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View Full Version : Fundamental Principles & Doctrines Of Hibs.Net



Speedway
04-08-2009, 01:38 PM
Following yesterday's post on this subject, I've received requests from posters to expand on the original canon of scripture for our beloved messageboard.

Here then is the original text and I would encourage and welcome further revelations to be added to the core credos.


- You cannot post, sensible, logical, reasoned, well thought out posts. You must either be insanely ecstatic about stringing three passes together, with references to the Leith San Siro; or you must be on suicide watch where everyting is a 'disgrace', every player is 'not good enough' (until they are sold, then they are the crown jewels which the board is selling off so that Rod can build the moat for his house)

- No signing is ever 'Hibs class'. Those that become Hibs Class will have been predicted by 270 individual posters on here, who told us all along from the beginning what great quality the player would be. You will not be able to trace their posts to confirm this.

- All players ability improve dramatically during a victory or once sold. Our squad is increasingly weakened every season yet rather than be relegated as a result, our league placings and crowds are reasonably and consistently mediocre despite whoever is in the squad at any given time.

- Some posters on here have miserable lives, jobs and marriages. They don't have the guts nor self esteem to address those issues so Hibs become 'a ****** disgrace' instead. This depresses the rest of us. Misery loves company.

- Every manager we've ever had since the advent of the Internet Messageboard is 'Tactically Naive' Even if they then go on to be tactical geniuses elsewhere, they were devoid of that ability at ER.

- During a poor run of form, we hark back to any player that ever played ok for us once or twice, and insist that this player should return to the club and play in the 'Matty Jack Role'. When this does not happen, we use it as evidence that our board 'lack ambition'.

- LTYF does indeed mean 'Love To You Forever' Blackpool Hibs posted it whilst wearing a 'Kiss Me Kwik' hat. BH is our most sensitive poster, and enjoys nothing more than a spanking good discussion with other users.

- TQM, Scoopyboy, Derek HFC and myself are sometimes considered to be 'in the know' with regard to transfer news. Only two of us actually are and one of them isn't me. We tend to get news of deals a lot quicker than the majority of posters here however, because of our lines of work/contacts.

- You must make fun of the Yams, even when it's hypocritical and even when we're a much bigger laughing stock ourselves. Laughing at ourselves only depresses us. We are Bi-Polar.

- Rod Petrie, stands for all things good as a man of integrity and unimpeachable fiscal responsibility.

- The only goalkeepers who are good goalkeepers are bald goalkeepers. This means Stack, our new goalkeeper will become a bumbling inept journeyman when he makes his first mistake in Hibs colours. The accuracy of this prediction could allow you to reasonably conclude that he has already made his first mistake by agreeing to join the club in the first place. The coaching will be blamed once he has left the club, however.

Please add further enlightenment as inspiration dictates.

ancient hibee
04-08-2009, 02:57 PM
You forgot "Deek can do no wrong" except for those who think"Deek can do no right".



You also forgot-older contributors are to be afforded every respect for their unrivalled football knowledge and memory of all things Hibernian even when they are privately considered boring old f*rts who can't remember what they did yesterday(whenever that was).

lyonhibs
04-08-2009, 03:24 PM
- The use of the following smilies :rolleyes::cool2: or :bye: at the end of a sarcastic post immediately strengthens your argument ten-fold and renders any comeback null and void.

- There will always be someone who asks the question "is he worth a punt" regarding any of the plethora of middling to mediocre players we have let go over the past decade, on the basis of "he can't be any worse than what we have right now" despite all the evidence to the contrary. See Nick Colgan and Mathias Doumbe.

- A striker failing to set the heather alight within 5 games is likely to be christened "the new Amadou Konte". The Midfield equivalent of this will be "the new Alan O'Brien" or "the new Jarkko Wiss" (depending on position of the signed midfielder) and the defender equivalent will be "The new Michael Renwick/Colin Murdock"

Cabbage East
04-08-2009, 03:30 PM
Rule number 07 - Before any big game, someone must post a new song they've made up. The song will normally be utter minge and totally unsingable. Frequently the poster will not even suggest what tune it should be sung along to.

lyonhibs
04-08-2009, 03:36 PM
Rule number 07 - Before any big game, someone must post a new song they've made up. The song will normally be utter minge and totally unsingable. Frequently the poster will not even suggest what tune it should be sung along to.
:faf:

Too true.

Number 8) Short of us taking 12,000 to Pittodrie on a freezing Tuesday night, you can guarentee that after almost every away game, AntiFa Hibs will come and have a moan about our "dwindling away support" :devil:

Number 9) 90% of posts that begin with "Don't shoot the messenger but I heard from a friend that................." will be absolute shiete and should warrant a .net court martial, with the minimum punishment being a flogging, plus 2 days in the stocks outside Robbo's Bar wearing nowt but a Hibs top.

Speedway
04-08-2009, 03:38 PM
- Any discussion on Paul Dalglish must not contain the spelling of 'Dalglish' as 'Dalglish'. The only acceptable spellings are 'Dalgliesh' and 'Dalgleash'.

matty_f
04-08-2009, 03:41 PM
-Any mention of the word 'Petrie' must be followed by either this smilie: :grr: or this one :brickwall:

hibsbollah
04-08-2009, 03:46 PM
Someone, somewhere, will try to defend the indefensible by saying a particular player (Brian Kerr/Keenan/OBrien) does a lot of 'unseen work'. This 'work' will be 'unseen' by everyone else. Which is the whole point, I suppose:confused:

MyJo
04-08-2009, 05:55 PM
Any players linked to us who don't have a degree in website design and construction shall be instantly dismissed as not good enough for hibs on that basis alone.

Players positions shall be referred to by posters in the context of a mediocre player who previously played in that role for the club in the past......eg central defensive midfielder becomes "the matty jack role", speedy wingers are "Ivan Sproule on a motorbike"

The_Todd
04-08-2009, 05:57 PM
Dean Shiels is the answer to everything. Everything.

MyJo
04-08-2009, 06:01 PM
Despite the fact that the average height of a man in the UK is 5'10 anyone less than 6' who plays for hibs must be condemned as a 'useless midget"

Barney McGrew
04-08-2009, 06:15 PM
Any potential signings ability is to be judged on how good they are on Football Manager

The_Todd
04-08-2009, 06:20 PM
Despite the fact Football Rumours is even less truthful than Bill Clinton whilst caught with his trousers down, it is demanded and required that any and all Hibs-related stories be copied here and discussed as a true story, and it is expected (but no mandatory) to blame Rod Petrie for any rumours printed therein as it's all his fault.

johnbc70
04-08-2009, 06:25 PM
Your an undercover Yam unless you have 100+ posts.

Pedantic_Hibee
04-08-2009, 06:26 PM
- All official match update threads should be started by CalgaryHibs with the obligatory weather question punctuating his opening post.

- Any future prospective managers of Hibernian Football Club should arrive straight out of "leftfield", selling the bookies a "dummy" with every mention of their name.

The_Sauz
04-08-2009, 06:32 PM
Anybody who does not goto an away game, is a part time Hibby no matter the reasons!

lEXO
04-08-2009, 06:35 PM
If you dont sit in the East Stand you dont sing and are a moaning faced git that doesnae back the team.
:wink:

NORTHERNHIBBY
04-08-2009, 06:48 PM
Any Greggs postings MUST immediately be followed by a single reply of ......" source?". It is critical that this happens within one minute. This is followed by two automatic posts of either " red" or " brown". It MUST be accepted that these are not funny.

Don Giovanni
04-08-2009, 06:50 PM
Any post deemed to be a rumour about the club will be interogated by the revealing question: "Sauce?"
:hnetinq:

You'd better have an answer ready, punk... :gun:

One Day Soon
04-08-2009, 07:20 PM
Any post ending with the term 'end of' automatically isn't.

Phil D. Rolls
04-08-2009, 07:21 PM
You can nip any argument in the bud before it starts by simply adding the word fact at the end of your post.

FACT

One Day Soon
04-08-2009, 07:33 PM
You're wrong. End of.

See what i did there?

It is mandatory that in any discussion of the ahem 'finances' of the pink bretheren there should at some stage in the debate be an outbreak of ironic self abuse involving terms such as caravans, pegs, hiv, giros, sister, greyhound, etc. It is also good form but not de rigeur to deride in passing one particular resident of brokebank.com when discussing this theme. I will not give it the satisfaction in this posting however.


You can nip any argument in the bud before it starts by simply adding the word fact at the end of your post.

FACT

Phil D. Rolls
04-08-2009, 07:35 PM
You're wrong. End of.

See what i did there?

It is mandatory that in any discussion of the ahem 'finances' of the pink bretheren there should at some stage in the debate be an outbreak of ironic self abuse involving terms such as caravans, pegs, hiv, giros, sister, greyhound, etc. It is also good form but not de rigeur to deride in passing one particular resident of brokebank.com when discussing this theme. I will not give it the satisfaction in this posting however.

Once the self flagellation is over though, it is customary to type the words Tick and Tock, and variations thereof.

Another rule is that language should avoid being officious, lest the accusation of "Open Letter" be levelled at the poster.

One Day Soon
04-08-2009, 07:41 PM
Like a nasty case of the pox, flag debates will erupt suddenly and unexpectedly from within an otherwise perfectly innocuous thread leaving many mangled and destroyed in its path. It is essential that the two sides of such debates should be characterised by at least some prissy high mindedness on the one hand and a fair bit of brutal intolerance on the other.

It is EXTREMELY bad form for such a debate to end in agreement.

Hibbyradge
04-08-2009, 07:45 PM
The first rule of hibs.net club

You never talk about hibs.net club

The second rule of hibs.net club

You never talk about hibs.net club

ArabHibee
04-08-2009, 07:48 PM
You must pick a current squad player and berate them at every opportunity on the boards, even if they have an outstanding game
(see quite a lot of Churchy's posts for examples :wink:)

Phil D. Rolls
04-08-2009, 07:50 PM
No one will ever say something negative about Sir Franck Sauzee, except on pain of death.

Got it?

Phil D. Rolls
04-08-2009, 07:52 PM
Any player leaving the club for the Old Firm shall be reviled as a lickspittle, running dog, until such time as he returns to the Age of Change.

Storar
04-08-2009, 07:54 PM
Rule number 07 - Before any big game, someone must post a new song they've made up. The song will normally be utter minge and totally unsingable. Frequently the poster will not even suggest what tune it should be sung along to.
:faf::top marks

- All official match update threads should be started by CalgaryHibs with the obligatory weather question punctuating his opening post.

You forgot that they MUST also include three stars on each side of the title. Failure to include these stars automatically makes the thread unofficial.

for example:

***Official Hibs v Hearts Updates Thread*** = Official
Official Hibs v Hearts Updates Thread = Unofficial


ANYBODY who even dares to think about the possibility of even pretending to ask for a link to watch a live Hibs game online is a bad supporter who is effectively draining money from the club and shouldn't be allowed back into Easter Road without facing severe punishment.

Storar
04-08-2009, 07:56 PM
No one will ever say something negative about Sir Franck Sauzee, except on pain of death.

Got it?
Thou shalt not spell 'Franck' as 'Frank'

Phil D. Rolls
04-08-2009, 07:57 PM
If you can't think of anything else to slag the Yams about, mention Callum and Wullie and their Russian hats.

I know I do.

Scorrie
04-08-2009, 08:26 PM
Before every derby (and televised game), there must be a thread asking "where will the game be shown in London / New York / wellington / Nepal etc etc"

One Day Soon
04-08-2009, 08:32 PM
Never get too attached to the Calander thread. In the end they take it away.

Bostonhibby
04-08-2009, 08:42 PM
- TQM, Scoopyboy, Derek HFC and myself are sometimes considered to be 'in the know' with regard to transfer news. Only two of us actually are and one of them isn't me. We tend to get news of deals a lot quicker than the majority of posters here however, because of our lines of work/contacts.

:no way:

Everyone on here knows that all of the above is wild speculation unless the information is endorsed by the now legendary Easter Road "Fishman" who is a key adviser in all transfer deals, and many of us suspect, Rod's trusty right hand man, merely disguised as a supplier of all ER's Piscean needs as he dips in and out of the murky business of selling them high and signing them for beans.

One Day Soon
04-08-2009, 08:49 PM
Do NOT get too attached to pet Yam posters. In the end they take those away too. Especially the crazed ones.

Hiber-nation
04-08-2009, 08:50 PM
A thread must be started for every player within our price range on the lookout for a club stating that "He could do a job for us".

Every under 19 player must be talked up for an automatic place in the 1st team regardless of ability. If they do end up playing for the 1st team, they must in turn be heavily criticised after their first game and branded as "never good enough" in order to completely destroy their confidence

When we are away to Hamilton, no Hibbies who have attended the game are allowed to post their views on it until all the fans have come back.

sahib
04-08-2009, 09:00 PM
Andy74 will spring to the defence of anyone or anything that comes in for criticism.

Mibbes Aye
04-08-2009, 09:00 PM
A thread must be started for every player within our price range on the lookout for a club stating that "He could do a job for us".

Every under 19 player must be talked up for an automatic place in the 1st team regardless of ability. If they do end up playing for the 1st team, they must in turn be heavily criticised after their first game and branded as "never good enough" in order to completely destroy their confidence

When we are away to Hamilton, no Hibbies who have attended the game are allowed to post their views on it until all the fans have come back.

:agree: A sacred and solemn duty.


Any reference to the toddlerspew psychobabble that fails to mask deep, deep self-loathing (readers may be more familiar with it as "Jambo Kickback"), must be accompanied by the time-honoured dualistic posts of


"Gonnae cut'n'paste it mate for those of us who cannae access that cesspit? I got binned for nothing, just asked where their hotel had gone :rolleyes:"
"Don't know why anyone would waste their time going on there :rolleyes:"
It's a sort of ying and yam thing :agree:

One Day Soon
04-08-2009, 09:06 PM
Starting a discussion about Christain Nade's resemblance or lack of resemblance to Eddie Murphy is allowed but will result in the equivalent of a flag debate - better to leave it.

Twa Cairpets
04-08-2009, 09:06 PM
The only bus that prospective signings are authorised to travel on is the number 26

Biggie
04-08-2009, 09:13 PM
You can't comment on a game until all the fans get back :wink:

One Day Soon
04-08-2009, 09:14 PM
The Yamasaurus is a labour of love which must remain forever unfinished for so long as there are Yam Fuds in the world.

It may be the one uncloseable thread.

...WentToMowAnSPL
04-08-2009, 09:17 PM
The Yamasaurus is a labour of love which must remain forever unfinished for so long as there are Yam Fuds in the world.

It may be the one uncloseable thread.

Surely it can't go the way of the ThirdLanarkSaurus :thumbsup:

Iain G
04-08-2009, 09:19 PM
"Brian Hamilton" is the euphamism used for any of our midfield who are spotted doing unseen work, a players player, does all the spade work, what M. Cantona would call a Water Carrier as only he and our manager of the time can spot the unseen work that all of us non-educated heathens seem to fail to see week in week out.

It is common knowledge that Lewis Stevenson has only ever had one good game for Hibs, the CIS Cup Final. FACT.

National Rod Petrie day is the 27th November and all must grow a moustache in honour of the great man, this is commonly confused in the popular press with the Movember charity Mowser growing month, but we .netters know better :wink:

Using a REALLY BIG FONT, especially for the word FACT makes your arguement even stronger.

skipster7
04-08-2009, 09:32 PM
despite NOBODY lowering themselves by reading the rag which is the daily record it will constantly be quoted/linked on here followed by a "I wouldn;t wipe my back side with it" post

Wing Half
04-08-2009, 09:53 PM
I still remember Peter Cormack's last game before he went to work in England.
Can I hijack this thread?

matty_f
04-08-2009, 10:02 PM
despite NOBODY lowering themselves by reading the rag which is the daily record it will constantly be quoted/linked on here followed by a "I wouldn;t wipe my back side with it" post

Equally, any story printed in any paper that is even the slightest bit derisory towards the Yam fuds, is a 'good piece of journalism' and should be taken as gospel.

Anything with a negative Hibernian slant on it, should be dismissed as 'shoddy journalism' or be written by a Willie Mackay lackie.

jonty
04-08-2009, 10:20 PM
nade is pish.

hibs.net FACT (http://www.nadeispish.com)

da-robster
05-08-2009, 07:41 AM
To make your argument unassailable you must agree with your own post using this smiley :agree:. This immediately proves you have one backer ie you.


It is expected in official match threads for every third poster to post a line of these smileys :grr: or these smileys :brickwall .when a goal, booking or throw in is conceded.

After every poor match in many different threads shall arguments over one player between his lovers and haters erupt similtaenously. The threads shall be many pages long and gain nothing. The two opposing mantras will be "he is never hibs class and you're a yam" and "he hasn't had enough time he's doing unseen work a true hibs supporter would get behind the lads unlike you."

Older posters shall constantly post patronising remarks about how they went through hibs darkest hours and they where far worse than the recent drubbing off a team who we where meant to be better than, these posts must end with this smiley :cool2:Younger posters will ignore these posts.

Only private membership or 1000 posts will save you from being called a yam.

Bostonhibby
05-08-2009, 08:05 AM
despite NOBODY lowering themselves by reading the rag which is the daily record it will constantly be quoted/linked on here followed by a "I wouldn;t wipe my back side with it" post

:agree: and it should more correctly be referred to as the Daily ****** :wink:

O'Rourke3
05-08-2009, 08:36 AM
During transfer windows, debates on who is and who isn't returning to ER ends with a confident poster making a bet about beans they then regret.

Iain G
05-08-2009, 09:26 AM
Asking for links to illeagal live match feeds on the net is proof that you are indeed a peg selling, caravan dwelling, docksider, junky, hobo who has spent their dole money on their last fix of pritt stick and can't afford to pay for ESPN to watch the game the way any self respecting yam would

Andy74
05-08-2009, 09:42 AM
Andy74 will spring to the defence of anyone or anything that comes in for criticism.

Mixu and Chisholm excepted of course.

andyhibs
05-08-2009, 10:00 AM
when posting,great care must be taken on the correct punctuation.text speak is strictly no no:tsk tsk:

Barney McGrew
05-08-2009, 10:09 AM
When posting, great care must be taken on the correct punctuation. Text speak is strictly no no. :tsk tsk:

And it must be corrected when errors occur.

:wink:

lyonhibs
05-08-2009, 10:33 AM
And it must be corrected when errors occur.

:wink:

Starting a sentence with a conjunction?? :bitchy:

All new posters - clearly in a desperate effort to avoid being called Yams - must all claim to have been "looking in regularly for the past few years" before "deciding to join in the fun" The next 10 replies will contain at least 2 "LTYF" posts, at least 2 more saying "Welcome to the board" and a good deal of confusion for the OP about whether or not to take the "LTYF" posts seriously.

The :hnet:smiley is one of the few that has no prescribed role in either adding sarcasm/being dismissive/adding emphasis or credibility to a argument.

Adding "IMO" just before or after a statement that effectively denounces someone else's opinion as utter tosh is obligatory, lest the thread somehow descend into a personal bitch-fight, or worse, an impromptu flag debate.

After 75% of away games, in the obligatory "songs you heard at the game/what a great(or ****) support we had today" thread, some poor soul will put his/her head above the parapet and register their malcontent with the WM song. The thread will then descend into the usual tit-for-tat pash between the 2 sides of this debate, and this debate shall last for no less than 4 hours.

Steve-O
05-08-2009, 10:44 AM
After a game at least one person will have heard 'the Edinburgh song' at some stage during the day.

This will be followed by posts confirming what 'version' it was and various adjectives describing the singers as not very nice people.

Usually a txt spkr will come on and defend the song, and will subsequently launched.

Phil D. Rolls
05-08-2009, 02:34 PM
In any debate as to choice of music at matches, only people who don't know the words to Sunshine on Leith will post messages supporting it being played. Furthermore no-one shall post said messages without mentioning "hairs on the back of my neck" and "AEK Athens".

Mibbes Aye
05-08-2009, 04:04 PM
In any debate as to choice of music at matches, only people who don't know the words to Sunshine on Leith will post messages supporting it being played. Furthermore no-one shall post said messages without mentioning "hairs on the back of my neck" and "AEK Athens".

:agree: Much like drinking, getting married and standing for parliament, age limits apply to Hibs.

If you were born after the mid-70s (so many of them now :greengrin) this game has a statutory placing as "...the best atmosphere ever at a Hibs game". A defence of "No, the CIS Cup Final was" is allowed, but only if followed in no less than twenty posts by a Youtube link to the Beeb coverage with Murph and Benj; a Youtube link to someone's phone footage of "SoL"; and a bitter and rancorous debate between the usual suspects about whether or whether not it was Mowbray's team wot won the Cup :agree:.

And another thing :grr:

Roughly four times a year (might coincide with the summer and winter solstices and the vernal and autumnal equinox, don't know because I haven't checked), someone will enquire about Chico scoring from inside his own half. By law, a thread must follow that establishes the following, over the meandering course of several posts:


that he scored up the slope;
it was against Alloa
that Pat McGinlay also scored with a long-distance lob
Paddy's goal was against Kilmarnock though
And it was down the slope
God, we were top of the league or summat for a bit and we still got relegated
While we probably would have still got relegated, we wouldn't have if we hadn't got that 2-2 draw against the yams, thus allowing Duffy to keep his job
Did Chico not score a great goal against Celtc on opening day?
Henrik Larsson' fault :agree:
The other goal was scored by Lee Power

bawheid
05-08-2009, 04:08 PM
Roughly four times a year (might coincide with the summer and winter solstices and the vernal and autumnal equinox, don't know because I haven't checked), someone will enquire about Chico scoring from inside his own half. By law, a thread must follow that establishes the following, over the meandering course of several posts:


that he scored up the slope;
it was against Alloa
that Pat McGinlay also scored with a long-distance lob
Paddy's goal was against Kilmarnock though
And it was down the slope
God, we were top of the league or summat for a bit and we still got relegated
While we probably would have still got relegated, we wouldn't have if we hadn't got that 2-2 draw against the yams, thus allowing Duffy to keep his job
Did Chico not score a great goal against Celtc on opening day?
Henrik Larsson' fault :agree:
The other goal was scored by Lee Power


:top marks

flash
05-08-2009, 04:22 PM
- All official match update threads should be started by CalgaryHibs with the obligatory weather question punctuating his opening post.



Aye and where the hell is the one for tonight's game!!??:grr:

hibsdaft
05-08-2009, 04:46 PM
lyonhibs posts will consist of 250 words + and multiple smilies that were best consigned to history.

Woody1985
05-08-2009, 06:22 PM
LiverpoolHibs has recently been overtaken by TwoCarpets as the font of all knowledge in the Holyground.

FalkirkHibee will be dismissed as a right wing racists at any given opportunity. And also like the occassional poll!

snooky
05-08-2009, 06:38 PM
Mixu and Chisholm excepted of course.

What's your stance on the ER catering services?


Oh my God - I've just started a 100 poster again. :idiot:

Woody1985
05-08-2009, 07:03 PM
:agree: Much like drinking, getting married and standing for parliament, age limits apply to Hibs.

If you were born after the mid-70s (so many of them now :greengrin) this game has a statutory placing as "...the best atmosphere ever at a Hibs game". A defence of "No, the CIS Cup Final was" is allowed, but only if followed in no less than twenty posts by a Youtube link to the Beeb coverage with Murph and Benj; a Youtube link to someone's phone footage of "SoL"; and a bitter and rancorous debate between the usual suspects about whether or whether not it was Mowbray's team wot won the Cup :agree:.

And another thing :grr:

Roughly four times a year (might coincide with the summer and winter solstices and the vernal and autumnal equinox, don't know because I haven't checked), someone will enquire about Chico scoring from inside his own half. By law, a thread must follow that establishes the following, over the meandering course of several posts:


that he scored up the slope;
it was against Alloa
that Pat McGinlay also scored with a long-distance lob
Paddy's goal was against Kilmarnock though
And it was down the slope
God, we were top of the league or summat for a bit and we still got relegated
While we probably would have still got relegated, we wouldn't have if we hadn't got that 2-2 draw against the yams, thus allowing Duffy to keep his job
Did Chico not score a great goal against Celtc on opening day?
Henrik Larsson' fault :agree:
The other goal was scored by Lee Power


You're forgetting that he chased away some neds who had a sword at PTs training. :bitchy:

Iain G
05-08-2009, 07:23 PM
Once a season someone will post asking what happened to Jonathon Baillie.

lyonhibs
06-08-2009, 12:26 AM
lyonhibs posts will consist of 250 words + and multiple smilies that were best consigned to history.

Easy tiger, it takes a really emotive subject (e.g. Thierry Gathuessi) to get me THAT worked up - Shaun Lawson I am not - thank *****.

Overuse of smilies I may, sometimes, be guilty of.

Next offering: every so often, a poster will hark back and yearn for the "good old days" claiming that "football has been taken from the working class man". This poster will usually be no older than 30 years old, and therefore have no (or, at best, a very embryonic) memory of said "good old days".

Some auld git will then come on and clarify that - whilst Hibs may have been better on the pitch - the "good old days" consisted mainly of sectarian pish from the Hibs terraces, racist pish from a good few other clubs, spending a lot of time getting caught up in running battles with opposing hooligans and worrying about when the guy behind you was next going to pish down the back of your leg.

These threads will still reappear - at least - twice a month.

rainman
06-08-2009, 05:54 AM
There must be a "Does anybody know what Frank Sauzee is up to these days?" thread at least once every 6 months.

Any complaint of a centre half being too small or not winning enough headers can be neutralised immediately with the mention of Cannavaro*.

*The same goes for goalkeepers by mentioning Goram.

Steve-O
06-08-2009, 06:26 AM
Roughly four times a year (might coincide with the summer and winter solstices and the vernal and autumnal equinox, don't know because I haven't checked), someone will enquire about Chico scoring from inside his own half. By law, a thread must follow that establishes the following, over the meandering course of several posts:


that he scored up the slope;
it was against Alloa
that Pat McGinlay also scored with a long-distance lob
Paddy's goal was against Kilmarnock though
And it was down the slope
God, we were top of the league or summat for a bit and we still got relegated
While we probably would have still got relegated, we wouldn't have if we hadn't got that 2-2 draw against the yams, thus allowing Duffy to keep his job
Did Chico not score a great goal against Celtc on opening day?
Henrik Larsson' fault :agree:
The other goal was scored by Lee Power


:faf:

Steve-O
06-08-2009, 06:28 AM
What's your stance on the ER catering services?


Oh my God - I've just started a 100 poster again. :idiot:

Why can't we bring in Greggs to do the catering? :confused:

MyJo
06-08-2009, 09:28 AM
LOL he's gonna pump her

lyonhibs
07-08-2009, 03:14 PM
Very frequently, when a specific few posters get hold of a particular thread that they like, they will constantly and needlessly bump it up to the top of the page, much to the irritation of the remaining 90% of .net posters.

Everyone secretly wonders if HibbyAndy is going to stage some incredible "online" return from the depths, just to really delight the denziens of JKB

BEEJ
07-08-2009, 05:35 PM
To make your argument unassailable you must agree with your own post using this smiley :agree:. This immediately proves you have one backer ie you.
:greengrin

I've never understood that use of the agree smiley.


After every poor match in many different threads shall arguments over one player between his lovers and haters erupt similtaenously. The threads shall be many pages long and gain nothing. The two opposing mantras will be "he is never hibs class and you're a yam" and "he hasn't had enough time he's doing unseen work a true hibs supporter would get behind the lads unlike you."
:agree:

:hilarious

ArabHibee
08-08-2009, 12:23 PM
Very frequently, when a specific few posters get hold of a particular thread that they like, they will constantly and needlessly bump it up to the top of the page, much to the irritation of the remaining 90% of .net posters.

Bump! :LOL:

Speedway
10-08-2009, 02:55 PM
A thread must be started for every player within our price range on the lookout for a club stating that "He could do a job for us".
Every under 19 player must be talked up for an automatic place in the 1st team regardless of ability. If they do end up playing for the 1st team, they must in turn be heavily criticised after their first game and branded as "never good enough" in order to completely destroy their confidence

When we are away to Hamilton, no Hibbies who have attended the game are allowed to post their views on it until all the fans have come back.

Currently coming to pass on the main board now.

Seany HFC 7-0
10-08-2009, 03:17 PM
Reading through these posts some have gave me a great laugh! :top marks
All very true! :faf::faf:

jgl07
10-08-2009, 03:43 PM
Every two months new malky hibs will put in a 'depth charge' of a posting drawn from the Kickback book of talking points.

It will accuse the Hibs directors of lining their pockets with the proceeds of player sales. It will also accuse the Hibs board of lacking yambition and failing to 'speculate to accumulate'.

The posting will be mysteriously silent of his own experience and background as a Hibs supporter.

The will lead other to weigh in guoting every factually incorrect suggestion such as that Hibs pay their first team squad the national minimum wage and that most of the wage bill is swollowed up by the army of accountants, financial planners employed at Easter Road.

BEEJ
10-08-2009, 05:51 PM
Andy74 will spring to the defence of anyone or anything that comes in for criticism.
:greengrin

He and assorted others.

snooky
10-08-2009, 07:59 PM
There is such a big demand to be the first to post "Source?" on a thread that the admin are considering rationing the word to one use of "source?" per person per season.

It is also acceptable to consistently misspell the call "Here, Here".
Fear not, no one will reply "Where? Where?" ;-)

Danderhall Hibs
11-08-2009, 08:50 AM
A link to the advert with ET in it wearing a Hibs strip must be requested either once a month or 12 times per calendar year.

da-robster
11-08-2009, 10:44 AM
A link to the advert with ET in it wearing a Hibs strip must be requested either once a month or 12 times per calendar year.

After the inevitable link to one of the many E.T threads that particular thread shall be bumped up again and posters shall once again take up sides on either the Dundee United or Hearts sides.Seeing a no side has any evidence too prove what theyre saying or disprove what they're saying the thread shall continue untill the time comes when the fans come back. There shall also be someone who has bothered to write to B.T being politely told to bolt.

There must be a thread entitled Just Back after every game entailing just how the match went in great detail.

Posting source after every post posting some information shall make you very big and clever.

Speedway
19-08-2009, 11:31 AM
Every signing of a 'player of quality' will not be completed in a timescale of acceptable length to the 'faithful'.

Every signing completed in a timely manner will not be 'Hibs Class'

Every signing of a 'player of quality' that does not prove himself as such by 10 minutes into his debut will be a huge waste of cash and the blame will be laid squarely on the player, manager and board for allowing such a travesty of squandering of sacred funds.

Speedway is the judge, jury and executioner of Hibs.Net (just for the sake of consistency with a tongue in cheek post on another thread)

Transfer fees received since 2006 have not 'vanished'

IWasThere2016
19-08-2009, 11:52 AM
All new members must expect to be invited for 'induction' by TPAKA :devil:

IWasThere2016
19-08-2009, 11:53 AM
Trevor Hannant is still in charge (http://www.hibs.net/members/members.php) :cool2:

Speedway
19-08-2009, 12:05 PM
All new members must expect to be invited for 'induction' by TPAKA :devil:

Resistance is futile. :agree:

Phil MaGlass
19-08-2009, 12:06 PM
Very frequently, when a specific few posters get hold of a particular thread that they like, they will constantly and needlessly bump it up to the top of the page, much to the irritation of the remaining 90% of .net posters.

Everyone secretly wonders if HibbyAndy is going to stage some incredible "online" return from the depths, just to really delight the denziens of JKB
bump

The_Todd
19-08-2009, 05:51 PM
Every year, all posters shall compete for the honour of being JKB's "Flumps.net Hobo of the Year" or something.

Your prize will be to spend a night in Dexter's basement while he lets Boabster off his leish.

lyonhibs
19-08-2009, 05:55 PM
Every year, all posters shall compete for the honour of being JKB's "Flumps.net Hobo of the Year" or something.

Your prize will be to spend a night in Dexter's basement while he lets Boabster off his leish.

Since the unfortunate retirement of HibbyAndy, bookies pay out on Sergey winning this on January 3rd each year (or January 4th depending on how long it takes him to recover from the New Year hangover). Still, it's a jolly good laugh, and all cited .netters move up the .net "Respect" food chain.

Every so often, PM board banter between a small group of posters will spill onto the main board, and usually 1 or 2 threads in particular that are always unrelated to the banter subject matter, thus get totally hijacked.

The PM board should, however, be eternally commended for the "Nade is Pish" thread, which ranks alongside the Dead Parrot sketc as the funniest thing I have ever seen.

The_Todd
19-08-2009, 06:02 PM
Since the unfortunate retirement of HibbyAndy, bookies pay out on Sergey winning this on January 3rd each year (or January 4th depending on how long it takes him to recover from the New Year hangover).



It's a lot like the SPL, the rest of us are only competing for "best of the rest".

Hibby D
19-08-2009, 07:12 PM
To make your argument unassailable you must agree with your own post using this smiley :agree:. This immediately proves you have one backer ie you.


It is expected in official match threads for every third poster to post a line of these smileys :grr: or these smileys :brickwall .when a goal, booking or throw in is conceded.

After every poor match in many different threads shall arguments over one player between his lovers and haters erupt similtaenously. The threads shall be many pages long and gain nothing. The two opposing mantras will be "he is never hibs class and you're a yam" and "he hasn't had enough time he's doing unseen work a true hibs supporter would get behind the lads unlike you."

Older posters shall constantly post patronising remarks about how they went through hibs darkest hours and they where far worse than the recent drubbing off a team who we where meant to be better than, these posts must end with this smiley :cool2:Younger posters will ignore these posts.

Only private membership or 1000 posts will save you from being called a yam.


There is such a big demand to be the first to post "Source?" on a thread that the admin are considering rationing the word to one use of "source?" per person per season.

It is also acceptable to consistently misspell the call "Here, Here".
Fear not, no one will reply "Where? Where?" ;-)


:hilarious

jabis
19-08-2009, 08:03 PM
ALL posters at one time ,will wake up with a raging hangover,recall the previous nights events......and log onto Hibs.net with an impending sense of doom !





or is that just me :greengrin

lyonhibs
19-08-2009, 08:05 PM
ALL posters at one time ,will wake up with a raging hangover,recall the previous nights events......and log onto Hibs.net with an impending sense of doom !





or is that just me :greengrin

I couldn't possibly comment, however I can say that all posters are immensely glad your 12th word is "hangover" and not something else :cool2:

jabis
19-08-2009, 08:49 PM
I couldn't possibly comment, however I can say that all posters are immensely glad your 12th word is "hangover" and not something else :cool2:



Any witty and amusing post,with an OBVIOUS joke,will get the riposte.....


:confused:

steakbake
19-08-2009, 09:11 PM
Any player leaving the club for the Old Firm shall be reviled as a lickspittle, running dog, until such time as he returns to the Age of Change.

...unless it is for a big fee and he donates some of it to the youth set up.


And the calendar signing thread will never truly go away...

jabis
19-08-2009, 09:44 PM
Never get too attached to the Calander thread. In the end they take it away.

LONG LIVE THE UBERFANNY THREAD :rolleyes:

da-robster
04-09-2009, 06:14 PM
During a serious discussion in the holy ground it is imperative that someone shall post an unfunny joke followed by a :greengrin or :wink: or :thumbsup: smiley the conversation shall go like this

OP: Should we flog children
First reply:Yes
Second reply:trust you :greengrin
Anyway lets burn everybody

The first poster is obliged then to reply with an equally unfunny joke.Straight after the joke the posters shall either precede to rip into each other or agree fervently with each other.

The Baldmans Comb
04-09-2009, 09:25 PM
:agree: Much like drinking, getting married and standing for parliament, age limits apply to Hibs.

If you were born after the mid-70s (so many of them now :greengrin) this game has a statutory placing as "...the best atmosphere ever at a Hibs game". A defence of "No, the CIS Cup Final was" is allowed, but only if followed in no less than twenty posts by a Youtube link to the Beeb coverage with Murph and Benj; a Youtube link to someone's phone footage of "SoL"; and a bitter and rancorous debate between the usual suspects about whether or whether not it was Mowbray's team wot won the Cup :agree:.

And another thing :grr:

Roughly four times a year (might coincide with the summer and winter solstices and the vernal and autumnal equinox, don't know because I haven't checked), someone will enquire about Chico scoring from inside his own half. By law, a thread must follow that establishes the following, over the meandering course of several posts:


that he scored up the slope;
it was against Alloa
that Pat McGinlay also scored with a long-distance lob
Paddy's goal was against Kilmarnock though
And it was down the slope
God, we were top of the league or summat for a bit and we still got relegated
While we probably would have still got relegated, we wouldn't have if we hadn't got that 2-2 draw against the yams, thus allowing Duffy to keep his job
Did Chico not score a great goal against Celtc on opening day?
Henrik Larsson' fault :agree:
The other goal was scored by Lee Power


Magnificent.

jon_snows_tie
04-09-2009, 10:16 PM
Posters wanting to boast about their whereabouts in the globe will usually start a thread entitled "Hibs game in..... (florida/sydney/atlantis etc)" prior to a game which is to be televised

One Day Soon
05-09-2009, 09:51 AM
LONG LIVE THE UBERFANNY THREAD :rolleyes:

Down with anti-uberfannies.

Anyway, whenever Scotland play it is compulsory to have a completely pointless 'can we do it this time?' versus 'Scotland are so bad we should not only stop supporting them, we should also just abolish the whole country' thread.

The thread will always be redundant because a) agreement will never be reached b) Scotland will inevitably fail and c) obsession with Hibs will quickly and correctly reassert itself as soon as the annoyance which is the international football break is over.

Dashing Bob S has over 7,000 posts abnd khib70 is 55. Fact. End of. Etc