The World Cup Final 2031
Date : 2031 Place : Beecham Healthcare Inc. Hospital Edinburgh, Cranial Neurology Department.
- Welcome back to the land of the living Scott. I'm Doctor Chalmers and this, believe it or not, is the year 2031.
- 2031?
- Yes, you've been in a coma for thirty years. Thanks to huge advances in clinical neurology in the last decade, we've been able to repair the damage sustained to your brain all those years ago. You're as good as new, Scott.
- 2031. I've been asleep for thirty years. Jesus.
- Take your time. Is there anything you would like to ask me? What do you remember?
- I remember I was on my way home from Easter Road - its as clear as if it was yesterday. Are the Hibs still winning, Doc ?
- Hibs? Oh Hibernian - football, right? I like football - but you've got a lot to catch up on. If you are interested, the World Cup final is on tonight - you can watch it if you like.
- The World Cup final - hey, I've got some timing. Who's playing?
- Okay, let's talk about football. It's the MS Red Devils v Fiat Zebras.
2031 : MS Red Devils v Fiat Zebras
- Eh? Who?
- Right, where do I start. If my memory serves me right, the Red Devils were probably Manchester United thirty years ago whilst the Zebras would have been Italian at that time - Juventus maybe.
- So why did they change their names?
- Football is big business these days, Scott - not a little amateurish sideshow like it was in 2001. Microsoft own the Red Devils and the success or failure of the team has a huge impact on the company's stock value. There was no way they would not market their brand through the team's name. There isn't a single pro football team that doesn't bear a company name.
- So this is Microsoft v Fiat but it's really Man United v Juventus.
- No, this is the Microsoft Devils v the Fiat Zebras - two global teams representing two global brands and a television audience measured in billions.
- Two global teams - what do you mean by that?
- Manchester and Turin is the past - a bit of interest for historians. Companies operate on a global scale and they need their brands and hence their football teams to appeal on a global basis. Companies like Microsoft could not have their team stuck in one place like Manchester with all the parochial loyalties that that engenders. The Devils did play out of New York for a few years when football was run like a franchise business but these days they have to be seen worldwide.
- Wait, wait - slow down a bit. Manches - I mean the Red Devils - played in New York?
- Sure. Teams played for a bit out of the city where they got the best deal and the franchises moved from time to time. Nowadays, teams like the devils have to be seen all over - they are a marketing tool. An extremely expensive marketing tool that plays in China one week and in Russia the next if that is what is required. That's football!
- That's football is it. Just out of interest, how much do the top players earn these days?
- Okay. Scott, players are not paid salaries like they were thirty years ago - it just wouldn't work. In simple terms, the players are listed on the stock market. You or I can buy and sell shares in players and players are paid with stock options in the company that owns their team.
- So they're pretty rich?
- The best players - say a Jalkito or a Hector Gomes - have a bigger turnover than some small countries.
- That's crazy.
- That's football. Football is the number one television show on the planet.
- You mean the number one sport?
- We don't use terms like that any more, Scott. Football is television, pure and simple. Everything is measured in TV ratings.
- Football is television. Doesn't sound right somehow - I used to love going to the games. People must still get a buzz from the live games.
- Ha, ha, ha. Nobody gets near the live games these days Scott. You or I could save our entire lifetimes and still not afford the ticket to one match. Football is television and that's what people know and expect. There will be several billion watching tonight, Scott - the days of trying to cram people into a stadium are long gone. The game's outgrown that.
- So how come the World Cup final is played between clubs or companies - or whatever you call them - and not countries.
- Oh, international football, you mean. Long gone. The writing must have been on the wall even in 2001. A club like the Devils is worth trillions - there is no way that Microsoft are going to lend out their players and risk injuries, just to play for their countries. Nations competing at football is dead, Scott. Like I say, it is a global business. Can you imagine Jalcito being allowed to stick five goals past China when China is Microsoft's biggest market - get real.
- So who supports which team?
- Take your pick. All the teams are supported worldwide. There is no room for parochialism in football these days. All that was swept aside - bad for business.
- Wow - too much to take in. So rewinding the clock a bit. Scottish football - d'you remember any of that. What happened to the big players here - to Celtic and Rangers.
- Okay. When business first started getting serious with football Scott, they had to wipe the slate with the past. They had to broaden the appeal hugely. They had to take football and really shake it out of its lethargy. Celtic and Rangers just couldn't move with the times. There were still ordinary fans at the matches in those days. You couldn't market games with rival fans singing abuse at each other - I mean come on. And as for people singing about seventeenth century battles - as part of a family TV show, you must be kidding. You have no idea how squeaky clean companies have to be these days - they have to be transparently clean, Scott. No-one is going to associate themselves with poison like that. Celtic and Rangers couldn't move with the times so in the end they were .... unmarketable. The Celtic money, I think, went into the Emerson Emeralds who did okay for a while out of Dublin. Rangers - can't remember - died in the dinosaur leagues I guess.
- Died in the dinosaur leagues?
- You either got signed up for the TV leagues or you didn't. Those who thought they could go it alone played in what became known as the dinosaur leagues ... for obvious reasons.
- I hardly dare ask. Hibs?
- Dinosaur, I'm afraid.
- No! Nightmare! So what is happening in Scotland these days?
- As I keep saying, Scott - you have to think global. You can watch the global game, if you pay the TV fees, same as everyone else. In terms of seeing a game beamed from here, if that's what you mean - well, Scotland is a small advertising market to hit. You might get a feeder league team playing here once in a while but that's it. But, hey, it really doesn't matter where the game is being played as long as you can watch it. Right?
- Eh right, I guess. So who do you think will win this World Cup final tonight?
- The Devils.
- You seem pretty sure.
- The Red Devils have been World Cup holders for seven straight years. The only teams that could give them a game are the Sony Matadors and maybe BMW Blitz.
- So how come Sony didn't make the final.
- Okay. Sony are the World Champions.
- Now you've really lost me.
- The World Cup is run by Sky - that's a TV company. The World Championship is run by Lunar - that's another TV company. Similarly, the World Bowl is run by Stellar TV and BMW Blitz are the Bowl holders.
- Run that by me again.
- Basically, MS and the Devils are signed up to Sky whereas Sony are signed up to Lunar and BMW to Stellar. They don't play each other.
- So, correct me if I'm wrong. You have three teams claiming to be the best in the world and they never play each other because they're tied to different TV companies. That's nuts!
- As I keep saying, that's football. Football is business and is driven, like any business, purely by market forces. If enough money is put on the table, if the TV companies want it, if Microsoft and Sony want it, then who knows we may see the Devils v the Matadors. It's all about money and company strategies and risk v potential gain.
- Company strategies?
- The last time the Devils lost the World Cup, seven trillion was wiped off Microsoft's value, the Chinese stock market went into meltdown - it probably ruined millions of
people's lives. That's risk - that's the downside.
- Wow.
- So you watching the game tonight?
- Nah - think I might get an early night.
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