was so low that it felt like the world. I was going through a period when I had very little other human contact, I wouldn't leave my house for weeks on end, I hid in the bathroom when people knocked at my door, I went to my bed and cried whenever the phone rang (bloody telemarketers :greengrin ). At times all I wanted was for it all to end. But then I'd miss the next landmark post :greengrin .

The calendar thread showed me that the world could bring smiles and laughter, that people maybe weren't as scary and awful as my imagination had built them up to be. I want to take this opportunity to say a big thank you to everyone who posted on that thread - it's impossible to name you all, but you know who you are. Thank you, you helped save my life (and you should all bear part of that guilt :greengrin )

During that period the only time I left the house was to go with my dad to Easter Road. My counsellor asked me a long time later what it was that allowed me to do that? And I said that it was the sense of community, of togetherness, of single minded love that a crowd of people in green and white all pulling in the same direction brought. As a Hibby at Easter Road I felt included, a part of something bigger than myself for maybe the first time in my life.

One thing all this taught me is to try and be mindful of the world around me - something that might seem tiny and insignificant to you, could be massively important to someone else. In the words of our greatest religious teachers we should all "be excellent to one another".

I don't post much anymore, I've still got social phobia and it still prevents me speaking as much as I'd like but I read just about everything. I think I can feel myself slowly spiralling back down towards a dark place again but I'm confident that this time I have mechanisms to cope with that - like many have said, there are no real cures for mental illness, just ways to cope.

I guess what I'm saying is that community is important. Sharing is important, listening is important, communication is important. The Hibee family is important.

And that means everyone here is important. Everyone reading this, no matter how low you feel - you are important.

You never know, by posting on hibs.net you might be saving someone else's life.



Has anyone else ever spilt some orange juice?




*against my arguments, I'd have welcomed all of them :na na:


If it's any small comfort, I enjoyed and looked forward to your posts on the calendar thread. I remember being particularly tickled by one (pretty sure it was yours) where you imagined Petrie getting Ivan Sproule on an exercise bike at East Mains to fire up the 'leccy, for some physics defying purpose.)*.:greengrin You're obviously witty, and have a facility with words. I hope that you're able to derive some comfort and confidence from that talent.

*I'm a bit shaky on the rest of the detail. It has been a wee while.

[Hiber-nation]

This is going to sound ****ing stupid

No it's not! Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

I was having a read through the calendar thread the other week and some of your posts were just too witty for the likes of me but I tried my best :greengrin

[Jones28]

Some really moving posts on this thread. Puts problems that I think I've got into perspective really - I can definitely put mines down to lazy-*******-itis!

[CropleyWasGod]

Some really moving posts on this thread. Puts problems that I think I've got into perspective really - I can definitely put mines down to lazy-*******-itis!

Perspective is important, of course, but I have a bit of an alternative view about stuff like that.

When you're in crisis, you're in crisis, and you feel the pain. No amount of people saying "you think you've got it bad... look at so-and-so" is going to alter that. Indeed, as I have found out myself, that can be counter-productive; you can end up feeling guilty about feeling depressed, and that just intensifies the pain.

Feel the pain, own it and embrace it is one strategy I have. Running away from it often makes it worse for me.

[stu in nottingham]

Perspective is important, of course, but I have a bit of an alternative view about stuff like that.

When you're in crisis, you're in crisis, and you feel the pain. No amount of people saying "you think you've got it bad... look at so-and-so" is going to alter that. Indeed, as I have found out myself, that can be counter-productive; you can end up feeling guilty about feeling depressed, and that just intensifies the pain.

Feel the pain, own it and embrace it is one strategy I have. Running away from it often makes it worse for me.

Yes indeed. downward social comparisons don't tend to work too well in trying circumstances and I think that's a fairly widely accepted view.

I agree, sometimes we just have to accept pain. One way to do that is to not be frightened of it and face it, live with it. We are mostly stronger and better at doing this than we imagine in my humble opinion.

[CropleyWasGod]

Yes indeed. downward social comparisons don't tend to work too well in trying circumstances and I think that's a fairly widely accepted view.

I agree, sometimes we just have to accept pain. One way to do that is to not be frightened of it and face it, live with it. We are mostly stronger and better at doing this than we imagine in my humble opinion.

It's probably accepted amongst professionals, and by those who have problems, but not so much by those who have no experience or expertise. The old cliche "och, pull yourself together" is still too prevalent, IMO.

Thought I should add my wee 2p worth, Stu, to your own story. Sometimes talking to a complete stranger is very therapeutic. I'm here for a chat if you need.

[stu in nottingham]

It's probably accepted amongst professionals, and by those who have problems, but not so much by those who have no experience or expertise. The old cliche "och, pull yourself together" is still too prevalent, IMO.

Thought I should add my wee 2p worth, Stu, to your own story. Sometimes talking to a complete stranger is very therapeutic. I'm here for a chat if you need.

Yes Crops, that's what I was trying to say (though not very well). Thanks for your thoughts and the very kind offer. I will bear that in mind, truly. I hope this thread remains an inspiration for many. I showed it to my Sue once and she took some comfort from it,

[MSK]

It's probably accepted amongst professionals, and by those who have problems, but not so much by those who have no experience or expertise. The old cliche "och, pull yourself together" is still too prevalent, IMO.

Thought I should add my wee 2p worth, Stu, to your own story. Sometimes talking to a complete stranger is very therapeutic. I'm here for a chat if you need.Sometimes I think back at my "treatment" & wished one of the so-called therapists had said that to me, as opposed to peering over his tick sheet & clip board & then consulting with his superior to then come back & up my dosage of anti depressants.

Each & every time I had to visit a different clinic & each & every time I met a different person with a different clip board but same old tick sheet & same old up or stabilize my dosage. No-one acted any different from another, all had the same monotone personality & asked questions from the generic tick list. How refreshing it was to attend a clinic in Craigmillar where I met with a brilliant therapist who didn't have a clip board or tick sheet & who cared not a jot about medication. That in itself lifted my mood, someone who knew what I was going through & knew the meaning of communication. Sometimes, as the old saying goes ..its good to talk. It certainly wasn't a cure nor was it a quick fix ..but it sure as hell was a bloody good start ..

[stu in nottingham]

Sometimes I think back at my "treatment" & wished one of the so-called therapists had said that to me, as opposed to peering over his tick sheet & clip board & then consulting with his superior to then come back & up my dosage of anti depressants.

Sadly, I've recently seen how futile that manner of treating somebody can be, K.


Each & every time I had to visit a different clinic & each & every time I met a different person with a different clip board but same old tick sheet & same old up or stabilize my dosage. No-one acted any different from another, all had the same monotone personality & asked questions from the generic tick list. How refreshing it was to attend a clinic in Craigmillar where I met with a brilliant therapist who didn't have a clip board or tick sheet & who cared not a jot about medication. That in itself lifted my mood, someone who knew what I was going through & knew the meaning of communication. Sometimes, as the old saying goes ..its good to talk. It certainly wasn't a cure nor was it a quick fix ..but it sure as hell was a bloody good start ..

That's great. Sometimes we just need someone who can inject a little hope. Thankfully, there are still individuals around in this world who can do that.

[Just Alf]

. Sometimes talking to a complete stranger is very therapeutic. I'm here for a chat if you need.

This is a really good bit of advice...... For the past few weeks I've been doing this via the Royal Ed, still got a long way to go but defo on the up.

[hibsbollah]

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/books/bookreviews/10558728/My-Age-of-Anxiety-by-Scott-Stossel-review.html

Just finished this excellent book...I highly recommend it.

[Dinkydoo]

I have only mild experience with depression and it was a temporary experience related to the end of the long term relationship, so I'm probably not best placed to talk about that, but for a long time I have experienced anxiety (especially in social situations) and only really managed to get it under control in the past couple of years. What really helped me was being aware that the mind and body are inherently linked; anxiety is a future based emotion caused by negative thoughts in your head (which may or may not be generated by past experiences). When you think these thoughts and become anxious, your body tenses up, breathing becomes shallow, you may sweat more than usual and even experience palputations and severe symptoms of panic as your 'fight or flight' mechanism kicks in. A close friend once told me that what helped him defeat social anxiety was the realisation that if you change the way you think, your body will follow, if you change your body, the mind will follow. For me changing the negative thought process going on inside my head was almost impossible by itself - it's like trying not to think of a pink giraffe........all you can think about is a pink giraffe! I therefore took steps to start getting into shape, stopping the excessive drinking and recreational drug use and making quiet time every day where I would go through breathing exercises and practice the martial arts I had just started doing. It took time, but I got there. I'm now fitter than I've ever been and relaxed in most of my daily life. I still experience anxiety at times - probably a couple of times a week - but now that I can trick my body into feeling how I do when I do martial arts and meditative exercises, it is soooo much easier to deal with - and almost always passes within seconds or minutes after I realise that I seem to be getting really tense for no reason at all. If I feel 'a bit funny' when I wake up in the morning I also grab a blank piece of paper, focus on it and repeat "this is what I fear" whilst breathing in and out slowly - I alternate between saying it in my head and aloud. I also try to use positive reinforcement now and again by saying things to myself like "Look how awesome I am, I have a great group of friends, my family loves me, my love life is better than most people I know, I'm a fantastic programmer and martial artist and on top of all that I get paid a higher hourly rate and have far, far better job prospects than around 80% of my friends .".

None of this has been recommended professionally to me because I was too embarrassed to talk to anyone about it - the reality was that most people didn't really notice how anxious I really was and the people that did probably only thought I was a little weird, I had created my own personal hell where the only respite came from mind altering substances and eventually I grew to hate my daily dependance on them and the effects it was having on me the following day during my 'sober at work/school' time. I realised that only I can hear and control the negative thoughts in my head and therefore only I can change that thought process into a positive one. I hope some of the methods I have used to overcome my own problems in life can be of use to anyone suffering from anxiety on here. Feel free to PM me if you want to talk, I log on for a wee read on .Net most days and will try to respond as soon as I can.

Take care folks.

[CropleyWasGod]

I have only mild experience with depression and it was a temporary experience related to the end of the long term relationship, so I'm probably not best placed to talk about that, but for a long time I have experienced anxiety (especially in social situations) and only really managed to get it under control in the past couple of years. What really helped me was being aware that the mind and body are inherently linked; anxiety is a future based emotion caused by negative thoughts in your head (which may or may not be generated by past experiences). When you think these thoughts and become anxious, your body tenses up, breathing becomes shallow, you may sweat more than usual and even experience palputations and severe symptoms of panic as your 'fight or flight' mechanism kicks in. A close friend once told me that what helped him defeat social anxiety was the realisation that if you change the way you think, your body will follow, if you change your body, the mind will follow. For me changing the negative thought process going on inside my head was almost impossible by itself - it's like trying not to think of a pink giraffe........all you can think about is a pink giraffe! I therefore took steps to start getting into shape, stopping the excessive drinking and recreational drug use and making quiet time every day where I would go through breathing exercises and practice the martial arts I had just started doing. It took time, but I got there. I'm now fitter than I've ever been and relaxed in most of my daily life. I still experience anxiety at times - probably a couple of times a week - but now that I can trick my body into feeling how I do when I do martial arts and meditative exercises, it is soooo much easier to deal with - and almost always passes within seconds or minutes after I realise that I seem to be getting really tense for no reason at all. If I feel 'a bit funny' when I wake up in the morning I also grab a blank piece of paper, focus on it and repeat "this is what I fear" whilst breathing in and out slowly - I alternate between saying it in my head and aloud. I also try to use positive reinforcement now and again by saying things to myself like "Look how awesome I am, I have a great group of friends, my family loves me, my love life is better than most people I know, I'm a fantastic programmer and martial artist and on top of all that I get paid a higher hourly rate and have far, far better job prospects than around 80% of my friends .".

None of this has been recommended professionally to me because I was too embarrassed to talk to anyone about it - the reality was that most people didn't really notice how anxious I really was and the people that did probably only thought I was a little weird, I had created my own personal hell where the only respite came from mind altering substances and eventually I grew to hate my daily dependance on them and the effects it was having on me the following day during my 'sober at work/school' time. I realised that only I can hear and control the negative thoughts in my head and therefore only I can change that thought process into a positive one. I hope some of the methods I have used to overcome my own problems in life can be of use to anyone suffering from anxiety on here. Feel free to PM me if you want to talk, I log on for a wee read on .Net most days and will try to respond as soon as I can.

Take care folks.

Great stuff, mate.

I have often found that sharing my experiences is therapeutic in itself. Just getting it "out there", spoken or written, can be extremely empowering. It gives you a sense of self-worth that you don't get by keeping it inside.

:aok:

[Dinkydoo]

Great stuff, mate.

I have often found that sharing my experiences is therapeutic in itself. Just getting it "out there", spoken or written, can be extremely empowering. It gives you a sense of self-worth that you don't get by keeping it inside.

:aok:

Talking through things can be very therapeutic although when it came to the breakup of my other half of 6 years I talked and talked and talked about the same **** without really getting anywhere - it was a complicated split that started with real confusion but as time progressed, lies and deceit came out the woodwork. It felt so good to talk about it but after a while I felt it was preventing me from moving on with my life. I have no idea if any of these principles can be applied to any other types of depression, so I'm just putting my experiences out there.

Positive reinforcement and visualising all the details about this new confident me that I knew I could become was what really helped pull me through my anxiety - supplemented by daily exercise and relaxation. Don't get me wrong, everyone gets a little nervous about things like first dates or giving a presentation, but worrying the hell out of yourself constantly is so destructive to your self confidence and achieves nothing positive. What makes things worse is that with anxiety, certainly in my experiences anyway, the more you worry about something the higher the chance of it becoming a self fulfilling prophecy - I used to do this ALL the time with things like providing training at work and it still scares the crap out of me sometimes, but I don't crucify myself for 'potentially' appearing nervous before its even happened. If I know of a big event that's approaching which I might get jittery about I try to prepare myself mentally a few days before hand - give it a week if you can. 10 minutes a day is enough for me where I'll try to visualise in great detail myself doing whatever it is with great confidence - how do I walk? am I breathing deeply? I'm making and holding eye contact with everyone as I speak... If at any point during the day you find yourself slipping back into that negative thought process stop yourself, and start visualising this confident you that you are working towards - get up and walk around if you have to, just break that chain of thought. If you prepare yourself mentally enough for anything your body should slip naturally into the 'mode' you've programmed into yourself - this may take a few attempts to achieve though!

Every day is a new day and although you might not feel that you are 'there' yet, you can be. Try not to dwell on the past because its already happened but every day you have another opportunity to prove to yourself how great YOU really are.

I hope I'm not sounding patronising because this sort of stuff really worked and continues to work for me. Once you have that one good experience you'll grow more and more natural confidence as time goes on.

[Hibrandenburg]

Possibly distressing to read so please only do so if you're not easily distressed about incidents with kids.


Most of the advice on here rotates around sharing so forgive me for sharing this but yesterday I had a traumatic experience that I just can't get out of my head. Before I start I'd like to point out that I worked as a paramedic for 10 years and thought I'd been confronted with all life could throw at me. I was wrong.

Yesterday I was driving back from a long weekend at the beach with my wife and 5 year old son when we pulled over for a short break at a motorway service station. We were in the main foyer when an elderly lady came out of the restaurant with a toddler in her arms screaming for someone to help her. It turns out that the wee guy had choked on a piece of sausage he'd been eating and was already showing signs of extreme cyanosis. I told the staff at the kiosk to call the emergency services and then took the wee guy from his gran.

Instinct kicked in and I put the little guy face down on my left arm with his head down and started giving him back blows as I'd been trained to do and after the first five I turned him over to see if they'd been effective. There were a few very small pieces of sausage in his mouth so I did a mouth sweep and cleared these out, he then started to cry and I could hear him take in air with a high pitched whistling sound like an asthmatic and slowly but surely his lips started to regain colour. The noises he was making were quite distressing because obviously the blockage wasn't fully cleared but my logic was not to try to attempt a full clearance of the partial blockage because that would risk closing his airway again should the object move again.

At this point a doctor who'd been dining in the restaurant approached me and I told him what had happened, I gave him the wee guy so that he could asses his condition and before I could say anything the doctor started to carry out the Heimlich maneuver (whilst this is very effective with adults and larger kids it should be avoided with babies and small children). This resulted in the wee guys stomach content being thrust up into his wind pipe and the blockage was again complete. The result was that the little guy again started turning blue and was obviously in a bad way. I tried to persuade the doctor to let me have the kid back so I could again carry out back blows and mouth to mouth should it be necessary but the doctor was now screaming for someone to give him a pen. His intention was to carry out an improvised coniotomy to open the airway below the obstruction. It took an age for someone to finally bring a pen and even then it seemed the doctor was very hesitant to carry out the procedure.

The arrival of the paramedics took the decision out of his hands and the paramedics took the little guy into the ambulance to treat him. The last thing I heard before the ambulance left was that the little guy was still unconscious and had an oxygen saturation of only 91%. When I got home that night I rang the hospital to try and find out the condition of the wee guy but understandably the hospital were reluctant to give out any information regarding his condition to non family members. All that they would tell me was that he was still alive but there seemed to be an ominous tone to the STILL.

As I mentioned at the start I've seen more than my share of traumatic incidents and thought I'd been unscathed until now. I just can't get his wee face out of my head or get rid of the feeling that I should have battered the **** out of this doctor or reacted differently one way or the other. I also know that these are typical symptoms of PTSD which is probably the reason I'm sharing this on here. I'm scanning all the local news channels in the area where this happened to try and find something about his condition but as of yet there's nothing.

Apologies if anyone has found this distressing but I just had to get it off my chest, so far I feel little or no benefit for having done so but hopefully later.

[stoneyburn hibs]

Wow scary stuff. Given that you had to act in an instant I think you did a marvellous job, certainly shouldn't beat yourself up about what you would have done in hindsight.

Fingers crossed, hopefully the kid makes a full recovery.

[Pretty Boy]

Possibly distressing to read so please only do so if you're not easily distressed about incidents with kids.


Most of the advice on here rotates around sharing so forgive me for sharing this but yesterday I had a traumatic experience that I just can't get out of my head. Before I start I'd like to point out that I worked as a paramedic for 10 years and thought I'd been confronted with all life could throw at me. I was wrong.

Yesterday I was driving back from a long weekend at the beach with my wife and 5 year old son when we pulled over for a short break at a motorway service station. We were in the main foyer when an elderly lady came out of the restaurant with a toddler in her arms screaming for someone to help her. It turns out that the wee guy had choked on a piece of sausage he'd been eating and was already showing signs of extreme cyanosis. I told the staff at the kiosk to call the emergency services and then took the wee guy from his gran.

Instinct kicked in and I put the little guy face down on my left arm with his head down and started giving him back blows as I'd been trained to do and after the first five I turned him over to see if they'd been effective. There were a few very small pieces of sausage in his mouth so I did a mouth sweep and cleared these out, he then started to cry and I could hear him take in air with a high pitched whistling sound like an asthmatic and slowly but surely his lips started to regain colour. The noises he was making were quite distressing because obviously the blockage wasn't fully cleared but my logic was not to try to attempt a full clearance of the partial blockage because that would risk closing his airway again should the object move again.

At this point a doctor who'd been dining in the restaurant approached me and I told him what had happened, I gave him the wee guy so that he could asses his condition and before I could say anything the doctor started to carry out the Heimlich maneuver (whilst this is very effective with adults and larger kids it should be avoided with babies and small children). This resulted in the wee guys stomach content being thrust up into his wind pipe and the blockage was again complete. The result was that the little guy again started turning blue and was obviously in a bad way. I tried to persuade the doctor to let me have the kid back so I could again carry out back blows and mouth to mouth should it be necessary but the doctor was now screaming for someone to give him a pen. His intention was to carry out an improvised coniotomy to open the airway below the obstruction. It took an age for someone to finally bring a pen and even then it seemed the doctor was very hesitant to carry out the procedure.

The arrival of the paramedics took the decision out of his hands and the paramedics took the little guy into the ambulance to treat him. The last thing I heard before the ambulance left was that the little guy was still unconscious and had an oxygen saturation of only 91%. When I got home that night I rang the hospital to try and find out the condition of the wee guy but understandably the hospital were reluctant to give out any information regarding his condition to non family members. All that they would tell me was that he was still alive but there seemed to be an ominous tone to the STILL.

As I mentioned at the start I've seen more than my share of traumatic incidents and thought I'd been unscathed until now. I just can't get his wee face out of my head or get rid of the feeling that I should have battered the **** out of this doctor or reacted differently one way or the other. I also know that these are typical symptoms of PTSD which is probably the reason I'm sharing this on here. I'm scanning all the local news channels in the area where this happened to try and find something about his condition but as of yet there's nothing.

Apologies if anyone has found this distressing but I just had to get it off my chest, so far I feel little or no benefit for having done so but hopefully later.

What a horribly distressing situation.

Din't think you have anything to feel guilty about. You acted decisively and, in my opinion, correctly in the curcumstances. You aren't responsible for someone elses panic and/or mistake.

Hope the wee man makes a full recovery.

[Phil D. Rolls]

As I mentioned at the start I've seen more than my share of traumatic incidents and thought I'd been unscathed until now. I just can't get his wee face out of my head or get rid of the feeling that I should have battered the **** out of this doctor or reacted differently one way or the other. I also know that these are typical symptoms of PTSD which is probably the reason I'm sharing this on here. I'm scanning all the local news channels in the area where this happened to try and find something about his condition but as of yet there's nothing.

Apologies if anyone has found this distressing but I just had to get it off my chest, so far I feel little or no benefit for having done so but hopefully later.

The quicker you seek professional help for PTSD, the better. As always, start with your GP and discuss the symptoms. Don't sit on it.

[HappyHibby93]

Possibly distressing to read so please only do so if you're not easily distressed about incidents with kids.


Most of the advice on here rotates around sharing so forgive me for sharing this but yesterday I had a traumatic experience that I just can't get out of my head. Before I start I'd like to point out that I worked as a paramedic for 10 years and thought I'd been confronted with all life could throw at me. I was wrong.

Yesterday I was driving back from a long weekend at the beach with my wife and 5 year old son when we pulled over for a short break at a motorway service station. We were in the main foyer when an elderly lady came out of the restaurant with a toddler in her arms screaming for someone to help her. It turns out that the wee guy had choked on a piece of sausage he'd been eating and was already showing signs of extreme cyanosis. I told the staff at the kiosk to call the emergency services and then took the wee guy from his gran.

Instinct kicked in and I put the little guy face down on my left arm with his head down and started giving him back blows as I'd been trained to do and after the first five I turned him over to see if they'd been effective. There were a few very small pieces of sausage in his mouth so I did a mouth sweep and cleared these out, he then started to cry and I could hear him take in air with a high pitched whistling sound like an asthmatic and slowly but surely his lips started to regain colour. The noises he was making were quite distressing because obviously the blockage wasn't fully cleared but my logic was not to try to attempt a full clearance of the partial blockage because that would risk closing his airway again should the object move again.

At this point a doctor who'd been dining in the restaurant approached me and I told him what had happened, I gave him the wee guy so that he could asses his condition and before I could say anything the doctor started to carry out the Heimlich maneuver (whilst this is very effective with adults and larger kids it should be avoided with babies and small children). This resulted in the wee guys stomach content being thrust up into his wind pipe and the blockage was again complete. The result was that the little guy again started turning blue and was obviously in a bad way. I tried to persuade the doctor to let me have the kid back so I could again carry out back blows and mouth to mouth should it be necessary but the doctor was now screaming for someone to give him a pen. His intention was to carry out an improvised coniotomy to open the airway below the obstruction. It took an age for someone to finally bring a pen and even then it seemed the doctor was very hesitant to carry out the procedure.

The arrival of the paramedics took the decision out of his hands and the paramedics took the little guy into the ambulance to treat him. The last thing I heard before the ambulance left was that the little guy was still unconscious and had an oxygen saturation of only 91%. When I got home that night I rang the hospital to try and find out the condition of the wee guy but understandably the hospital were reluctant to give out any information regarding his condition to non family members. All that they would tell me was that he was still alive but there seemed to be an ominous tone to the STILL.

As I mentioned at the start I've seen more than my share of traumatic incidents and thought I'd been unscathed until now. I just can't get his wee face out of my head or get rid of the feeling that I should have battered the **** out of this doctor or reacted differently one way or the other. I also know that these are typical symptoms of PTSD which is probably the reason I'm sharing this on here. I'm scanning all the local news channels in the area where this happened to try and find something about his condition but as of yet there's nothing.

Apologies if anyone has found this distressing but I just had to get it off my chest, so far I feel little or no benefit for having done so but hopefully later.

By the sounds of things you did everything you should have. I think you should be very proud of the way you acted. Hope the young lad makes a full recovery.

Sent from my GT-S5830i using Tapatalk 2

[Hibrandenburg]

Cheers guys, someone suggested I leave my contact details at the hospital and ask them to pass it on to the parents with the hope that they'll contact me. I thought about this for a while but decided against it because this is really about them and not me.

Still it was good to talk and hearing your opinion makes it a little easier to believe I was limited in my options. Thanks.

[brisbanehibs]

I have just stumbled on this thread and wanted to say thank you to the OP and all subsequent posters for having the guts to raise these issues. It wasn't lost on my that the number of views of this thread seem to far outweigh almost any other on this bit of the forum...a telling statistic.

I suffer from panic attacks, which only appear when I am speaking in public (which my job requires me to do frequently). This isn't the jitters or nerves, this is full blown panic and it culminated on two occasions when I ran out of the room when presenting to colleagues. Up until that point I was an excellent presenter (still am apparently), a confident speaker and a natural extrovert who would lead meetings at the drop of a hat and was hard to shut up once I got started.

The panic attacks appeared from absolutely nowhere and from the moment the first one came it was a downward spiral which culminated in extra-ordinary periods of self doubt, self chastisement and utter terror in anticipation of the next speaking event and the next one after that and so on....given that I was speaking at events or chairing meetings once or twice a week at the peak of all this it was a hell of a time and a burden not just on me but my family. I note from many of the posts here that our families are often the ones who suffer most alongside us.

This downward spiral also gave rise to (or triggered) depression whcih was not as acute as many sufferers have to deal with but enough to seriously drain me and call into question whether I remainded in my career or gave it all away. With three children and a supportive wife this was not an option.

The point to this background was to allow me to explain what has happened to make things manageable as there were points in the last 15 years when I honestly believed NOTHING could fix this and NOTHING would improve. This was a dreadful time and the dark days seem like they will never end - but they do and they can.

What helped me gain control of the panic attacks and depression are as follows and I am simply telling this in case it helps anyone who may be at the "depths of despair" stage:

1. Telling someone: I had two panic attacks in front of several senior colleagues - no hiding place after that and the support I received from everyone was astonishing. I even had two colleagues speak to me confidentially about similar anxiety issues they were facing. The minute these supportive conversations took place a huge cloud started to lift. I was mortified at the time but looking back this was THE definining moment in gaining back some control and the analogy for other anxiety sufferers irrespective of how the anxiety manifests itself is to speak openly to trusted colleagues/family/friends. There is NO stigma no matter how guilty/ashamed/depressed etc you feel - all of these irrational feelings will melt away the minute you have an open conversation.

2. Professional help: My GP referred me to a psychologist. He didn't "fix me" but as he said on day one he didn't even try. What he DID do was explain what was happening, explain why and then explain that I needed to immediately stop fighting anxiety and start to accept it and manage it. Best advice I ever received and things improved from that point onwards.

3. Medication: I resisted meds for over 10 years and when I look back this annoys me so much. In MY case (and I appreciate we have all had very different experiences) and with the encouragement of professionals (psychologist and GP) I tool Xanax before major public speaking events. I started on 100mg and am now down to 12.5mg before "easy" events and no more than 50mg for "big" ones. The beauty of this for my problem is that a) I can practice managing my anxiety in a controlled manner by dropping the Xanax amount as I improve my control - this graded exposure type of approach is v.commonly used for anxiety/panic sufferers but is hard to put into practice in front of say 100 people in an audience when you are on the stage due to speak to them!! b) Having the Xanax as a crutch immediately and I mean immediately removed the anticipatory anxiety which was so debilitating and which lifted a cloud that had been over me for years and allowed things to be put into prespective. We can be so irrational at times especially when things are bad and this was a huge and positive benefit of having a drug that I new would "protect" me when I needed it. When depression struck I was less reticient about meds and took Lovan - now down to half a tab a day and it has worked wonders for me. Again this is just me, hundreds of others won't be so lucky or will need to try other combinations/drugs etc but for me the Lovan has helped and I want to work on coming off this med over the next few months and see how I feel.

4. Exercise/nutrition: Keeping fit, eating well as so many other posters will tell you is the key building block. Too much alcohol only makes things worse and in my personal view the absolute dread that accompanies a bad hangover is no longer worth it, no matter how hard it may be to keep a lid on things on a big night....given how Hibs have been playing these last few years this has been the hardest "rule" to follow of course as drowning my sorrows is hugely tempting...

5. Self help stuff: I reckon I have read every book on anxiety ever written. Just made things worse and 1-4 above much better (for me) as tools to gain some control back. One book however that helped me a lot is a book called "the curse of the strong" http://www.amazon.co.uk/Depressive-Illness-Curse-Strong-3rd/dp/1847092357 which really puts things into perspective, offers absolutely no miracle cure and at the end of it makes you feel quite special to have these problems:-)! I also took up a recommendation from a recent post on here and am reading a book called My Age of Anxiety which so far has been a great read.

Apologies for rambling on but I was so surprised to see this thread on .Net and the purpose of posting is simply to share my experience, thank the OP and others for having the guts to raise this and hopefully offer encouragement to anyone who is in the darkest hole that things do get better (I don't believe they get cured) and that the support of people around you and on this forum will help. Happy to PM with anyone who wants to discuss further or via this forum whatever works.

Thanks again OP. Restored my faith in our club. Seriously.

[Hiber-nation]

Thanks for sharing that BH, really hope it helps others.

[Viva_Palmeiras]

Mental health awareness week 12-18 May

12579

@anxietyunited is a great twitter feed with links to resources and podcasts for sufferer, carers, family and friends. Worth a look.

[green leaves]

www.moodgym.anu.edu.au

This is a recomended site, CBT course you can access from your smartphone. Particularly useful if you're on a long NHS waiting list for 'real' CBT.

i was recommended this site by my works doctor, helped me immensely.

My anxiety had seemed to be seasonal,with the benefit of hindsight, it starts every autumn, was weaned off the tablets last spring and started back on them in September.

However, the last month or so has been horrendous,not as bad as I've been, but definitely worsening, does being on the same tablet lose its effectiveness over time?

[MSK]

i was recommended this site by my works doctor, helped me immensely.

My anxiety had seemed to be seasonal,with the benefit of hindsight, it starts every autumn, was weaned off the tablets last spring and started back on them in September.

However, the last month or so has been horrendous,not as bad as I've been, but definitely worsening, does being on the same tablet lose its effectiveness over time?Possibly, Some medications for unrelated conditions can also interfere with the way your body breaks down and uses antidepressants, decreasing their effectiveness, this is usually known as tachyphylaxis. If a resistance has been built up then your GP should cross check "contradictions" in your other medication (if you are on other meds) If not then it could just be a case of "tweaking" your dosage & getting you back on track again.

Good luck, stick in there ..:aok:

[Pretty Boy]

http://www.gq-magazine.co.uk/comment/articles/2014-05/19/limmy-comedian-fighting-depression

Interesting interview with Limmy and his experience of depression in GQ.

[Lost_Mackem]

I think that considering 1 in 3 people will suffer from a mental disorder at some point in their lives there is a disgraceful lack of recognition about it in this country. Depression and anxiety have been prevalent in my family. My old man suffered with both in his twenties and although he is alright now you can tell that it definitely changed him. My grand-parents used to say how confident he was but then after he went through what he did he became more withdrawn. My Dad's sister committed suicide 10 years ago and although no-one has ever said why she did it, logic says it was due to depression, she left behind two young girls who have had to grow up without their mother.

I've had problems myself, when I was 15 my Mam and Dad split up in ugly circumstances and six months later I found myself having to be sent home from school suffering from panic attacks. That continued for several months, the Summer was the worst part, I could barely leave the house. I started College in the September though and once I had got my mind off all my worries and threw myself into my College work I realised one day that I didn't feel anxious anymore. I think distraction and changing your thought pattern is the key.

So I was happy again for 2 and a half years and then it kicked off again, only worse this time. I have been struggling with it since I was 19 and I am 22 now. Although I can see that I have gotten gradually better over time there is still some way to go, I just have to be confident that like my Dad I will eventually find away out of this permanently.

I've said on many an occasion that I can deal with physical pain, but when its mental anguish you're going through there really is nothing worse. There is no quick fix and you just have to take it day by day and stay positive.

[PatHead]

Stick in there. It is true that people don't acknowledge it because you can't see the "wound" or scar

[yeezus.]

Does anyone on here know how easy it is to get a second opinion on a diagnosis. I feel the label "Borderline Personality Disorder" is harming me in a way.

Over the past three weeks I have been having strange episodes at night. Hallucinations, "night terrors" and some sort of sleep paralysis. I have spoken to 3 CPN's and 2 out of hours doctors who all say it's nothing to worry about but I haven't had a decent nights sleep in almost a month.

[Phil D. Rolls]

Does anyone on here know how easy it is to get a second opinion on a diagnosis. I feel the label "Borderline Personality Disorder" is harming me in a way.

Over the past three weeks I have been having strange episodes at night. Hallucinations, "night terrors" and some sort of sleep paralysis. I have spoken to 3 CPN's and 2 out of hours doctors who all say it's nothing to worry about but I haven't had a decent nights sleep in almost a month.

Sounds like you've had several second opinions already. You could ask your consultant to pass over your care to another doctor though.

[yeezus.]

Sounds like you've had several second opinions already. You could ask your consultant to pass over your care to another doctor though.

:aok: I was after a second opinion from another shrink, I would hate people to think I'm making this up at night in order to get certain medication.

[Phil D. Rolls]

:aok: I was after a second opinion from another shrink, I would hate people to think I'm making this up at night in order to get certain medication.

I don't. :agree:

[yeezus.]

I don't. :agree:

I know man it's the doctors in Stranraer thinking I'm seeking medication of some sort :greengrin I've done a bit of reading on BPD and how people with it often manipulate things for their own benefit.

[yeezus.]

I'm seeking advice

I was wondering if people would mind sharing their experiences of certain antidepressants. I've been on 7 and Sertraline is the most effective but it has rather (embarrassing male-problem side effects).

Has anyone been on antidepressants that aren't SSRI's and if so, were they effective?

[Phil D. Rolls]

I'm seeking advice

I was wondering if people would mind sharing their experiences of certain antidepressants. I've been on 7 and Sertraline is the most effective but it has rather (embarrassing male-problem side effects).

Has anyone been on antidepressants that aren't SSRI's and if so, were they effective?

Without going into too much detail, I had similar problems to yours on Fluoxetine.

The side effects of SRRIs are well known, and vary between drugs, and between individuals. The only way you can tell if you will get them, is to try the drug and see.

[yeezus.]

Without going into too much detail, I had similar problems to yours on Fluoxetine.

The side effects of SRRIs are well known, and vary between drugs, and between individuals. The only way you can tell if you will get them, is to try the drug and see.

Now that I've told the shrink to piss off I doubt the GP will change anything. This personality disorder malarky is getting in the way of everything that is said to me by professionals.

[judas]

I think that considering 1 in 3 people will suffer from a mental disorder at some point in their lives there is a disgraceful lack of recognition about it in this country. Depression and anxiety have been prevalent in my family. My old man suffered with both in his twenties and although he is alright now you can tell that it definitely changed him. My grand-parents used to say how confident he was but then after he went through what he did he became more withdrawn. My Dad's sister committed suicide 10 years ago and although no-one has ever said why she did it, logic says it was due to depression, she left behind two young girls who have had to grow up without their mother.

I've had problems myself, when I was 15 my Mam and Dad split up in ugly circumstances and six months later I found myself having to be sent home from school suffering from panic attacks. That continued for several months, the Summer was the worst part, I could barely leave the house. I started College in the September though and once I had got my mind off all my worries and threw myself into my College work I realised one day that I didn't feel anxious anymore. I think distraction and changing your thought pattern is the key.

So I was happy again for 2 and a half years and then it kicked off again, only worse this time. I have been struggling with it since I was 19 and I am 22 now. Although I can see that I have gotten gradually better over time there is still some way to go, I just have to be confident that like my Dad I will eventually find away out of this permanently.

I've said on many an occasion that I can deal with physical pain, but when its mental anguish you're going through there really is nothing worse. There is no quick fix and you just have to take it day by day and stay positive.

Very interesting post containing many truths.

[Just Alf]

I posted earlier in the the thread about my anxiety, I've always been able to control it and manage it but recently things have taken a turn for the worse and I have no idea why. I've recently started a new job which I love and is on the career path I want, I have a very close group of friends who understand me and care about me and objectively I know I am very lucky but I just feel constantly anxious. I keep thinking about dying - it's silly things like getting in a lift and thinking it's going to fall or getting on a plane and thinking it will crash or thinking about being in a terrorist attack. I can barely sleep at nights because all these horrible thoughts run through my head. I used to self harm when I was younger and fortunately I don't feel myself drawn to doing that again but I just feel there is something as equally messed up in my head going on and I don't know how to stop it. I am usually very objective and logical and can tell myself that I'm being silly but for some reason I can't shake all these irrational fears and it's becoming increasingly crippling for me.

I've never been to the doctors for my problems before I've always stubbornly tried to work through them myself but I don't know if that's the best course of action any more.

I was in the exact same place, hoping planes, trains etc would crash on way to meetings.... It took me a looong time to do it but I really, really recommend seeing the Doc, I was referred to a mental health nurse and over the course of a few months it really helped me turn myself around. I'm not out the woods yet, might never be totally, but now I have the tools to understand what's happening and can take steps to get me back on track. Go see the doc, once you've done it you'll wish you been much earlier.

[Stranraer]

I've been struggling a bit myself recently, I wondered if anyone knows how easy (or difficult) it is to change GP surgeries?

[wpj]

I've been struggling a bit myself recently, I wondered if anyone knows how easy (or difficult) it is to change GP surgeries?

It should be easy mate, go online to read up on GPs as there should be feedback from service users. Also talk to folk in your area to see if they recommend their GP. Once you decide who you want to go with ask to register with them. Any problems you can contact the CCG who should be able to help.

[R'Albin]

Can I just say, this thread is quite comfortably the best on the site. I've re-read it so many times and it just reminds me how fantastic the people on here are.

:top marks

[Just Alf]

Can I just say, this thread is quite comfortably the best on the site. I've re-read it so many times and it just reminds me how fantastic the people on here are.

:top marks

Agree 100% .... Also, being able to share with "friends" or people in similar circumstances has actually helped me as well.


So... A huge thank you guys.

:flag:

[Hibee_Lisa]

Feel this is too good a thread to be on the second page. Have reread it many times and can relate to a lot of what's been posted. Depression is hitting me hard just now struggling to motivate myself to get out of bed never mind going to work. I don't tend to share feelings especially on the Internet but perhaps it could help me.

[CropleyWasGod]

Feel this is too good a thread to be on the second page. Have reread it many times and can relate to a lot of what's been posted. Depression is hitting me hard just now struggling to motivate myself to get out of bed never mind going to work. I don't tend to share feelings especially on the Internet but perhaps it could help me.

It's that time of year where the darkness starts to fall for a lot of people.

You're not alone. One of the benefits of social media is that you can share a lot, whilst maintaining your anonymity. So feel free to vent, either on the thread or privately.

[One Day Soon]

Feel this is too good a thread to be on the second page. Have reread it many times and can relate to a lot of what's been posted. Depression is hitting me hard just now struggling to motivate myself to get out of bed never mind going to work. I don't tend to share feelings especially on the Internet but perhaps it could help me.


Lisa

It is crap and it is a deep dark hole that is hard to imagine coming out of but some very basic bloody minded actions will help.

Walk, eat, sleep.

If you can walk just 20 minutes a day at as brisk a pace as you can manage that is sufficient - more is better obviously.

Try and make yourself eat three times a day. Diet has a huge impact and putting fuel into the engine really matters. Google the stuff to try and avoid eating as a next step and the mood enhancing things to try to eat.

Sleeping is your friend. The more you do at regular hours the better. It is when your body and mind tries to mend itself.

Beyond that the other thing that can help is social interaction. If you can go out of your way to try and help someone else, no matter how simple a thing it is, it will pick you up. And just speaking with someone else about almost anything will help to take you out of yourself.

You have more control over this than you think or realise. It is just very hard to believe when you are down.

Stick in, I'll be thinking positive thoughts for you.

[One Day Soon]

It's that time of year where the darkness starts to fall for a lot of people.

You're not alone. One of the benefits of social media is that you can share a lot, whilst maintaining your anonymity. So feel free to vent, either on the thread or privately.


You're right Crops. When the blue sky sometimes breaks through its a liberating feeling. Blue light bulbs are the way to go...

[CropleyWasGod]

You're right Crops. When the blue sky sometimes breaks through its a liberating feeling. Blue light bulbs are the way to go...

I've just had a wee walk in the sunshine. Made quite a difference :)

I have a light box for the office, which is on constantly from about November. Are blue light bulbs something different?

[Hibrandenburg]

Lisa

It is crap and it is a deep dark hole that is hard to imagine coming out of but some very basic bloody minded actions will help.-

Walk, eat, sleep.

If you can walk just 20 minutes a day at as brisk a pace as you can manage that is sufficient - more is better obviously.

Try and make yourself eat three times a day. Diet has a huge impact and putting fuel into the engine really matters. Google the stuff to try and avoid eating as a next step and the mood enhancing things to try to eat.

Sleeping is your friend. The more you do at regular hours the better. It is when your body and mind tries to mend itself.

Beyond that the other thing that can help is social interaction. If you can go out of your way to try and help someone else, no matter how simple a thing it is, it will pick you up. And just speaking with someone else about almost anything will help to take you out of yourself.

You have more control over this than you think or realise. It is just very hard to believe when you are down.

Stick in, I'll be thinking positive thoughts for you.

Some sound advice three.

[One Day Soon]

I've just had a wee walk in the sunshine. Made quite a difference :)

I have a light box for the office, which is on constantly from about November. Are blue light bulbs something different?


I think the light box is the same thing. November is the dreaded month, that's when the Demons like to start to slither.

Having things to look forward to helps too. Which is one reason why a crap Hibs isn't really helping....

[HUTCHYHIBBY]

Feel this is too good a thread to be on the second page. Have reread it many times and can relate to a lot of what's been posted. Depression is hitting me hard just now struggling to motivate myself to get out of bed never mind going to work. I don't tend to share feelings especially on the Internet but perhaps it could help me.

Lisa, amidst all the nonsense that goes on on .net on a daily basis this is by far the best thread that has ever appeared on .net. You've taken the first step by posting on the thread, I would advise you to pick the post that relates closest to how you feel just now then send the poster a wee PM asking for a wee chat, it's a lot more of a problem for people than you may think just now. After reading the thread numerous times I'm confident you'll get a wee ray of light from whoever.

[Mikey09]

Feel this is too good a thread to be on the second page. Have reread it many times and can relate to a lot of what's been posted. Depression is hitting me hard just now struggling to motivate myself to get out of bed never mind going to work. I don't tend to share feelings especially on the Internet but perhaps it could help me.


Lisa. Depression is horrible. I suffer with Bi-Polar disorder and have done for many years. I do get the highs occasionally however it's the crashing lows that really affect me. You will hear "give yourself a shake", and other ignorant advice. NEVER be afraid to ask for help from people you trust, friends, family or even your GP. I have to agree with One day soon and CWG that even using this thread to vent or speak to people who understand would in my opinion be a great support. As i said I have and still go through bad days but I have, in time, used things that work for me to get me through these days. This thread, without doubt is the most important on the whole forum and I think should be used as a sounding board as others have suggested. Say what you want on it. You will NOT be judged.......

[MSK]

Lisa. Depression is horrible. I suffer with Bi-Polar disorder and have done for many years. I do get the highs occasionally however it's the crashing lows that really affect me. You will hear "give yourself a shake", and other ignorant advice. NEVER be afraid to ask for help from people you trust, friends, family or even your GP. I have to agree with One day soon and CWG that even using this thread to vent or speak to people who understand would in my opinion be a great support. As i said I have and still go through bad days but I have, in time, used things that work for me to get me through these days. This thread, without doubt is the most important on the whole forum and I think should be used as a sounding board as others have suggested. Say what you want on it. You will NOT be judged.......Good post ..:agree:

[Hibee_Lisa]

Posting quite personal matters on a forum is new to me, but I agree that venting to people who have no clue who you are helps!

I attended an emergency appointment at my gps last weeks and saw a doctor who I had not dealt with before, I was quite anxious on the bus journey there but he was quite refreshing, mid way through the conversation I explained I had never really been given a diagnoses, my normal gp had previously written depression on my sicklines then I'm sure a psychiatrist at Cambridge street told me otherwise. Anyway he explained I had been given two disgnosis one depression and the other borderline personality disorder which previous people had failed to mention to me. He prescribed chlorpromazine along side my normal serteline but warned it was only like a paster and would be a short term fix to stop me feeling so low.

Lisa's life story haha!

[MSK]

Posting quite personal matters on a forum is new to me, but I agree that venting to people who have no clue who you are helps!

I attended an emergency appointment at my gps last weeks and saw a doctor who I had not dealt with before, I was quite anxious on the bus journey there but he was quite refreshing, mid way through the conversation I explained I had never really been given a diagnoses, my normal gp had previously written depression on my sicklines then I'm sure a psychiatrist at Cambridge street told me otherwise. Anyway he explained I had been given two disgnosis one depression and the other borderline personality disorder which previous people had failed to mention to me. He prescribed chlorpromazine along side my normal serteline but warned it was only like a paster and would be a short term fix to stop me feeling so low.

Lisa's life story haha!Its a start Lisa, and good on you for taking the courage to share on here ...as mentioned there are like minded people who have experienced and shared various degrees of depression, anxiety, bi-polar & personality disorders on here. Its also good to read that a few have come through the "other end" sometimes through lifestyle changes, therapies or controlled medication, or possibly by following some good advice or links given on this thread.

Stick in there, its a sometimes long & bumpy road but you will get to the other end ..we are all with you ..:aok:

[Mikey09]

Posting quite personal matters on a forum is new to me, but I agree that venting to people who have no clue who you are helps!

I attended an emergency appointment at my gps last weeks and saw a doctor who I had not dealt with before, I was quite anxious on the bus journey there but he was quite refreshing, mid way through the conversation I explained I had never really been given a diagnoses, my normal gp had previously written depression on my sicklines then I'm sure a psychiatrist at Cambridge street told me otherwise. Anyway he explained I had been given two disgnosis one depression and the other borderline personality disorder which previous people had failed to mention to me. He prescribed chlorpromazine along side my normal serteline but warned it was only like a paster and would be a short term fix to stop me feeling so low.

Lisa's life story haha!

i went through a period of speaking to my GP who prescribed firstly seroxat, which made things worse for me. It wasn't until I was properly diagnosed with bipolar that I eventually got the right help from a specialist who put me on Quetiapine whilst working with the psychiatric nurse doing things like Cognitive behavioral therapy, looking at structuring my life, diet, exercise etc. The most important part of your post for me is you saying you have a diagnosis now. That is fantastic. Please work with whoever you have been referred to. You CAN live a full, happy life with mental illness if you are focused on doing so. One of the things that really helped me was exercise. Google it and find out more about how exercise helps with depression. It may be a small thing but it's a huge help for recovery and staying well. Hope you are getting there.......

[CropleyWasGod]

Does anyone have any experience of Electro Convulsive therapy?

[Hibee_Lisa]

Does anyone have any experience of Electro Convulsive therapy?

Not personally although my mum had a course of it quite a few years ago.

[CropleyWasGod]

Not personally although my mum had a course of it quite a few years ago.

Was that for depression?

Don't want to pry (PM me if you prefer), but I'm interested in what her experience was.

[Mikey09]

Does anyone have any experience of Electro Convulsive therapy?


ECT was something discussed with my psychiatrist and after talking with my wife I turned it down as the answers to the questions we asked were vague to say the least. Thing that worried me the most was there didn't seem to be much control of the outcome of it. I'm sure it has worked for some people but at the time it wasn't for me. Not much help CWG, sorry. One thing I will say is I watched a fascinating documentary on Netflix last night called Neurons to Nirvana; Understanding psychedelic medicines. Really worth a watch.....

[Phil D. Rolls]

Does anyone have any experience of Electro Convulsive therapy?

Evidence is split down the middle about its efficacy. The process itself happens under a general anaesthetic these days and involves inducing a mild epileptic fit.

TV still plays it up as a horrible torture.

Anybody thinking of having it should be aware of the strong chance of cognition being impaired after it.

[Phil D. Rolls]

i went through a period of speaking to my GP who prescribed firstly seroxat, which made things worse for me. It wasn't until I was properly diagnosed with bipolar that I eventually got the right help from a specialist who put me on Quetiapine whilst working with the psychiatric nurse doing things like Cognitive behavioral therapy, looking at structuring my life, diet, exercise etc. The most important part of your post for me is you saying you have a diagnosis now. That is fantastic. Please work with whoever you have been referred to. You CAN live a full, happy life with mental illness if you are focused on doing so. One of the things that really helped me was exercise. Google it and find out more about how exercise helps with depression. It may be a small thing but it's a huge help for recovery and staying well. Hope you are getting there.......

An inspiring post! I went to see Lady Gaga recently, and she was saying much the same thing. Don't give in, use your special gift to your advantage - and never listen to those who will try to stop you living your life to the full.

[Hibee_Lisa]

This may be quite a stupid question but does anyone know what the difference is between attending the community mental health team at Cambridge street or being referred to the Royal Edinburgh, I was under the impression they both had the same type of multidisciplinary teams to deal with things?

[Mikey09]

This may be quite a stupid question but does anyone know what the difference is between attending the community mental health team at Cambridge street or being referred to the Royal Edinburgh, I was under the impression they both had the same type of multidisciplinary teams to deal with things?


I was referred to the Hermand Flat in Haddington and was seen by a top consultant there who then put in place my recovery programme with the psychiatric nurses having regular follow up meetings with him. They were fantastic. I can't speak highly enough of them. I was at rock bottom and would have done ANYTHING to feel better. I know this doesn't answer your question Lisa but what I'm saying is the help is out there if you're willing to use it. I will be honest though... I certainly know in my case, and probably many others, it's an ongoing thing. I take everything one day at a time, as it gets me through. I can't stress enough how important structure, healthy diet, proper sleep and exercise has been in my recovery to date. But the biggest thing for myself has been talking about it. Doing this with someone I trusted was a huge help to me. Anyway I'm rambling now..... Hope you get the help you need and deserve.....

[One Day Soon]

I was referred to the Hermand Flat in Haddington and was seen by a top consultant there who then put in place my recovery programme with the psychiatric nurses having regular follow up meetings with him. They were fantastic. I can't speak highly enough of them. I was at rock bottom and would have done ANYTHING to feel better. I know this doesn't answer your question Lisa but what I'm saying is the help is out there if you're willing to use it. I will be honest though... I certainly know in my case, and probably many others, it's an ongoing thing. I take everything one day at a time, as it gets me through. I can't stress enough how important structure, healthy diet, proper sleep and exercise has been in my recovery to date. But the biggest thing for myself has been talking about it. Doing this with someone I trusted was a huge help to me. Anyway I'm rambling now..... Hope you get the help you need and deserve.....


November is always grim - and I know that the neglected exercise, failure to eat regularly and poor sleep just unlocks the doors and invites the demons right in. It can be almost literally like having to force yourself to put one foot in front of the other.

Mikey, can you say more about the structure part?

[Mikey09]

November is always grim - and I know that the neglected exercise, failure to eat regularly and poor sleep just unlocks the doors and invites the demons right in. It can be almost literally like having to force yourself to put one foot in front of the other.

Mikey, can you say more about the structure part?


Once on my feet, so to speak, I put a structured plan in place for my day to day life. However, my recovery took time even with this so I had to accept it takes small steps and not set myself unrealistic targets. Small things, realistic aims and goals.

- I would plan my day in writing, doing this the night before.

- However, as I said, I would be realistic, dividing these into primary and secondary aims and tasks.

- Don't just fill your day with duties.Make free time for something you enjoy.

- I would always start my day at the same time. Again, be realistic.

- Write down when to take any medication.

- Look forward to your day. Get up and begin your day in a good mood!! You have bound to have heard the shouts at Easter Road, "C'mon Hibs, let's start this game well and set the tone for a good performance!!" Although maybe not recently...:wink: But you know what I mean.

- Plan and prepare good, healthy food.

- Take half an hour for some form of exercise. Again, be realistic!! I climb North Berwick Law every day with my dog.


I personally do this day to day as it works for me. Some could plan it weekly, it's whatever works for YOU. Writing things down is a fantastic way of seeing your day laid out in front of you which, certainly for me, encouraged discipline and structure. It might not look much, and it's not rocket science but if you're struggling it may help..... Hope it does....

[Phil D. Rolls]

Never underestimate the impact of not going to the toilet regularly on your mood. It's something we laugh at as males, but there are established medical reasons why failure to "perform regular elimination" can bring you down physically and mentally.

When you need to pooh, messages go between your brain and bowels, in what is called a "feedback loop". Constipation causes this to overload, and it impacts on your "fight or flight" mechanism. This results in your brain telling itself it has something to frightened of - hence that feeling of anxiety where you can't put your finger (quiet at the back) on what is bothering you/

Another reason we need to poo regularly is that it cleanses the body of toxins. If you can't get them out of your body, they start to hang about your body, and that's not good for your state of mind either.

So before you go immersing yourself in Freud and Adler, it's worth looking a bit closer to home for the reason you feel sluggish, nauseus, and downright wabbit. Another reason to take your five a day, or Lactulose, Fybogel, Laxido etc.

[Stranraer]

This may not be entirely relevant but I did have struggles with my sexuality while at University. It was something I thought may disappear, or pass over after the assault but I answered the question about Gay football fans on the PM forum not knowing whether or not it was a wind up?

Abuse, depression and anxiety do strange things to the human minds. 600 mg of Seroquel at night has calmed me down but I think maybe a counsellor would be of some use?

[CropleyWasGod]

[QUOTE= I would suggest that your issues are very relevant.

Life experiences, of whatever sort, have an impact on our mental health.

A counsellor, though, would be a good place to start in establishing what impact they have had on you :)

I noticed your post on the other thread. I hope it's not a wind up.

[Mr White]

This may not be entirely relevant but I did have struggles with my sexuality while at University. It was something I thought may disappear, or pass over after the assault but I answered the question about Gay football fans on the PM forum not knowing whether or not it was a wind up?

Abuse, depression and anxiety do strange things to the human minds. 600 mg of Seroquel at night has calmed me down but I think maybe a counsellor would be of some use?

FWIW I'm fairly certain that's not a wind - up. Maybe the op hasn't been online or had time to respond? He's never struck me as the type to do something vindictive tbh.

[HUTCHYHIBBY]

This may not be entirely relevant but I did have struggles with my sexuality while at University. It was something I thought may disappear, or pass over after the assault but I answered the question about Gay football fans on the PM forum not knowing whether or not it was a wind up?

Abuse, depression and anxiety do strange things to the human minds. 600 mg of Seroquel at night has calmed me down but I think maybe a counsellor would be of some use?

What assault was this? If you don't mind me asking.

[Phil D. Rolls]

Wee bit of light relief:

I was watching the Simpsons and Ned Flanders had been sectioned. He starts throwing the books around in the Psychiatrist's office.

"Please don't do that Mr. Flanders", says the shrink, "half of those haven't been discredited yet".

Made me laugh.

[lord bunberry]

I've read this thread with great interest since I was diagnosed with depression earlier this year. I find it really hard to talk about my problems with friends and family and for the most part try and pretend things are alright. Things aren't alright though and I feel so low and horrible and worthless most of the time. I'm on medication from my doctor who has been really great with me, but I have the tendency to say everything's going well when I speak to someone, when everything isn't ok. I work long hours and miss spending time with my family, I struggle to get out of bed every day and I hate myself for not being the perfect father and partner. I try my best to be a decent man and always consider other people's feelings when I'm going about my daily business. I thought that when I was diagnosed with depression it would be a case of getting some pills and it would go away, it hasn't been like that and I'm now at my wits end. Sorry for the rant but it really helps me getting things of my chest.
Thanks
Philip

[CropleyWasGod]

I've read this thread with great interest since I was diagnosed with depression earlier this year. I find it really hard to talk about my problems with friends and family and for the most part try and pretend things are alright. Things aren't alright though and I feel so low and horrible and worthless most of the time. I'm on medication from my doctor who has been really great with me, but I have the tendency to say everything's going well when I speak to someone, when everything isn't ok. I work long hours and miss spending time with my family, I struggle to get out of bed every day and I hate myself for not being the perfect father and partner. I try my best to be a decent man and always consider other people's feelings when I'm going about my daily business. I thought that when I was diagnosed with depression it would be a case of getting some pills and it would go away, it hasn't been like that and I'm now at my wits end. Sorry for the rant but it really helps me getting things of my chest.
Thanks
Philip

Hi Philip.

Some of what you say is very familiar and, dare I say it, common. The bits I've highlighted are particularly true about men. It's hard being a "man" these days, however you define it. It's even harder to "admit" that you're not the strong, infallible man that society says you should be.

What you have done, though, is taken a step. You say you can't share your issues, and that's not unusual; talking to close people can be very difficult. But you have shared it here, with strangers.

That's pretty damned positive.

One of the earliest comforts I had was realising that I'm not alone. That isn't a cure, but a recognition that there is a whole community that "gets it". You'd be surprised by how many of your mates and family have the same issues. Maybe try them?

Currently, in these dark nights, my biggest crutch is exercise. You're a taxi-driver, yeah? Like me, sitting down all day. Do you exercise much? If not, you might be surprised how much of a boost you can get. The hardest part, of course, is getting past that "canny be a'd" feeling.

This thread is full of brilliant mental-cases like you and I. :greengrin We're all here to help.

[lord bunberry]

Hi Philip.

Some of what you say is very familiar and, dare I say it, common. The bits I've highlighted are particularly true about men. It's hard being a "man" these days, however you define it. It's even harder to "admit" that you're not the strong, infallible man that society says you should be.

What you have done, though, is taken a step. You say you can't share your issues, and that's not unusual; talking to close people can be very difficult. But you have shared it here, with strangers.

That's pretty damned positive.

One of the earliest comforts I had was realising that I'm not alone. That isn't a cure, but a recognition that there is a whole community that "gets it". You'd be surprised by how many of your mates and family have the same issues. Maybe try them?

Currently, in these dark nights, my biggest crutch is exercise. You're a taxi-driver, yeah? Like me, sitting down all day. Do you exercise much? If not, you might be surprised how much of a boost you can get. The hardest part, of course, is getting past that "canny be a'd" feeling.

This thread is full of brilliant mental-cases like you and I. :greengrin We're all here to help.
Thanks for your reply crops, I was really trying to go down the exercise route after reading this thread, and to start with I felt it was really helping. When I went to work(I work nights) I started to feel really tired and ended up finishing early, which had a detremental effect on what I was earning, which in turn effected my overall well being. I try to tell myself that I'm in a better positions than a lot of people and try to focus on the positive things in my life(of which there are many) but no matter how hard I try I still feel the same. I look at ,y daughter and give her the biggest hug you can imagine but I'm wondering if it's me who needs Her or vice versa.

[CropleyWasGod]

Thanks for your reply crops, I was really trying to go down the exercise route after reading this thread, and to start with I felt it was really helping. When I went to work(I work nights) I started to feel really tired and ended up finishing early, which had a detremental effect on what I was earning, which in turn effected my overall well being. I try to tell myself that I'm in a better positions than a lot of people and try to focus on the positive things in my life(of which there are many) but no matter how hard I try I still feel the same. I look at ,y daughter and give her the biggest hug you can imagine but I'm wondering if it's me who needs Her or vice versa.

Both, mate :agree:

[lord bunberry]

Both, mate :agree:

You're right as always mate. Thank you for listening

[Mikey09]

I've read this thread with great interest since I was diagnosed with depression earlier this year. I find it really hard to talk about my problems with friends and family and for the most part try and pretend things are alright. Things aren't alright though and I feel so low and horrible and worthless most of the time. I'm on medication from my doctor who has been really great with me, but I have the tendency to say everything's going well when I speak to someone, when everything isn't ok. I work long hours and miss spending time with my family, I struggle to get out of bed every day and I hate myself for not being the perfect father and partner. I try my best to be a decent man and always consider other people's feelings when I'm going about my daily business. I thought that when I was diagnosed with depression it would be a case of getting some pills and it would go away, it hasn't been like that and I'm now at my wits end. Sorry for the rant but it really helps me getting things of my chest.
Thanks
Philip

An emotional post my friend. The one thing that sticks out for me in your post is you saying you work long hours and miss spending time with your family. This is something I addressed and it had a dramatic effect in my recovery. We all have to earn a living, but not at the expense of your happiness LB. You are a mirror image of myself..... I use banter, acting the clown and am always cracking jokes to mask how I really feel sometimes. I spoke to my wife, eventually and told her everything. She was brilliant. Speak to your family, or your doctor again. As CWG says, this isn't a cure. It's a case of finding ways of coping that work for you and your loved ones. Don't beat yourself up re not being a perfect father. Is there such a thing?? I don't think there is. Be the best you can. Being Bipolar isn't great for me, but am I gonna let it ruin my life?? Not a chance! I just have to do things a bit differently to others. You can control this with help and structure to your life. I have found what works for me. You can do the same Phillip....... Stick in ma friend.

[lord bunberry]

An emotional post my friend. The one thing that sticks out for me in your post is you saying you work long hours and miss spending time with your family. This is something I addressed and it had a dramatic effect in my recovery. We all have to earn a living, but not at the expense of your happiness LB. You are a mirror image of myself..... I use banter, acting the clown and am always cracking jokes to mask how I really feel sometimes. I spoke to my wife, eventually and told her everything. She was brilliant. Speak to your family, or your doctor again. As CWG says, this isn't a cure. It's a case of finding ways of coping that work for you and your loved ones. Don't beat yourself up re not being a perfect father. Is there such a thing?? I don't think there is. Be the best you can. Being Bipolar isn't great for me, but am I gonna let it ruin my life?? Not a chance! I just have to do things a bit differently to others. You can control this with help and structure to your life. I have found what works for me. You can do the same Phillip....... Stick in ma friend.

Thanks for the advice mate, I'm going to sit down over the next few days and work out a way to cut down the amount of hours I work. I also work nights which is part of the problem, so I'm going to try and address that as well.

[#FromTheCapital]

Thanks for the advice mate, I'm going to sit down over the next few days and work out a way to cut down the amount of hours I work. I also work nights which is part of the problem, so I'm going to try and address that as well.

Although I can't identify with all of the problems you're going through, I'd suggest that cutting your hours down would be a great idea. My old job had us working sometimes 55-60 hours per week, but they only paid us a salary based on 42. This used to really get me down. I changed job and it's probably the best thing I've ever done for both my mental and physical health. My old boss went off sick for months because of stress and depression, thankfully he's also now left. I can understand that a lot of people don't have the same opportunities, but try and do whatever you can to cut down on hours if you feel it's too much and other parts of your life are worse off for it.

[lord bunberry]

Although I can't identify with all of the problems you're going through, I'd suggest that cutting your hours down would be a great idea. My old job had us working sometimes 55-60 hours per week, but they only paid us a salary based on 42. This used to really get me down. I changed job and it's probably the best thing I've ever done for both my mental and physical health. My old boss went off sick for months because of stress and depression, thankfully he's also now left. I can understand that a lot of people don't have the same opportunities, but try and do whatever you can to cut down on hours if you feel it's too much and other parts of your life are worse off for it.

My problem with cutting down my hours is that I will earn less money. I'm self employed as a taxi driver and I bought my own cab 4 years ago. I've been working long hours for the 4 years to pay for the finance that I took out. I'm not working to have extra money, it's just to cover the bills. I've got less than a year to go before the finance is all paid off and I'll be cutting my hours down dramatically when that happens, I'm looking at ways I can change things around a bit in the mean time.

[Phil D. Rolls]

Thanks for the advice mate, I'm going to sit down over the next few days and work out a way to cut down the amount of hours I work. I also work nights which is part of the problem, so I'm going to try and address that as well.

I did your job for four years, and was severely depressed as a result. It's lonely and it cuts down your opportunities to mix with other people. You almost feel like your watching the rest of the world go about its business, but you're never part of it.

Switching to days made a big difference, and not much less money either. The main thing was having a "normal" start time, and also I felt less a creature of the night.

Worth thinking about ways you can change it. Maybe a share that involves one week nights, one week days?

[lord bunberry]

I did your job for four years, and was severely depressed as a result. It's lonely and it cuts down your opportunities to mix with other people. You almost feel like your watching the rest of the world go about its business, but you're never part of it.

Switching to days made a big difference, and not much less money either. The main thing was having a "normal" start time, and also I felt less a creature of the night.

Worth thinking about ways you can change it. Maybe a share that involves one week nights, one week days?

You're absolutely spot on about working nights. I'm looking at doing 4 days on then 4 days off, it'll mean working long hours for 4 days but then I will have 4 days off to spend at home doing normal family things.

[Phil D. Rolls]

You're absolutely spot on about working nights. I'm looking at doing 4 days on then 4 days off, it'll mean working long hours for 4 days but then I will have 4 days off to spend at home doing normal family things.

Work life balance is so important. Particularly when you're isolated in your working life.

[Stranraer]

I have a question regarding personality disorders. I have been diagnosed with one myself but I read under the mental health act (I think it was) that they are considered "untreatable". Does anyone know if this is true? Does it mean we can't get sectioned?

[Phil D. Rolls]

I have a question regarding personality disorders. I have been diagnosed with one myself but I read under the mental health act (I think it was) that they are considered "untreatable". Does anyone know if this is true? Does it mean we can't get sectioned?

There was a thread about this last year, but I can't find it.

Anyway, here's the criteria for detention.

Criteria for issuing a short-term detention certificate

Criteria for a short-term detention certificate are:


the patient is likely to have a mental disorder (http://www.nes-mha.scot.nhs.uk/disorder.htm)
the patient is likely to have significantly impaired decision-making ability (http://www.nes-mha.scot.nhs.uk/stdc/sigimpaired.htm) with respect to medical treatment (http://www.nes-mha.scot.nhs.uk/treatment.htm) for mental disorder, as a result of his or her mental disorder
it is likely that detention in hospital is necessary to determine what medical treatment is required or to provide that treatment
it is likely that significant risk exists to the health, safety and welfare of the patient or to the safety of others if the patient is not detained
it is likely that granting of a short-term detention certificate is necessary, for example because a patient is refusing to accept treatment on a voluntary basis.



PDs are responsible for their actions and it is not a defence in court. It's therefore a contentious matter as to whether the person is mentally ill. Most doctors won't admit you if it is clear that you are aware of what you have been doing and the consequences of those actions.

Likewise if you are voicing suicidal ideation and are deemed to have control over your actions, and are fully aware of the implications of your actions, then you will also be discharged. It's your life and no one has the right to stop you living it and ending it on your terms.



it is likely that detention in hospital is necessary to determine what medical treatment is required or to provide that treatment


PDs may be detained if they are exhibiting signs of mental illness (many of them are skilled at affecting these traits). However, if after assessment, there is no sign of mental illness they will either be discharged, or invited to stay informally. If there admission to hospital has a forensic connection - ie a criminal act has been perpetrated, then they will be discharged and the police may or may not be informed.

The only real way a PD can "cure" themselves is to learn the lessons of life. They are lucky enough to have control over what they are doing, unlike people with "genuine" mental illness. Unfortunately many of them have had horrendous experiences in the past, and have come to the false conclusion that exhibiting deviant behaviour is the answer to their problems.

If you want to know more, ask the person who diagnosed you. You seem to be having a frustrating search for answers on here as you (or somebody like you) raises this subject from time to time.

[Stranraer]

There was a thread about this last year, but I can't find it.

Anyway, here's the criteria for detention.

Criteria for issuing a short-term detention certificate

Criteria for a short-term detention certificate are:


the patient is likely to have a mental disorder (http://www.nes-mha.scot.nhs.uk/disorder.htm)
the patient is likely to have significantly impaired decision-making ability (http://www.nes-mha.scot.nhs.uk/stdc/sigimpaired.htm) with respect to medical treatment (http://www.nes-mha.scot.nhs.uk/treatment.htm) for mental disorder, as a result of his or her mental disorder
it is likely that detention in hospital is necessary to determine what medical treatment is required or to provide that treatment
it is likely that significant risk exists to the health, safety and welfare of the patient or to the safety of others if the patient is not detained
it is likely that granting of a short-term detention certificate is necessary, for example because a patient is refusing to accept treatment on a voluntary basis.



PDs are responsible for their actions and it is not a defence in court. It's therefore a contentious matter as to whether the person is mentally ill. Most doctors won't admit you if it is clear that you are aware of what you have been doing and the consequences of those actions.

Likewise if you are voicing suicidal ideation and are deemed to have control over your actions, and are fully aware of the implications of your actions, then you will also be discharged. It's your life and no one has the right to stop you living it and ending it on your terms.



it is likely that detention in hospital is necessary to determine what medical treatment is required or to provide that treatment


PDs may be detained if they are exhibiting signs of mental illness (many of them are skilled at affecting these traits). However, if after assessment, there is no sign of mental illness they will either be discharged, or invited to stay informally. If there admission to hospital has a forensic connection - ie a criminal act has been perpetrated, then they will be discharged and the police may or may not be informed.

The only real way a PD can "cure" themselves is to learn the lessons of life. They are lucky enough to have control over what they are doing, unlike people with "genuine" mental illness. Unfortunately many of them have had horrendous experiences in the past, and have come to the false conclusion that exhibiting deviant behaviour is the answer to their problems.

If you want to know more, ask the person who diagnosed you. You seem to be having a frustrating search for answers on here as you (or somebody like you) raises this subject from time to time.

:aok: thanks great post, I read that the DSM IV deems BPD as a mental illness but wasn't sure. Thanks for your help :)

[Pete]

I did your job for four years, and was severely depressed as a result. It's lonely and it cuts down your opportunities to mix with other people. You almost feel like your watching the rest of the world go about its business, but you're never part of it.

Switching to days made a big difference, and not much less money either. The main thing was having a "normal" start time, and also I felt less a creature of the night.

I love the job for the very reasons that you hated it. I'm extremely happy in my own company and prefer a working environment in which I'm completely in control of and if the truth be told I don't think I could answer to anyone again. The family life is actually better working nights than it is days....ok, I'm out of kilter for a while but when I analyse the hours I do then I'm better off than a lot of 6am-6pm guys who hardly see their kids.

I used to laugh at the guys who broke off for and hour and headed to the cannonmills garage or the back of the tron rank for a blether with their comrades. It's not for me but maybe there's something in what they do that keeps them happy with their lot.

[Phil D. Rolls]

I love the job for the very reasons that you hated it. I'm extremely happy in my own company and prefer a working environment in which I'm completely in control of and if the truth be told I don't think I could answer to anyone again. The family life is actually better working nights than it is days....ok, I'm out of kilter for a while but when I analyse the hours I do then I'm better off than a lot of 6am-6pm guys who hardly see their kids.

I used to laugh at the guys who broke off for and hour and headed to the cannonmills garage or the back of the tron rank for a blether with their comrades. It's not for me but maybe there's something in what they do that keeps them happy with their lot.

I was single at the time, and going home to an empty house. The pub became too much of a refuge, and I was drinking too much. I sailed into a perfect storm for depression. Have to say I was happy in my last year, or so, doing day shift. I used to enjoy talking to other guys on the Jenner's rank on a Saturday - mind you I was starting to feel the benefits of anti depressants by then.

[Phil D. Rolls]

:aok: thanks great post, I read that the DSM IV deems BPD as a mental illness but wasn't sure. Thanks for your help :)

DSMIV invents new mental illness every time it comes out - it's utter crap and is just a manual to permit physicians to prescribe drugs.

The fact is, under the law, you have to be deemed incapable of controlling your actions before you are deemed mentally ill.

[Stranraer]

DSMIV invents new mental illness every time it comes out - it's utter crap and is just a manual to permit physicians to prescribe drugs.

The fact is, under the law, you have to be deemed incapable of controlling your actions before you are deemed mentally ill.

Ok, really excellent stuff mate learning a lot here thank you!

[Stranraer]

On the subject, my Blog is now a Mental Health one which details some of my experiences with medication, therapy and self harm. Some may find it useful.